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Hitting Children
Should children be hit? If so, how? Where? and When? In what circumstances?
What ages?
The Bible says to raise your kid with an iron stick - what does that entail, and what should you do?
What ages?
The Bible says to raise your kid with an iron stick - what does that entail, and what should you do?
Comments
Idk what that verse means... but my parents took it WAYY too literaly
lol
hhahaha
Why im asking is I think at 2 years of age, Im sure they have no idea what they are doing. You can't just go off and hit kids. I think once they understand (language) and they understand u 110%, and then they disobey, perhaps.
What does everyone else think?
But having had the permission to hit children removed, we find we can cope ok.
As a parent I did slap a cheeky daughter once but the rest of my children have not experienced the paternal wrath.
So personally I can cope without hitting children.
However, judging from what the scripture says (Spare the rod, spoil the child) maybe I do have some spoilt offspring who care nothing for others and who don't work hard at anything. But even so a beating may have created a resentful attitude.
I think the whole tenor of Our Saviour's teaching would seem to indicate the beating approach only if absolutely necessary, and then in the spirit of 'this will hurt me more than it will hurt you.
I hope people will respond to this thread.
In Christ
I think that verse and others like it intend to instruct a person to chasten their child when they do something wrong, thus raising them in the fear of God. In fact, the Bible also says "Whom the LORD loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives” (Heb 12:5-6). So if our Heavenly father does this with us (obviously God doesn't physcially beat us up), earthly parents ought to do similarly with their children.
I don't think the Bible condones violence, being that we as Christians should always remember of what Spirit we are (Luke 9:54-56). Besides, by a person beating their child (even if they mean well), how are they teaching their child Christianity and what it means to be a Christian (which is one of the main responsibilities of the Christian parent). Never do we hear of our Lord Jesus Christ being violent, as we as Christians should always strive to follow His example.
Ephesians 6:4
And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
Galatians 5:19-23
Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, OUTBURSTS OF WRATH, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders,drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.
lets take the development stages (Erik Erikson , and see how it would effect the child... but remember by the way love is not how you give it, but how it is perceived by the person being loved!
1. Trust vs. Mistrust... its up to about eighteen months... in this stage the child learns to trust the parents or the one/s taking care of him/her, through being fed and what not... so imagine that child gets hit, do you think he/she will ever trust anyone after that?!
2. Autonomy vs. Shame... this is till three years... in this stage, the child learns to become more independent, or will learn to be more, and we will learn to have shame of things we do wrong... through which we grow our self-esteem... so how do you think the child's self-esteem will be if always hit, or told they are wrong?!
3. Initiative vs. Guilt... this is for three to five years old... in this stage we learn to be like our parents, we start making stories, we take an initiative in some situations, also guilt, we start feeling guilt for the physiological needs (playing doctor, they know its wrong, but yet they do it, but in secret)... so if you hit a child at this stage, don't you think the child will become more like you, aggressive and hits others... and will more than likely use that to overcome his/her guilt for these needs that their bodies need?!
4. Industry vs. Inferiority... six to twelve years old... we become more capable of doing many things, we become more industrial... but yet this is the time we start going to schools and such, so we need to overcome any inadequacy and inferiority... so imagine what you hitting your child at this age will cause to them? how it will ruin their self-esteem, and how it will ruin them becoming successful, because they will be inferior at all time!
5. Identity vs. Role Confusion... twelve to eighteen years old... through this stage, we try to seek our role in life, who we are, which is usually away from the family... if we think we found it, and try to go to it and are stopped, we go through role confusions... so if you hit your child, dont you think he/she will go through role confusion... but instead what if you talk to them... and set their goals to more of an acceptable views!
these are five of the eight stages... and you see how hitting your child through them it will ruin them, of course they can overcome it later on through psychotherapy and such... but why would you put your child through all of that?!
also can you get me where this verse of hitting your child with an iron rod is?!
neshkor Allah, akhadna el baraka!
I think I made a small mistake here.
I foolishly used the word "hitting" - when it should have been "spanking". Hitting sounds like abuse, spanking is what you do to children when they're about to put their hand on the oven after you've told them 100 times - NO - DONT DO THAT!
But the words "DONT DO THAT" mean what for a child who is 2 years old? Is it worth spanking them? Will they understand the words better if they are spanked.
I guess user00's comments are just: THe bible does mean to chasten a child so they are raised in the fear of God.
My question is so simple: does spanking them (so that they understand that something is BAD FOR THEM) make a difference to a kid who is 1 or 2 years old. Im sure you can all imagine what I'm talking about: NOT HITTING, but just spanking.
And then, isn't spanking them kinda stupid? Like, I'm worried that my son will burn his finger by touching the oven, so I'll go and spank him, and probably hurt him more than he would have been hurt if he had in fact burnt himself.
