I never said I want him to think as a 17 year old... did I? I said we need to inform the younger brothers and sisters... I know they cant think as a 17 year old.... that is why that is a problem, if a 14 year old could think as a 17 year old, then maybe... but 14 year olds are not developed as a 17 year old...
you want to inform them with what in this situation that what they are doing as marianne already answered he or she won't WILL NOT listen till he or she sees they are wrong unless you can convience them that what they are doing is wrong they won't change so that is up to whoever knows that person and who can convience him
[quote author=socoolbishoy link=board=1;threadid=1033;start=30#msg17732 date=1105242211] if we remain silent, we are showing them it is okay.... and then it becomes our fault....
and why isn't it ok....why is it ok for an older person to be doing it and not to a 14 yr old??
a 2 year difference...wouldn't make a big difference...they are teenagers from the age of thirteen or tweleve or w/e...so if it's wrong at that age..then it will be wrong to all ages...and if it's right to all ages...then it will be right to this age.
go ask a psychologist what is the differance..... and also ask him, if a person dates when he/she are younger than the age of 16, what is it considered to be?
I am chilled.... sorry if I sounded upset... I was not at all.... believe me I am very calm during all these posts... lol... so sorry if I sounded "unchilled" lol....
lolx....its funny how people weigh things in this world, isn't it? It's about to get funnier when I say my view on this...
Ok...1) i dont agree with the whole "fourteen-year-olds-are-the-lost-kids-of-the-future-bit". There are 14yr olds out there that r smarter than I ever will be. Age in these issues doesn't matter. Unless you're over 20 then don't complain ( not directed 2 any1). Dating is an issue for ALL teens of ALL religions and ages. Doesn't matter if you're 12 or 17... because to be honest some 17yr olds act 9 and some 9 yr olds act 50....it all depends on how you're brought up
2) You telling your friend that what he's doing is wrong is only gonna harden/provoke his little brain to do the EXACT opposite of what you're saying. OR, he might just not listen to you. I've learned this from experience... by sitting them down and giving them a bunch of rules and no offense bible verses about what they should and shouldnt do is gonna further complicate the issue.
No one is saying that you should support what they do. Dating might not work for you personally and it might be wrong for you, but in their eyes they're right. You don't have to agree with what they do but u do have to be there for your friend. Because trust me, when they see that you're against what they do and u just refuse to listen to their opinion they won't trust to talk 2 u nemore. I dont mean talk i mean lyk talk talk. Friendship is a strong bond but it's the most delicatest (so not a word :-[) of all relationships.
Yeah u want him to not date but when it comes down to it, it's not up to u... and as horrible as that sounds, it's the truth. Never doubt anyone when they say that prayer is the answer to all questions. You need to pray... a lot. The problem these days with most people is that they're so convinced with their own views on life they forget to let in the whole picture, You have to see where he's coming from and understand the pressure/need to feel or atleast have someone who calls u all the time and says all the weird mushy stuff to u... it makes him feel wanted and happy and maybe thats wut he needs right now maybe it isn't but either way thats still not for anyone to decide... all u can do is support him and be there for him. Real friends dont just see a picture... they see the whole story behind it :-\ So i'll pray for u, and dont worry about it too much... learn to cast ur problems on His shoulders, he's the only one that can carry them ;)
I agree with u 100% on wut u said...it's so true plus I think all of these stuff is different with everyone...for me personally I would have went on and on to everyone about how years ago i thought dating was wrong...but I guess when u go through it yourself and expereince it personally then u might think different, because no matter what...u don't know what they are going through u don't know what they are thinking...and u will never do...
Staying silent never works..and as I've learned from abouna..if someone is your friend, they're your responsibility in front of God..It's your responsibility to lead them away from what's wrong and if you try and it doesn't work, God will deal with it but you DO have to try..
