I always thought that dating was wrong if the intention was not to get married within a reasonable time frame. For example, if I was 14 and I wanted to go out with a girl (same age), i might try to justify my dating by saying "maybe i will marry her someday".
Unfortunately and fortunately, life doesn't work that way. So we should start looking for the right person for you once you are well established in a career and have some way to support your family if your aim is to get married. God will provide the person for you better than you would have chosen for yourself because God knows us more than we know ourselves.
I hope what i said made some sense and if i have made any false judgments, please forgive me, it was not my intention. Please pray for me and my weakness.
[quote author=He Wept link=topic=7690.msg100654#msg100654 date=1236018770] Theres 2 great books on this...You probably know them
I Kissed Dating Goodbye...and the sequel Boy Meets Girl......the first is for teens and the next is later [quote author=The Worst Sinner link=topic=7690.msg100659#msg100659 date=1236024509] To add to the book He Wept put also Is Dating Your Road Map to Engagement? is a good book all 3 can be found on Orthodoxbookstore.org
I heard a lot about 'I kissed dating Goodbye' and been planning to read it for a while. I am sure there are tones of books written on this topic and we can’t list them all, but I can’t help but mention this wonderful book – Boundaries in Dating by Dr. Henry Cloud.
i think dating is a social construct and people just tend to conform to the notion rather than to think logically about it. 99% of dating that occurs before completion of school doesnt last, on the rare occasion where it does last both understand each other and engage in deep conversations about their future. Most relationships are based on gossip and sexual pleasure. In the end you will run out of people to talk about and get bored of the pleasure thus leaving the relationship as a waste of time. i think its important for young copts to mingle (get to know) with the opposite sex in addition to own during their schooling years. further people say dating should be allowed at 18...i dont agree with that...between 18-20 girls especially are emmotionally immature and fairlyy flexible especially if they dating an older guy........
Dating shouldn't be allowed at a certain age.. It is when you are ready.. some people are mature, some people may not be... some people may be committed...some may not.
Again, you should ask your FoC if you are ready.
And the First Book i mentioned, also talks alot about this, especially commitment...(at least on the part im up to)
its permitted in the church for young men and women to 'mingle' (i like that word) and to have friends of both genders. we don't control our desires by never meeting a member of the opposite sex, but by the power of the Holy Spirit within us, together with 'not putting God to the test', that is not getting in a situation where it would be easy to sin. i met my future husband at a Christian music festival, where many hundreds of people were our 'chaperones'. we were living in different countries so had to get to know each other by letter, then after we had the chance to meet again we got engaged soon after, because what we had to decide was 'should we get married or not'. had we decided we were not ready to marry, we would have wound back the relationsip to being friends who only meet occasionally or who write to each other. so if you call this period of decision 'dating' it is ok to do this, and our church allows people to spend time getting to know one another (with some supervision, because we are weak) before you are engaged. it is good that we don't have to sit in another room, peeking at our beloved through the key-hole! but if you call 'dating' going for long walks / to the cinema / to the house of someone in case you might 'fall in love' then it is not recommended. if you are not considering marrying that person in the near future, then it is better to hang out in a big group, like at youth meetings. what we need to avoid is the way of the world; dating someone when you are not considering marriage, then deciding after you kiss or whatever that 'there's no magic any more' then moving on to the next person and the next person. sure no-one says you must marry the first person you meet, but it's your intentions that matter. if you are too young to get married, you are too young to date. what you need is to build your relationship with God and your friends and you will find the love and acceptance you are craving. just some thoughts and observations, what does everyone else say?
