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How to bring Comfort?
God's peace upon all. :)
I need advice again... :( As some of you may have read alittle while back I had asked for advice on my friend who was engaged in Egypt, but, was also in a relationship with a woman here. For those who didn't read it... here is the original thread:
http://tasbeha.org/content/community/index.php?board=1;action=display;threadid=921
I am so angry now.... and am trying to keep peace within myself. After I thought that my prayers and all of you who prayed for my friends situation helped to bring about a good outcome through God's will... All went bad....
My friend decided to go to Egypt on a temporary travel visa and told no one about it.... He is now in Egypt and making preparations for his wedding.
The girl he was in a relationship with knew nothing that he was engaged and I did not have the heart to be the one to tell her as she is such a beautiful girl both in appearance and inside. She loved my friend so much which added to my disapproval of what my friend was doing....
This girl desperately called me 3 days ago saying she hadn't heard from my friend and that she is worried something happened to him... I felt so bad that I did not have the stomach to tell her over the phone that he had gone to Egypt to get married and abandoned her....
I talked to her in my home and she went nuts... as I expected. Right now I don't know what to do.... The girl is in a severe depression and has not eaten at all for days... I am worried she will end up in the hospital and talks like she doesn't want to live anymore...
What can I say to comfort her and bring her out of this? :(
In seeing how destroyed she is I felt such shame... because I see too many Coptic men doing this here in America... they get engaged in Egypt or leave their wives in Egypt and then have relationships with women in America and could care less for the consequences.
I know alot of Coptic men who do this are only doing it for sex... but, this girl would not let any man disrespect her and comes from a good family. So many times I wanted to tell her, but, I didn't have the heart to tell her in seeing how much she loved my friend and adored him.
Yes, I know you can't say this about all Coptic men... but, I see ALOT of this garbage here and the hipocrisy makes me nuts sometimes.....
How can these guys live with themselves.... ? How can they be engaged or have a wife back in Egy and then marry or go back to their wives and it doesn't even bother their conscience?
I love the Coptic Church, but, the actions of some of it's followers makes me want to rage at times....
Now, this poor girl is broken... and my friend (I want to use some not so nice words instead) is all free and happy making wedding plans in Egy now.... With no sense of how he has damaged this girl and getting married to a young girl who doesn't have a clue as to the kind of man she is marrying....
I am reading the bible with the girl and even offered to go along with her to the Catholic church she attends... but, she cannot even get herself to get out of bed and won't eat.... What can I do to help her?
Why does God let so many men get away with this kind of stuff??? (I know I know... some women too)....
God forgive me.... I know it's not you that does this but weak ppl... I just hate seeing anyone hurt like this...
God bless all
I need advice again... :( As some of you may have read alittle while back I had asked for advice on my friend who was engaged in Egypt, but, was also in a relationship with a woman here. For those who didn't read it... here is the original thread:
http://tasbeha.org/content/community/index.php?board=1;action=display;threadid=921
I am so angry now.... and am trying to keep peace within myself. After I thought that my prayers and all of you who prayed for my friends situation helped to bring about a good outcome through God's will... All went bad....
My friend decided to go to Egypt on a temporary travel visa and told no one about it.... He is now in Egypt and making preparations for his wedding.
The girl he was in a relationship with knew nothing that he was engaged and I did not have the heart to be the one to tell her as she is such a beautiful girl both in appearance and inside. She loved my friend so much which added to my disapproval of what my friend was doing....
This girl desperately called me 3 days ago saying she hadn't heard from my friend and that she is worried something happened to him... I felt so bad that I did not have the stomach to tell her over the phone that he had gone to Egypt to get married and abandoned her....
I talked to her in my home and she went nuts... as I expected. Right now I don't know what to do.... The girl is in a severe depression and has not eaten at all for days... I am worried she will end up in the hospital and talks like she doesn't want to live anymore...
What can I say to comfort her and bring her out of this? :(
In seeing how destroyed she is I felt such shame... because I see too many Coptic men doing this here in America... they get engaged in Egypt or leave their wives in Egypt and then have relationships with women in America and could care less for the consequences.
I know alot of Coptic men who do this are only doing it for sex... but, this girl would not let any man disrespect her and comes from a good family. So many times I wanted to tell her, but, I didn't have the heart to tell her in seeing how much she loved my friend and adored him.
Yes, I know you can't say this about all Coptic men... but, I see ALOT of this garbage here and the hipocrisy makes me nuts sometimes.....
