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Need someone with the gift of healing but can't travel to egypt to find one
I ask for prayers to exercise this demon that does things against my will. When I am in the library or train I feel like disturbing people and saying things out loud.
I am someone with almost no attention span in lectures I can only learn from books. I understand absolutely nothing in lectures. Other people probably think I am retarted or a moron. I can not find things to talk about which is why I even hate skype meetings with my professor
I don't want to hurt people please help or find me a healer I can visit or contact
this demon always want to accuse people of wrong even just leaving their seats or talking
I leave uni to not allow this demon to talk but then I go home to do nothing
I just want to study and focus in peace
edit: I however have no problem with listening to spiritual talks why is that?
the material at university is not actually hard sometimes I have done the subject before and I know the stuff well but I just can't understand when the lecturer is talking about course work
I am someone with almost no attention span in lectures I can only learn from books. I understand absolutely nothing in lectures. Other people probably think I am retarted or a moron. I can not find things to talk about which is why I even hate skype meetings with my professor
I don't want to hurt people please help or find me a healer I can visit or contact
this demon always want to accuse people of wrong even just leaving their seats or talking
I leave uni to not allow this demon to talk but then I go home to do nothing
I just want to study and focus in peace
edit: I however have no problem with listening to spiritual talks why is that?
the material at university is not actually hard sometimes I have done the subject before and I know the stuff well but I just can't understand when the lecturer is talking about course work
Comments
I think it is a side effect of antipsychotic medication or because I have schizophrenia maybe
I get bored very easily I thought antidepressant Effexor might help me with that and it has a little but it seems to be a spiritual issue also
I think I am bored easily because I depleted serotonin from my sins which I have stopped for 2 months now
It takes too much effort
I have ADHD and racing thoughts therefore it won't work for me it seems
I can discipline myself through fasting and prayer if I stop delaying the practice and find a solution to practice and being able to fight my fears of the practice
Ray
I don't want him to think study is not important to me he wants to see me think about work all the time
Or could bible reading in uni increase my trouble ? But I meant at home anyway
I want to tell him I don't think it will get better and if you don't want to help me anymore you don't have to but I might say it tommorow instead to give me time to think and to hear a reply from you guys
I am doing this in contempt to Gods abandonment
My dad will be upset as he put a lot of money into this but if God is going to treat me like this all in opposition to everyone else's will even my parents then so be it I should leave everything for the gospels sake
What you think about becomes you I think on God and it is where my passion lies
Noone can serve two masters either he will hate the one and love the other
My father has chosen mammon and persecuted me all the time when he sees me fearing God and reading the bible instead of working. He used to pressure me to work with him in his shop. He also gets frustrated when I don't know where I am and knowing streets of the road or listening to the news
I need God to prove this is happening for the gospels sake and not because I have brought this sickness on myself
I am not going to let these problems destroy my career or finishing university
when you have problems with your mental health, you need to remember that other people usually know what is real and what is not real better then you, so you should listen to your dad and your tutor.
did you speak to your priest? maybe your priest and your dad can work together to help you to go to church and take Holy Communion and also do the other things you need to do too, so that everything has its right time.
I wonder if I have bipolar mania I thought they accomplish alot but I remember one of their symptoms was lack of focus I am going to search the definition again
I am afraid of being put on lithium
Then I started being a trouble maker on the train
They might kill me or others on account of me
I thought they were my friends it was all fake
"What are these wounds between your side? Those with which I was wounded in the house of my friends" I thought they would respect me but they give me wolf death stares
Mark 12
New King James Version (NKJV)
The Parable of the Wicked Vinedressers
12 Then He began to speak to them in parables: “A man planted a vineyard and set a hedge around it, dug a place for the wine vat and built a tower. And he leased it to vinedressers and went into a far country. 2 Now at vintage-time he sent a servant to the vinedressers, that he might receive some of the fruit of the vineyard from the vinedressers. 3 And they took him and beat him and sent him away empty-handed. 4 Again he sent them another servant, and at him they threw stones,[a] wounded him in the head, and sent him away shamefully treated. 5 And again he sent another, and him they killed; and many others, beating some and killing some. 6 Therefore still having one son, his beloved, he also sent him to them last, saying, ‘They will respect my son.’ 7 But those vinedressers said among themselves, ‘This is the heir. Come, let us kill him, and the inheritance will be ours.’ 8 So they took him and killed him and cast him out of the vineyard.
9 “Therefore what will the owner of the vineyard do? He will come and destroy the vinedressers, and give the vineyard to others. 10 Have you not even read this Scripture:
‘The stone which the builders rejected
Has become the chief cornerstone.
11 This was the Lord’s doing,
And it is marvelous in our eyes’?”
12 And they sought to lay hands on Him, but feared the multitude, for they knew He had spoken the parable against them. So they left Him and went away.