I'm a 22 year Old man... I'm getting my life together to settle down... i see a girl I feel "chemistry" between her and I!
i have a few choices,
a.) tell her my feelings b.) go to her parents and tell her, and Propose c.) just be friends d.) "date" her and get to know her until marriage (which is within a small amount of years)
lets start with B, which is a horrible thing to do right away... one I'm still getting my life together, so for her parents, they want the best for their daughter, in which at this time you are not even a candidate... so you will seek assured refusal!
okay what if we choose choice A prematurely... the other person might not be interested just yet, just because they don't know you yet, or for whatever reason... you push them away, causing you to lose them maybe even forever!
lets think of C... just be friends... I always tell people its best to be friends before anything, thus throughout the relationship the significant other is your best friend before anything... even through marriage! and as I said "friendship" is the gateway to the relationship... if two people love each other, this love cannot be contained through a friendship... you will have to sooner or later resort to choice A... then choice D... then of course B...
so what is the right answer.... it actually all of the above... if in the right sequence.... C... then A... then D... and ending by B... to make the new start of marriage! but again you cant just do at any age... take in consideration the age... the maturity.... the mentality... take everything in consideration... you have to be ready for commitment... and believe me from experience, love will come knocking on your door... believe me I know!
but that dating at the age of fifteen mambo jumbo is nothing but trouble and heartaches... if that is what a person is seeking, then by all means be my guest... otherwise a person needs to wait till the right time, pray for God's will, then out of no where they'll see God's intervention in even love! just take the right steps... and if meant to be... then may it be!
“Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart” (2 Timothy 2:22) Some teenagers use dating just to be part of the crowd and to follow the stream of the surrounding society. It is usually easier to follow the stream than to stand against it, especially at a young age. Dating can also be practiced mentally only, when the young adult spends hours a day dreaming with all kinds of sexual thoughts even when he is physically alone It is an outing or a meeting between two persons from the opposite sex and frequently leads to physical intimacy or even pre-marital sex. Dating is usually for the sake of having fun in a very temporary relationship driven by peer pressure. Teenagers think that this is the way to prove their maturity especially when they are in a transition from childhood to adulthood. There is no projected goal or sense of responsibility toward the opposite sex in such a relationship. It also indicates the egocentricity of these relationships since the person cares only for his physical, social and ego satisfaction without caring for the consequences of such relationship on the opposite sex. An example of such relationship was the behavior of Photiphar’s wife toward Joseph, which ended by placing him in prison (Genesis 39:7-20). Definitely, this kind of relationship is devoid of the true Christian love,which resembles the love of our Lord Jesus Christ to us. The love that gives and sacrifices without asking for what is for itself (John 15:13). II. Consequences of these Relationships Pre-occupation with the physical aspect of the opposite sex. Degrading the image of the opposite sex when he/she becomes an object rather than a person created in God’s image (Genesis 1:26). Daydreaming and decreased concentration during studying and school leading to poor performance and results. Pre-occupation with own physical appearance and dress in unsuitable clothing to emphasize the body features. Inappropriate behavior in the presence of the opposite sex to attract attention and to gain acceptance from peers. The most important and the most serious consequence is neglecting and ignoring the adolescent spiritual and inner growth. IV. Means of Spiritual Fights Against Non-Christian Dating and Sexual Thoughts Fill your soul with the love of God and make Him your best friend. Choose your friends carefully and surround your self with believers (Proverbs 13:20). Give equal care to your spiritual growth as you give to your body. Spiritual growth is achieved through prayers, church meetings and Bible reading. Discover the energies in your adolescence that can be directed towards the service in the church and others. Guard your senses including your eyes, ears, smell and touch against temptation (Proverbs 4:23-27). Flee from unspiritual environment and surroundings (Proverbs 7: 24-25). Never think that you are strong and will not be affected by bad company or bad surroundings. Always stay in the group and avoid one to one interactions at an early stage. Resist and expose sexual thoughts in confession so the devil would know that your mind is not his hiding place. Never give-up or lose hope in purity if you sin by thought or deed. Its goal is a serious relationship towards Christian love and marriage (Ephesians 5:30-33) Brings two souls, minds, and feelings closer to each other and to God. Physical intimacy is completely prevented in the pre-marital dating period. Usually blessed by the family and under the guidance of the father of confession. Conclusion: Discover the real maturity and growth when you say NO to non-Christian dating, “My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent” (Proverbs 1:10). Applications: Reach out to your Bible and read a chapter or few psalms whenever you are tempted with a sexual thought. Have company with pure Christians. Think of this Pray for my weakness
[quote author=DimyanCoptic link=topic=7690.msg103315#msg103315 date=1242775341] I personally think dating is fine as long as you are not doing anything wrong, such as only trying to get something wrong out of it (you know what im trying to say).
