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Living Single
I recently told my mum that I wanted to get a dog and live single in an appartment because I'm not up for a relationship. I am also not up for being a nun (although I wanted to be one earlier in my life). When I said this to my mum she said "No, you must get married."
I asked "Whats wrong with being single?" And my mum couldn't reply without mentioning 'what people would think at church and what family friends would think'
I just want to ask all of you whats so wrong about living a single life. I want to understand where my mum is coming from, but I can't be satisfied with an answer "what people would think".
I asked "Whats wrong with being single?" And my mum couldn't reply without mentioning 'what people would think at church and what family friends would think'
I just want to ask all of you whats so wrong about living a single life. I want to understand where my mum is coming from, but I can't be satisfied with an answer "what people would think".
Comments
I recently told my mum that I wanted to get a dog and live single in an appartment because I'm not up for a relationship. I am also not up for being a nun (although I wanted to be one earlier in my life). When I said this to my mum she said "No, you must get married."
I asked "Whats wrong with being single?" And my mum couldn't reply without mentioning 'what people would think at church and what family friends would think'
I just want to ask all of you whats so wrong about living a single life. I want to understand where my mum is coming from, but I can't be satisfied with an answer "what people would think".
Hi Adonijah,
That's really good in my opinion. I hate egyptian girls who just are so desperate to get married, they go man-hunting. I've seen it, and its ugly.
I think seriously, if you continue like this, you'll be the 1st to get married from all your friends.
And then my friend, you don't know whether or not you will fall in love and get married. You can never be sure.
You didnt have to tell your mother that. I mean, you could have just told her you want to move out and live with your dog without mentioning about not wanting to get married.
All moms wish their kids to get married anyway... so, you're sort of hurting her. That's not a bad thing at all, it means she thinks you are too good to be single!
But what exactly do you have against marriage?? I mean, why doesn't getting married appeal to you?
my personal method of dealing with it is to put it off [so that there is no constant bickering.] talking to your FOC would'nt hurt either lol. plus you never know, maybe marriage is for you, and you just dont know it yet.
If you are not in love with a man/woman, and you are not interested in marriage, then there's no point in just getting married for the sake of getting married.
Put it this way, unless is a woman is backward, egyptian and desperate, i doubt any woman would marry a man who says "I want to get married for the sake of not being alone".
Usually, they want to hear that you want to spend the rest of your life with them because u love them.
1. In deviance to parents wish to marry him/her off. Again the intention for your rebellion is important. If you are rebelling for the sake of rebellions or to assert your own right it wouldn’t be appropriate.
2. Narcissistic behavior that makes one inept to share his/her loves with a spouse and children through marriage.
3. Fear of the unknown that marriage is in no short supply of
4. And of course, the love for chastity and sacrificing one’s own life for the service of the Lord.
I am sure there are more reasons than the ones above. Anything that resembles 1 to 3 in my opinion should be quenched through prayer, fasting and advice from a father of confession. And anything that resembles 4 should be nurtured through prayer, fasting and advice from a father of confession.
Hope I didn’t offend anyone :)
In Christ
Theophilus
(I know am using the direct subject, YOU, but what i really refer to is everyone).
By deciding to live alone away fro them, this triggered their instincts to be very defensive towards this idea. They are still your parents; their responsibility even though you are old enough to take care of yourself (and this will keep going till their last day on earth).
Why not be single and just live with them?
How did you know I was Egyptian?! :D
I actually don't have anything against marriage; I think it’s a gift from God that a man and a woman can come together under this mystery and become one. I just don't think my personality/ character suits to it. I am really extremely independent more than anything else and I enjoy my own company and I love being alone, I feel its when I can truly shine.. And StGregorytheSinner stole the words right out of my mouth: I just don't see it [marriage] for me, I like to live my life in a specific way, and I don't like conforming to other people's way of life, even trivial things, like when to eat, when to sleep. GregorytheSinner, I share your "selfishness"!!! haha
I feel living alone gives me a freedom, like a spiritual freedom away from distractions so I can reach goals and serve the Lord in focus.
And I also think that I won't do my best/ be at my best living married but I will be at my best living single.
Theophilus, my intention is this, I want to put myself in the best possible situation that I know suits who I am and set this foundation on which to be the servant of the Lord without distractions and because I simply don't want to get myself into something I know I will not A++ it, but I know I will A++ it and reach many goals living single because I know myself. The way I see it is like this. Say I had a birthday party and invited my friend and one of them said well, I will try and make it but I have work and would have to cancel my shift and asks hesitantly "do I have to?". And say my other friend was over the moon and more excited than I was and she cancelled her shift weeks before just to make it. Say both of them end up coming, which one would you enjoy the company of and will laugh and smile more with? The one who was more eager to come of course!
