my life seems to suddenly revolve around christ more but it seems strange. i work andd usualy have an incredible like two weeks of amazing prayer and then make one big mistake and feel as though i ruined all my hard work and i have to start over then i will gonother week and do the same EXACT mistake
i have trouble taking to my father of confession because he is poor in the english language but my father won't allow me to visit any other churches because he says i must be loyal to my church
i want to stop doing this mistake because i understand its terrible
should i talk to my dad so i can find a new father of confession?
and should i feel this sense of pure loss like i lost all my hard work after i commit this sin?
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my life seems to suddenly revolve around christ more but it seems strange. i work andd usualy have an incredible like two weeks of amazing prayer and then make one big mistake and feel as though i ruined all my hard work and i have to start over then i will gonother week and do the same EXACT mistake
i have trouble taking to my father of confession because he is poor in the english language but my father won't allow me to visit any other churches because he says i must be loyal to my church
i want to stop doing this mistake because i understand its terrible
should i talk to my dad so i can find a new father of confession?
and should i feel this sense of pure loss like i lost all my hard work after i commit this sin?
I bolded some important points you made
how old are you? (i feel like this should be a requirement on the forum, like right under the name should be age)
from what you have written it seems like you are looking at things the wrong way. "your hard work" is exactly the problem. let God do the work for you! in the words of HH Pope Shenouda "if i knew how to remove the love of sin, i would have done it long ago, O God take away the love of sin".
The fact that you want to stop is a good beginning, but that wont get you very far if you do not ask God for His Grace through repentance and confession.
Regarding your father of confession, why dont you just talk to him? tell him what problems you are having and he will help you. Just because he's not the best english speaker doesn't mean he cant help you! and always pray!
please pray for me
2. Remember God loves us even when we are sinners. We love Him because He loved us. God hates sin not the sinner.
3. Don't try to impress God. Instead be impressed by God's love and you will feel free and comfortable.
4. Confession is a Sacrament that is to be done a million time unlike Baptism because it is human to sin.
5. Having said this don't try to underestimate the power of sin and the consequences it could bring both eternally and on this earth too.
6. Confession is done in the heart not by lips. Make sure that you confess sincerely not just to feel relief.
7. Believe me that this sin you are struggling with will be like unimaginable sin a few months after you truly keep yourself closer to God.
"Prayer is not measured by the degree of comfort one recieves, but rather the toil he goes through."- Anba Yoannes al Gharbaya
As far as your going to another church, your father is mostly correct. You should remain loyal to your church, regardless of the circumstances, but there's nothing wrong with going to see another priest once a month or so to confess. People always feel limited to who they can confess because they think they have to confess to the priest in your church. That's not true at all. If you have a good relationship to a priest in another church, there's absoulutely nothing wrong going there to confess.
you see, we think all our "hard" work is gone once we sin, its the same as saying you go to school, do all your homwork and studying, but you miss one assignment, so you give up, and drop out! does that make sense?! of course not... you miss an assignment, you go try to make it up so you can pass school and get your degree!
if your father of confession does not speak your language, then freely switch him, it does not have to do anything with being "loyal" to church, if you cannot be guided to God... worry about you spiritual life more than anything in this world... but until you find a new father of confession settle with the one you have.
how old are you? (i feel like this should be a requirement on the forum, like right under the name should be age)
i am 18 :)
it's a viscious circle really.
but think about it, benjaminjoshua23, if you were to go for weeks praying and being with God, then you'd ultimately be a perfect man, unmoved by the world. but we're sinners, we're humans. the knowledge of evil is continually in us, and the love of sin doesn't easily go away.
one thing that helped me is knownig that those weeks/days of spiritual lows are God testing my genuiness. if i am truly serious about my spiritual life, then i won't let any little distraction such as a sin which God's infiinite mercy can erase, take me away from Him.
That's the devil tricking you into thinking you're not good enough in God's eyes, so you just give up your prayer. Make sin your motivation to get right back up. Devil's a smart guy, but you're smarter.