... and of course, you are trying to get married ;D
Dimyan.....that's how it all starts with any sins. i don't see anything wrong with this specific doing except for this....etc. you can't give the devil the littlest chance of making you sin. Our eagerness to do a sin is strong in every way...trying to pass the red line always is what we want and we think we can fool those (HIM) who made it. we come close to the line, and closer and closer .... until we are ON IT and then we never GO BACK, but instead we continue after it.
Comments
Unfortunately and fortunately, life doesn't work that way. So we should start looking for the right person for you once you are well established in a career and have some way to support your family if your aim is to get married. God will provide the person for you better than you would have chosen for yourself because God knows us more than we know ourselves.
I hope what i said made some sense and if i have made any false judgments, please forgive me, it was not my intention.
Please pray for me and my weakness.
I am sorry if that wasn't your idea.
Please pray for me and my weakness!
I Kissed Dating Goodbye...and the sequel
Boy Meets Girl......the first is for teens and the next is later
Theres 2 great books on this...You probably know them
I Kissed Dating Goodbye...and the sequel
Boy Meets Girl......the first is for teens and the next is later
[quote author=The Worst Sinner link=topic=7690.msg100659#msg100659 date=1236024509]
To add to the book He Wept put also Is Dating Your Road Map to Engagement? is a good book all 3 can be found on Orthodoxbookstore.org
I heard a lot about 'I kissed dating Goodbye' and been planning to read it for a while. I am sure there are tones of books written on this topic and we can’t list them all, but I can’t help but mention this wonderful book – Boundaries in Dating by Dr. Henry Cloud.
In Christ
Theophilus
i think its important for young copts to mingle (get to know) with the opposite sex in addition to own during their schooling years. further people say dating should be allowed at 18...i dont agree with that...between 18-20 girls especially are emmotionally immature and fairlyy flexible especially if they dating an older guy........
Again, you should ask your FoC if you are ready.
And the First Book i mentioned, also talks alot about this, especially commitment...(at least on the part im up to)
i met my future husband at a Christian music festival, where many hundreds of people were our 'chaperones'. we were living in different countries so had to get to know each other by letter, then after we had the chance to meet again we got engaged soon after, because what we had to decide was 'should we get married or not'. had we decided we were not ready to marry, we would have wound back the relationsip to being friends who only meet occasionally or who write to each other.
so if you call this period of decision 'dating' it is ok to do this, and our church allows people to spend time getting to know one another (with some supervision, because we are weak) before you are engaged. it is good that we don't have to sit in another room, peeking at our beloved through the key-hole!
but if you call 'dating' going for long walks / to the cinema / to the house of someone in case you might 'fall in love' then it is not recommended. if you are not considering marrying that person in the near future, then it is better to hang out in a big group, like at youth meetings. what we need to avoid is the way of the world; dating someone when you are not considering marriage, then deciding after you kiss or whatever that 'there's no magic any more' then moving on to the next person and the next person.
sure no-one says you must marry the first person you meet, but it's your intentions that matter. if you are too young to get married, you are too young to date. what you need is to build your relationship with God and your friends and you will find the love and acceptance you are craving.
just some thoughts and observations, what does everyone else say?
i have a few choices,
a.) tell her my feelings
b.) go to her parents and tell her, and Propose
c.) just be friends
d.) "date" her and get to know her until marriage (which is within a small amount of years)
lets start with B, which is a horrible thing to do right away... one I'm still getting my life together, so for her parents, they want the best for their daughter, in which at this time you are not even a candidate... so you will seek assured refusal!
okay what if we choose choice A prematurely... the other person might not be interested just yet, just because they don't know you yet, or for whatever reason... you push them away, causing you to lose them maybe even forever!
lets think of C... just be friends... I always tell people its best to be friends before anything, thus throughout the relationship the significant other is your best friend before anything... even through marriage! and as I said "friendship" is the gateway to the relationship... if two people love each other, this love cannot be contained through a friendship... you will have to sooner or later resort to choice A... then choice D... then of course B...
so what is the right answer.... it actually all of the above... if in the right sequence.... C... then A... then D... and ending by B... to make the new start of marriage! but again you cant just do at any age... take in consideration the age... the maturity.... the mentality... take everything in consideration... you have to be ready for commitment... and believe me from experience, love will come knocking on your door... believe me I know!
but that dating at the age of fifteen mambo jumbo is nothing but trouble and heartaches... if that is what a person is seeking, then by all means be my guest... otherwise a person needs to wait till the right time, pray for God's will, then out of no where they'll see God's intervention in even love! just take the right steps... and if meant to be... then may it be!
akhadna el baraka... neshkor Allah!
