Hi,
What is the best way to stop getting angry?
When someone makes you angry, and makes your blood boil, what should you do?
The fact that their behaviour makes you mad (and you get mad) is that a sin?
What is the ultimate Christian behviour to do in such circumstances?
Comments
imagine every one of the wounds Jesus received on our behalf. read the 'agios' from st gregory's liturgy, where it says 'for my sake, you did not hide your face from the spitting' etc etc (this bit always gets me and is incompatible with my pride).
then think how much He suffered and still how much He loves that person you are angry with.
it is only when you love someone you can properly discipline them. so if your child or someone you are responsible for does something bad, correct them in love, remembering you have escaped all the wrath of God your deserve by the nature of God's eternal mercy. matthew 5:7 says 'blessed are the merciful for they will be shown mercy'
and psalm 130 (131) from the 12th hour says 'i have not walked in great matters, nor in wonders greater than me'.
Always remember these verses
"A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back." (Proverbs 29:11)
" So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; 20 for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God." (James 1:19,20)
And in humility remember your own weakness
"Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things." (Romans 2:1)
I think that it is important to distinguish between different types of anger to discuss this issue as the topic has arisen several times in the past. First, let us approach ourselves and ask why it is that we are being driven to anger. Is it because someone speaks ill of me, or speaks disrespectfully to me? Have they insulted me, my family, my friends? This is anger without a cause... this is anger that is not justified in the sense of how we should act as Orthodox Christians.
A story from St. Macarius' life:
A brother paid a visit to Abba Macarius the Great and said to him, “My father, tell me a word how I may be saved.”
The old man said to him, “Go to the tombs, abuse the dead, and throw stones at them.”
So the brother went and abused them and came and told the old man. The old man said to him, “Didn’t they say anything to you?”
He said, “No.”
The old man said to him, “Go tomorrow and praise them, saying, ‘You are apostles and saints and righteous people.’”
He returned to the old man and said, “I praised them,” and the old man said to him, “Didn’t they say anything in reply?”
He said, “No.”
The old man said to him, “You saw how you abused them and they did not say anything to you and how you praised them and they said nothing in reply; it’s the same with you: if you wish to be saved, go, be dead, take no account of people’s scorn or their compliments, like the dead themselves, and you can be saved.”
See how we are called to take insults! Am I to be a doormat, then? Am I supposed to just live life allowing people to take advantage of me? No, this is not what I am called to do... even Christ Himself spoke when He was struck on the face. What, then, does anger refer to?
See what Blessed Augustine says in reference to Christ being angry in the Temple:
"If angry emotions which spring from a love of what is good and from holy charity are to be labeled vices, then all I can say is that some vices should be called virtues. When such affections as anger are directed to their proper objects, they are following good reasoning, and no one should dare to describe them as maladies or vicious passions. This explains why the Lord Himself, who humbled Himself to the form of a servant, was guilty of no sin whatever as He displayed these emotions openly when appropriate. Surely the One who assumed a true human body and soul would not counterfeit His human affections."
Each of the efforts that we put into supplying our passions are the same energies that can drive us towards God. If anger is done for good, for the glorification of God, then it is righteous anger. If it is for me and my own agenda, I have missed the mark.
The control of unrighteous anger is indeed a problem that we all face. It is this that we spend much of our lives attempting to control, through fasting and prayer. As each person is different, I feel that it is best to approach your own personal father of confession about the issue, both in general and the specific problem that you are facing.
Pray for me, that the energy I put into fueling my unrighteous anger may be directed into zeal for the love of God, that I may be stronger in my faith and bring those who are around me towards Him through His working through me,
childoforthodoxy
i will remember that story of abba macarius and try to follow it
(i am not good at this!)
(I liked Dandun's post as at least he/she gave good quotes from the Bible.. except the 1st)
So, getting angry because we feel offended is wrong?
So - is it wrong then to not feel offended if someone insulted one's dearest - should they not be hurt nor offended? Doesn't that lead to anger?
Does controlling one's anger leave an image of weakness though also? Not that i'm bothered by that.. I don't care - but I'm just curious?
Hi,
What is the best way to stop getting angry?
When someone makes you angry, and makes your blood boil, what should you do?
The fact that their behaviour makes you mad (and you get mad) is that a sin?
