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How to control your emotions..

All_I_ever_neededAll_I_ever_needed
edited December 1969 in Personal Issues
Hi, any advice would be much appreciated.
How do you get over someone who lead you to believe they could be interested in you but has since backed off?

What do you do if you have to see this person all the time, and everytime you see them you feel hurt..but still remain polite etc?

Thanks and please pray for me.

Comments

  • mabsootamabsoota
    emotions are powerful things, sometimes they shake us to our foundations. i expect we have all thought at one time 'no-one else could ever possibly feel this as strongly as i do'.
    but we have a high priest who understands us completely, who turned water into wine at a wedding, and who wept at the death of lazarus. how do you think He felt as He said to judas 'do you betray me with a kiss?' (luke 22:48). i really don't think He just shrugged His shoulders and thought 'oh well, another one bites the dust!'
    good parts of the Bible to read when feelings are overwhelming are hebrews chapters 10-13 and the gospel of john, which has really a lot to say about Jesus' divinity and His humanity.
    hebrews 12:4 says 'you have not yet resisted sin to the point of shedding blood'. in the garden of gethsemane, Jesus was under such stress that His sweat came out like blood from his forehead. surely He understands our tears and our pain.
    hebrews 10:37 reminds us that Jesus, our Lord and Saviour, will return soon. it make seem like a long time before your heart is peaceful again, but if you 'fix your eyes on Him, the author and perfecter of our faith' (hebrews 12.2) you will realise this is just a short trial before a long eternity of peace with God.

    if this is all too theoretical and you don't know how to apply it in your situation, let me share with you an experience i had. when i was 17, my grandfather died fairly suddenly. i didn't tell my parents at the time, but i had been longing for a close relationship with my grandfather. it seemed like he was smart and funny and had so much wisdom and so many stories from his life that i used to dream about our very infrequent visits for months afterwards. i wanted very much to be close to my grandfather. he lived a long distance from us, but greater still was the emotional distance between my parents and grandparents, something which grieved me terribly. so when he died, the dream was shattered. there were other hard things going on in my life at the same time, and all that grief channeled itself into my grief over my grandfather. i actually thought 'surely no-one has ever grieved this much before'. i asked God 'how can i possibly finish my studies when any little thing makes me burst into tears?' well, i found out that God can take care of my emotions as much as He takes care of the rest of my life. i 'fixed my eyes on Him', continued my Bible reading, prayers and my studies, and found a deep peace that no-one can take away. then when i had a break or was at home by myself, i would find the grief welling up at a time when it was ok to cry, then i cried to the Lord, he gave me more peace, and i could continue the rest of my life.
    so if you put God first, try to be kind to those around you and not take revenge on the person who has hurt you, God will show you His own special way of caring for you in your loss.
    may God bless you in all your ways, and pray for me too in my weakness
  • rpmrpm
    [quote author=mabsoota link=topic=7750.msg101145#msg101145 date=1237569957]
    i 'fixed my eyes on Him', continued my Bible reading, prayers and my studies, and found a deep peace that no-one can take away. then when i had a break or was at home by myself, i would find the grief welling up at a time when it was ok to cry, then i cried to the Lord, he gave me more peace, and i could continue the rest of my life.
    so if you put God first, try to be kind to those around you and not take revenge on the person who has hurt you, God will show you His own special way of caring for you in your loss.



               Very good piece of advice from mabsoota. Actually, I think its really OK (even for guys) to cry occasionally.

    I locked myself in my room and cried when my cousin lost her long battle with cancer last August. Also when I lost another cousin in a motorcycle accident. As if by a cruel quirk of fate, it happened while he was returning from church after attending his mother's 1st death anniversary prayers.

    I wept when I saw "Passion of the Christ". At the show, people went inside with popcorn and chips like they do at other movies. After the show, the people emerged-many of them dazed, shocked, crying...and their popcorn uneaten.

