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Hello,
I am in complete distress. I started a relationship some weeks ago with a girl
I met from a dating app on my cellphone. It was all fine until this
relationship progressed. To this I have to add that she’s completely right
about my personality and the (sometimes hard and painful) words she says about
me. I’m a complete freak, I love history and collecting information and items
about sports, politics and other issues. I talk too much, and most of time time
my conversations make her feel tired because she’s not at all into reading. A
week before she wanted me to give her my cellphone to see if I was still
talking to the girls I meet from the dating apps. And yes, it is true that I
have met over 10 women from those websites but I didn’t become intimately
involved with all of them and in the cases where I did, I was with them only
once or at most twice. I adamantly refused to give her my cellphone because I
still had the old messages from these women (and since I started a relationship
with her I haven’t met anyone else, I’ve never been unfaithful when I am in a
relationship). We settled the issue and I agreed to delete all these
applications from my cellphone. And by the way, she judged me for meeting those
women putting me in a bad way (and it is true that what I did with those women
was bad and shameful for me being an Orthodox Christian, and I did this because
I felt very lonely). But in fact she smacks at pharisaism (I actually met her in
one of those websites and she herself accepted the fact that she also met men
from those websites and it is therefore unfair to judge me for doing the same
things she’s done). I’ve been through hard times because of not having a job
for a long time (three years) and this made me feel very depressed. And
yesterday things got worse because she was very open at telling me my flaws and
bad aspects of my personality and my appearance. She said I resembled her
former boyfriend who had schizophrenia because of the way I behave, she said I
only talk about myself all the time. She’s always making comparisons between me
and the other men she’s been with. And she suggested me that I go to a
psychiatrist because of that. She said she’s been through that before (relationships
with freaks) and that she does not want to have this problem again and I’m
afraid she might break the relationship. And after all she’s right about this
because sometimes I think I’m weird, and I’m really thinking about going to see
a doctor to see if he can fix all these bad aspects of my personality since it’s
pretty clear that I can’t handle a normal relationship with a woman because of
the way I am. We’ve had problems also because she’s a non believer and does not
like the fact that I pray the Agpeya and that I go to the liturgy once or twice
a month. In my country there are very few Orthodox Christians (and less Oriental Orthodox Christians). I think this is really the end of our relationship and I’m very sad
because she’s so beautiful. But at the same time I just want her to be happy
and I think she deserves a better man.
Comments
I am sorry that you are having problems with your relationship. I pray you are granted tto be put on he right path.
The first thing I noticed after reading your post was there seems to me to be jealousy in the relationship.
I would like to talk about jealousy for a bit. We know it's a sin but the aspects of it if you understand them then you might recoqnise what are some of the things happening.
When we hear people who are always comparing we are hearing jealousy.
Jealousy is the fear of not being perfect.
I gather that you know the story of Cain and Abel. They both gave sacrifice to God but it was Abels that was accepted. That gave Cain fear that what he was doing wasn't perfect. The answer is love is perfect. So instead of Cain asking of God what sacrifice he could give the devil deceived him into thinking of himself.
Two other aspects of jealousy are compeditiveness and searching for details. Look at what you have written and see if there is anything there that have these characteristics.
If love is perfect then it is something that has to be worked on internally and externally.
In our orthodox church the way we do it is by humility.
God bless you venadouzul.
Males think differently than females. For example: my wife said to me that she thought she was getting a bit fat. In my teasing way I agreed with her. Wrong! She immediately said you should be encouraging me. She was spot on. I wasn't leading her anywhere, especially when it came to her feelings.
I asking her what was the solution? She wanted to eat better food and exercise.
Males need to lead the way but in the humble way of encouragement.
If your going to lead, you're going to have to prepare yourself in the way of life you are going to lead Ideally it should be the Christian life through the church. Which is important because then through God's help you will understand what the tribulations and troubles that happen in your life are for the good. You become stronger, more resilient. Which means you are able to overcome them
If you are serious and want commitment then I suggest you humble yourself and tell her for any bad way that she may of being treated and tell her what you want to do; your ambitions; and I pray, that you want to seek a more spiritual life.
