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Personal Sensitive Issue, I need your help please, I can't sleep

hany58hany58
edited December 1969 in Personal Issues
Hi All,

Please don’t reply to this post if you haven’t yet graduated, it’s a sensitive topic & I need mature answers. Sorry for saying that bluntly.

I apologise about bringing this up & talking about it, but it pains me so much & I just can’t stop thinking about it. It’s on my mind all the time.

I & my fiance love eachother dearly, God blessed both of us with a fantastic relationship full of blessing & we’re extremely happy together. A few days ago, she told me that she wants to tell me about a secret in her life & that she didn’t know how to open the topic with me. She also said that she has to tell me because she can’t hide anything from me because she loves me so much.

Then she told me that a few years back (when she was at university) she liked a guy from church, & they kissed, but nothing more physical happened more than that.  But this relationship ended & she really regrets knowing this guy one day. She also confessed to her father of confession about what happened.

I honestly totally forgive her, & I will never change the way I look at her, but it just pains me so much to imagine that one day a guy kissed her. This is because I truely love her & get jealous about her. I just don’t know how to extract that pain out of me. I just can’t sleep since she told me.

Can you please help me? Is there anything is can do? She is honestly the reason I’m living & I can’t love anything in life more than her.

Comments

  • ophadeceophadece
    Dear baladoos,
    You're someone I respect so much and I pray that what I'm going to say now is really gonna help you through the Holy Spirit, so please you too pray..
    my personal opinion is this, a bit psychologically, your fiancee didn't open up before about this, but now she did.. that in itself as you did say shows how much she loves you.. this also means that she's getting out of her selfish motives, and delivering to you her secrets and feelings even though others may take the excuse such things are irrelevant anymore, that is in the past. Now a question you should answer to yourself is how long is it till you get married? It seems to me not too soon so she's paving the road for success long time before the marriage.. even if it's not so long to go, it seems she wants to pay every price she has to keep your relationship together.. THIS IS A LADY TO HANG ON TO WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND TO REPAY HER YOU SHOULD PRAY AND DO EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN TO FORGET SUCH A SECRET. It's bound to affect you in the future at any point in time if you don't completely resolve this issue by forgetting.. God bless you and you both please pray me and my wife
    Ekhrestos anesty
    oujai
    ps: sorry editing from the mobile is difficult but I hope you completely understand..
  • hany58hany58
    Dearest Ophadece

    I honestly don’t know how to thank you enough for your kind & mature words. I admit that you made my day & made me feel a lot better. You’re right in everything you said. She is a fantastic girl & God knows how much she means to me & how much I truly love her. I just can’t thank God enough for sending her to me. You’re right, we’re not getting married for another year at least, & I can really feel how much she values me & tries her very best to always pave the road for success of this relationship. I will do everything to forget about this totally, I need the prayers of great friends like you because I’m a weak sinner. once again....thanks so much for the great words that are full of wisdom. May the Lord protect & be with you & your wife.
  • ophadeceophadece
    Thanks baladoos, please keep us in your prayers always too, so that we pray for each other..
    oujai
  • ShareTheLordShareTheLord
    [quote author=baladoos link=topic=14431.msg164665#msg164665 date=1369005131]
    I will do everything to forget about this totally, I need the prayers of great friends like you because I’m a weak sinner. once again....thanks so much for the great words that are full of wisdom. May the Lord protect & be with you & your wife.


    Just thought to give my opinion on a small detail. Don't simply try to forget about it, because somehow it will come up again. Do your best to accept it. Accepting it is what will make you forget about it, and accepting it is what will make you ok if you ever hear of anything that would remind you of that fact. I believe you should take your time to teach yourself to be able to say 'She kissed another man in the past but she was honest with me, straight with me and she definitely didn't want to hurt me, so I'm fine with it.'

    I pray for both of you to have a blessed engagement period, and a prosperous life in the Lord.
  • mabsootamabsoota
    personally i would get married sooner!
    but, seriously, though, i agree with ophadece. we all sin and we all need to forgive.

    i really admire how people can have quite long engagements and not have to rush into getting married.
    i was much less self controlled when i was young and had only a few months' engagement (got married age 22 while studying full time!)
    :o
    so, don't follow me!
    thanks to God, i am still married to the same guy.
    ;)
    and i suppose it was a bit different coz we were from different countries, he had a short term visa etc. so we had other reasons to rush it.

    by the way, getting married to someone from another country is only recommended if you are really good at compromise and have massive patience...
    8)
  • hany58hany58
    Thanks a lot to everyone that replied, you're making me feel so much better :-) Thank the lord for everything, I will take your words into account, It is just hard sometimes, but I'm sure that God will help :)
  • hany58hany58
    Anymore replies? Opinions?
  • ReturnOrthodoxyReturnOrthodoxy
    I;m not graduated yet, but I have some things to say which you can take or leave. But I will allow you to make the decision whether you want to hear it or not.

    God Bless you,

    Ray
  • hany58hany58
    Sure thing, please post it, I want to hear it
  • ZoxsasiZoxsasi
    Khristos Anesty,

    I think someone's past is really none of anyone's business. Is it? What's your business is if she regrets her past and has repented and confessed it.

    I do not know why you are saying that you have forgiven her? How did she sin against you?