I think I had a period like this before, and I felt very isolated and had a sense that there was nobody else on earth who was experiencing what I was experiencing and that nobody would understand what I was going through. I felt that all thoughts going through my mind, especially to take actions that I thought were intimidating or challenging to me (reminiscent of your feelings to speak out loud, to make disturbances on the train, etc.), were directly from God and had to be acted on immediately because if I didn't do these sometimes rash things that this would mean I distrust, disobey, and undermine God's supposed words to me through my thoughts. The fact that these actions were intimidating meant that God was testing me to see whether or not I would obey Him, which was part of the reason or main reason why they were so attractive and were compelling. If I did them, I felt a high from the sense of accomplishment I had for proving that I could overcome myself and do things I would not otherwise do for the Lord's sake. In my mind I was losing my ego and working harder to be in complete submission to the will of God. So, at times I would do things that were not really normal and would justify these things by saying that God asked me to do this . . . God is with me, and I will succeed. In my mind, I thought that I was taking the example of saints. They were willing to go through intimidating things in order to please God and work to do His will in their lives. Why wouldn't I be expected to do the same?
I would go to my father of confession and try to express these things. But for some reason, I wouldn't feel that the right words to express what I was going through came out. And I would feel a little bit of peace after confession and then the anxieties, thoughts, and loss of peace would come back and once again convince me to follow them. (The fact that I would lose the peace did not deter me because I was willing to sacrifice my peace now in order to please God and have everlasting peace with Him.) I would feel that either my father of confession misunderstood me and was therefore giving me inaccurate advice or that obeying my father of confession, because he did not really know my personal relationship with God and the special circumstances that I was--with God's speaking directly to me--meant disobeying "God's" voice within me, which frightened me a lot. So I would continue in this cycle with no end in sight.
For example, my thoughts lead me once to knock on my neighbors' doors--neighbors who I otherwise have not met or talked to--and randomly introduce them to my younger brother, who was about 5 or so at the time. My thoughts told me to do this at that random, specific time and so I decided to do it then. (I was thinking that if I didn't do it at that exact point in time I would be distrusting Him and proving my lack of faith; so I had to do this!) But see, doing things like these made me nervous, but I would convince myself to do them with the thinking that if God wanted me to do this, I should have faith and do them; if God wanted me to do this, this will succeed. (Also, I had heard a sermon talking about going out of his or her comfort zone for the Lord. So, I decided to take it upon myself to take the words of the sermon and put it into practice without consulting my father of confession.) The confusing part about all of this is that some nice things came out of my actions of speaking with the neighbors. My brother got to make new friends out of these neighbors. So, at one point I was thinking that this definitely is something from God. (And I am still struggling with how this all worked out if it wasn't from God.)
For some time I continued with the train of mind of listening to these voices in my head and they eventually led me to devising very dangerous things to do which I had strong emotions to try to make happen. (I am too embarrassed to mention them here.) I would go to my father of confession and he would tell me that these thoughts and what they would lead me to were definitely not from God and would warn me of they very practical risks of prison or hurting others that may ensue from doing what I was thinking of doing.
Thank God that I eventually (with many sessions with my father of confession and with priests) took the decision to back off from these voices in my head and to not take rash decisions without consulting my father of confession. I decided to finally take the plunge and unconditionally obey the advice of my father of confession--even if in my mind and heart I felt I would lose my spiritual stature that I have built up all these years by listening to the voices. I wanted to say that after taking this approach, I feel a bit calmer now, though I feel that I am at a spiritual low at this point.
I wanted to mention, also, that throughout this ordeal I would hear stories about how doing things in moderation and with spiritual guidance is important. However, I would ignore these things because of those original ideas I put into my mind that God was speaking to me directly through my thoughts and that deviation from these thoughts, even if it meant listening to my father of confession, was deviation from God. Or I would tell myself that these stories do not apply to my specific situation. No one exactly knows what "special" circumstances I am going through, so none of these saint stories or pieces of wisdom apply to me. My internal feelings and convictions strongly told me that my thoughts were God's words to me and the idea of doing otherwise did not make feel right to me until, like I said, those particularly disturbing thoughts eventually led me to decide to listen to abouna and take a different direction. I just decided that I can't do what I was thinking of doing because it could lead to those practical things abouna warned me about before. At one point, I was telling abouna something similar to what you were saying about your dad. I would say, "But abouna I am willing to go to prison if it means doing what the Lord is telling me to do." Abouna would reaffirm to me that these thoughts I was getting were not from God, though. I hope you are seeing the cyclicalness of the whole ordeal. Even after that point I have struggled with this. But after a while of resisting these thoughts that were coming to me, I have gotten a bit calmer and more ready to accept the guidance of my father of confession, although it took some time to get to this point.
I hope that you would reach this point soon.
But you do need to find a good, Christian social circle to help you grow into a happier person.
It is important to take advice from priests but they do not always have the time to be understanding of issues perhaps or maybe I don't have the time for them but God does not want us harming ourselves
I still haven't finished exams but I had free time that could not be used for study
Dear believer in God thankyou for sharing your experiences it seems you know me well and are taking this issue seriously
It is important to take advice from priests but they do not always have the time to be understanding of issues perhaps or maybe I don't have the time for them but God does not want us harming ourselves
I still haven't finished exams but I had free time that could not be used for study
I am very curious to hear what you have to say. Try to study well for your exams in the meantime.