Hi everyone,
A few months ago, I met this guy from church and we ended up knowing each other. To make things short we liked each other and I found everything I wanted in a guy in him. Both our parents know, and its serious. Now, I have a few concerns, I've never been out with anyone or had any past relationships but had the experience to know what type of person I like and dislike. Is it bad that he may be the first and I already feel comfortable about it all?
Secondly, since we were getting serious we talked about our past. I haven't done anything, but he confessed to me that he had sex once in the past and he says it was a mistake. I can see that he has changed and what made me attracted to him was the fact that his life is dedicated to God and that is what he cares about most. I was upset at first but it didn't bother me, because it was once and we all make mistakes. However, yesterday he tells me had sex with 4 different other girls, and obviously a few times with each girl. He said he didn't want to tell me in the beginning because he didn't know how I will react to one. Now, I don't even know what to feel, I understand it's the past and we all make mistakes, but I haven't had any sexual past and he being from the same culture and traditions makes me even more surprised he even did that. Now that he tells me it was 4 girls, I don't know what to do, I am starting to even doubt his feelings for me because of that even though he says he is sincere. I just feel like an easy target for him. Or am I overthinking this? If it was one it would have been understandable but four, it is bothering me. He told me don't let my past get in the way of our future and says that he did that because he was in a rough period in his life. Well, my life previously have been way worse than his and despite everything I did not go do something bad, then try to justify it by saying I was in a bad time.
I don't even know, I really like this person, but what should I do? :(
Comments
You both need to be strong. To honour each other and Honour means to give value and importance. If you read Ruth, you will find Boaz and Ruth saw honour in each other and Naomi' inheritance (her genealogical line) was restored in adoption by Ruth. But the main point is honour, value and importance.
I think you may need to see abouna and talk it over with him as you both need a bit more strength (gained through the wisdom of Christ) the you both can endure tough times times, because they happen my dear and do need to be tested to see how strong you are to commitment.
I was engaged for a year and then married and then much to my surprise, arguments. I never knew about them as I hadn't thought there would be any.
Church will support you in your relationships; culturally, traditionally, and most importantly spritually. As for sin, watch out for excuses it's ok been honest (recoqnising it) but it is another to conquer it. Needs work.
I pray you will gain strength n your relationships Maryam through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Hi
Well now: Mina soliman gave good advice here. If you speak to abouna, I can tell you exactly what the priest will say:
a) Has he repented for his past?
b) Has he tried anything with you? Has he shown self control with you?
c) You may need to know why he did this 4 times - was he far from God, and if so why? Is that how he behaves when far from God? What made him far from God? Was it not winning the lottery, or was he excommunicated from his Church and shunned by the Coptic Community because he wasn't cool enough?
d) if someone repents for stealing, and all of a sudden there's money missing, ABOUNA cannot and will not think that the person who confessed & repented to stealing could have done it. What does that mean? It means that repentance wipes the board clean.
Now, let's say that you answer all the above questions: that puts you in a situation that is problematic:
you're a virgin and going to marry a non virgin.
This is the ultimate recipe for divorce if both couples are not mature enough.
As Minasoliman said: do not rush, but pray that God reveals to you if you can cope with his past as a wife.
Also, I forgot to add something.
If he told he had sex with 1 girl in the past, and now he tells you it was actually 4 girls in total; then how much could it be further down the road?
Are you SURE you can handle these thoughts?
http://www.godupdates.com/pastors-son-modern-day-parable/
If everyone thinks I can have sex before marriage and people are obliged to marry me this is a problem. A virgin is not obliged to marry a non virgin.The non virgin chose not to save himself for marriage. What is the point of virginity but to prepare yourself for marriage. If it doesn't matter it is not too important to be a virgin though it is good. The virgin saves himself for marriage to gain the trust that one will be able to love his spouse completely and as their only lover. The non virgin still has soul ties with his previous partners he can or can not remove. I am not saying it is not good to marry a non virgin. But one should not try to do so for biased charities sake. My dad said not to marry for charity sake but if I happen to be in the situation that I am talking to someone who I find out is not a virgin if I trust that person it is okay if I make steps to marrying that person.
