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How to overcome my shyness
HEELLPP. I have a problem. I don't know what's wrong with me but I get shy and especially at church. Well usually I am a normal happy person that can be crazy at times and really confidant and a person that heaps of people love to be around, this is usually when i am at school and at home. BUT when i am at church or with church people i suddenly go really shy and sometimes i am too shy to say hello to people, Thats a real problem, and its really horrible. How do i get rid of it. I really dont want to be a 2 faced person, and i am really sick of it but i dont know how to get rid of my shyness. Can anyone help me, or does anyone have the same problem. Does anyone have any advice. I really dont like having it and it drives me nuts coz i really wanna b a socail person but suddenly my bodies goes all shy by its self and i cant do anything to stop it. and i think it will b extremely bad if i dont reverse this now and then i cant reverse it when i am older. PLEASE even if its just a small bit of info please suggest it. thanks
Comments
i found that as a young adult, i tried really hard not to be shy and so became really loud and told jokes so that i could make friends. this is not the best way to handle it, though. it's best just to accept u r a bit shy, have a small group of friends and concentrate on other areas of your character, like being kind to people and not lying or gossiping.
now i accepted i am a bit shy sometimes and am calmer and happier.
in developed countries we are told all the time that we mustn't be shy, and all the comercials for alcohol or sexy clothes tell us that if only we drank this, or wore that, we would be happy and confident with a big crowd of loving, caring friends.
this is a lie. many people regret later the things they did when they were feeling un-naturally bold because of their clothes or because they got a bit drunk.
so shyness is like a preservative that prevents us saying something offensive or trusting someone who can be dangerous.
shyness isn't a big deal as long as you can work/study, meet 1 or 2 friends once a week, and do ordinary things like shopping for food and putting the rubbish (trash) out.
but if you get a panic attack everytime you leave the house, or u r already 25 and still can't say anything even in a small group of 3 or 4 people, then maybe u have a problem. your priest and doctor should be able to give u advice that is specific for you.
so may God guide u and all shy people. don't be in a rush to not be shy!
HEELLPP. I have a problem. I don't know what's wrong with me but I get shy and especially at church. Well usually I am a normal happy person that can be crazy at times and really confidant and a person that heaps of people love to be around, this is usually when i am at school and at home. BUT when i am at church or with church people i suddenly go really shy and sometimes i am too shy to say hello to people, Thats a real problem, and its really horrible. How do i get rid of it. I really dont want to be a 2 faced person, and i am really sick of it but i dont know how to get rid of my shyness. Can anyone help me, or does anyone have the same problem. Does anyone have any advice. I really dont like having it and it drives me nuts coz i really wanna b a socail person but suddenly my bodies goes all shy by its self and i cant do anything to stop it. and i think it will b extremely bad if i dont reverse this now and then i cant reverse it when i am older. PLEASE even if its just a small bit of info please suggest it. thanks
LOOK... i had the same problem. u think so much about what people think about u so look for a mirror and look at ur self and say i dont care what people think about me ( I'M WHO I'M BY THE GRACE OF GOD ) and ignore or dont think about what people think about u and u will be fine.
Please pray for me
actually that's not so strange.
in my work place i have to be very confident and tell people what to do (it's my job) but in church sometimes i have to make an effort to say 'hi' to people.
seriously it gets MUCH better as u get get older. i think 13 is the shyest age, then it gets better and better as u get older.
also i moved churches when i was 15 and now don't know a single person i knew then, but i do have lots of really wonderful friends. so maybe your teacher spoke the truth based on her own experience, but your life could be different, like mine was.
also nowhere in the Bible does it say 'you have to make good friends when u r young otherwise u will be sad all yr life'.
u know, my closest friends (apart from family) are those i met less than 6 years ago.
i remember one day when i was about 10, an old lady in church said to me 'school days are the happiest days of your life'.
i spent like 3 months being so sad that my life was going to be so miserable!!
it was NOT true. the happiest days of my life are when i am walking with God. so if u learn more about Him every day, it just gets better.
so really, don't worry about yr future, God has it all in hand :)
thanks for that both of u, but it still doesnt help because i am still a teen but like at school i am soooooo confident and out there but when i am at church and stuff it is really, really hard to get me to be the same as with at school. I am a lot of the time a loner in sunday school coz i am too shy to become friends with all the other girls. And what made it worse was that a couple of weeks back i had a sunday school teacher who said that u can make friends anywhere (e.g. school and work) but the ones that last are those from church and that really troubled me coz i dont really have many friends (even less of my age, a lot of my friends are sunday school servants but a bunch of them are not old, they are still pretty young), I barely have anyone from my church that lives in my area, they all live opposite to where i live, and i am not really allowed to go out with friends and all that that much coz my parents are over protective. but i really dont know what to do. i can barely get a few words out of my lips when i am shy. like its really horrible. i am afraid that if i dont get closer with the people in my age group and become better friends with them, it may continue to when i am older (that is if nothing happens until then like the end of the world or anything). I really want to stop being shy and start being more social and all that. Everyone at church calls me the quiet one coz i am too shy to say anything. yeh so if u can help a bit more, it would be much appreciated. thanks.