I also have a problem with anger, I have my entire life. Sadly I don't have any good answers either. The best thing I've come up with is a couple of things; one, memorize a Scripture verse that deals with whatever sin you're dealing with, and try to keep it in your thoughts. A short verse is usually best. Write it down even and carry it with you. I've done this, and I think it helps, at least a little bit. Also, another good thing to do is after your get angry, of course repent of it. I think a good practice, especially if the sin is habitual (which anger can be) is to pray Psalm 50 like, right after it happens. This seems to help me as well. Lastly just pray that God takes away your anger. I know these seem like little things, but I do believe they help. Pray for a peaceful heart, and try and remember that when you're angry at another person, you have to try to see Christ within that person, and within yourself. I know, it's hard. And I know I fail at this, but I think little things, small steps eventually lead to big gains. I haven't seen "big" gains, but I hope I will in the future.
Always remember these verses
"A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back." (Proverbs 29:11)
WOW! Great verse, thank you for pointing it out. That's my next "too memorize" verse from the Bible. Thank you.
This is an especially nice verse from the book that teaches us how to be wise.
For NorthStar: There are many more good short verses in Proverbs. There are 31 chapters in Proverbs, if you read one chapter every day, and keep doing so every month you will have many nice verses easily memorized.
For QT_PA_2T: I know what you mean, I think someone insulting a loved one is one of the hardest things to forgive, and it definitely leads to anger. But it does not show weakness to be silent, rather it shows tremendous strength, and it gives the other person a chance to think about what they are saying and doing, and again the Lord set the example when He didn't answer Pilate, and it is written that Pilate marveled at Him.
But if the person who insulted your loved one is not inclined to reflect and repent, then follow this very good advice which the Bible gives, which is difficult to follow but it is right...
"14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse...17 Repay no one evil for evil...18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. 19 Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord. 20 Therefore
“ If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
If he is thirsty, give him a drink;
For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head."
21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." (Romans 12:14-21)
So do what good you can, and leave it to the Lord to repay.
Proverbs 22:24 "Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go".
If I am an angry man, am I not isolating myself from those around me?
James 1:20 "For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God."
If I am angry and guide my actions by my anger, I am not working the works that God intends for me; indeed, I stray away from what I am supposed to do in an attempt to fulfill my own desires and goals.
In dealing with anger...
Proverbs 19:11 "The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression."
God glorifies those who overlook the wrongs of others, who are not quick to anger. Do I not seek to be a child of God, to realize the potentiality of His likeness within me? If I wish to come closer to God, I must defer my anger, overlooking those things which may anger me, an anger which is unrighteous. If someone insults my family or friends, for example, and I cover this person's sin by my patience and loving kindness, I begin to come closer to the perfection which God has called me to. Do we not insult God and His creation on a daily basis? See how He forgives us and persists in His love for us. Are we, too, not supposed to be like God?
Ephesians 4:31-32 "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."
I am asked by the Lord to put my anger away, to treat others with love, forgiving them for the offenses that they have done to me and those around me. If I truly love my enemy, I will treat him as such. Remember, vengeance belongs to God and not to me. He will determine their fate, and I pray for their souls with love that they may repent and realize the error of their ways.
childoforthodoxy
[quote author=dandun146 link=topic=8083.msg103863#msg103863 date=1244239125]
Always remember these verses
"A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back." (Proverbs 29:11)
WOW! Great verse, thank you for pointing it out. That's my next "too memorize" verse from the Bible. Thank you.
lol.. Northstar..
Everyone loves that verse. Its even a verse used in the movie "The Godfather". Al Pacino tells his nephew "Don't ever show your feelings"..
I think his nephew was getting mad and wound up.
But I loved Child's story of the insulting and praising of dead people.. it was very beneficial.
As my last post was concerned primarily with determining whether or not anger was appropriate in a given situation, I see that many are seeking for specific Biblical verses.
Proverbs 22:24 "Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go".
If I am an angry man, am I not isolating myself from those around me?
James 1:20 "For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God."
If I am angry and guide my actions by my anger, I am not working the works that God intends for me; indeed, I stray away from what I am supposed to do in an attempt to fulfill my own desires and goals.
In dealing with anger...
Proverbs 19:11 "The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression."
God glorifies those who overlook the wrongs of others, who are not quick to anger. Do I not seek to be a child of God, to realize the potentiality of His likeness within me? If I wish to come closer to God, I must defer my anger, overlooking those things which may anger me, an anger which is unrighteous. If someone insults my family or friends, for example, and I cover this person's sin by my patience and loving kindness, I begin to come closer to the perfection which God has called me to. Do we not insult God and His creation on a daily basis? See how He forgives us and persists in His love for us. Are we, too, not supposed to be like God?
Ephesians 4:31-32 "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."
