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I NEED TO HATE HIM BEFORE HE LEAVES=(
to all my brothers and sisters PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME
i have a crush on this guy who is , for some complicated reasons, is leaving very soon and i might never see him again... i was one of the very few people who found out "early"... i promised him i wouldnt tell anyone so i cant even share this with my close friends but IM REALLY DEPRESSED!! i have exams coming up and yet i cant concentrate at school or home... I DONT WANT HIM TO LEAVE!!
i really like him but at the end of the day it's just a crush and im not a teenager who takes crush relationships so seriously.. they never make sense and most of the times they have very illogical aspects in them..
oh talking about this being illogical HE TREATS ME LIKE CRAP and yet i still like him... well this is how it was: he liked me while i didnt really like him,,, and then ther was a period of time wheer we both liked each other,,, and now i really like him but he seems to be over me... btw WE NEVER REALLY TOLD EACH OTHER THAT WE LIKE EACH OTHER... it was/is a pure egyptian teenage-crush-habbal.. where our closest moment was when we sat next to each other.. lol...
by saying he treats me like crap i just mean that he never calls when he promises to call and doesnt reply my msgs ..until i actually get really angry and THEN he decides to call... and he always has an excuse to everything that upsets me.. iv never heard that many excuses from ONE person in my life... after all this I STILL LIKE HIM!! issue is if he leaves and i still like him im gonna be in trouble!! i really need to get over him BEFORE HE GOES!! ny ideas??!! i kno this might sound like a habbal prob but to me it is a big issue and it does seem to be affecting me.. plz help or just tell me what u think
i have a crush on this guy who is , for some complicated reasons, is leaving very soon and i might never see him again... i was one of the very few people who found out "early"... i promised him i wouldnt tell anyone so i cant even share this with my close friends but IM REALLY DEPRESSED!! i have exams coming up and yet i cant concentrate at school or home... I DONT WANT HIM TO LEAVE!!
i really like him but at the end of the day it's just a crush and im not a teenager who takes crush relationships so seriously.. they never make sense and most of the times they have very illogical aspects in them..
oh talking about this being illogical HE TREATS ME LIKE CRAP and yet i still like him... well this is how it was: he liked me while i didnt really like him,,, and then ther was a period of time wheer we both liked each other,,, and now i really like him but he seems to be over me... btw WE NEVER REALLY TOLD EACH OTHER THAT WE LIKE EACH OTHER... it was/is a pure egyptian teenage-crush-habbal.. where our closest moment was when we sat next to each other.. lol...
by saying he treats me like crap i just mean that he never calls when he promises to call and doesnt reply my msgs ..until i actually get really angry and THEN he decides to call... and he always has an excuse to everything that upsets me.. iv never heard that many excuses from ONE person in my life... after all this I STILL LIKE HIM!! issue is if he leaves and i still like him im gonna be in trouble!! i really need to get over him BEFORE HE GOES!! ny ideas??!! i kno this might sound like a habbal prob but to me it is a big issue and it does seem to be affecting me.. plz help or just tell me what u think
Comments
I'm sure you heard this before: "I've been there" right? Well it's true, and so I can relate to what you're going through. I can say that I've had crushes before, perhaps too many lol. And they've passed... and yours will too.
First of all, you kind of answered your own dilemma when you said "it's just a crush". So my advice for you is to know and believe that this will pass / you will get over it, and that one day you won't have the same feelings you have today. You'll get there one way or another, regardless.
So, the difference is how you get there.
And this is, in my opinion, where most people have a hard time. They may deal with it in different ways. The fact that you posted this and are seeking advice is a huge indication that you are smart and are already going about it the right way. So however little it might mean coming from a stranger... I'm proud of you! In fact, I just registered when I read this post so I can reply to you! That's how impressed I was.
Now, how can you begin to "hate him"? Well here on tasbeha.org, we do not promote hatred hahahaha... see, it's ok to laugh! In fact, I want you to smile.... right.... NOW! lol
Seriously though, you can get over him a number of ways. First of all, you MUST NOT dwell on it. What I mean is, try to keep busy and if you catch yourself thinking about him, quickly find something to do to keep you busy. Call a friend, play a game, say a prayer, watch a movie (appropriate of course) - no chick flicks lol, quickly recite "Our Father" or a Psalm that you know, or do anything like that. Just don't think about it. For instance, if you find that you can't stop thinking about it when you're in bed right before you sleep, then my advice is EXHAUST yourself the next day - meaning play sports or go running or even help your mom with the dishes! Anything that will make you physically tired, so when bedtime comes, you fall asleep quicker. That's just one example, another example is when you catch yourself thinking of him, call a friend and see if you can go out or something.