  • hany58hany58
    That's a good point actually, thanks for sharing that. I guess I'm just reacting strongly about it that's all
  • ZoxsasiZoxsasi
    [quote author=baladoos link=topic=14431.msg164764#msg164764 date=1369270136]
    That's a good point actually, thanks for sharing that. I guess I'm just reacting strongly about it that's all


    Why is that? Why are you reacting strongly about that?

  • hany58hany58
    I don't know why I react strongly about it, I just love her so much & I get extremely jealous. I spoke to a number of people that I trust & they all said the same thing that past is past, but it's an annoying feeling that I feel every now & then....it sometimes makes me unable to sleep well & causes me to be anxious. I know that I need to learn how to forget the past & not make things big when they’re actually not....I totally understand that a kiss is not really a big deal at all & that it’s fantastic that she is still holding her purity until now. I just don’t know what is wrong with me......
  • guy
    My blessed brother Baladoose

    I am happy that you are having an honest relationship with your wife. I can imagine that people wish to have a relationship like yours and your beautiful wife( im assuming she is beautiful). Be thankful that she is a virgin (i hope she is) before you married. Because this is the true breaking point and can have a major affect on the wedding and the guilt carries on for the rest of a persons life. I pray for both of you, I am not saying that kissing is a bad thing, but i have heard of girls who have kissed other boys, who had no intention of marrying them.
  • Khas.
    At least it was only kissing and not something else. The fact that you found guys found eachother, like stop damn complaining and accept it. I've already accepted that I'm a hopeless freak that will never have a girlfriend, wife, or any sort of intimate relations because I simply suck at life.

    Dude, just be happy, for Christ's sake! I know it's hard, but be happy, it took me years to just accept my fate of no-life, please don't be like me. I was in depression for years (I think I am still in the same depression even now).

    PLEASE MAN, be happy. 

    SERIOUSLY!!! There's no need to be upset... OMG, LIVE IN THE PRESENT MOMENT. Go read Sam Harris, Carl Sagan, Stephen Hawkings, Stephen Pinker! GO NOW, you'll find the solutions :3.

    GO!!!!!!111one
  • egyboyegyboy
    Thank God that you have an honest fiance who loves you enough to tell you the truth about her past. We have all done stupid things in the past that we regret, but it takes a courageous and strong woman to admit it to her future husband. As you said, she has repented and has confessed this sin. St. Paul said, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church" Eph 5:25. So Christ has forgiven her and wiped away her sin, so you also being the future husband, must forgive her and wipe away her sin from your mind.

    Please pray for me and my weakness.
  • ReturnOrthodoxyReturnOrthodoxy

    Go read Sam Harris, Carl Sagan, Stephen Hawkings, Stephen Pinker!

    Ummm, no.
  • pharoh123pharoh123
    [quote author=So Minute, So Lonely, So Blue, So Upset; Unable to Hold On! link=topic=14431.msg164841#msg164841 date=1369762848]
    Go read Sam Harris, Carl Sagan, Stephen Hawkings, Stephen Pinker! GO NOW, you'll find the solutions :3.


    Aren't those 4 all hardcore anti-theists and many of their books/essays revolve around promoting atheism?
  • Khas.
    They're works are amazing! I can't believe who cannot read them... I envy the strong that could read all their works and still remain a theist.... because he or she will learn so much and be so opened and still be true.

    There's no problem reading anything by those writers.
  • jojo204
    [quote author=So Minute, So Lonely, So Blue, So Upset; Unable to Hold On! link=topic=14431.msg164850#msg164850 date=1369798529]
    They're works are amazing! I can't believe who cannot read them... I envy the strong that could read all their works and still remain a theist.... because he or she will learn so much and be so opened and still be true.

    There's no problem reading anything by those writers.

    "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful..." - Psalm 1:1
    ^There's the problem...

    Their 'knowledge' is not the best. Learn from people who are wiser than the world, like Christ and the Saints for example. Learning, being open and true doesn't come from Atheist sources... there are other ways.
    You can learn through prayer and Orthodox books, open yourself through God, be true by believing what God has already done in your life.
    Reading writings such as these are only for a few who are given their duty and ability by God.
    So as R.O said, 'no', please do not read them.

    (sorry this is off-topic, just thought this needed to be addressed).
  • ZoxsasiZoxsasi
    [quote author=+iloveJesus link=topic=14431.msg164895#msg164895 date=1370000530]
    [quote author=So Minute, So Lonely, So Blue, So Upset; Unable to Hold On! link=topic=14431.msg164850#msg164850 date=1369798529]
    They're works are amazing! I can't believe who cannot read them... I envy the strong that could read all their works and still remain a theist.... because he or she will learn so much and be so opened and still be true.

    There's no problem reading anything by those writers.

    "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful..." - Psalm 1:1
    ^There's the problem...

    Their 'knowledge' is not the best. Learn from people who are wiser than the world, like Christ and the Saints for example. Learning, being open and true doesn't come from Atheist sources... there are other ways.
    You can learn through prayer and Orthodox books, open yourself through God, be true by believing what God has already done in your life.
    Reading writings such as these are only for a few who are given their duty and ability by God.
    So as R.O said, 'no', please do not read them.

    (sorry this is off-topic, just thought this needed to be addressed).


    I think anyone who quotes Psalm 1 is very wise (by the way).
    You are officially a wiseman in my book!
  • Khas.
    But they're ideas are beautiful. Come on, obviously stay way from their anti-theism writings but... science!
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