Even to chastise, i do not think spanking works. I think a good speaking to is important. Privately.
http://saint-mary.net/books/
that is the link go to it, you will see a section for Pope Shenouda III look for the title called How to relate to Children in the book he talks about the do's and donts about how children should be raised, and even spoken to. The book is under Homosexuality and the ordination of women, and it is above Life of Faith. Hopefully this helps you
the whacking did a couple of things.... first of all, i respected the heck out of my father. i rarely goofed off with him, disrespected him, or talked back. i feared him, both in a respectful, healthy way and a self-preservation way.
i really did have a great dad, but the discipline he used hardened my heart towards him for many years, and for a long time all i could think about was how strict and tough he had been from time to time, not about all the kind things he did, good values he passed on, or fun times we had.
i did grow up a lot more polite and respectful than many kids my own age, and i still call just about everyone "sir" or "ma'am" and tend to speak when i'm spoken to. on the other hand, i get scared and freeze up when my father-in-law or husband seems angry with me, and go into "scared rabbit mode" which can take a little while to come out of.
so psychologically, it's a mixed bag. i'm thankful for some of the outcomes of how my dad chose to raise us, and less happy with others. but you can't change the past, and in all i'm really glad i had my dad for a dad. i can see that more clearly now as an adult. i think if you do hit your kids, make sure they know why they're being hit, don't hit them just to let off anger, and don't go nuts on them. a whack or spank or two is plenty, they'll get the picture. balance love and firmness, and be a role model your kids can look up to.
basically it doesn't directly answer the question 'is it ok to spank a child?' because it's everything else about the child's life and education that's important. the book, or, rather, booklet (it is small and easy to read) explains how we must respect children and explain things at their level and play with them a lot and listen to them. it say we must discipline them when they do bad things, but the section on discipline is a only few lines in the many pages of the booklet.
i think if discipline is a few moments in a loving, caring, playing, teaching environment, it doesn't matter so much if you spank the child or just speak in a raised voice etc.
in my opinion (i have no kids but have taught sunday school and looked after other people's kids), you should only spank a child if he/she is about to do something dangerous like touch the oven when it is hot (and it certainly should not hurt as much as if the child touches the oven!) or tries to run across the road without looking. i think usually spanking is not needed and just raising the voice and looking scared should be enough.
i can't think of any reason why it's ok to spank a child over the age of 5, because at this time they can reason with you and you can punish them in other ways, like taking their favourite toy for a day/week (depending on how severe the crime is), witholding a favour like a trip to the park, or sweets after dinner.
i only once inflicted pain on a kid in sunday school. he was being very naughty and ignoring everything i said, and didn't care if i reported the matter to his parents. then he started to hit another child (he was 3) and i grabbed him around his arm firmly, so it didn't hurt if he stood still and listened but was quite uncomfortable if he persisted in running away and making rude faces. i raised my voice (the only time i had to do this in years) and looked straight at him and said 'you can NOT hit other children, that's very bad'. i held him 'captive' for about 2 minutes, till he looked upset (not actually crying) then i knew he got the message.
he was never difficult again in sunday school (well, he was a bit naughty like everyone else, but never really bad), and he seemed to really respect me after that. i made sure i always praised him when he did well or helped another kid, and he was relaxed enough with me to come to me with his theological questions ('so, where does God live?')
on the day i left that sunday school, as i was moving away, the other teachers made an announcement that i was leaving, and this kid (now nearly 5) put his hand up and offered to replace me! he was so sweet! i gently explained he would probably have to grow up a bit first, but after that he should be able to teach sunday school. he gave me the biggest smile ever.
so i think a bit of physical discipline works, but not the amount most of you describe as kids, and not slapping teenagers, i think that leads to violence towards other children as you can certainly reason with a teenager and hitting them really damages their self-esteem as they are trying to become (and be treated like) adults.
witholding favours seems to be the best way ('you can't have a sweet till you've eaten your dinner') although if you want to waste all your effort, threaten to withold a favour and then give it anyway! this results in really unruly kids!
so, the Bible doesn't forbid spanking, and we can use it sometimes, but i think we should work more on the other ways of education.
i think you're right about kids having more respect for adults who set guidelines and carry out consequences.
kids won't have much respect for an adult they can boss around and basically ignore.
I know many people who were so much hit by their fathers that they became scared of them. The relationship isn't normal. I hate that!!
I mean, now they are adults, they cannot talk to their fathers, and the friendship goes. The father just wants to be respected; and its on the consequence on his relationship with his children. That isnt right.
I will give you all a personal example. Growing up i used to be a little devil. i would always find a way to cause some sort of trouble to make someones life harder. Because of this i used to get the good ol Shib-Shib or even the belt if i was lucky. Now when i used to make trouble my dad would always be the patient one and tell me stop and just basically bear hug me until i calmed down; which usually set me into a mood of laughter and calmness. My mom would do the opposite she would usually get really angry and start yelling, screaming, or simply hitting. Now im not saying my mom is a monster in a deep murky basement, tied to a post by chains, waiting to feast on my little soul. no she was a very nice humble and generous mother, (just with a short temper). As a result later on in my life i grew closer to the one who showed me love, who joked with me, who played with me, and who didnt usually yell at me; my father. I am terribly sorry to say but its the truth; i grew a better relationship with my father, than with my mother. Even to this day my mother still gets angry and yells, but never hits. i wish me and my mom could build a better relationship but i guess thats how things worked out. My brother actually has a better relationship with my mom haha. But overall just remember, DISCIPLINE is a DRASTIC measure that should only be taken if your child goes on a rampage. Even still hitting him/her will only cause them "to fear you" as pope shenouda said in his book
Thanks for sharing this beautiful story.