[quote author=DimyanCoptic link=topic=8739.msg109657#msg109657 date=1264549439] Hello everyone, I have a quick question.
I am a boy, and I am interested in a girl that is in the same grade level as me, but she is 4 months older than I am. I know i still have time before i get married, but in general, is it wrong for a man to marry a women older than him? Just by that much?
GBU Antonious Dimyan
the church officially allows the lady to be 5 years younger or 2-3 year older. Of course the common guy opinion is that a girl can be older. Most priests i know allow 5 year both way.
I think it's more of a personalized opinion when it comes to matters as this. I've seen many excpetions to the 'age rule.' I've also heard that the Church allows up to 8 years [some might push for 10].
mina already answered you lol he said the girl can be 2-3 years older
btw my tita and gido are 12 years apart haha i know, crazy.. but i didnt know there was an "official" age limit, so like let's say the girl is 7 years younger than the guy.. the church won't allow it? where'd you hear about this "official" rule?
[quote author=Marmoura99 link=topic=8739.msg109661#msg109661 date=1264554344] Mina, i didn't know the Church had an official teaching about this...is there anywhere I can read more about this?
[quote author=minagir link=topic=8739.msg109659#msg109659 date=1264551243] [quote author=DimyanCoptic link=topic=8739.msg109657#msg109657 date=1264549439] Hello everyone, I have a quick question.
I am a boy, and I am interested in a girl that is in the same grade level as me, but she is 4 months older than I am. I know i still have time before i get married, but in general, is it wrong for a man to marry a women older than him? Just by that much?
GBU Antonious Dimyan
the church officially allows the lady to be 5 years younger or 2-3 year older. Of course the common guy opinion is that a girl can be older. Most priests i know allow 5 year both way.
so the church does not allow marriage where the man is older by more than years or if the girl is older by 8 years?
well...i said "Church allows"....meaning most Bishops and priests. I doubt it's a documented rule but if you search about HG Bishop Pola of Tanta you'll definitely find some answers.
Marriage, is never fully based on age; it's about maturity. back then it was more about the maturity of the girl, when men were raising a little differnt to become mature enough to hold a house on their own in an early age. but that is a little different now.
There is a difference between what the Church RECOMMENDS and what the Church ALLOWS. Let's be more percise with our words so as to not lead souls astray.
[quote author=the_least link=topic=8739.msg109714#msg109714 date=1264695614] There is a difference between what the Church RECOMMENDS and what the Church ALLOWS. Let's be more percise with our words so as to not lead souls astray.
yes. And that doesn't change what I said. If the church recommands it, she allows and accepts. When she allows, that is not necessarly recommands. Also don't forget I said according to some priests and bishops. That is because this is something that cannot be dafinite.
Anba Pola of Tanta said on his tv program on ctv that the church prefers a 5 years difference in age between the husband and the wife, being the wife younger. However, its not like its set in stone rule of course.
[quote author=Just Be Me link=topic=8739.msg109724#msg109724 date=1264729470] can someone answer this from a society/personal point of view? (not the church point of view i mean)
i am facing this same problem, except i'm the girl
the age difference between us is less than a year (me being older)
it's funny because my mom said that this will probably be a problem with his parents
it's not like it's obvious or anything, only a couple of months i look younger and he looks older
I think the girl being a few months older is not a big deal...it really depends on both the guy's and the girl's maturity level and their perspective on the matter. Will the relationship work out for them? And every one is different...maybe the age diff will bother some people but not others. Some people like the small age differnence, some people want a bigger one..like someone previously said, it's a preference. Also it depends on the age...if they're 20 well most guys are not yet ready for a relationship then, so being a few months younger than the girl they may want to wait a bit. Every case is different, we can't always generalize.
Another thing, I think the guy shouldn't be too much younger than the girl because that can cause some problems practically. First of all speaking from a female perspective, I think women looking for a relationship need a real man ("ragel" lol) and so if he's a bit older than her it seems to work out better because he might be more mature and experienced. This is not a stereotype or anything, it is what I heard in church that it is preferable for the man to be older and what i have seen to work out in marriages i heard of. Second, i heard many cases wehre the guy was younger and he would start to act up later on in the marriage, stupid stuff like taunting the wife and calling her "mama" (not just the normal arab way, this is actually like verbal aggression) and abuse and stuff. Some girls may also take advantage of this fact and be more controlling of their husband "well im older, you have to listen to me". In return the husband tries to assert his power over her (he cant use his age, so he uses other stuff like physical and verbal abuse). You might think it won't happen now, but when tough times come, anything can happen. I'm not talking a few months age difference, I mean like a year or more difference.
The best thing to do is pray and God will step in and arrange everything, His own way, at His own time.
If a girl is a couple of months older (or even a year or two), it's really not a big deal as some Egyptians make it out to be. The most important thing is that the guy and the girl (no one else) are both comfortable with it, then it's not going to be an issue. But if one of them is feeling uneasy then it will be a problem sooner or later. So basically it's not a big deal unless you make it one.