Basically - keep yourself BUSY.
Needless to say, pray about it and have faith that God can and will help you. Go to church as often as you can, ask Abouna if he needs any help with something, attend Bible studies or 3asheyas or tasbeha (real ones lol) that you normally don't attend. More importantly, have faith that when a relationship (or whatever it is) doesn't work, it is because God has someone better for you! So if you think you like this guy (who treats you like crap by the way), imagine how much more you'll like the guy God WANTS you to be with, imagine how much nicer he'll be, how much easier it'll be, and how much happier you'll be...
I hope this helps you a bit. Please reply and give your thoughts. As I said I literally just registered when I read your post, and this is my very first post so let me know how I did lol.
God bless.
Hello Trinity+
I hope this helps you a bit. Please reply and give your thoughts. As I said I literally just registered when I read your post, and this is my very first post so let me know how I did lol.
wow u'v done an "amazingly great and well said/written job wrapped in a coat of holiness and sprinkled with glitter of wisdom" lol... nah really thank u :) enough i actually smiled in the 4th paragraph...
hmmm i agree with everything u said.. theyr actually very practical tips and im sure they'll help... it wont be too hard finding something to do coz I NEED TO STUDY (my exams are in less than a week and im proly gonna fail if i keep doing what im doing),,,, going to church has always been an amazing option for me and never let me down. issue is HE GOES TO CHURCH AS WELL!! actually he never used tyo come to our church he only came during the shift between the first stage and the second one (ie. when he used to like me and when i was just realising it and started to like him bak).. so yeh im not even sure if i should go on sunmdays until he actually leaves.. but im not going to exclude God out of my life just coz i wanna exclude HIM out..
btw thank u sooo much for replying.... i dont believe u joined just to reply but really THANK U SOOOO MUCH.... i dont kno how long u spent to get this reply to me but plz kno that it was worth it: ur reply was the first detailed reply i got since i got depressed . lol. as i said i wasnt allowed to tell anyone.. i actually tried to get his permission to tell my best friend.. but he made it a little hard and said "its ok as long as the person doesnt kno me" thats a little hard COZ EVERYONE KNOS HIM =( lol and mind u i kno this might be a little over but i didnt even wanna tell my FOC coz of that... we'r pretty close and i can tell my confession father anything but he knos him and i promised him that i wouldnt let anyone kno as long as he doesnt wanna say.. he's waiting for the "right time"... until then i have to etfele2 :'(
thank u soo much and btw u'll love this site... it can get alittle addictive at times... in a good way of course
Are you in Cairo? Cuz there's only like 7 different churches you can go to if you don't want to see him.
And what's all this about you can't tell anyone? Not allowing you to talk about it... Making you not able to tell your own Father of confession!
Let me ask you something, if it's alright with you... Is he one of those guys that goes to church because that's where his friends are and that's where his parents allow him to go? I mean does he go to church because it's FUN?? Or does he sincerely value his relationship with God? You don't have to answer, in fact it's just something for you to think about... I just didn't like the idea that he gets in the way of your spiritual life - making you uncomfortable going to church or talking to your Father of confession or making you keep secrets from everyone, when in a truly blessed relationship, it's the other way around! That's what I believe anyway, that if it's supposed to work out - meaning if it receives God's blessing, then he should be helping your relationship with God while you do the same for him, you know?
And about your studying... if you find that you're having a hard time studying cuz... you know it's all quiet and you're alone so your mind wanders... then study with a friend. The best way to get over old company is to always keep new company.
God bless.
Trinity, i think you're gonna be fine. most of us have been there, it passes and you end up older and wiser. :)
pray for those who are not Christian (or not living like it) who have already had a physical relationship and perhaps a child by the time their teenage crush dies out. :(
may God give us the strength to show them the benefits of knowing Him and having the care of His family
:)
[quote author=INRI link=topic=7647.msg100338#msg100338 date=1234984572]
Are you in Cairo? Cuz there's only like 7 different churches you can go to if you don't want to see him.
