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Hi everyone,
I apologize in advance if this is too detailed but I am really really in need of advice.
I recently met a wonderful Coptic man and we have been getting to know each other for about 7 months. We have not been on any dates or spent time alone together. Both of our parents know that we talk (usually on the phone or in groups) and that things are getting more serious between us. Three months after getting to know each other, he told me about a female friend who intentionally hid from her now husband that she has fertility problems (irregular cycles) and that's why they couldn't have children. The guy I am getting to know then asked me if I get regular cycles. I responded with a yes ( although I had him repeat the question several times and tried to get out of answering it because I had never been asked that question before from a man, let alone been in a relationship).
Ever since my conversation with him about this topic, I have been living with a lot of guilt. When I was younger, I was diagnosed with a condition known as PCOS, which is very common in women and while it does not make conceiving a child impossible, it definitely makes it harder and causes irregular cycles. Even though my cycles were irregular, I have been on medication that regulates them.
Because this is such a touchy topic, I did not tell him. I did not feel comfortable sharing this yet, as we are not in a committed relationship such as engagement. However, we are heading towards it and I am wondering if my answer is leading him on.
Sorry for the ramble, but I guess my question is was I wrong to respond with a yes? Is it unfair to withhold such information from him? When is the appropriate time to discuss such an issue? Was that an appropriate question of him to ask before engagement?
What worries me about telling him now is the fact that because we aren’t in a relationship, he might tell other people if things end between us. I don’t want my personal business spread around, I want to be the one that tells whomever I chose to share this information with. Am I overthinking any of this?
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please give me your advice and pray for me. I am in need of a lot of wisdom and discernment.
CopticArtist
Comments
My wife had a similar problem and we are now expecting our first child, a son, next month.
I would ask him further down the line if things lead to engagement why he asked that. My answer would only be an opinion, so it all depends on context I guess.
I certainly don't feel it to be the most appropriate question.
Instead of throwing a ton of information at you, I will say this:
What you have isn't fun. But, with a change in diet, (Yes, even if you're skinny), physical activity, and most importantly prayer, the medication you are talking about works.
It's about 6 months of messed up cycles, then you should be getting back into your cycle. Also, there are fertility apps that help once you are most fertile. My wife and I used one and we tried and tried. Then, we stopped thinking about it and here comes our little pooper-scooper. We just did our thing when it said to, and it worked.
You are not overthinking it, and you are right to think it was a bit odd to ask when you aren't even engaged. And please, I hear it from my wife all the time about what people think. I served with the Pope, a number of Bishops, Monks and Priests. They are all the same to me. They were all people. I didn't change because of who they were and what they thought of me. I know that is ingrained in your culture, but don't care if people know you have something that's extremely common in women. Most of those ladies who sit and talk trash have more problems than you, it's best to ignore them.
Sorry to ramble on.
Please pray for my wife and our church.