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I want to be a part...

idontknow
in Personal Issues
i am in the midst of getting a divorce.
I was an evangelical christian, but then lost my faith in god about a year and a half ago as my husband seemed like two different people, and hurt me. (He got controlling, hid drug use and pornography from me, raped me, and the got really religious in that he said he would kill me if god told him to)

I have been talking with coptic christians for awhile, have visited churches. As my faith is regained, i wonder these things.

Will I be accepted into the church, seeing as I am broken and will be divorced before hand?

I am only 28, will I have to stay single for the rest of my life because of a bad choice I made when I didn't know any better?

please help. I really feel this is my path, but some of the consequences of my failure scare me.

Comments

  • qawe
    Dear idontknow,

    Your story is indeed a difficult one for anyone to be placed in. I thank God, that He has granted you the grace to recover faith in Him and see things in a renewed light.

    As for your question: you will definitely be accepted into the Church with no stigma on the part of the Church Herself. I pray, however that you don't come across any people within the Church who behave in an unChristian manner.

    In terms of marriage, you will have to speak to a priest. I don't know the answer, maybe someone else here does though.

    I will pray for you, and I hope people can weigh in and give better advice than my weak self.
  • ZoxsasiZoxsasi
    Hello,

    If God accepts you, the Coptic Christians should accept you too. 

    But why/what made you chose the orthodox faith, and the Coptic church on top of that? What was your rational? 

    That's important to know. 



  • idontknow
    Oh, because I love the traditions, the families, and the unchanging nature of it. It's steady instead of all jumbled up for what I know.
    It makes my heart very happy.
  • mnc_hnnmnc_hnn
    Of course God accepts you. He accepts anyone who comes to Him.

    I am sorry to hear about your pain.

    With regards to your question about being single, are you asking whether you can come back to God on your conditions? Give yourself wholly to God and he will help you. Do not have reservations about under what conditions will you agree to follow him. Loving God means living your life for Him. Love is to sacrifice. And God will never give you something you cannot handle. Trust in Him and ask for his help To put your everything in his hands.
  • idontknow
    Well, after getting settled in my local church, and taking classes and hopefully getting baptized by the priest, I was wondering if I'd be allowed to get remarried.
    I would want to marry someone who believed like me and was in the same church, but if it's not allowed... It wouldnt effect my decision as to joining the church, but it would be a harsh reality.
    To be alone, to have to raise a son, alone.
  • mnc_hnnmnc_hnn
    Please do not quote me on this, but I think if your ex is not christian that would be a reason to become eligible for marriage in church?

    I wish I knew more about this, but it is almost on a case by case basis, and clergy usually need evidence about e.g. Adultery, renouncing faith to act on it. Basically if they agree, they issue some sort of a certificate from church for you.

    I really hope things work out for you. It must be scary to imagine a life alone, especially as a single mother. I hope God provides for all your needs and give you hope and joy
  • ZoxsasiZoxsasi
    Hi,

    From my side, I know many people in your situation who have remarried.. some with kids from previous marriages outside the church, some don't have kids.. They are all Coptic Orthodox.

    When you 1st married, it was in a Church, or was it only Civil?

  • idontknow
    it was by an ordained by the state minister, but outside. So maybe civil? I'm not sure how that works.
  • ZoxsasiZoxsasi
    To remarry , in the Coptic Orthodox Church, your partner would have had to leave you over adultery. (this is the only reason the Church allows for divorce) - (I think!).

    Every situation is different.

    I'm so sorry, its best I say I'm not sure. If you are in the states, I think our priests there will be able to assist you. 

    God bless you in your walk in Orthodoxy. I hope you gain many fruits and enjoy the Church and the spiritual treasures it has to offer.
  • mabsootamabsoota
    if your marriage was not in an orthodox church, then it is not the same as getting married in the church, so you will not need a church 'divorce' to get remarried.

    i'm not sure about catholic marriages, but if you had a protestant or non Christian marriage and you are splitting up, then it would not technically count as marriage.

    obviously the orthodox church hopes to bless all the marriages that are conducted before people join the church, so that the marriage is 'official' inside the church also.

    i hope that helps, and may God guide and protect you.
  • ZoxsasiZoxsasi
    mabsoota said:

    if your marriage was not in an orthodox church, then it is not the same as getting married in the church, so you will not need a church 'divorce' to get remarried.


    i'm not sure about catholic marriages, but if you had a protestant or non Christian marriage and you are splitting up, then it would not technically count as marriage.

    obviously the orthodox church hopes to bless all the marriages that are conducted before people join the church, so that the marriage is 'official' inside the church also.

    i hope that helps, and may God guide and protect you.
    Hey Mabsoota,

    I don't think this is correct. If 2 people are living together out of wedlock, then perhaps I could agree with you. But if they got married in a Church, a Trinitarian Church, heck, even in a mosque, its counted as a marriage. Why not?
    Marriage is marriage.

    People can't just go off and disown their responsibilities towards their commitments because they've decided to become Orthodox.

    I think the Orthodox Church respects all marriage.
  • mabsootamabsoota
    well, my friend got married (civil ceremony only) shortly before she became a Christian (orthodox).
    the marriage did not work out, and her love of the church was one of the differences between her and her husband.
    she tried really hard to work at it, but he thought that going to church every week and fasting was excessive and eventually they separated.
    she is allowed to get married in the orthodox church.

    i have also heard of other similar cases.

    oh and also another friend got married in another religion (before converting) and got divorced, because her husband was really violent, and she is now engaged to a fellow orthodox Christian.
  • girl4God
    There is no consequence of failure that is greater than God's forgiveness. 

    God bless +
  • ZoxsasiZoxsasi
    girl4God said:

    There is no consequence of failure that is greater than God's forgiveness. 


    God bless +
    That's a beautiful quote.

    But it doesn't answer the question, does it. For God to forgive, one needs to repent. What is she meant to repent over?? Her husband is divorcing her. She seems innocent. So , I cannot see how that quote applies to this particular story.

    How old are you?
  • blessedtobeawitness
    idontknow said:

    it was by an ordained by the state minister, but outside. So maybe civil? I'm not sure how that works.

    Ultimately these are the kinds of questions best answered by your Father of Confession/Spiritual Guide, and since you have established that not being able to re-marry would not prevent you from joining the Holy Orthodox Faith, there's really no reason to delay beginning that relationship ;).

    However I understand the desire to be prepared for the new life you're preparing to undertake, so I'll do my best to answer according to my own limited ability. My understanding is as follows; if I err, someone please feel free to chime in and correct me.

    Holy Matrimony is a Sacrament, a Holy Mystery of the Church. Like all sacraments, one has to be a member of the Church to participate in it. If you were not a member in good standing, you could not have received the sacrament of Holy Matrimony. As you were not a member, you could not have received the mystery. If you have not received the mystery, and are joining the Church it would seem to me that you will be eligible to be married within the Church.

    However there is also the issue of spiritual economy. Let us assume that the Church chooses to recognize the first marriage for whatever reason (for example, it bore the fruit of a child); this wouldn't stop you from "re-marrying" within the Church. The Orthodox Church does on occasion allow divorced people to marry, even when they truly received the Mystery of Holy Matrimony. 

    This is a form of spiritual economy, a recognition that we're all weak and capable of making mistakes. The words of St. Paul come to mind; it is better to marry than to burn. However this second marriage is not sacramental in the same sense, and the rite is performed a little differently than the rite of Holy Matrimony.

    I hope that helps!
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