"i totally agree with you on the fact that this is real love. but if its so then i owuld be able to call myself in love.. im a little confused"
how can you pray for you to be happy with or without yourself?
how old is he? Generally speaking: you can't really get the concept of love at 14, the human mind cant really grasp the concept of relationship until between 16-18 and can't understand a physical relationship until after 18, thats a biological fact. Dr. Drew from 'loveline' even said it on the air a few times, not to mention tons of practicing doctors.
Not to discount your feelings, but this too sounds like an infatuatuion. You've had these feelings for 4 years you say, from the age of 10? thats a childhood "puppylove" not adult Love.
you still have your life infront of you you are too young to be talking about staying together forever, by the way there is nothing like forever cause you are going to change as you grow up, and she is going to change, and in 2 years times you will be a diffrent person and she will too, so give your self a chance to grow up there is no harm in friendship and companion ship but don't let it affect your life. god bless you and keep you from making mistakes.
my first comment is for Lover. i know a couple, who were engaged, parents knew and everything. yet, i still didnt think good of it for many reasons: 1. the girl was in 10th grade, the guy freshman in college. 2. neither could support themselves and still lived off their parents as normal kids. guess wat. after 1-2 years, they broke up and it was over something stupid too. everyone knew they were in "love." i think i was one of the few people that knew it wasnt gonna last (im not bragging). i know a lot of others that were engaged and broke up, mainly because they were young.
2nd comment is for youst, i was in the same exact situation as u, except i was in it for a longer :-[. yet i recently got over it and im 16. trust me, it wasnt easy. it took lots of anger (at myself), prayer, and finding any type of reason that would convince me to know that this was bad. friends played a major part too.
hii everyone i am a new member here. i have an other problem. i am 15 years old. i was in my church club & i had a friend i am not gonna call it a boyfriend or a lover bec. i know very well that it is not love (by the way that was from 4 yeasr also) but i can say that that was the ONLY THING that gives me happiness now there is NOTHING & I MEAN IT BY SAYING NOTHING THAT GIVES ME HAPPINESS bec. he can't remember me now bec. i left the club from a long time this is not the point any way my problem that i'm searching 4 someone that gives me this same happiness & i made i VERY BIG mistake that i admired my neighbour & he's a moslem guy he doesn't know me & i don't know him but my mistake that i go & wait 4 him 2 come out from his window just 2 see him. i don't know if it is a big problem as i imagine or it is just habala w le3b 3eyal plz i want ur sharing & caring 2 know weather if i am wrong or not donna
i not trying to be mean by any of my words even if they sound harsh, so forgive me if it sounds that way/
no one can make you happy. Only God and yourself. No man or woman wants to be with a dependant and needy person. Two happy, whole people make a happy whole relationship. If one person is so dependant that their entire happiness rests on the other person, the relationship will fail miserably. The only way for you to be in a happy relationship, is to seek out happiness first, then the other person.
A relationship shouldn't complete you, you should complete the relationship.
at 15 years old, I highly doubt you can complete a relationship, at your age your still discovering yourself.
to clear up my situation hear... ok.. i think my cousin MAY have had feelings for him or the other way around, hes 17-4 years older than me and im not planning on ever going out with him. hes my BEST FRIEND, but also the guy i like. He has no clue and i dont ever plan on "dating" him unless in the end it really is Gods will. Im very confused about the situation right now, i know its not LOVE... but its been 3 years and i pray and pray and ask god why he wont take the feelings away (i dont want them!) but i never seem to b able to get a straight answer. I have concluded that mayb they're staying to teach me patience, to teach me a lesson, or maybe because if not now, but in the long-run it will become mutual and things may work out. I really dont know right now but i can assure u.. no dating will happen
he probably thinks of you as a kid, you shouldn't even think of that kind of relationship for at least another 4 years. then you'll grow out of it in college.
thats really offensive, hes my BEST friend, i dont think he thinks of me as a KID... and 4 years is not a big difference... plus i hear all the time that i act older than i am. i dont mean to sound braggy or nasty, but im sorry.. to be told my best firend thinks of me as a kid.. thats offensive
4 years is a huge difference when your talking about 14 and 18, its not so big at 24 and 28, at 14 your starting highschool, he's starting college... thats a huge difference in maturity, no matter how old you act. He is legally an adult and you are not. If you were my daughter and you started dating him, I would threaten to have him arrested.
"Im very confused about the situation right now, i know its not LOVE... but its been 3 years and i pray and pray and ask god why he wont take the feelings away (i dont want them!) but i never seem to b able to get a straight answer."