I am asked by the Lord to put my anger away, to treat others with love, forgiving them for the offenses that they have done to me and those around me. If I truly love my enemy, I will treat him as such. Remember, vengeance belongs to God and not to me. He will determine their fate, and I pray for their souls with love that they may repent and realize the error of their ways.
childoforthodoxy
That was beautifully written childofOrthodoxy.
I'm really glad I asked this question: at least we have some valuable material on tasbeha.org that will be archived for generations to benefit.
God bless u.
I think the proverb about "a fool shows his emotions" means that we should keep our emotions private. Not to reveal them easily.. whether bad or good emotions.
But isnt that a bit like being a snake? I mean, you feel one thing and you just suppress it?
Anyway, thanks for your comments. Its been really beneficial.
God bless
simple enough... just live with God, talk to Him and be with Him through tough and easy!
while you're talking to God, ask Him to comfort el homar, me! and to Guide me the right path...
akhadna el baraka... neshkor Allah!
Matthew 16:14-18 "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Moreover when ye fast, be not, as the hypocrites, of a sad countenance: for they disfigure their faces, that they may appear unto men to fast. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou fastest, anoint thine head, and wash thy face; That thou appear not unto men to fast, but unto thy Father which is in secret: and thy Father, which seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly."
For those who have just begun in their struggle of fasting in their lives, not only from food but also from bad habits, attempting to draw closer to God, the struggle seems to fare as difficult; I'm sure most of us can recall when we were younger and the Great Lent would be nearing... talk about disfiguring our faces. But simply because we struggle, are we to show that we are struggling? If I attempt to stifle the expression of a sin of mine so that I may do well, am I a hypocrite? A hypocrite would perhaps be the one who is upset and cover it up in hopes of later on gaining vengeance on whoever has wronged them.
The one who sets his foot on the path towards salvation indeed feels a strong change in his life... having repented, having turned his life around and setting his heart toward God, everything seems foreign. Simply because it is foreign does not make him a hypocrite to himself; he leads a life towards God. He is true to his Christianity, true to what he has been called to. When we start fasting, it is a struggle... when we tame ourselves and our minds over time, and fast in the proper manner, we look forward to the fast joyfully as a time to draw nearer to Christ. If I stifle my anger today, it is a manner of taming myself... it will be foreign to me initially, but my actions will soon be followed by my heart, which will seek to not simply cover up my anger but be in control of it, to obey the word that has been given to us, to become expressions of love in a world that is in much need of it.
Let us all set our ways towards Christ, leaving behind the old man and seeking to become new men, made in the image and likeness of God, redirecting our actions as well as our minds and hearts towards He who made us,
childoforthodoxy
I agree with QT, wouldnt hiding your emotions and feelings make you a "hypocrit" in some ways. if you are angry or depressed but you fool those around you with a smile or pretending to be happy. I am asking this question in general; even though from what I understand the verse is referring to not letting the anger come out quickly
Actually, I was thinking about what I asked myself - and I came to the following conclusion:
It is wise to suppress your feelings/emotions at time of anger.
Let's say someone really annoyed me, and I said something really bad to him/her in return. Let's say that my response was so rude and hurtful.
This rude and hurtful response was the product of me allowing my emotions to be executed. Suppressing them doesnt necessarily make me a hypocrite - it makes me wise as I am not making a problem worse, for it is also written in the Bible: "Do not repay evil with evil".
So, suppression of one's emotion(s) in cases of anger is quite good, and in fact, on the theme of Pentecost and gifts of the Holy Spirit, ONE of the many gifts of the Paraclete IS the gift of self control.
Some guy was driving and nearly caused an accident from his carelessness. I wanted, in my heart to just swear at him. But I suppressed that feeling,and after I calmed down, the anger left and I was really glad I said nothing.
So, to summarise, perhaps I was wrong in my initial analysis: its not really hypocritical. Its a virtue even to control your emotions.
Thinking something bad and not saying is not hypocritical. I think the guy driving was an idiot. Is it EDIFYING to him if I tell him he's an idiot?
Not really? But to be honest, when I am mad, I think of much worse things, so of course, nothing pouring out from a heart that is filled with anger will say anything edifying.
Pray for me
I agree, thanks for making it clear
Pray for me
Thanks.
I think it would be hypocritical if I said "I love my enemies" - but in my heart, I want them dead.
But if you think about it, when you're angry, you could say things u don't really mean... so by just controlling what you say, you've actually said what you've meant: which is not what you were about to say!
lol