And what's all this about you can't tell anyone? Not allowing you to talk about it... Making you not able to tell your own Father of confession!
nah nah i live in sydney, Australia...
well its not that he had my confession father in mind wen he told me this but he just said that he wont tell that he's leaving he's just going to say that he's going away for a visit and will come bak soon... even though i dont think its the smartest thing to say but.. i have no right to tell anyone if he doesnt wanna tell them... i like him but that doesnt mean i share his decisions (we'r not married.lol.)
[quote author=INRI link=topic=7647.msg100338#msg100338 date=1234984572]
Let me ask you something, if it's alright with you... Is he one of those guys that goes to church because that's where his friends are and that's where his parents allow him to go? I mean does he go to church because it's FUN?? Or does he sincerely value his relationship with God? You don't have to answer, in fact it's just something for you to think about... I just didn't like the idea that he gets in the way of your spiritual life - making you uncomfortable going to church or talking to your Father of confession or making you keep secrets from everyone, when in a truly blessed relationship, it's the other way around! That's what I believe anyway, that if it's supposed to work out - meaning if it receives God's blessing, then he should be helping your relationship with God while you do the same for him, you know?
well he's got an amazing voice and hence he's a member of sooo many church choirs so he ends up going to all of them every now and then (his parents have nothing to do with this.. he's a litle older than what u think,, he's actually 2.5 years older than me)... his original church is not MY church and im not really sure why he started to come to my church that often... i dont kno how strong his relationship with God is... again im not saying i "love" him and i wanna marry him (coz then id actually need to kno abit more about him),, all im saying is that i just have a crush on him and knowing whats happening/will happen has stuffed up my life : academically AND socially (thank God not spiritually).. and i need to do something before he leaves. coz if he leaves and i still like him it'll be 100000 times harder.. i'd rather get over him now (sort of willingly) than later (i hate doing something by force.. but "later" will leave me with no choice coz he would'v left already -and i will find it heapz harder to get over him)....
rabena yedabbar
What I mean is, you're assuming a lot here. You don't necessarily know that it'll be harder when he's gone. Logically, it seems that it'd be easier to get over him when he's NOT around...
I want to say something, but I urge you to be very... skeptic about it. What I mean is, I'm not sure it's good advice, so mull it over. Or perhaps if anyone else reads this, they can give their thoughts too. Here's what I want to say. If you feel like you really need to do something then... maybe... start talking to another guy? Like I said earlier, keeping new company is a good way of getting over old company. Maybe company with a different guy is what you need. Keep in mind that by "company" I mean casual talk over the phone or wherever you meet/see him. I don't mean you start dating the first guy you see kind of thing lol. And again, it's just a thought, and I encourage you to be sort of judgemental about my advice.
God bless.
look dont worry about this anymore.. i dont thing it'll work..
thanks anyway.. please pray for me
i hate to say this and i noe u dont want to hear it
but everything happens for a reason...and maybe him leaving will be leave u better off emotionallyy.....
not seeing him as regularly as u do will definitely help u get oveer him if u reallii want to....
ur still quite young, dont let men take away ur joy n happiness in life!
men do ur head in badly!!! ahahaha (n girls too)
Life without God is no life at all.....God brings u inner peace, joy and happiness......
God bless n take care
goodluck on ur journey!!
ur def right in everything u said.. its just that im really worried about him and it got a bit complicated in the sense that theer other ppl got involved and the idea of EARLY ENGAGEMENT has been introduced (after ppl convincing me that he does actually like me back) but it did go that far...and thank GOd it didnt (it was taken way too serious for just a stupid late high school crush)
whats really worrying me is the fact that i have exams coming up and they do determine my future career.. i really dont wanna stuff them up but i also cant concentrate :'( i kno i'll get over him and i kno that it will happen sooner or later and im sure theer are so many ways to do it... issue is whats going to happen to me UNTIL i actually get over him?!
oh well... just pray for me[quote author=kerestina link=topic=7647.msg100359#msg100359 date=1235040666]
Life without God is no life at all.....God brings u inner peace, joy and happiness......
true that
mind over matter!! u can overcome this...gotta divert ur mind too diff train of thoughts...it will take time 4 u to get over him but it will happen if its Gods plan....
do wat u enjoy doing....goo outt with frenss...watchh comediess....readd....watevaa.....