Hey guys sorry i got in so late, angelofGod i could tell youre in a complicated situation, heres what i think you should do... if you already tried convincing ur friend that its wrong and he still will not get it then go to abouna, but thats only if u see him or suspect him doing something really wrong like kissing etc,.. if its just a talking relationship and the KIDS are only 14 then juss wait for it to blow off but keep an eye out in case they do anything.. if they do, do anything go straight to abouna. cuz the thing is that if you go up to him again hes not gonna listen, hes gonna think youre annoying, and its not gonna work. however at the same time if u went to abouna right away and abouna did something about it, ur friend might suspect that u were the one that got the matter to abounas attention and there would be tension between you and your friend. so in my opinion if its juss a talk relationship, wait for them to break up which will eventually most likely happen since theyre 14. ... pray for me
so...a related question...is dating wrong...and i mean dating as just going out with tht person....and doing nothing wrong with them....just going out with them....hanging out...talking...without kissing or anything like that...is it still wrong? ???
what would two young, or old people do, if they go to a place and stay alone.... if not do they will think.... and thinking is a sin also... so the best thing to do is to avoid the temptation.
so dating isn't wrong...and it doesn't also mean that when u turn 20 and u date someone...doesn't mean tht u are gonna marry them...dating is all about getting to know a person and just talking abt things in life...nothing wrong in tht...and if u have no lust thoughts or anything wrong toward tht person...then i don't see the harm... at least tht's wut i think abt it...so i don't think u should look at it age wise....i know some people who got engaged when they were under 20... God Bless, Marianne
If you are looking to marry at the age of 15 then okay date at age of 14.... but it is advised to date at an older age so that the marriage, would be successful, so 20 or older... if you leave it to me to decide, I want it to be 25 or older... but some people marry at a much younger age.... also under 20s happens, but not preferred.
if ur friend is not doing anything sinful while hez in thiz relationship as in kissing or going further than i dont see why every1z going against it? if ur friend knows right from wrong and his parents are watching out 4 him then y iz it wrong. i look at dating as just hanging out, and talking. also God made us to be attracted to each other, should we blindfold ouselves if we see someone tht is attractive and not hang out with them if we are attracted to each other. tht leads to dating i still believe tht ur parents have a big affect on u, if u truly love your parents and take their advice and they trust u then ull be smart enough not 2 go against them and ull be to scared to lose their trust so u wont do anything sinful in ur relationships. at least thtz my perspective.
he will learn if he commits a sin and he will regret, u warned him so now its in his hand. i think tht u learn better from ur own experiences. just be there 4 him.
sorry to get in so late on this topic, but angelofGod, here's what I think.
Part of your role as being his friend is not just to "be there" for him, but to advise him. If you know something is wrong and he's blind to it, it is your responsibility to inform him. Obviously, you cannot force him to see your perspective on such an emotionally-charged issue, but you still should make your stance known although try to do so in a nice manner--not yelling at him or anything but showing him that you really care for his best interests.
As for dating in general, most sermons and lectures I've heard on the issue advise that people go out in groups, rather than one on one as this prevents people from doing certain things that they'd be uncomfortable doing in a group--it's sort of a restraint I guess.
Finally, honestly, I think we cannot assume that no sin will be committed if they're just talking. In reality, a sin is likely to be committed, whether in deed or simply in thought. I definitely disagree with dating at such a young age and I do think age makes a difference (at least for the majority of people) in terms of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual maturity. This is the same reason why it's recommended that people marry when they're a bit older rather than really really young.
There are so many great posts here, I don't know if I could add to them, but Here is a passage from the Bible (second Timothy to be exact) that comes to mind when you a topic like this comes up.
"...avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife. And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will. "(2 Timothy 2:23-26)
Moral of the passage, keep repeating yourself that what he is doing is wrong. not in a commanding but in a loving way like he is your own brother.
If he isn't sinning...I mean i don't knw him...but in general if a person isn't sinning....kissing and doing w/e....i don't see the wrong in tht...two people are talking and hanging out....without any lustful thoughts or anything....then i don't see why tht is wrong...if anyone can explain a bit more thanks and Gob bless, Marianne
ok ok look just chill out not all situations are the same first take a good look at what ur dealing w then take step by step, talk to the grl maybe but u do have to do something its just that if u tried and hes stubborn then u have to still try hes 14, he doesnt know whats what hes going on animal instinct just do what u want no it must be put to an end not only is the guy going to be hurt hes bringing down grls w him. try to get some1 hell listen to, telling his patrents may seem cruel but its better 100 to 1 than hell
hey, sorry i came in late, but here's what i think of this...
dating at a young age, especially 14, is wrong. whether they are 'doing anything wrong' or not, its wrong. at 14, a person still has ALOT of room to grow and mature, and they are still discovering themselves. dating is usually done to find the person you're going to live with the rest of your life, and no one at that age wants to date someone with marriage intentions in mind. people date simply to satisfy desires and such, that are ment to be taken care of later. the devil is really tricky, he'll make it seem like its ok and harmless to go out alone without doing anything wrong (holding hands, kissing, etc).... but actions arent the only sin. thoughts start to run through a teens mind and even if they dont act upon it right away, its still wrong. impure thoughts are still a sin, as the bible says: "if you look at a woman lusting her you've already commited adultry in your heart"... that's just looking and thinking, no action! dating at a younge age almost never leads to anything good. if someone wants to spend time with someone, do it in groups, not alone.