Your asking God to take the feelings away but then continue to act around him as if you only have feelings of friendship towards him. Its not God that won't take the feelings away, you won't alllow them to go away by hanging around with him. This is a very very dangerous situation. How long do you think you can 'fake' your feelings toward him? By fake, I don't mean you don't like him as your friend, I mean you feel more than friendship, but you hide it. Does he know about these feelings? If so, what has he said? Do your parents know? Do you confess these feelings? Are you willing to stop being his friend if it is what is best?
This is like being burned by a fire, but refusing to step away from the flames.
Does he know about these feelings? - he did at one point but he know has no clue and believes that we are just as good of friends as before
If so, what has he said?-when he knew his rsponse was, i had a feeling you did and we were somewat tense around each other but we both eased out fo it after a while
Do your parents know? NO!
Do you confess these feelings?-to my FOC-yes and to my friends
Are you willing to stop being his friend if it is what is best?- stop being friends.. i dont know? i mean you cant let 5/6 years of friendship down the drain liek that, but if it stopping or letting go of these feelings is wat will let us stay friends then i can DEFFINATELY start working a lot harder to not be around hgim and nto tihnk about him as muhc as long as it means that once the feelings stop we can resume a normal friendship again.
how did i meet him? my parents and my cousins parents and his parents were friends from college but never really kept up. then wen we moved to this area and they happened to live here to they recognized each other and have resumed a very close friendship. this bought both me and my cousins to be very close with him and his brother. they are almost like a part of the family and it wud be difficult to try not to seem him as often, considering our familys are almost always together.
if you think of him as part of the family, then think how disgusting it is for relatives to get into that kind of relationship.
Not that your related.
My opinion is that you are not really in love with him, but that since he is a very close person to you, you are misidentifying feelings as love. Like kids who love their teachers or women who think they love their priest or counselor.
I've been in your situation once, a few years back...it's not a good idea to get involved with family friends. At least not at your age, where your more likely to break up, and ruin both your relationship and your parents.
I'm pretty sure these feelings will subside when high-school and college rolls around. If it continues after that, then pursue it, but now, its way too early.
HELLO!! id like to remind u that im entering high school this fall!!! look, i know its not love, i never said it was. i was just trying to ask for some help and u guys are like your too young, its not love, and i feel like u think im falling into a trap of thinkign its real love. i know its not, im not stupid i just wanted to see if someone could help in clearing up the situation for me. evidentally not, im sorry if i sounded nasty but i just felt like u were all bombarding me with---ITS NOT LOVE!!! i know that already.
dear friend i belive that is not love because thier is no love out of jesus who give us this kind of love in right time and i belive ur age is not the right time
Hello, After reading all these msge's, it's great to get different insights and pespectives from all u guyz. :D. However if u don't mind i'd like to state my personal opinion on this topic, which i think is a very important topic for all of today's youth. Personally I think love has NO age!!!! Many might not agree , yes many might think that a girl who's 12 can't say she's inlove with someone her own age or even someone older then her, it would be ridicolous. :-\......However it is possible. Love is just Love . U don't plan it, work for it, or even set a time for it. It's just LOVE :D, and that what's so great about it it's totally unexpected. i Speak from experience. I fell inlove when i was 16 now am 20 and still inlove with the same person, my love hasn't changed but has grown. At 16...hmmm that's too young......no it's not and yes this is the real thing, absolutely!
tell us a little about your experience: Did you hide it from your parents? How old is the guy? What did 'love' mean to you at 16 and has it changed at 20? If so, how? What kind of relationship did you two have at 16?
Hello again :D Well to answere your questions. No we didn't hide it from my family, absolutely not!!...Infact he was the one to insist on letting them know, thats how serious he was. How old is he? he's 5 years older then me. what did love mean to me at 16. It meant everything, before him i didn't even know what that word meant. He taught me what love was. Has it changed now at 20? yes, it's gotten stronger and deeper then before.
Another important question u didn't ask me but it's very important, how do i know this is love, true love? When you come to a point where all u do is give unconditional love without wanting or expecting anything in return, that when u know it's love. When u put that person before u in every sort of way and want the best for them at all times, thats when u know it's love. When u always find it in your heart to forgive that person and and ur love grows more each day then yesterday thats when u know it's love. :D
But some more questions... was your maturity level the same as it was then? how did it feel to be 16 going out with a 21 year old? Or did you not "go out"? Are you and he both born and brought up in the US or Canada?
I guess it depends on the kind of guy, if I am 21, and I want to go to a bar or get a glass of wine, my girlfriend at 16 wouldn't even be able to come with me...
Personally, and don't take this offensively, I would feel as though I was doing something wrong. At that age, I wouldn't be able to have an indepth conversation with a 16 year old, generally speaking of course. I would find it very strange if one of my friends started dating a 16 year old. I think that is mainly because, in America, we view adulthood at 18. I should say at the same time, while I wouldn't condone dating between a 18 and 23 year old, it wouldn't be as awkward. In my view, the older you get, the less age matters, but when your young 5 years is HUGE... imagine a 10 year old dating a 15 year old...noway..
