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Seclusion

IoannesIoannes
edited December 1969 in Personal Issues
For some reason I have been getting more and more secluded. To be honest, I cant stand life. And not in the sense that I want to blow my brains out, although it does cross my mind, but in the sense of the way life must be lived in order to survive. So I spend most of my time in my personal workspace or room, whatever. I do spend time with my son, but I hate going outside, unless it is to our 11 acres of woods, or a park or something.

I am really not sure what it is, but my hunch is that because I have a hard time fitting in with people, I become more secluded. I do have a couple very close personal friends and we work hard on our writings and such, but not much more than that.

I really dont know if its my disorder that is causing this or what. Does anyone else get this way? If someone thinks that maybe I am manic, tell me because nobody else seems to think its important to tell me that.

Comments

  • Supermike
    I at times tend to be on the quiet side and seek seclusion at times.  I am reading a book that is helping me out...called "Confident conversation"  by Mike Bechtle.  You can follow this link...

    http://www.amazon.com/Confident-Conversation-Communicate-Successfully-Situation/dp/0800732421/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1281416282&sr=8-1
  • servant33servant33
    I think I'm the same in a lot of ways. I have a very hard time socializing and I end up just giving up putting in the effort of fitting in with people. But I noticed the more separated I get from people, the closer I grow to God. But sigh, God wants us to love people as much as we love him - so we can't give up completely
  • peterfarringtonpeterfarrington
    I don't think that there is anything wrong with desiring seclusion, but it is most healthy when it is a desire for quiet with God and not simply a desire to avoid people in a negative sense or because we do not like them. There are also times when we are fragile and need seclusion to have the space to be healed.

    I wonder if the present Western world is not rather damaging to us, and we do need to retire into the desert from time to time if we are to have the strength to persevere. The quiet need not always be away from everyone, but many of us do watch too much TV, we do fill our days with loud music, we do keep ourselves always busy because we don't like to be alone. But if we discover God we are never alone, and time spent truly with Him helps us to better live with others.

    Perhaps we can ask ourselves if we 'need' the people around us, or 'love' the people around us. Of course it is possible to do both in a defective way. But to need those around us makes them object of our own desires, and makes it hard for us to be in solitude. To love them generously means that we are there for them when they need us, and we receive their love and friendship with gratitude as a gift, but we are not crushed when they fail us or let us down because we know that they do not belong to us, and we know that we belong to God.

    It is wise for us all to build some prayerful solitude into our lives so that we can spend time with God. It is healthy not to be always seeking to be popular or to fit in - of course this is not an excuse for being awkward. There is a spiritual desire which rises up in us to head into the desert, even the interior desert of our hearts, and meet God there. But we are not hermits and we do have other responsibilities as well. I visit my parents most days because they are my parents and I love them, not because I need their company to validate me. I go shopping with my wife, not because I enjoy looking at clothes, but because she is my wife. And in both of these situations, and every other, it is possible to develop an inner seclusion that is both aware of the people around us, and responsive to them, but also aware of God and standing in His presence.

    If we can be lonely in a crowd, well we can also be present to God in a crowd. And if we know and are known by God then we are never alone. Perhaps we need to learn to be present to God in all times and place. This does mean that we need to learn to be present to God in the first place, and for this, it seems to me, times of quiet and seclusion are absolutely necessary.

    Father Peter
  • IoannesIoannes
    Thank you Fr. Peter for your wise words. I have been doing alot of thinking, and I do believe I feel this way because of the fast paced western culture. Its difficult for someone like me to keep up, or even to understand what is going on. That on top of the fact that I am naive and stupid basically tells people to take advantage of me, and only adds fuel to the fire. I have been into the whole survivalist thing for a while now and hope to eventually retreat completely into the wilderness. Maybe I am just nuts, which is a good possibility.
  • mabsootamabsoota
    you're not stupid, like the rest of us u need time out sometimes.
    pls don't go into the wilderness, it's not the right time for that when u feel vulnerable.
    if God wants u there, He can lead u there at the right time, which would not be at a time like this.
    instead spend time praying from the psalms (eg agpeya) and listening to wise words from orthodox sermons and from your priest.