I know feelings of rejection are hard to overcome but try not to give up.
You said you were orthodox venadoazul.
One meaning of orthodox is to go straight. So the church is going on a straight path. When we repent our sins, it is about a change of directon. Let's say you are going on a straight path. On the left side is sin, and on the right is sin, but you find it differcult to stay on the path. There is something always that lures you to go either left or right. It's easy and you are confident. But I'm sorry, the further you go from the path the more you will be trapped in the troubles and tribulations and the sin takes you further away from knowing love.
If Jesus loves us and He didn't sin, then His love is perfect and He would go and the 99 sheep to find the one that is lost.
Are we allowed to judge each other? Yes and no. We do not judge out of sin, because this judgement is faulty but we judge out of love, of which we seek repentance to bring them back on the track.
Jesus was humble but the money lenders were desecrating the Holy Temple by using its ground to do their business, yet He judged them and turned over their tables.
Likewise, if you love God and are trying to retain your love for Him in the temple of you mind, heart and body. Then yes you must judge to keep the serpents and scorpions and all the power of the enermy out.
Please don't be hard hearted on yourself. I don't think you were schizophrenic but that she may not have recoqnised a change of atitute when a fear of rejection came upon you.
May God keep you in His peace.
No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in Him, and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit.
The importance of this that He teaches us His love and that as we go through life we cope more easily with those things that aren't perfect (tribulations and troubles) and that we are guided when brought to mind His teachings.
In humility we become stronger in who we are because we listen to what is happening inside and out and get to a point where we know who we are in Jesus Christ.
God bless.
I think you're certainly right about all you've said. We do not trust each other because of the things we did in the past. I am in love with her and I hope she loves me too. I deleted many contacts from my Facebook account, especially foreign friends she regards as unreliable. In two weeks I will meet her family.
My anguish is now the need to find a job. It's clear that no parent would want his/her daughter to have a boyfriend who does not work. It is not because of laziness but because the situation in my country is getting worse everyday.
I am also worried about the fact that she is not a believer. While I do not try to convince her about the superiority of my Orthodox faith in order not to make her feel
Pressured. I always pray for her conversion.
Thank you very much for your prayers.
One means like the love of ice cream etc.
One means like the love of family and friends.
And one means sacrifice.
Our Lord Jesus Christ sacrifice for us on the cross shows us God's love for His creation and that through the church we will be united. as the bride and groom.
The church as a bride, was chosen as when we seek someone to be a companion. When Christ chose us, He knew us, but we een weaker only knew Him through the Holy Spirit giving us our theology. So we know Him to a point.
What we do know is He has chosen us to be a bride and like any bride who is going to be married, she has to prepare herself. It is God's grace in action that we prepare ourselves.
For myself, I was in engaged for one year before I became married and only after abouna had consented. A friend told me that striaght after he was engaged he was conscripted into the Egyptian army and had to wait years before finally getting married. The church has faithfully waited 2000 years so far in preparation.
But venadoazul, have you prepared yourself? If you do visit her parents, they will want to know if their daughters future is secure by what is in your life that you can offer and of your plans. For if there is none or not much to offer then the mistrust you experience now will not be resolved once married and the resulting arguements turn to fear.
I pray you read the bible and that as you read you are knowing the wisdom and mind of our Lord Jesus Christ and that the Holy Spirit guides you to be patient in your action.
A funny thing happened to me today. A friend whom I work with me asked me if he won the 40 million, that is the lotto prize this week, what can I get you? I paused and said Heaven. He looked at me and said, "aaaw Solomon you are making me feel bad.
I am glad for you once again venadoazul so that prayer is met because oh Him who wants us to not go with those who harden the heart that your be soft in love for meekness and humbleness.
God bless
28 The heart of the righteous studies how to answer, But the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil.
29 The Lord is far from the wicked, But He hears the prayer of the righteous.
I give thanks to you my Lord Jesus Christ for bringing my brothers heart to where it belongs and I also ask for mercy upon the young woman he sort that one day she may find You and understand what my brother knows.