"But some more questions... was your maturity level the same as it was then? how did it feel to be 16 going out with a 21 year old? Or did you not "go out"? Are you and he both born and brought up in the US or Canada?"
Lol Michael you crack me up …You're making it sound like a Job Interview or something by asking all these questions… ;D
Hello again :D, Well I certinaly don't mind any of the questions at all :) I don't mind sharing my personal experience or thoughts on this topic. In answere to your questions: Has my Maturity Level changed from 16 to 20?....To be honest with you Ofcourse it has, it's natural, but i feel like my feelings haven't changed at all. At 16 I felt mature enough and able to distinguish the difference between love and infatuation. Just because your a teenager does not mean u will change your mind and feel emotional attachments or even perhaps love someone else and your mind will constantly vary. It all depends on the Person u are, not age!!. And dating someone who's older then you, as in my case is not a problem , because as i said at 16 i felt i had the maturity level needed to balance with someone who was 5 years older then me not trying to be conceited :D.
Therefore age played no factor to us. We were both absolutely fine with it. Where we were brought, we were brought in Egypt , the states and canada. :).... But It's how you were brought that matters not where u were brought :).
Of course it’s a different type of love. The love you feel for your husband isn’t the same love you feel for your co-worker. Likewise the love you feel for Jesus isn’t the same you would feel for any other person.
[quote author=egprincess link=board=1;threadid=369;start=75#msg6006 date=1089086701] but u said it urself. its all love, although different levels.
Exactly, so you can’t say that the love you have for Jesus at any age, is the same love you would feel for a potential spouse. They just can’t be associated with one another.
Comments
how can you pray for you to be happy with or without yourself?
how old is he?
Generally speaking:
you can't really get the concept of love at 14, the human mind cant really grasp the concept of relationship until between 16-18 and can't understand a physical relationship until after 18, thats a biological fact. Dr. Drew from 'loveline' even said it on the air a few times, not to mention tons of practicing doctors.
Not to discount your feelings, but this too sounds like an infatuatuion. You've had these feelings for 4 years you say, from the age of 10? thats a childhood "puppylove" not adult Love.
1. the girl was in 10th grade, the guy freshman in college.
2. neither could support themselves and still lived off their parents as normal kids.
guess wat. after 1-2 years, they broke up and it was over something stupid too. everyone knew they were in "love." i think i was one of the few people that knew it wasnt gonna last (im not bragging). i know a lot of others that were engaged and broke up, mainly because they were young.
2nd comment is for youst, i was in the same exact situation as u, except i was in it for a longer :-[. yet i recently got over it and im 16. trust me, it wasnt easy. it took lots of anger (at myself), prayer, and finding any type of reason that would convince me to know that this was bad. friends played a major part too.
hope this helped :-\
no one can make you happy. Only God and yourself. No man or woman wants to be with a dependant and needy person. Two happy, whole people make a happy whole relationship. If one person is so dependant that their entire happiness rests on the other person, the relationship will fail miserably. The only way for you to be in a happy relationship, is to seek out happiness first, then the other person.
A relationship shouldn't complete you, you should complete the relationship.
at 15 years old, I highly doubt you can complete a relationship, at your age your still discovering yourself.
Your asking God to take the feelings away but then continue to act around him as if you only have feelings of friendship towards him. Its not God that won't take the feelings away, you won't alllow them to go away by hanging around with him. This is a very very dangerous situation. How long do you think you can 'fake' your feelings toward him? By fake, I don't mean you don't like him as your friend, I mean you feel more than friendship, but you hide it.
Does he know about these feelings? If so, what has he said?
Do your parents know?
Do you confess these feelings?
Are you willing to stop being his friend if it is what is best?
This is like being burned by a fire, but refusing to step away from the flames.
When and how did your friendship with him start?
If so, what has he said?-when he knew his rsponse was, i had a feeling you did and we were somewat tense around each other but we both eased out fo it after a while
Do your parents know? NO!
Do you confess these feelings?-to my FOC-yes and to my friends
Are you willing to stop being his friend if it is what is best?- stop being friends.. i dont know? i mean you cant let 5/6 years of friendship down the drain liek that, but if it stopping or letting go of these feelings is wat will let us stay friends then i can DEFFINATELY start working a lot harder to not be around hgim and nto tihnk about him as muhc as long as it means that once the feelings stop we can resume a normal friendship again.
how did i meet him? my parents and my cousins parents and his parents were friends from college but never really kept up. then wen we moved to this area and they happened to live here to they recognized each other and have resumed a very close friendship. this bought both me and my cousins to be very close with him and his brother. they are almost like a part of the family and it wud be difficult to try not to seem him as often, considering our familys are almost always together.
