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inappropriate Christian behaviour
Hey guys, I have a really big problem: whenever I see someone from church that is doing something relatively inappropriate in school, I never know how to react. I don’t know if I should just brush it off, as I’ve always done, or if I should speak personally to the person about it. I know a few of them have been tempted to curse, and after much contemplation with myself, I’ve asked them not to do so because it’s just inappropriate for any ‘Christian’ to be acting this way. But let’s say their problem is not as simple as that, let’s say you know they are doing something inappropriate behind their parent’s back, what do you do? And it’s not just with school people, but I know fellow church members who commit something secretly out of ANY church setting. I’m afraid of talking to them because they may feel as though I’m judging them and holding something against them, but at the same time I know I should do something about it because its my responsibility as a Christian to save the lost sheep and leave the other 99…know what I mean?
Also, I know that in Matt 18:15-17 Christ strictly says,15"Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that "by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.'17And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.
This verse is the answer to my question, but my problem is that I don’t know how to initiate things…I don’t know how to talk to my ‘brother’ because I’m afraid of hurting him/her. This is my biggest problem, how do I overcome it? If anyone has valuable advice, please share! Thanks for your time, GB++
Also, I know that in Matt 18:15-17 Christ strictly says,15"Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that "by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.'17And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.
This verse is the answer to my question, but my problem is that I don’t know how to initiate things…I don’t know how to talk to my ‘brother’ because I’m afraid of hurting him/her. This is my biggest problem, how do I overcome it? If anyone has valuable advice, please share! Thanks for your time, GB++
Comments
take care & God bless
But let’s say their problem is not as simple as that, let’s say you know they are doing something inappropriate behind their parent’s back, what do you do? And it’s not just with school people, but I know fellow church members who commit something secretly out of ANY church setting. ........................... but at the same time I know I should do something about it because its my responsibility as a Christian to save the lost sheep and leave the other 99…know what I mean?
I will try and explain my point of view so pleasse bear with me. First I would like to say that its great that you have the best of others at heart. I think its very easy for us to get into the wrong behaviour of scrutinising other's behaviour. It would distract from our spiritual life. You also mention that its your responsibility!!!!!!! WHY??? Personally I would not think that this should be the case; you're a student. Do you think that they don't know that their actions are wrong?? I would just lead by example and just try smartly to highlight the problem indirectly. By going and saying directly (or with another person) that "such and such is wrong" "its unchristian" I can guarantee that you will lose this person. Sorry I don't know the exact quote but "Rabe7 el nefous hakim" Pray for them and act wisely
Fady
I think your friend is lucky to have you and she is blessed to have someone care for her ýspiritual being. God Bless you for your efforts. The verse you mentioned is if someone ýdoes you wrong. From what I understand, she didn't harm you personally, she is just ýacting unchristian. ý
ý1) You need to make sure your spirit is right. If your only concern is to lead her closer to ýGod then I am sure God will help you, at the right time, When He wills
ý2) Don't underestimate the power of LOVE. Love conquers everything. If can do ýanything thru the power of True and unconditional LOVE (Agape).ý
so, if your heart in the right place, you can show her your error with love. People don't ýtake criticizing them too well. ý
One Idea that I find helpful sometimes is talking to their father of confession. They are ýtrusted with confidentiality and they have more experience in dealing with people. ý
If you choose to talk to her personally, pray first before you approach her. Ask God to ýspeak thru you and that He opens her heart to listen. then find as many qualities about ýthat person as you can think of. think of why she is your friend. Start from there. In ýRevelation, St John starts by saying to every angel of every church " I know your work, ýý... I know your faith, ... I know how you persevered...." then goes "but This I have against ýyou...." so then you tell her that it may be in appropriate or wrong to do so and so. ý
Be prepared that she may still not like what you say or even get upset at you, make fun of ýyou, etc.. these are the things you have to bear for love. make it clear to her that your not ýjudging her and that if situations were reversed you would want her to come tell you. Put ýyourself in her shoes and imagine how your words will come across. ý
DrFMFIssa,ý
With all due respect, I think it is commendable that she feels responsible for the salvation ýof her friends. H.H. once said "you can't go to heaven alone". ý
Just my two cents as usual
You also said that its your responsibility to save the lost sheep but you have to understand that you're a sheep too. God is our shepard.
sleepy
Fady I absolutely agree with cremedelacreme. Coptic Boy: I have quoted the first line of my reply. I agree its commendable BUT this must not distract from our spiritual life. There are lots of ways to gain people rather than just confrontation.......... we must be wise
Fady
People see actions, God sees intentions, and i think that all you can do is maybe become this person's friend and just try to be as understanding and helpful as you can without prying too much.