angelofGod, i have a similar situation where a friend of mine is dating and as far as i know its getting 'out of hand'....now im not sure how 'out of hand' your friend's situation is, but here's what i can tell u based on expereince: we tried talking my friend out of dating, we talked to abouna and he gave us advice and such, we confronted her, we played along with her (as in we tried to make it seem ok to gain her trust again and then confront her), we did alotta things to try to get her to stop, but she hasnt. since none of us have dated before, we cant relate much to her experience personally. however, God sent us a another friend that was going through her situation, and is now over it and has changed for the better with His grace. we've introduced them to each other and now that friend is trying to help our friend out by relating personal experiences and talking to her. its much better, i my opinion, when the help is coming from someone that knows what's going on and can easily relate. it makes things alot more effective. hopefully with Gods grace we can talk her out of it. if you can find someone who's gone through that situation and has clearly changed their ways, perhaps you can befriend them and get them to talk to your friend, who might listen to someone who's "been there, done that". perhaps they can convince them of the devils intentions in dating and never underestimate the power of prayer, hey i mean, it moved a mountatin!.... so keep praying for your friend.
Comments
if we remain silent, we are showing them it is okay.... and then it becomes our fault....
and why isn't it ok....why is it ok for an older person to be doing it and not to a 14 yr old??
Because at 16 the brain is developed, emotion wise... Mostly... that is why they could think of the consequences, and all these kinds of things....
And wasim the one who knows the person is angelofGOD, I think it’s a female.
Ok...1) i dont agree with the whole "fourteen-year-olds-are-the-lost-kids-of-the-future-bit". There are 14yr olds out there that r smarter than I ever will be. Age in these issues doesn't matter. Unless you're over 20 then don't complain ( not directed 2 any1). Dating is an issue for ALL teens of ALL religions and ages. Doesn't matter if you're 12 or 17... because to be honest some 17yr olds act 9 and some 9 yr olds act 50....it all depends on how you're brought up
2) You telling your friend that what he's doing is wrong is only gonna harden/provoke his little brain to do the EXACT opposite of what you're saying. OR, he might just not listen to you. I've learned this from experience... by sitting them down and giving them a bunch of rules and no offense bible verses about what they should and shouldnt do is gonna further complicate the issue.
No one is saying that you should support what they do. Dating might not work for you personally and it might be wrong for you, but in their eyes they're right. You don't have to agree with what they do but u do have to be there for your friend. Because trust me, when they see that you're against what they do and u just refuse to listen to their opinion they won't trust to talk 2 u nemore. I dont mean talk i mean lyk talk talk. Friendship is a strong bond but it's the most delicatest (so not a word :-[) of all relationships.
Yeah u want him to not date but when it comes down to it, it's not up to u... and as horrible as that sounds, it's the truth. Never doubt anyone when they say that prayer is the answer to all questions. You need to pray... a lot. The problem these days with most people is that they're so convinced with their own views on life they forget to let in the whole picture, You have to see where he's coming from and understand the pressure/need to feel or atleast have someone who calls u all the time and says all the weird mushy stuff to u... it makes him feel wanted and happy and maybe thats wut he needs right now maybe it isn't but either way thats still not for anyone to decide... all u can do is support him and be there for him. Real friends dont just see a picture... they see the whole story behind it :-\ So i'll pray for u, and dont worry about it too much... learn to cast ur problems on His shoulders, he's the only one that can carry them ;)
GOD BLESS ALL! :-*
plus I think all of these stuff is different with everyone...for me personally I would have went on and on to everyone about how years ago i thought dating was wrong...but I guess when u go through it yourself and expereince it personally then u might think different, because no matter what...u don't know what they are going through u don't know what they are thinking...and u will never do...
angelofGod i could tell youre in a complicated situation, heres what i think you should do... if you already tried convincing ur friend that its wrong and he still will not get it then go to abouna, but thats only if u see him or suspect him doing something really wrong like kissing etc,.. if its just a talking relationship and the KIDS are only 14 then juss wait for it to blow off but keep an eye out in case they do anything.. if they do, do anything go straight to abouna. cuz the thing is that if you go up to him again hes not gonna listen, hes gonna think youre annoying, and its not gonna work. however at the same time if u went to abouna right away and abouna did something about it, ur friend might suspect that u were the one that got the matter to abounas attention and there would be tension between you and your friend. so in my opinion if its juss a talk relationship, wait for them to break up which will eventually most likely happen since theyre 14. ... pray for me
God Bless,
Mariam
what would two young, or old people do, if they go to a place and stay alone.... if not do they will think.... and thinking is a sin also... so the best thing to do is to avoid the temptation.