[quote author=minagir link=topic=8739.msg109727#msg109727 date=1264733582] [quote author=Just Be Me link=topic=8739.msg109724#msg109724 date=1264729470] can someone answer this from a society/personal point of view? (not the church point of view i mean)
i am facing this same problem, except i'm the girl
the age difference between us is less than a year (me being older)
it's funny because my mom said that this will probably be a problem with his parents
it's not like it's obvious or anything, only a couple of months i look younger and he looks older
may I ask why not consider the Church's?
because everyone has already answered what the church thinks-that's not the problem
thank you grace08-i liked your response
it is true-us egyptians make a big deal out of the smallest thing and i am not only talking about this topic
Comments
Hello everyone, I have a quick question.
I am a boy, and I am interested in a girl that is in the same grade level as me, but she is 4 months older than I am. I know i still have time before i get married, but in general, is it wrong for a man to marry a women older than him? Just by that much?
GBU
Antonious Dimyan
the church officially allows the lady to be 5 years younger or 2-3 year older. Of course the common guy opinion is that a girl can be older. Most priests i know allow 5 year both way.
btw my tita and gido are 12 years apart haha i know, crazy.. but i didnt know there was an "official" age limit, so like let's say the girl is 7 years younger than the guy.. the church won't allow it? where'd you hear about this "official" rule?
[quote author=Marmoura99 link=topic=8739.msg109661#msg109661 date=1264554344]
Mina, i didn't know the Church had an official teaching about this...is there anywhere I can read more about this?
I want to read about this too.
[quote author=DimyanCoptic link=topic=8739.msg109657#msg109657 date=1264549439]
Hello everyone, I have a quick question.
I am a boy, and I am interested in a girl that is in the same grade level as me, but she is 4 months older than I am. I know i still have time before i get married, but in general, is it wrong for a man to marry a women older than him? Just by that much?
GBU
Antonious Dimyan
the church officially allows the lady to be 5 years younger or 2-3 year older. Of course the common guy opinion is that a girl can be older. Most priests i know allow 5 year both way.
so the church does not allow marriage where the man is older by more than years or if the girl is older by 8 years?
Marriage, is never fully based on age; it's about maturity. back then it was more about the maturity of the girl, when men were raising a little differnt to become mature enough to hold a house on their own in an early age. but that is a little different now.
There is a difference between what the Church RECOMMENDS and what the Church ALLOWS. Let's be more percise with our words so as to not lead souls astray.
yes. And that doesn't change what I said. If the church recommands it, she allows and accepts. When she allows, that is not necessarly recommands. Also don't forget I said according to some priests and bishops. That is because this is something that cannot be dafinite.
i am facing this same problem, except i'm the girl
the age difference between us is less than a year (me being older)
it's funny because my mom said that this will probably be a problem with his parents
it's not like it's obvious or anything, only a couple of months
i look younger and he looks older
can someone answer this from a society/personal point of view? (not the church point of view i mean)
i am facing this same problem, except i'm the girl
the age difference between us is less than a year (me being older)
it's funny because my mom said that this will probably be a problem with his parents
it's not like it's obvious or anything, only a couple of months
i look younger and he looks older
may I ask why not consider the Church's?
Another thing, I think the guy shouldn't be too much younger than the girl because that can cause some problems practically. First of all speaking from a female perspective, I think women looking for a relationship need a real man ("ragel" lol) and so if he's a bit older than her it seems to work out better because he might be more mature and experienced. This is not a stereotype or anything, it is what I heard in church that it is preferable for the man to be older and what i have seen to work out in marriages i heard of. Second, i heard many cases wehre the guy was younger and he would start to act up later on in the marriage, stupid stuff like taunting the wife and calling her "mama" (not just the normal arab way, this is actually like verbal aggression) and abuse and stuff. Some girls may also take advantage of this fact and be more controlling of their husband "well im older, you have to listen to me". In return the husband tries to assert his power over her (he cant use his age, so he uses other stuff like physical and verbal abuse). You might think it won't happen now, but when tough times come, anything can happen. I'm not talking a few months age difference, I mean like a year or more difference.
The best thing to do is pray and God will step in and arrange everything, His own way, at His own time.
[quote author=Just Be Me link=topic=8739.msg109724#msg109724 date=1264729470]
can someone answer this from a society/personal point of view? (not the church point of view i mean)
i am facing this same problem, except i'm the girl
the age difference between us is less than a year (me being older)
it's funny because my mom said that this will probably be a problem with his parents
it's not like it's obvious or anything, only a couple of months
i look younger and he looks older
may I ask why not consider the Church's?
because everyone has already answered what the church thinks-that's not the problem
thank you grace08-i liked your response
it is true-us egyptians make a big deal out of the smallest thing and i am not only talking about this topic
biggad-bi na3mil mil il haba oba