Devil's a smart guy, but you're smarter.
Are humans smarter than the devil? even monks are tricked by the devil many times. Only God's mercy will pluck us from the devil's trap.
We sin everyday and God erases it completely if we truly repent. ........
then make one big mistake and feel as though i ruined all my hard work and i have to start over
and should i feel this sense of pure loss like i lost all my hard work after i commit this sin?
+ You don't have to start over. It's like saying to a best friend of 5 or 10 years "I did this mistake and I can only say sorry and do all I can to make it up to you, but let's just forget about our relationship and just start over like I never knew you."
Why would anyone want to start over when the friendship has already been through so much good and a little misunderstanding times? Just as there is a history with a friend, you also have a deep 'history' with God.
God still 'remembers' you and 'remembers' your prayers, you haven't ruined it or lost it. All it needs, as stated before, renewal and reconciliation through repentance and confession, because sin separates us from God (or rather we go a few steps back in our spiritual struggle).
Don't be deceived. The feeling of 'pure loss' is another lie from the father of lies - satan.
[quote author=binC link=topic=12573.msg147645#msg147645 date=1321521535]
[quote author=peter_saad link=topic=12573.msg147606#msg147606 date=1321487531]
Devil's a smart guy, but you're smarter.
Are humans smarter than the devil? even monks are tricked by the devil many times. Only God's mercy will pluck us from the devil's trap.
*but you're smarter ..with God. When Saint Antony was tempted by the devils he said, "Why do you trouble me, I am weaker than you all."
[quote author=✞SuperMAN✞(BAM)✞ link=topic=12573.msg147595#msg147595 date=1321471425]
if your father of confession does not speak your language, then freely switch him, it does not have to do anything with being "loyal" to church, if you cannot be guided to God... worry about you spiritual life more than anything in this world... but until you find a new father of confession settle with the one you have.
It depends on how long you have been confessing to your current confession father. If it has been a few years, stick with him. If it has been only for a few months then you are welcome to search for a confession father you feel comfortable with and stick with him! It's good you care for your spiritual life, but changing your confession father you've been confessing to for a few years isn't recommended:
11. The spiritual progress war:
The devil may make you over-anxious about your spiritual progress. “You are not making any progress, change your Father in confession,” he whispers in your mind. What we don’t know is that God hides from us the fruits of our strife, even unto the last day of our life. He does this out of love for us, for if we see results, we will immediately attribute the results to our own piety and not to Grace, and thus lose all what we gained from our strife to pride and self-righteousness. When the Lord brought Israel into the promised land, He told them “The LORD thy God will put out those nations before thee by little and little: thou mayest not consume them at once, lest the beasts of the field increase upon thee.” (Deut 7:22) The Fathers explain this to us by saying that these “nations” symbolize our sins. The Lord does not want to destroy our sins quickly, lest the beasts of the field, pride and self-righteousness, increase in us and devour us.
The Lord also gave us a parable that we should not expect to see results for our strife, “And he said, So is the kingdom of God, as if a man should cast seed into the ground; And should sleep, and rise night and day, and the seed should spring and grow up, he knoweth not how.” (Mark 4:27) If you have a house plant it will grow every day, but if you try watching it to see if it grows, can you see it? So it is with your spiritual life, do not expect to see results because God hides the results from us for our own good."
(Practical Spirituality according to the Desert Fathers by Father Athanasius Iskander, pages 45-46)
http://www.stmaryscopticorthodox.ca/content/books/spirituality.pdf
A sin is a sin, and any confession father most likely understands what type of sin you say.
[quote author=benjaminjoshua23 link=topic=12573.msg147569#msg147569 date=1321411148]
feel as though i ruined all my hard work
I have done nothing good in Your sight, but, because You are compassionate, grant me the power to make a start. -Theodoros the Ascetic
God is the True Vine, we can only bear fruit in Him. Our 'hard work' is nothing without God. Our prayers, our careers, our relationships are nothing without God.
When we can say we are truely nothing without God, our lives will follow and depend on His almighty Hand in everything.