God blesss matey!! as nike says: U CAN DO IT!
INRI i really appreciate ur willingness to help but so much happened today and its not getting better.. i honestly give up this is a lot harder than what i thought and things that i never imagined would happen are already happening... im sorry but im just gonna give up trying to fix this and will take whatever negative consequences its already bringing whether that would be depression, failing my coming up exams or may be even stop going to church for the next week or so.. no other guy, studying with a friend or exhausting myself in the morning gonna fix the situation now...
look dont worry about this anymore.. i dont thing it'll work..
thanks anyway.. please pray for me
Hey like Kerestina said NEVER give up, its all in your hands. You can do this!! Everyone has given great advice and nothing really more to add to what they said. I don't agree that you just go talk to another guy however. But try and get your mind off of him in any way possible. When you think of him, pull out your agpeya, say a few psalms. Or just simply turn on the tv and watch something that will make you laugh a little. Pray about this for sure, but NEVER give up hope, if you are worried about your studies, then before you do, say a prayer so that when you are, God gives you comfort and focus so that you can do well and not be distracted by this issue. I'm sorry if i reiterated what everyone said, but DON'T GIVE UP!!
God Bless and Pray for me and my weakness
i'll do everything u guys said (knowing that its actually right and helpful) and rabena yedabbar..
please pray for me..
and thanx to all those who replied-- really appreciate it... rabena yefara7kom
to all my brothers and sisters PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME
i have a crush on this guy who is , for some complicated reasons, is leaving very soon and i might never see him again... i was one of the very few people who found out "early"... i promised him i wouldnt tell anyone so i cant even share this with my close friends but IM REALLY DEPRESSED!!
That's great. Very wise move, now you are sharing this with everyone on the internet. Well, why don't you stay in touch over email. You can use facebook to send each other silly status updates on your feelings? If his love for you should change, all he has to do is update his status. Maybe he's just trying to tell you that he's not in love nor interested in you? Have you ever tried singing in a Karaoke bar? Its great to keep your mind off problems, or just play squash. If you can't sing, just go and rent a squash court somewhere, and just hit the ball 1000's of times like a crazy person. No no.. it doesnt sound habbal at all. You want to hate him so you don't love him anymore?
No. Its typical female logic.
I've seen this time and time and time again. Are you from Assuit?
The 1st thing is to make sure you're not blonde. Dye your hair black as soon as possible, and that should help you think better.
Why do you think u should hate him for? Why don't you just accept the fact that he's a great guy and he's leaving? I mean, how would you like it if he stayed and married someone else??
THe problem is, if you do anything wrong to hate him, the moshkella is that you may not act with integrity, and he will think you are a motakhalefa crazy woman. Now, perhaps you don't want him to have that impression, or perhaps you don't care, but it could cause other people around you to stumble and miss-judge him for no reason whatsoever.
ah , Qt,
its not like hes gonna know who she is,
and the blonde thing, ouch
i mean she just doesnt wanna be hung up on a guy whos far away.. makes perfect sense
ah , Qt,
its not like hes gonna know who she is,
and the blonde thing, ouch
i mean she just doesnt wanna be hung up on a guy whos far away.. makes perfect sense
Pie,
She wants to hate a person so she can get over him!?
I think she needs to be tested for more than hair colour!! I can tell you that my good fellow!
Hate IS A SIN! You should NOT hate! In fact, we should love in Christ. We should love selflessly!! But to go from love to hate this way is not right. Its morally wrong.
but im pretty sure she doesnt wanna actually "hate" him , just wants to get over him and live her life!
and is looking for advice on how to do that, which i would say...stay busy, whether that be dying ur hair blonde(haha), reading the bible, or studying, just stay busy :D god bless
i kno ur intentions were proly to help and i thank u for that but honestly u didnt!!
in fact u misunderstood alot of things.. and im sorry if it was my fault in how i wrote it . "hate" was an exaggerated word.. pie was right: i dont want to literally "hate" him i just want to get over him.
[quote author=QT_PA_2T link=topic=7647.msg100375#msg100375 date=1235159645]
That's great. Very wise move, now you are sharing this with everyone on the internet.
Well, why don't you stay in touch over email. You can use facebook to send each other silly status updates on your feelings? If his love for you should change, all he has to do is update his status.
Maybe he's just trying to tell you that he's not in love nor interested in you?