Not that your related.
My opinion is that you are not really in love with him, but that since he is a very close person to you, you are misidentifying feelings as love. Like kids who love their teachers or women who think they love their priest or counselor.
I've been in your situation once, a few years back...it's not a good idea to get involved with family friends. At least not at your age, where your more likely to break up, and ruin both your relationship and your parents.
I'm pretty sure these feelings will subside when high-school and college rolls around. If it continues after that, then pursue it, but now, its way too early.
I think people said that because you kept saying that 14 is not that different than 17, like you were trying to justify going out with him.
i belive that is not love
because thier is no love out of jesus who give us this kind of love in right time and i belive ur age is not the right time
After reading all these msge's, it's great to get different insights and pespectives from all u guyz. :D. However if u don't mind i'd like to state my personal opinion on this topic, which i think is a very important topic for all of today's youth. Personally I think love has NO age!!!! Many might not agree , yes many might think that a girl who's 12 can't say she's inlove with someone her own age or even someone older then her, it would be ridicolous. :-\......However it is possible. Love is just Love . U don't plan it, work for it, or even set a time for it. It's just LOVE :D, and that what's so great about it it's totally unexpected. i Speak from experience. I fell inlove when i was 16 now am 20 and still inlove with the same person, my love hasn't changed but has grown. At 16...hmmm that's too young......no it's not and yes this is the real thing, absolutely!
Did you hide it from your parents?
How old is the guy?
What did 'love' mean to you at 16 and has it changed at 20?
If so, how?
What kind of relationship did you two have at 16?
Thanks
Well to answere your questions.
No we didn't hide it from my family, absolutely not!!...Infact he was the one to insist on letting them know, thats how serious he was.
How old is he? he's 5 years older then me.
what did love mean to me at 16. It meant everything, before him i didn't even know what that word meant. He taught me what love was.
Has it changed now at 20? yes, it's gotten stronger and deeper then before.
Another important question u didn't ask me but it's very important, how do i know this is love, true love?
When you come to a point where all u do is give unconditional love without wanting or expecting anything in return, that when u know it's love.
When u put that person before u in every sort of way and want the best for them at all times, thats when u know it's love.
When u always find it in your heart to forgive that person and and ur love grows more each day then yesterday thats when u know it's love. :D
But some more questions...
was your maturity level the same as it was then?
how did it feel to be 16 going out with a 21 year old? Or did you not "go out"?
Are you and he both born and brought up in the US or Canada?
I guess it depends on the kind of guy, if I am 21, and I want to go to a bar or get a glass of wine, my girlfriend at 16 wouldn't even be able to come with me...
Personally, and don't take this offensively, I would feel as though I was doing something wrong. At that age, I wouldn't be able to have an indepth conversation with a 16 year old, generally speaking of course. I would find it very strange if one of my friends started dating a 16 year old. I think that is mainly because, in America, we view adulthood at 18. I should say at the same time, while I wouldn't condone dating between a 18 and 23 year old, it wouldn't be as awkward. In my view, the older you get, the less age matters, but when your young 5 years is HUGE... imagine a 10 year old dating a 15 year old...noway..
was your maturity level the same as it was then?
how did it feel to be 16 going out with a 21 year old? Or did you not "go out"?
Are you and he both born and brought up in the US or Canada?"
Lol Michael you crack me up …You're making it sound like a Job Interview or something by asking all these questions… ;D
Well I certinaly don't mind any of the questions at all :)
I don't mind sharing my personal experience or thoughts on this topic.
In answere to your questions:
Has my Maturity Level changed from 16 to 20?....To be honest with you Ofcourse it has, it's natural, but i feel like my feelings haven't changed at all. At 16 I felt mature enough and able to distinguish the difference between love and infatuation. Just because your a teenager does not mean u will change your mind and feel emotional attachments or even perhaps love someone else and your mind will constantly vary. It all depends on the Person u are, not age!!.
And dating someone who's older then you, as in my case is not a problem , because as i said at 16 i felt i had the maturity level needed to balance with someone who was 5 years older then me not trying to be conceited :D.
Therefore age played no factor to us. We were both absolutely fine with it.
Where we were brought, we were brought in Egypt , the states and canada. :).... But It's how you were brought that matters not where u were brought :).
Thanks
Mike
Personally I think love has NO age!!!!
i agree, if love had age then we wouldnt be able to love our Lord and Father, Jesus Christ.
u might say its not the same, but then how is it different? its still love, although, our love for Christ has to be MORE. my opinion
Mike
but u said it urself. its all love, although different levels.
Exactly, so you can’t say that the love you have for Jesus at any age, is the same love you would feel for a potential spouse. They just can’t be associated with one another.