You also said that its your responsibility to save the lost sheep but you have to understand that you're a sheep too. God is our shepard.
Thats what I agree with
Fady
i was somewhat in the same situation as youstina a while back... a group of friends and i kinda noticed a friend 'going the wrong way' but, because of her delicate personality, we decided that approaching her in anyway would break our friendship and we'll loose her... so we decided to slowly "support" what she's doing so as not to completely cut her off, but while doing that give her our advice and thoughts so she knows we're there as friends for her, but not really liking what she's doing.....
unfortunately, we came to realize that it wasnt the best solution - to just let her be and kinda of help her on the side and not directly approach her... we ended up shortening the friendship anyway.... and now we unfortunately dont see her as often. we tried to approach her 'later' in the 'situation', but that totally backfired. she still has our trust (for the most part) but its still not the same.
all we can do now is pray and hope that someone can reach out to her.... its all up to Him.
what i suggest, from experience, is you "tackle this problem" while you still can, and it's still "fresh".... if you wait too long, they might "be in too deep" kinda thing...
even if you loose a friendship, you lost it trying to help, not by just 'letting it be'.... because im guessing your differences will kinda drift you apart...
what you're doing is very commendable, and all the best to you..
how to take care of this is really hard and differes between person to person... as many said, set an example and talk to the person's FOC..., or any priest. i'm sure they can help. but be careful not to 'get sucked in to it' or do anything that will cause you to sin (for example lie to them about somthing to get them to trust you... we tried that and abouna told us that was wrong... we shouldnt jepordize ourselves....)
you dont have to actually sit down with the person face to face, but you can with small casual hints disapprove when they do somthing, but make sure to keep their trust if possible.
if you want to approach the person, try to do it on an individual level, dont 'take someone with you' or do it with a group of people, cuz i think the person will feel attacked and will just hide away kinda thing. should you choose to talk, i suggest doing it one-on-one.
best way, i think, pray really hard for them and set an example. if they see you to be a true friend, they'll come back to you if/when they fall, and they'll know you'll be there for them, without judging them or saying 'i told you so' or stuff like that.
prayer has moved mountians, it can do alot.
my 0.5 cents...
take care and God bless
ok i'll be honest... i'm in a slightly similar position as this person you mention. I'm having a really hard time balancing whats right and whats wrong outside of culture boundaries and within the boundaries of the church. i'm definitely struggleing but i still pray a lot, read the bible, go to church, and i ask God for help every chance i get. I have no intentions of hurting my spirituality but i think that maybe if someone deeply religious who isn't struggleing as much as me, saw all of my actions, they wouldn't think that i was more than merely more than a girl hugging a guy. They'd think i was a horrible unchristian person, when really, i too have a deep relationship with God and i'm trying hard to figure things out but i still long for affection. Sorry i got too personal. All i'm saying is, People see actions, God sees intentions, and i think that all you can do is maybe become this person's friend and just try to be as understanding and helpful as you can without prying too much. Going to their FOC could also be good, you can never go wrong with talking to a priest.
You also said that its your responsibility to save the lost sheep but you have to understand that you're a sheep too. God is our shepard.
Our lord Jesus ate and drank with sinners, anyone passing him most likely would have though he was a sinner also. you see, the point that im trying to get at is that we can not judge a person's actions without knowing that person and without knowing his or her intentions.
A humble servant of our lord,
Our lord Jesus ate and drank with sinners, anyone passing him most likely would have though he was a sinner also. you see, the point that im trying to get at is that we can not judge a person's actions without knowing that person and without knowing his or her intentions.
A humble servant of our lord,
I like the point you brought up about Jesus and how people may have even thought he was a sinner. I never thought of that before