    I shed tears when I saw this..........
    http://www.nidokidos.org/get-back-up-a-must-see-t29217.html

          On emotions relating to relationships, it can be really hard, but the hurt will eventually heal. Just try and develop the habit of putting the Lord in the midst of your day-to-day routine-consciously use the Jesus Prayer, pray that He may guide and guard you at every step, consult Him, so to speak.....knowing for sure that He will help you cope with it.

            Really, spending Quiet Time with the Lord at the end of the day, offloading all cares and troubles onto Him really has a therapeutic effect. All the turmoil and lingering thoughts of unfairness or betrayal just seems to vanish as if by magic. And it doesn't leave you hardhearted and insensitive in the end-that's the beauty of it. We can never really pray enough.

    God bless,
    P
  • godislove260godislove260
    Mabsoota and Rpm, such wonderful words from both of you, really.. God bless you

    All-I-ever-needed, people come and go into our lives, friendships don't always last forever, we also change, people we might like one day, can seem very different to us the next..

    There is only one relationship in our lives where we know the other person is there for us no matter what, we know his feelings are true and that he won't leave us.. there is only one who is always near, always listening, always caring..
    One who will never hurt us or play with our emotions..

    One who loves us more that we can ever comprehend

    And how sad is it, when we leave that one, and search for true love elsewhere, when we are hurt, we search for comfort elsewhere, when we are in doubt, we seek certainty elsewhere...

    How sad is it when the Life-giving water is in our reach, yet we choose not to drink...
    He is the Way, the Truth and the Life...


    Put your emotions in God's hands, He will take care of them, bless them and sanctify them...

    Focus all your love on God, and love everyone else through Him and in Him, He is the one who forgave the man who betrayed Him three times, He is the one who accepted the thief on the right, He is the one who set free the condemned woman caught in sin...
    Forgive, like He forgave, Love, as He loved...

    May God bless you
    Please pray for my weakness




  • All_I_ever_neededAll_I_ever_needed
    Thank you all, for your wise words. God bless you all.

    Mabsoota and Rpm, I am sorry for your losses.. may our Lord continue to comfort you and fill your hearts with his joy.
    Godislove26, this really put things in perspective for me: "Focus all your love on God, and love everyone else through Him and in Him, He is the one who forgave the man who betrayed Him three times, He is the one who accepted the thief on the right, He is the one who set free the condemned woman caught in sin... Forgive, like He forgave, Love, as He loved.."

    I know we are only responsible for our own actions.. so despite feeling hurt I do continue to be friendly etc to this person when I see them, but what I need (for my own inner peace) is to let go of the hurt from the inside.. I really trusted this person and it was clear from what we talked bout that they trusted me too..
    Does this hurt mean I have not forgiven this person? because I feel no hate, and do not wish any misfortune on them. I would still do anything for this person (as I would for other friends)... How do we measure our forgiveness of a person? i.e. how do you know you have truly forgiven someone?

    I have been thinking about forgiveness alot in general, because no one wants to go through their life feeling bitter but hiding that bitterness with good deeds (thats hypocrisy right?).. but when someone wrongs us do we not have a right to feel disappointment and hurt for a while, until Christ heals those wounds?
    Or are we supposed to be like totally unaffected by what goes on around us.. like is it a sign of pride, if we feel these things?

    Sorry for the rambling. Please remember me in your prayers.


  • Mira8388hMira8388h
    WOW...
    I had the same problem abt a month ago! I broke up with the guy i was supposed to get married to this summer! :P
    I am happy with the choice i made, but i have loved him for 4 yrs and it is not gonna go away in 2 months period! anything that reminds me of him makes me extremly upset! bas i am sure God is telling me i am better off without him! bas bardo it is hard on me to just fade him out of life! i can't even be just normal friends with him 'cause it is not working and i ended our friendship today because when i realy think about it i don't think who ever i am gonna be with and marry is going to appriciate that i am still talking to my ex.
    so he is slowly fading away in my life.

    one thing is don't rush things........ i met the guy when i was 16/17 yrs old! when it is the right person NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS you and that person will be together and tie the knot in holy matromony :)

    IT is the best for you to stay away from that person ;)

    Pray :)

    bentBABAyasooa`
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