I have been doing a daily addiction which is watching pornagraphy and masturbuting. I've tried so much by stopping but I just can't. Is doing this a sin? And I need help to stop.
Yes it is a sin. I am working on preparing a series on this topic at church. If you are interested, I can send you the notes I have. Also, I think this website will be of use to you: http://orthodoxcounselor.com/Articles/healing_from_lust.htm
The only true solution for this problem is TO BE BUSY ALL TIME. If you can't find a job, find some courses to study, go to the gym, practice sports, and be always outside. Just go home when you have to go. Place your computer not on your bedroom but in the living room where people are visible. And use the computer only when it's necessary (like posting on Facebook or checking e-mails, looking for information on the Internet, etc.).
There is a good software that prevents people from accessing porn on the Internet, and it's free:
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Firstly, I would like to let you know that the struggle from here is difficult and the road to recovery is long and not always clear, but remember, you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. As someone who has struggled with this sin for many many years, I thought I'd share a few things I learn't and a few resources I've found.
You have to have in your mind, written down, a clear goal of what you want to achieve, how you're going to achieve it and most importantly why you want to achieve it. This why thing is important, and I am not talking about superficial things like "the bible says so" or "religion says its bad." Those are good starting points, but really elaborate on it, envision where you want to be in a few years time, how this is affecting your relationship with Christ, your friends, family and even strangers. Having good reasons as to why you want to stop will motivate you when times get tough. A practical tip would be to keep a spiritual journal and record this in there, along with times when you fell, why you fell and battle techniques you can use next time. Just a short aside to recommend a really good book called "Unseen Warfare" which you can find here.
This point is really important, without a strong reason why, and without wanting something really badly, humans aren't going to try very hard to achieve it. Theres a nice quote that says "Until you want something as badly as you want to breath, you won't give everything you've got to get it." So it is very very critical that you sit down with yourself and really examine your state from all fronts, social, biblical and psychological. Then make a decision to fight this fight or die fighting, sadly it is a war you have entered, but coming out the other end of this struggle is going to be so sweet, just remember to pick yourself up whenever you fall.
It is never a wrong time to pray, whether you have just committed the sin or not, or if you feel unworthy to pray, just get up and pray. Prayer is not a service to God, prayer is you taking strength, peace and healing from God. So throughout your struggle, keep your prayer Canon, and stick to it meticulously and mercilessly. The same goes for reading, even if you're just doing it for the sake of doing it, like our friends from nike would say, just do it! I cannot emphasise this point enough, it is through prayer in which we gain the strength to fight, the will stand and the power to say "no, Christ has washed me and made me strong, I am better than this." Prayer is the time in which God tells us "I am the Lord who heals you" and "Come now, let us settle the matter," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool."" Prayer and consistent spiritual readings, and sticking to these meticulously will strengthen you in this fight, just don't give up!
Those are the main points I wanted to get across to you, you would notice that all those points all were concerned with your inner self. That is where this fight lies, not with the people you see, not with the world in which we live, but within you, that is why it is so hard to win. Self-examination, contemplation, prayer and spiritual readings, these are big things in your life, and you should dedicate set times to doing them, making them habitual and daily.
A few more practical things: install a web filter, "K9 Web Protection" is great and works across most platforms. Also *highly* recommend Fortify. This type of thing, although the first point of attack is fixing spirituality, there are also things that you will need to learn given by science and psychologists who have studied addiction and overcoming addictions.
Finally, here are some great sermons to listen to:
The sublime beautiful energy of God permeates everything in this life. To a point that it is practically a mysterious hypostasis this world has with His loving and glorified love. In everything God created, He has His energy permeating it. He created everything for good. When Adam and Eve fell, this flux between the energy of God, His love and glory, and the world, withdrew. But if we work (and it is not torture, it is actually a good activity to be done) in order to raise our consciousness to higher levels, we will get closer and closer to this relationship once lost. :)
We are supposed to look for God in this life. Everything becomes more beautiful. Because God is beautiful! I'm such a bad person to say that, but a few moments in my life I could feel that God is beautiful. And it is always with kindness, all good. He created everything for us, food, sleep, money, sex, etc. And, as every natural thing we need in life, it has an order to be followed, otherwise there will be abuse and the only ones in prejudice will be us. If we eat too much, for example, we will get sick, we won't sleep well, we will have high cholesterol and diabetes, and not be in a good mood to do our daily chores. The same happens with other addictions. We cease to see the beauty of God in them and become addicted and ENSLAVED by the material world. And we are not supposed to fight against the material world, but rediscover our relationship with God while we are still here. It may seem good to just let go and live for our pleasures, but if we look for moderation we start not only seeing change in our lives, but we become the change we want to see in the world.
Think about these porn stars. Why are they there? What love lacked for them to be there? Do they really want to be there? Some of them may be slaves, and we know it happens. Some of them may indulge in a lot of intoxication and have mental problems because of what they are doing. Aren't we supposed to care about them too? What if you met those women, and instead of looking at them with lust, you talked to them with kindness, showing them a life of relationship with God? I remember in the Roman church there is the story of this saint called Filipe Neri, and some cardinal of the church envied him and wanted to make him get caught in an embarassing situation, so they found a way to lock him in a bedroom with some prostitutes, and the prostitutes went towards him trying to make him sin. The men who were making this trap waited for a while, and after waiting without listening anything, they decided to open the door of the room and saw him teaching the Gospel to the women and they were marvelled and listened to him attentively. But this only happened because he was full of the Holy Spirit. We can try to teach things and it may not work. We need to work ourselves first.
You may also consider that some people become so enslaved by this addiction that they don't mind about watching things like pedophilia and bestiality, for example. Poor children, how can anyone supply this disgusting "market"? Poor animals as well. We never know when we can be the ones to lose control completely and become indifferent to the beauty of God, and when it happens, we start abusing other without noticing. Please, brother, don't watch these movies because you don't know the situation of the people involved in them, if they are happy that way, or if they are suffering. Many people in this "business" end up commiting suicide. We need to pray for this to stop. And masturbation spends a lot of energy uselessly, people only get tired and it is just selfish pleasure, it is not like helping someone, it is not delightful happiness, and you may lose good moments in your marriage in the future by being addicted to sex as something only from the flesh, instead of loving someone thoroughly. Good luck!
I think there is some good lectures on line about sex addiction. You should try to listen to these online. We have some by our Coptic Church (e.g. Dr Nabil Baky) or there are others who are evangelical Christians who can also help you.
Looking at porn will not help you in ANYTHING - especially if you are single.
Find a nice girl, go out, get married and enjoy sex with someone who is committed to loving you even if you are bad.
Comments
Hi,
I think there is some good lectures on line about sex addiction. You should try to listen to these online. We have some by our Coptic Church (e.g. Dr Nabil Baky) or there are others who are evangelical Christians who can also help you.
Looking at porn will not help you in ANYTHING - especially if you are single.
Find a nice girl, go out, get married and enjoy sex with someone who is committed to loving you even if you are bad.
Good luck