Hello,
I am a divorced, 27 year old woman trying to put my life back together. I am currently a student in grad school now. I was married for 3 years to somone outside my culture. I myself am mixed. My Father was Coptic Egyptian and passed away when I was an infant and my Mom is Catholic Caribbean.
I was raised by my Mom and have been devoutly Catholic my whole life, however I feel that my there are parts of the faith that have not fully supportive, particularly now, as I feel my life is falling apart. My ex-husband was not religious, to the point we had to get married in an Episcopal church. I tried to get him to join me in my faith, but it was a 3 year struggle, along with several other aspects of our marriage. After our marriage, during grad school, I have gone in the deep end. I have been dating unsucessfully and certainly not within the moral boudaries of my faith.
I need help in getting my life back on track. I want to change. Even before I was married, I can't say that I had the best moral relationship habits as I have wanted so desperately to fit in with the American culture and also have an additction to always needing a boyfriend. Even after a consistent habit of confession, and then relapsing again, now I can see how wrong I was and I'm so ashamed and angry at myself.
How do I fix myself? Where do I even start?
Comments
One of the fathers of the church said that whoever thinks he can repent without praying is deceived by the devil. The first and most important step is to pray and let god guide you to his heavenly glory
Prayer is the gate to heaven, pray fervently and unceasingly for god to guide you
One of the fathers of the church said that whoever thinks he can repent without praying is deceived by the devil. The first and most important step is to pray and let god guide you to his heavenly glory
To add to what he said, along with prayer, I think it would be wise to return to the church you were baptised in. Find a coptic church near you,(http://www.copticchurch.net/topics/directory/ ; <--just put in your zipcode and the nearest coptic church will come up) and talk to one of the priests of the church and tell them everything about your life, repent, and confess. Dont be shy either, they wont tell anybody anything, they are a dead end to everything you say..they made a vow to God, and they NEVER break it.. they will only help you. They will not judge you either, They will give you the BEST advise and alooot better than any of us can do here. Try to attend church regularly and read the bible. From all the things you will learn from the church and the Bible, apply it to your life and live His words. Strive to overcome the temptations, and to yeilding to sinful desires. Make God your focus and in ever action ask if God will approve of it. IF He does, go ahead, if not reasses your motives and actions and abstain from it. Aswell, always try to avoid the ocassion of sin, if there is a place that will cause you to sin..or certain person or anything, avoid it and go elsewhere. The journey is hard and we cant do it alone, thats why prayer is necessary and one of the most important things. The devil will fight hard, and we will fall.. but always get back up. God will never ask you why did you fall? He will ask you why didnt you get back up? Do your best, and let God do the rest. Dont be discouraged or be let down from the past or anything, because thats exactly what the devil wants. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God. Some sins more grievious than others, but they all have the same result, whether they be big or small. I have done an endless amount that I regret myself. Be strong in Him.
May God be with you guide you to Him. God bless
please keep me in your prayers
-chief of sinners
God Bless
Here are the Churches in Illinois:
http://www.copticchurch.net/topics/directory/church.php?search_zip=&dist=50&search_state=IL&submit.x=44&submit.y=10
This seems to be the closest Coptic Church to you: http://www.stmarysofchicago.com/
It's about 18 miles away in Palatine, IL.
My recommendation would be to go to one of these churches and sit down and speak with a priest about your story. He will be able to help you get your life on track. Till then, I would encourage prayer and reading. If you haven't already, I would suggest the Confessions of St. Augustine and The ScrewTape Letters by C.S. Lewis. Also, if you don't already, try to read you Bible on a regular basis. In it you will find comfort and support.
Whatever you do, never fall into despair. This is the sin the devil most fervently wants us to fall into-- more than murser, adultery, or anything else because when we despair, we lose hope and no longer struggle.
Be strong and of good courage! The Lord is with you and will not leave a thirsty heart. I will pray for you, I ask that you too pray for me.
I will keep you all in my prayers!
I read your post, and I just wanted to say that I really hope your life gets better. You seem already determined to make a change.
I just have a few questions:
Although you got married in an Episcopal Church, its still marriage. Are you interested in getting back with your husband? The fact that he may not be as "religious" as you should not be an issue. I think being a Christian doesnt really mean the world ought to be Christian for me to live peacefully with others, but my faith should help me personally in my relationships with them.
What do you think?
I don't know the details of your marriage, but I'm discussing it because I put myself in your shoes, and I would have said to myself that perhaps it is better to be with my wife than to be divorced over an issue like religion - especially if we've made the decision to get married.
But obviously you know your circumstances more than us and there may be issues that mean you cannot take this route of reconciliation with your husband.
In any case, I wish you all the best of luck. I would recommend USER00's advice. He's very good. He's always advising me also by the way ;)