I am just saying that a virgin may be more in need of charity than a non virgin so not to be too biased and mock what they went through for you. But they also may not need your charity if others are marrying them. It is for you to decide who most needs your charity and who most makes you happy. However these days my dad says even in the church virgins may see no problems divorcing their spouses and taking half their money. Though it should be the case he who is faithful over little is faithful over much it is not always the case.
It is important to remember not to cast your pearls on swine and be wise as serpents but harmless as doves if you think they will try to take advantage of you. Also it is important to remember not to be unequally yoked with them if they behave like unbelievers like not wishing to read the bible or being lukewarm and being unequally yoked hinders you from serving God and interesting other people to the way. However I trust he is devoted to serving God as you said.
If we devalue virginity we can confuse unbelievers. However Jesus did say I desire mercy and not sacrifice so we should consider who most needs our charity. But we should never marry someone expecting them to change but we marry them for seeing the changes in them
Or I guess virginity is still good simply because of the heavenly reward of it
Jesus said I desire mercy and not sacrifice
but I guess you should not marry a non virgin if they can't handle you wanting to be very serious and devout. I also go back to my first message which I also mentioned in my second post faintly when I said not to marry if you do not trust. You are not obliged to marry a non virgin. If the non Virgin is going to compare you to others he may not love you completely.
I'm not sure I will trust a non virgin with my soul because I do not know if they will be devout.
I think you should talk to your confession father.
A non virgin should marry a non virgin unless there is no other option. The problem with that is a non Virgin may not be able to find a spouse if there are only virgins. I think you should direct your charity to who needs it most which may be a virgin and if they have no need a virgin may marry a non virgin. Marry who will make you most happy
It is a confusing issue. A priest was instructed not to marry a non virgin yet Hosea was instructed to marry one
However Hosea was a prophet and the one who mostly needed charity then was a non virgin. It may confuse people today to marry a non virgin but not in hosea time
I say this because if one does not take fornication seriously he won't take adultery seriously and a priest should tell the clean from the unclean and demonstrate his hatred towards the sin which destroy many souls and warn people not to commit sin thinking repentance will be offered late because we do not know when we will die
but this is maybe only a command for priests
Blessed is the man who endures temptation for he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who loved him
People have commited adultery and then died unexpectedly
I also say this for the virgins not to feel they are free from their duty to earnestly seek their salvation just like others have to
I'm not sure all were unfaithful to God though God says in Hosea the land has commited harlotry yet I believe salvation is indeed personal so I believe a virgin should sometimes marry a non virgin.
In the last days Jesus will say I was a stranger and you did not take me in. And some will say when ? He will say inasmuch as you did not do to the least of these you did not do to me. Not that you must not treat all good.
So we can't reject sinners
You may not need to worry about the Virgin who does not need anyone or he can find another virgin or a non virgin
I think you need some self-control in your posts and think about your own experiences as well. If you have not given advises in real life and met people with similar problems, you cannot keep posting speculations for this matter.
Gob bless you brother!
I will conclude by saying my opinion this will be my last post. I think it is a good thing to accept a person and forgive their past. However it is for others more knowledgeable and experienced to decide if it is right.
We try to edify and to learn in a way that we are not excluded just because we might be wrong.
If we talk about what you said it is that a virgin should not marry someone whom has sinned and lost the virginity. Yep
So the question could be is the sinner going to be always separated from God because they have made a big error in their life? The prodigal son made a big error but the thing is is that he came to the realization of his poor state and knew wence to return. He was forgiven as he was lost and his father rejoiced at his return. All was forgiven for the sake of him being once again close to his father.
We are born again with the Holy Spirit giving us the goodness of God that we become one of His. But we also seek purity which is the virginity of heart even when we are in sin. Jesus gives us the wisdom and strength to conquer the sin in order to get close to Him and is always merciful.
I pray first that you forgive ourself then forgive any whom you might not agree with. Lord Jesus look after my brother Mike keep him in you care.
God bless you Mike
I think the easiest option for our youth is for them to get married young. Why not? I find even in our rich communities, where parents are loaded with money, their kids tend to wait until their mid 30's to get married.
Its surprising to see our kids get married so late.
I think we should promote the idea of arranged or semi arranged marriages in our church.