Some teenagers use dating just to be part of the crowd and to follow the stream of the surrounding society. It is usually easier to follow the stream than to stand against it, especially at a young age. Dating can also be practiced mentally only, when the young adult spends hours a day dreaming with all kinds of sexual thoughts even when he is physically alone
It is an outing or a meeting between two persons from the opposite sex and frequently leads to physical intimacy or even pre-marital sex. Dating is usually for the sake of having fun in a very temporary relationship driven by peer pressure. Teenagers think that this is the way to prove their maturity especially when they are in a transition from childhood to adulthood. There is no projected goal or sense of responsibility toward the opposite sex in such a relationship. It also indicates the egocentricity of these relationships since the person cares only for his physical, social and ego satisfaction without caring for the consequences of such relationship on the opposite sex. An example of such relationship was the behavior of Photiphar’s wife toward Joseph, which ended by placing him in prison (Genesis 39:7-20). Definitely, this kind of relationship is devoid of the true Christian love,which resembles the love of our Lord Jesus Christ to us. The love that gives and sacrifices without asking for what is for itself (John 15:13).
II. Consequences of these Relationships
Pre-occupation with the physical aspect of the opposite sex.
Degrading the image of the opposite sex when he/she becomes an object rather than a person created in God’s image (Genesis 1:26).
Daydreaming and decreased concentration during studying and school leading to poor performance and results.
Pre-occupation with own physical appearance and dress in unsuitable clothing to emphasize the body features.
Inappropriate behavior in the presence of the opposite sex to attract attention and to gain acceptance from peers.
The most important and the most serious consequence is neglecting and ignoring the adolescent spiritual and inner growth.
IV. Means of Spiritual Fights Against Non-Christian Dating and Sexual Thoughts
Fill your soul with the love of God and make Him your best friend.
Choose your friends carefully and surround your self with believers (Proverbs 13:20).
Give equal care to your spiritual growth as you give to your body. Spiritual growth is achieved through prayers, church meetings and Bible reading.
Discover the energies in your adolescence that can be directed towards the service in the church and others.
Guard your senses including your eyes, ears, smell and touch against temptation (Proverbs 4:23-27).
Flee from unspiritual environment and surroundings (Proverbs 7: 24-25).
Never think that you are strong and will not be affected by bad company or bad surroundings.
Always stay in the group and avoid one to one interactions at an early stage.
Resist and expose sexual thoughts in confession so the devil would know that your mind is not his hiding place.
Never give-up or lose hope in purity if you sin by thought or deed.
Its goal is a serious relationship towards Christian love and marriage (Ephesians 5:30-33)
Brings two souls, minds, and feelings closer to each other and to God.
Physical intimacy is completely prevented in the pre-marital dating period.
Usually blessed by the family and under the guidance of the father of confession.
Conclusion:
Discover the real maturity and growth when you say NO to non-Christian dating, “My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent” (Proverbs 1:10).
Applications:
Reach out to your Bible and read a chapter or few psalms whenever you are tempted with a sexual thought.
Have company with pure Christians.
Think of this
Pray for my weakness
I personally think dating is fine as long as you are not doing anything wrong, such as only trying to get something wrong out of it (you know what im trying to say).
... and of course, you are trying to get married ;D
Dimyan.....that's how it all starts with any sins. i don't see anything wrong with this specific doing except for this....etc. you can't give the devil the littlest chance of making you sin. Our eagerness to do a sin is strong in every way...trying to pass the red line always is what we want and we think we can fool those (HIM) who made it. we come close to the line, and closer and closer .... until we are ON IT and then we never GO BACK, but instead we continue after it.