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Having Difficulty Coping

IoannesIoannes
edited December 1969 in Personal Issues
I am having a difficult time right now. I feel as if the people at church are pushing me away.
They never call me anymore, they have birthday parties and do not invite me. Maybe I am a bit delusional, maybe I am not. I am back on my Lithium which is supposed to stop that, but I just dont feel anything is working to be honest. I dont want to go to church tomorrow. I am not sure what is going on in my head. I feel like I am screaming and nobody can hear me, I feel that nobody ever hears what the hell I am saying.

Nobody can know or understand bipolar's unless they are one. Abouna tells me not to stay home all day, because I am getting disability soon so I am not working, but nobody is ever around, they always have something to do. Nobody answers their phone or texts, not even on facebook. No other medicine has worked, and I have tried everything, if this stuff stops working then I am in trouble. I havent even touched my book I am working on because I cannot stop my mind, I am getting angry again, delusional, my mind does not stop. I feel actual hate for people, resentment.

I am so out of my mind right now. Is there anything that works for this? This is the lonliest disease in the world. And people wonder why manic depressives have such a high suicide rate.

Comments

  • peterfarringtonpeterfarrington
    Ioannes,

    I am praying for you, as are others here. And I will remember you at the altar.

    May the Lord have mercy on you and give you all that you need.

    God bless you

    Father Peter
  • John_S2000John_S2000
    Dear Ioannes,

    We may feel very lonely and neglected but we are not really alone: our Father is watching over us.

    Christ promised He is always with us so He is, but for some reason we do not feel Him most of the time or blind ourselves from Him. The devil fights us focusing on our beloved or our friends or our contacts to let us feel neglected, insignificant and forgotten. He also knows how to draw our attention away from Our Lord Jesus Christ. He does this with everybody.

    Everybody are busy trying to do what they must do, they may not find enough time for others when they need them, later they need to rest... humans are weak and limited but the Lord is always here.

    "Suffering is our teacher; we do not bring it on ourselves, but we courageously bear it, if we have to face it; as it is a source of much goodness. St. John Chrysostom"

    I have a suggestion: pray and ask the intercession of Saint Karas the Anchorite, he is a wonder maker and God made many miracles through his intercessions. Keep his photo or booklet close to you. Also ask Abouna to give you the Sacrament of Healing on a weekly basis.

    http://anchorites.tripod.com/copticanchorites/id9.html
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Karas
    http://st-takla.org/Gallery/05-Coptic-Saints-images/07-Coptic-Orthodox-Saints_Kaf-Kaaf-Laam/Christian-Coptic-Album_Saint-Karas-the-Anchorite-01.html#
    image

    May the Lord help you and heal you and His Name is glorified forever. Amen.
    GBU
  • IoannesIoannes
    Thank you Fr. Peter, it is always a special blessing to be mentioned on the altar of the Lord.
    I feel much better today, even though my wife crashed our car going to church. Actually she was trying to turn into church going 50mph for some reason and the car is not drivable, but everyone is ok.
  • DanieMDanieM
    Ioannes,

    I find that time is the only true way for people to change their minds about anything is time.
    do not let that put you off going to Church, you are there for the Lord, not the congragation, and the lord will never push you aside or ignore you. EVER.

    We are all praying for you, our dear brother. And hope that your wife is OK after her car accident.

    With much love, and prayers
    Daniel
  • seraphim mark
    Dear Ioannes,

    God bless you in your time of trial. The first letter of Peter chapter one talks about going through various trials before we receive our imperishable reward and the end of our faith, the salvation of our souls. Know that you are not alone and people are praying for you.

    I too have had a 'car crash on way to church' experience courtesy of my dear wife! Again, no one hurt (apart from bank balance)!

    Seraphim Mark
  • Abounasarecool
    hey,
    maybe you can try to keep yourself busy... try anything.
    Also remember this verse :"Do not sorrow for the joy of the Lord is your strength" Nehemiah 8:10
    please listen to some of these sermons:
    http://orthodoxsermons.org/search/apachesolr_search/joy
    http://orthodoxsermons.org/search/apachesolr_search/lonely
    i highly recommend this one : http://orthodoxsermons.org/sermons/coping-with-loneliness

    Dont give up dude... suffering is great for your spiritual life.
    & God is always with you...really. & during the hardest times God is with you
    the most.
    I will remember you in my prayers.
    & dont forget to pray yourself...pray until u feel better.
    God be with you
  • IoannesIoannes
    Thanks all! It is much easier when I have people to be around. The most difficult thing is knowing wether or not what I am thinking and feeling is real or a delusion. Manic depression seems to get worse as I age.
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