Have you ever tried singing in a Karaoke bar? Its great to keep your mind off problems, or just play squash. If you can't sing, just go and rent a squash court somewhere, and just hit the ball 1000's of times like a crazy person.
No. Its typical female logic.
I've seen this time and time and time again. Are you from Assuit?
The 1st thing is to make sure you're not blonde. Dye your hair black as soon as possible, and that should help you think better.
sorry QT but none of those paragraphs helped in anyway
"Why do you think u should hate him for? Why don't you just accept the fact that he's a great guy and he's leaving?"
genius but that is exactly what i was saying!! and the whole point of my first post was to get advices on HOW to "accept the fact that he's a great guy and he's leaving?"..
[quote author=QT_PA_2T link=topic=7647.msg100377#msg100377 date=1235161551]
I think she needs to be tested for more than hair colour!! I can tell you that my good fellow!
hmm.. no comment
thanx anyway
You had me scared for a moment. I honestly knew girls that actually WANTED to hate the guy. In fact, because they couldnt have him, they really made his life miserable - and yes - many were coptic.
But, because you are allowing yourself to get depressed, I know that your situation is wrong. No one here has told you that depression comes from the devil.
It probably means that you have no hope for this situation. It also means that you are not trusting in God to sort this out for you.
I'm glad that you do not want to hate this guy, but I am worried that you are getting depressed.
If anything (ANYTHING) leads you to depression, it is not from God!! I can tell you that much!
Trinity,
You had me scared for a moment. I honestly knew girls that actually WANTED to hate the guy. In fact, because they couldnt have him, they really made his life miserable - and yes - many were coptic.
well im sure u dont kno taht im one of them for a fact, coz im not!! and i neve4r said anythuing about making his life miserable!! no assumptions plz
[quote author=QT_PA_2T link=topic=7647.msg100385#msg100385 date=1235171269]
If anything (ANYTHING) leads you to depression, it is not from God!! I can tell you that much!
well i never said that im in a perfect state of peace and harmony and that im walking along my spiritual path perfectly.. all i said is i kno im wrong and i need advices on how to stop.. not further critisism and some very not-funny jokes!
but im pretty sure she doesnt wanna actually "hate" him , just wants to get over him and live her life!
and is looking for advice on how to do that, which i would say...stay busy, whether that be dying ur hair blonde(haha), reading the bible, or studying, just stay busy :D god bless
ur advice was good and the way u said it was even better so its alright.. really i ddint mean you..promise
thanks pie
So you don't want to hate him, and you admit that it is leading you to depression?
OK - what I am suggesting is Karaoke.
Karaoke really keeps your mind off stuff like this and even bigger stuff!!
Or, try playing squash!?
What is wrong with that?
What is wrong with that?
nothing. thanx for ur advice and ur time..
God bless
pray for me
I really hope u can sort this out. :)
If it makes you feel any better, just remember, there was a period of time when he liked you and you weren't interested in him.
this dude is weird. Trinity I think you should speak to your FOC. He has probably heard all these things before and has the right advise for you. I agree with Kerestina "out of mind out of sight". I tried getting over a guy and all I had to do was just focus on other more important things. I know it is harder to do than say, but if u keep persuading yourself that your never going to get over him, then chances are you probably wont. I dont mean to be harsh. But it's the truth, it's all in the mind. Most importantly, stick to those who love and care for you (parents, FOC, friends), take their advise. Oh and most importantly dont make any decisions when your angry. Worst thing to do I might add. And since you have exams well, GO STUDY! I'm sure u've heard it a hundred times from every single egyptian in the world. Let us know how everything goes. GoodLuck Trinity. God bless. :)
can i just say it is already getting better (thanx to all of ur advices)... i told my parents already and i think they managed to solve my concentration/study issue with offering to increase my tutoring hours abit more.. my exams start on thursday so my parents decided (and so did i) that theer is not much time for me to TRY and get over him.. i can do that 3la mahly later but if my exams pass and i dont do well then thats done and failed...also my tutoring sessions have my best friend(s) with me so they keep an eye out for my day dreaming.. its getting better.. just pray that nothing happens 2moro coz everything usually happens on sundays at church..
thank u soo much for posting (and i will make sure i speak to abouna 2moro- im sure he'll be able to help)
God bless
see u sooon :D ;) ;)