I did talk to my FoC about this, and he told me to bring it up with my mum and see what she says. So I did and I got the response and I came here (of course). haha
Minagir, you are absolutely right, I understand now, I had a feeling it was because I am female! The answer to your question "why not be single and live with them" well because I don't want to trouble them or make them feel I need taking care of and I don't want to burden them, i.e. they see their first pride and joy still living at home at 21yrs of age without any intention to make something of myself and do much things with my life.
I think living single is a means to true focus, well for me it is.
But now I get why my mum is fretting over this.
There is nothing wrong with your wish to be single. You are happy with your own company. That's fine, and you do come across as someone independent.
But what IF there was someone that liked that? What if there was someone who could make you feel at home ? What if you met someone that really liked your company as much as you liked it?
All I'm saying is, YOU NEVER KNOW...
i had to leave home to study and i had 2 years in student rooms and 2 years living very happily with other single people.
that gave me a chance to learn important things like, everyone has their own ideas about cleanness and not everyone goes to bed early!
it helped to make me more tolerant when i got married, that i knew my family's culture was not the only one!
it will also help you if you later go to a monastery coz u need to be very tolerant for that.
i can't think of anyone in the Bible who lived alone.
Mabsoota all these people in the Bible lived alone:
Miriam was the senior sister of Moses, who helped her prominent prophet brother with some aspects of leading the people of Israel. Miriam helped organise Israelite women into the first choir recorded in the Bible.
Elijah became the most influential prophet of Israel after the Israelite monarchy was split into two kingdoms, the Kingdom of Israel in the north and the Kingdom of Judah in the south. Elijah was the national prophet to the northern kingdom. Elijah is distinguished as one of only two individuals in the Bible who went to Heaven without dying physically.
Elisha was mentored by Elijah, and he succeeded Elijah as prophet to the Kingdom of Israel. Unlike his predecessor, who was a man of the wild, Elisha freely associated with everyday people. His many miracles resemble the later miracles of Jesus. Elisha was probably the most Christ-like prophet of the Old Testament. He practiced New Testament virtues like giving your enemy food and water.
Jeremiah was specifically ordered by Yahweh not to marry. He preached for about 50 years, leading up to the destruction of Jerusalem by the Babylonian army.
Daniel was one of a handful of people in Scripture of whom nothing negative is said. Like Joseph before him, Daniel became a master of dreams with prophetic overtones. The book named after him has become indispensable to students and scholars of Bible prophecy. And children at church remember the story of "Daniel in the Lions' Den".
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, commonly known as "the three Hebrew boys" displayed brave and courageous devotion to Yahweh in the face of death by burning. The three youngsters were miraculously delivered by God from King Nebuchadnezzar's fiery furnace.
John the Baptist. John was much like Elijah -- removed from people and very pointed and confrontational in his preaching. His purpose in life was to prepare the nation of Israel for the arrival of the Messiah, and to introduce the Savior to the world. His greatest honor was to baptize Jesus Christ in the Jordan River.
The Apostle John may have been single, because there is no mention of his wife. He authored five books and letters of the New Testament, including the Gospel of John and the prophetic book of Revelation, the last book of the Bible. His main themes were truth, light, and love. He became known as the Apostle of Love. Before Jesus died on the cross, He left His mother Mary in the care of John, who became the last of the New Testament apostles to die.
Mary Magdalene was a single woman who supported the ministry of Jesus all the way. She was the first individual Jesus appeared to after He rose from the dead, and she was first to report the news of Christ's resurrection to the apostles. Some call her the first evangelist.
Lazarus and his sisters Mary and Martha were probably unmarried. These siblings remained devoted followers of Jesus Christ. Of course, Lazarus became famous as the guy whom Jesus brought back from the dead after he'd been dead for 4 days, the miracle which precipitated the arrest and murder of Jesus Christ.
The Apostle Paul was by far the most accomplished Christian of the New Testament, surpassing even the apostles who physically walked with Jesus Christ. He wrote half of the New Testament's 27 books and letters, and he became the most successful missionary and church planter. Without Paul, the faith that Jesus introduced would have probably remained little more than a sect within Judaism. Paul made Christianity a universal faith by taking the Gospel to the Gentiles.
Barnabas was the man credited with being the first to accept Paul, while the Church was still skeptical of Paul, who used to harass and kill Christians before he was converted. Barnabas mentored Paul, gave him credibility, and went with Paul on the first missionary journey, when the two men planted several churches among the Gentiles.