God Bless,
Marianne
he will learn if he commits a sin and he will regret, u warned him so now its in his hand. i think tht u learn better from ur own experiences. just be there 4 him.
i hope i made sense. :-[
Part of your role as being his friend is not just to "be there" for him, but to advise him. If you know something is wrong and he's blind to it, it is your responsibility to inform him. Obviously, you cannot force him to see your perspective on such an emotionally-charged issue, but you still should make your stance known although try to do so in a nice manner--not yelling at him or anything but showing him that you really care for his best interests.
As for dating in general, most sermons and lectures I've heard on the issue advise that people go out in groups, rather than one on one as this prevents people from doing certain things that they'd be uncomfortable doing in a group--it's sort of a restraint I guess.
Finally, honestly, I think we cannot assume that no sin will be committed if they're just talking. In reality, a sin is likely to be committed, whether in deed or simply in thought. I definitely disagree with dating at such a young age and I do think age makes a difference (at least for the majority of people) in terms of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual maturity. This is the same reason why it's recommended that people marry when they're a bit older rather than really really young.
Hope this helps.
"...avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife. And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will. "(2 Timothy 2:23-26)
Moral of the passage, keep repeating yourself that what he is doing is wrong. not in a commanding but in a loving way like he is your own brother.
thanks and Gob bless,
Marianne
look just chill out
not all situations are the same
first take a good look at what ur dealing w
then take step by step, talk to the grl maybe
but u do have to do something
its just that if u tried and hes stubborn
then u have to still try
hes 14, he doesnt know whats what
hes going on animal instinct just do what u want
no it must be put to an end
not only is the guy going to be hurt
hes bringing down grls w him.
try to get some1 hell listen to, telling his patrents may seem cruel but its better 100 to 1 than hell
dating at a young age, especially 14, is wrong. whether they are 'doing anything wrong' or not, its wrong. at 14, a person still has ALOT of room to grow and mature, and they are still discovering themselves. dating is usually done to find the person you're going to live with the rest of your life, and no one at that age wants to date someone with marriage intentions in mind. people date simply to satisfy desires and such, that are ment to be taken care of later.
the devil is really tricky, he'll make it seem like its ok and harmless to go out alone without doing anything wrong (holding hands, kissing, etc).... but actions arent the only sin. thoughts start to run through a teens mind and even if they dont act upon it right away, its still wrong. impure thoughts are still a sin, as the bible says: "if you look at a woman lusting her you've already commited adultry in your heart"... that's just looking and thinking, no action! dating at a younge age almost never leads to anything good.
if someone wants to spend time with someone, do it in groups, not alone.
angelofGod, i have a similar situation where a friend of mine is dating and as far as i know its getting 'out of hand'....now im not sure how 'out of hand' your friend's situation is, but here's what i can tell u based on expereince: we tried talking my friend out of dating, we talked to abouna and he gave us advice and such, we confronted her, we played along with her (as in we tried to make it seem ok to gain her trust again and then confront her), we did alotta things to try to get her to stop, but she hasnt. since none of us have dated before, we cant relate much to her experience personally. however, God sent us a another friend that was going through her situation, and is now over it and has changed for the better with His grace. we've introduced them to each other and now that friend is trying to help our friend out by relating personal experiences and talking to her. its much better, i my opinion, when the help is coming from someone that knows what's going on and can easily relate. it makes things alot more effective. hopefully with Gods grace we can talk her out of it.
if you can find someone who's gone through that situation and has clearly changed their ways, perhaps you can befriend them and get them to talk to your friend, who might listen to someone who's "been there, done that". perhaps they can convince them of the devils intentions in dating
and never underestimate the power of prayer, hey i mean, it moved a mountatin!.... so keep praying for your friend.
good luck and i hope things go well...
take care and God bless!