So I have this friend (let's call her Sally and her sister Jane). Earlier, in the summer, Sally found out that her sister, Jane, was interested in a bad guy. This guy was into drug selling and gang related activity. After a little while, he wound up in jail. Jane still continued talking to him and wasted the money she earned at her job on paying for the phone calls. Later on, her friends found out. They tried talking her out of it but she wouldn't budge... Long story short-- she ended up not talking to any of them. Since her mom doesn't know the truth, she prevents Sally from hanging out with those friends, even though the problem was between Jane and them, not Sally and them. It's been a while since this happened, but its still haunting Sally because she knows others are suffering because of her sister's actions. Sally always says the truth will come out sooner or later but she doesn't know what to do. She fears telling her mom because she knows Jane will spill the beans on all of Sally's past secrets......... any advice ?
P.S.- i hope this isn't too confusing.
Comments
JANE is in a dangerous situation. She is essentially a child. As a child, she does not have the full ability to discern. She does not have the capability to raise herself from the mire of this terrible situation.
SALLY IS IN A PRECARIOUS SITUATION.
TELL THE PARENTS BEFORE SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENS.
I can write a long post, or just get to the point.
JANE is in a dangerous situation. She is essentially a child. As a child, she does not have the full ability to discern. She does not have the capability to raise herself from the mire of this terrible situation.
SALLY IS IN A PRECARIOUS SITUATION.
TELL THE PARENTS BEFORE SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENS.
Well i failed to mention that Jane has already stopped speaking to that guy, but the situation as a whole has ruined many friendships including ones with Sally and her friends because of the fact that Sally and Jane hung with the same crowd. The sisters' parents noticed that Jane hasn't been spending time with those friends and they have the wrong impression, thinking that those friends upset Jane when really they were just trying to help. Once they noticed this change they suspected something was wrong with "that group of friends" and now won't let Sally hang out with them.... Get it ?
unless the parents are really terrible (eg beating the kids or not letting the kids go to church), it's better to tell them. whatever 'secrets' sally has are probably not a big deal for the parents, and so she should either not worry too much or actually own up to some of them, and then (maybe next day, to spread the stress) talk about jane's issues.
like one day i tried to own up about what i thought would be a really huge issue (i loved a guy) with my mum, and she immediately jumped to the conclusion i was pregnant! it took ages to reassure her!
so like parents always assume the worst, like u looked at someone twice and they assume you're already pregnant, or u didn't come top of the class and they assume u failed the course.
so it's best if sally just owns up to the smaller things, so they can all stop worrying.
probably they already suspect there are secrets, so i think it's best just to come clean with the main points.
so she should pray, choose a good time (like after a good meal when she already helped with the washing up) and explain the problem. she doesn't have to even give all the details, eg she could say jane had a friend that this group of friends disliked and so jane broke up with these friends. but now jane has dumped the bad friend and it's clear her group of friends are actually people who are good at working out who is a nice person and who is not good to be friends with.
another thing that may work is for sally to ask for 1 or 2 of her group of friends to come round to her house and hang out with them in the presence of her parents (eg watch a saint movie or something in the living room while mum is tidying up or washing dishes) so that her parents can get to know then for themselves.
that way (if those friends are genuinely good people), her parents will see this and judge for themselves.
it's hard for parents to trust their teenagers without questioning when there are obviously secrets (and the other way round)!
God bless,
Chris