    also find out what calm activities people around u enjoy (eg grow flowers, walk the dog, clean the old neighbour's car etc) and find something that's not stressful to do together.

    eg if someone wants to go to a movie with u (i find movies such a waste of time!) u can compromise and do something else with that person in that time, eg make food for church, go for a walk in a calm location instead.
  • peterfarringtonpeterfarrington
    I find the US survivalist thing a bit too cranky, and it seems to me to rely on a non-Christian worldview. We don't need to do anything to survive in a true sense, other than remain as close to Christ as possible. Stocking up on guns and tins of beans seems to much like the man who built barns to store all of his wealth and then dropped down dead. Since we cannot add a day to our live it seems to me that there is not much value in a Christian worrying about tomorrow. When I start getting into politics and the social politics of the possible future I just get very annoyed for no personal benefit. Living today as a Christian seems to be already more than I can manage and is already more than enough to occupy my attention.

    But if we can become quiet people, without isolating ourselves from others, then this seems to me to be a good thing. We do need to be different, we do need to not go along with the values of the non-Christian and anti-Christian culture around us. We do need to be people who listen rather than talk, who obey rather than instruct, who seek for God in stillness and are able to offer stillness to others.

    Can we become simple people, quiet people, holy people without becoming cultish or odd. I don't mean odd in the world's eye, but odd in another devout Christian's eye. Such people don't judge others, but they live the life of Christ and witness to Christ by His presence within them, wherever they are. A simple, quiet, holy person can be in a youth meeting without making everyone miserable, but doesn't need to join in the games of seeking popularity, or flirting, or talking all the time. Such a person probably isn't part of the in crowd, but doesn't want to be part of the in crowd. He or she has discovered the sweet pain of being alone with God even in a crowd. A simple, quiet, holy person can be with God while doing the dishes or digging the garden. Find the people who also are looking for a place of quiet. Do those things which allow for quiet, a country walk with a few friends who don't talk all the time.

    We don't need to keep up with the Western culture. Indeed we can see where it is heading. We can be monastic in our living even while being in the world, even while married and with kids. Each one of us is called to be a monk in some sense, in the sense of being alone with God in the hidden place in our heart. Very often the world around makes this solitude difficult, but walking the dog can provide space, going to the shops can provide space, we don't need to make a big song and dance about a need to be alone. I used to enjoy driving to my last job each day as it gave me 40 minutes of time alone with God. If we want to be alone we will find ways to be alone, even having a bath or shower.

    Seek first the kingdom of God

    Father Peter
  • ilovesaintmarkilovesaintmark
    I always got the feeling you were out-going.

    You speak what you feel, and you feel what you speak.

    Just my impression.
  • George_Mina_Awad
    Ioannes, I think me and you have a ton in common.

    I feel the same way about western culture- and I was born here. And this society just seems so....vain. Looking at an hour's worth of a Facebook news feed always has me staring wide-eyed. I never really liked the emphasis on where they place their values and I often find their values to be hypocritical.
  • IoannesIoannes
    George, we prolly do have alot in common. I got a facebook account mainly to promote my book amongst Ethiopians, God willing they publish it and I am sure they will. I have to say it got absurd. I dont mean to pass judgment but I cant stand seeing some woman label herself Orthodox and then whore herself in a bunch of racy photos of herself. I have to delete them, otherwise I yell at them, not necessarily for what they do but that they claim they are Orthodox, just say your baptized Orthodox because clearly it means nothing to you.

    Your right on another thing George, this society is vain. It is so superficial here it makes me want to vomit, hate is the only word I can use to describe my feeling toward it. I dont trust hardly anyone anymore. I used to only trust Orthodox, but I have found still that I need to be weary with them too. But I still refuse to associate with, or atleast have close friends, those who are not Orthodox. I dont even hardly go out anymore, I just stay inside, read listen to Rachmaninov or some other great classical artist, and write. I only go out when I have to.
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