Hey "I belong to Jesus",
I'm not a teen anymore, but I know exactly what you mean! I understand the whole shy thing, cuz i am shy too, but definitely not quiet. I can talk...but when I have to actually approach people, then it becomes extremely difficult. And like you, I find it harder to do be social at church than anywhere else.
I spoke to my father of confession about this and he wanted to help me become more social at church, so he tried to get me to go to one of my church's meetings with people around my age. My response to that was shocking...i told myself there was nooooooo way i was going to do that. It was already hard enough for me to meet and talk to people, but to help myself by doing exactly what i DREADED was impossible!!
Anyways, long story short, i did go and met lots of people. Mainly i pushed myself to get out of my comfort zone and realized, in the words of my father of confession, "The worst that can happen is that you will stay the same as you already are," as opposed to the embarrassment and shame i was afraid of. It's still challenging, but at least I tried. And every time before i walk in i'm always nervous, as if it's still new, but I go to church first to pray for God's strength.
I hope this can sort of help or inspire you to at least try. I am sure you will be just as likable at church as you are at school. But you'll never know until you try. Really. And don't forget praying, God does wonders! God bless you, and you're in my prayers :)
Well I think there is a lot of great responses here but I'd like to add since I am pretty much the exact same as you..or was. I'm not a teen anymore either but I was probably the shyest kid EVER. Plus, I turn bright red if I'm at all embarrassed which made me more shy. So... I get it.
I think you can be more outgoing at school because you already have friends there, if you're amongst friends its much easier to be loud and talkative...at least this was the case for me, but at church I was always alone. One day a girl approached me (she is now my best friend) and that is how I was introduced to other girls and became a little less shy. BUT the real change happens from year to year. You start focusing on the real reasons you want to come to church (to grow spiritually, to hear God's word, to pray, to serve, to have fellowship) and you start to slowly become involved in church activities. Plus, as you get older, I think most people become more confident and hopefully, less concerned with what other people think.
Being involved in a church activity is a great way to meet people and in turn, become less shy as you become more comfortable. This is because your mind is focused on actually DOING something and you're partaking in a common activity with others-- instantly giving you something to talk about..for example.
All-in-all, I think MOST people feel shy at church, or "socially awkward" lol...seriously! I had this conversation with many people and they all felt the same way especially since my church has a very large congregation. Just hang in there and look for a way to get involved, even if it seems like something small and insignificant, you will be serving the Lord AND gaining fellowship. And like Mabsoota was saying...it will get easier! It just takes time and life experience... just DON'T STOP GOING TO CHURCH. This is the worst thing you can do!
SO finally, here's what I think you should do in a nutshell lol:
- pray about it
- look for some sort of activity, or even "prepare to serve"
- look for maybe 1 girl that seems just as shy or someone that seems friendly that you can say hi to
- push yourself even if you begin to feel embarrassed, people like those who are genuine
- keep going to church... it will get more comfortable.. I PROMISE!
take care dear,
mary
p.s. I'm still a quiet in some circumstances but that's just my personality :)
i want to add, u don't need to have friends your age :o
yes, i know it's a bit shocking, but it's fine to have friends who are 10 years older or even quite old.
i always used to hang out with older people, and i think i learned a lot from them.
now i am not so young, in my last coptic church (i moved house) my best friends were all much younger than me, my oldest friend was 9 years younger than me.
now i am equally good friends with someone who is nearly 15 years younger than me, and her mum, who is over 15 years older than me!
in fact i have very few friends my age!
the Bible doesn't say we must have friends our age, so i suggest you try to make friends with 2 or 3 people you feel comfortable with, and don't think about their age.
a good way to meet people is tidying chairs after church, or doing things in the kitchen.
then ask your parents if you can invite a friend round for coffee, and invite them for a chat or to do something together like making something for the younger sunday school children.
cya