When I was younger, the church kids and teens weren't very nice to me, and I was excluded from most things. It's not just simply that they ignored me but they were deliberately mean to me on many occasions. I spent many nights crying to the lord, asking him why he would let this happen to me (I was a good, faithful child). This bullying was also the cause of many arguments with my dad who just did not understand the level of torment and humiliation I was experiencing in that church and why I did not want to go anymore. Note that this is the only coptic orthodox church for hundreds of miles. Slowly, I distanced myself from the church to the point where I did not go for several years. But again slowly, I have returned to the church. Unfortunately, I am now a 26 year old female (which is nearing spinster age in Egyptians' eyes) and already I have heard the comments being said about me (that I've passed the marriable age meaning that I will basically be alone forever) and I am trying really hard not to let it push me out of church again. But at the same time, I would like to marry a coptic orthodox person but my church barely has anyone available. I know that the lord puts us through trials and even though I've come back to the church from my trial, I can't help but think that it has changed the course of my life forever because I missed out on all of those young adult conventions and activities where most people who are now my age, have already met their partners. I would appreciate any advice on this matter.
Comments
When someone uses a word like "failure" to bully another person with it, if this person is not strong enough, they will slowly believe this about themselves and "failure" will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It hurts me that you would have it in you to describe yourself as a spinster because a group of people bullied you to the point where you think this low of yourself.
You need to open your eyes and see the flaws of the culture; a sexist primitive culture which dictates a woman's life to be invalid past a certain age if you do not belong to a male from their group. Do you see it?
Why are so many women succumbing to the men's opinion of what you should be. Your life is yours, not anyone else's. They have no right to tell you what you should be doing.
Are you trying to tell me that in heaven there will only be coptic Christian males? All other Christian makes will go to hell? Most Egyptian men are brought up in a way that makes them at least slightly sexist. The flaws of the culture continue to be passed on even to those born abroad. It takes a strong person to think laterally and explore and assess their behaviour. Not everyone has these qualities.
To be very frank with you, from what you are describing, it is extremely unlikely that you will find someone from your church community. If you will never consider someone who isn't coptic, you are going to need to actively do something. Move to a different city and go to another church. Be realistic, no one is going to magically appear. Unless you are waiting for a miracle, you are old enough and strong enough to have your own life. You have been surrounded by a culture that slowly makes you falsely think that you are weak, vulnerable, alone and desperate. I am sorry this sounds harsh but I was not going to sugar-coat it.
In the western culture, people are getting married in their thirties, yet the Egyptian culture has you mourning the end of your life at the young age of 26. Please wake up before you biologically do become old and don't fall for their bullying.
Most people are imprisoned by their own minds and nothing more.
Remnkemi, I know this is irrelevant for this topic but I just wanted to raise another point for how the Egyptian sexist culture is now permanently part of the coptic church.
Only 26! You have until at least 40 to have children! I don't know where you live, but in the USA, very few women marry below 35 or even later. A woman of only 26 should never be considered a "spinster". It is a very large planet and I'm certain you will capture a husband either in Egypt or somewhere else in the world. (I'm over twice your age and have never been married!). You have every reason to be hopeful. Like Pope Shenouda said, "the more you smile, the more likely you will get your mate". He was right, as usual.
If most of the congregation makes a certain mistake, then it beccomes the church's mistake. The church is the people, so if the people aren't good...