Timothy became Paul's most trusted spiritual son. Timothy was the biracial son of a Greek father and a Jewish mother. As a youth, Timothy became an able Christian leader, who pastored the famous Church of Ephesus, the same church pastored by John the Beloved, the same church where Mary the mother of Jesus was member.
Lydia was a wealthy business woman, who accommodated Paul and his missionary team in the city of Philippi, where Paul planted the most mission-minded church of his career. Lydia became a charter member of the Philippian Church, and she was probably a leader there.
And of course, Jesus Himself.
Mabsoota, although I think your suggestion is good, I just don't think its a good long term solution and still not suitable for me. You said it helped you out when you got married, but I have no intention of getting married or living a life in the convent, but I think it must have been a good experience for you.
Anyhow, I am beginning to think that people might be suspicious of single people or sympathetic for single people?! If that is the case, I objectively want to know why.
wouldn't work out and something else worked out perfectly! I wouldn't know; but hasn't that ever happened, where
something turned out really smoothly even though it didn't seem like it would; it seemed rare?
OK now I am starting to really think that people feel symathetic or suspicious of people who are single and intend to be single for the rest of their lives and that marriage is the be all and end all. If this is the case, why?
i think a good alternative is living with other single people, Christians if possible and ideally same sex.
i had to leave home to study and i had 2 years in student rooms and 2 years living very happily with other single people.
that gave me a chance to learn important things like, everyone has their own ideas about cleanness and not everyone goes to bed early!
it helped to make me more tolerant when i got married, that i knew my family's culture was not the only one!
it will also help you if you later go to a monastery coz u need to be very tolerant for that.
i can't think of anyone in the Bible who lived alone.
Yeah, I did that. Best time of my life personally. I really makes bachelor life wonderful. However, adjonha's problem is that she wants to be single.
That's not bad at all. I just think she is assuming no one would be interested in her lifestyle.
Some people don't understand this, especially parents, since they are already married.
It seems to me: being single does not allow for children (lots of people love children), parents say that being a parent is a great joy (even though I ask my mom if I am a pain to which she responds, yes but she still loves me and that I wouldn't understand exactly), being single and growing older may be lonely, and if someone decides at a specific age that they do not want to be married once they are at a different age they may change their mind but it may be past time.
These are some things I can think of sensing from others. It sounds typical, but may be part of a thought process.
Mostly, the reasons behind being single to some people do not outweigh marriage.
I have to say that marriage sounds hard. But being Coptic Egyptian, it is viewed differently.
Personally, I do not think that marriage is "the be all and end all" because I am in high school. But, if you ask an Abouna, for instance, his opinion would be...?
Was marriage always something holy? Or was the holiness bestowed upon it, when Jesus blessed it?
The Christian sacrament of marriage takes a universal human relationship and fills it with saving grace, but even in a secular form it is still a blessing for those who enter it with love and humility.
I would say about the single life that it is difficult, as difficult as marriage, and that just as marriage should not be entered into for selfish reasons, so the single life - as a determined vocation I mean - should not be entered into selfishly. Throughout Church history those who were not married tended to live within some sort of Christian community - not necessarily monastic, but Christian, because we do all need support.
In some parts of Europe - mostly Belgium and the Netherlands, beginning in the 14th century and lasting into the 20th century, groups of women came together to live a semi-monastic life while still working. They were called Beguines. Some would just share a house, and would have a life of prayer and regular attendance at Church while also doing work that fitted in with their role as devout Christians. Others lived in special areas of towns and cities which had many such houses and even their own Church. This was a successful way for single women to choose a vocation of singleness while also being spiritually secure within an intentional, but porous, Christian community.
I wonder if you could find some other devout Christian women to live with in such a way, so that you support and encourage each other's spiritual life, while also being of service in the world and engaging in daily work to provide for yourself.
As has been said here already, being single for a while is one thing, but being intentionally single as a life choice does seem to me to require some vision or goal to provide direction and meaning.
Father Peter
i didn't explain myself well in my post (sorry, writing while tired!)
what i meant was you don't hear of single people that they lived alone, eg Jesus was always travelling and His disciples stayed with him, also martha, mary and lazarus lived together, elisha had a servant, so also did not live alone etc.
it seems to me that living alone is a very modern, trendy idea, and i think you will miss all those opportunies to learn from others if you live alone.
you could maybe find other people who enjoy their space, and each have your own room etc, but who you could see occasionally.
I just need to find a guy that likes to answer lots of questions.