How can these guys live with themselves.... ? How can they be engaged or have a wife back in Egy and then marry or go back to their wives and it doesn't even bother their conscience?
I love the Coptic Church, but, the actions of some of it's followers makes me want to rage at times....
Now, this poor girl is broken... and my friend (I want to use some not so nice words instead) is all free and happy making wedding plans in Egy now.... With no sense of how he has damaged this girl and getting married to a young girl who doesn't have a clue as to the kind of man she is marrying....
I am reading the bible with the girl and even offered to go along with her to the Catholic church she attends... but, she cannot even get herself to get out of bed and won't eat.... What can I do to help her?
Why does God let so many men get away with this kind of stuff??? (I know I know... some women too)....
God forgive me.... I know it's not you that does this but weak ppl... I just hate seeing anyone hurt like this...
God bless all
Comments
its really the sin of lust that takes over us and not just men but women too.
I remeber abouna told me the best to get through this sin is to avoid it period don't get urself into to it at all.its a battl that can't be won.
but thats not the point right now
i suggest you should maybe sit down with her and the preist in her church and talk it over.belive me its better you telling her than letting her find it out herself
May the prince of peace comfort her.
May God give you strength,wisdom,grace as you seek to bring comfort,peace and love to this heartbroken young girl.
Go to God and ask Him to help her. Also, priests...psycholigists...it
all depends on who you think she would trust the most and be the
most comfortable with. But don't take it just upon yourself, the
burden is too big. God bless you.
i hope that helps, i know i am not very qualified at matters of the heart :)
Maria
Do not give yourself over to sorrow, and do not distress yourself deliberately.
A joyful heart is life itself, and rejoicing lengthens one's life span.
Indulge yourself and take comfort, and remove sorrow far from you, for sorrow has destroyed many, and no advantage ever comes from it.
Jealousy and anger shorten life, and anxiety brings on premature old age.
Baruch 4:27-28
Take courage, my children, and cry to God, for you will be remembered by the one who brought this upon you.
For just as you were disposed to go astray from God, return with tenfold zeal to seek him
For the one who brought these
calamities upon you will bring you everlasting joy with your salvation.
Take courage, O Jerusalem, for the one who named you will comfort you.
Wretched will be those who mistreated you and who rejoiced at your fall.
God willing, everything will be alright :)
http://coptichymns.net/mod-pagesetter-viewpub-tid-1-pid-414.html
It's an article by HH Pope Shenouda III entitled "How to Comfort Others".
I would like to start with MEN ARE STUPID... I am a man, by the way. I know exactly what you are saying... the best thing is to stay with this girl, help her out, take her to the Coptic church... and let her talk to people... if it is TOO serious take her to a psychologist.... PLEASE... another thing with Copts is they don’t like to go to psychologists, so please call one in the area and let her talk to one.... but reading the bible would be great with her... talk, talk, talk to her... and don’t leave a day without asking about her... buy may I stress, TALK TO A PSYCHOLOGIST.
WOW look at u bidhoy ur like going around telling ppl to go to a psycologist... LOL.. omg this is just tttttttttoooooooooooooooooooooo FUNNY.. anyways lol well i'm very unhappy to say that i agree w/ u.. lol.. jk.. but ya i can't believe i agree.. but i do..lol... WOW.. ;D
Rina
Let her not cry over someone who isn't going to cry over her...she will go through tht stage...but soon she will be out of it...even if she loved him....she will realize that he isn't really worth all what she is going through right now...Just give her some time and like everyone said before....TALK to her....she needs someone to be beside her at tht time. For that guy, I think he will need some help too....I mean what is he doing...going to get married when he broke someone's heart...but oh well....hopefully everything will work for the best.
Also Pray for her a lot...prayers work miracles.
God BLess,
Marianne
"no one is worth your tears, and the one who is, wont make you cry"... tell her that...
all the suggestions made perviously are awesome, but i have one more.
feed her. make sure she eats- and eats well.
a sound mind starts with a sound body.
if she cant properly function because her body is too busy trying to survive the 'famine' she's got her self in, then she wont be able to concentrate on her emotions and think properly about what to do and such.
and as mentioned before, constantly talk to her and ask about her, listen to her. you dont have to say much, sometimes all one person needs is for someone to listen to them. make sure she knows u care. perhaps this is her cross in life that God is testing her with, or somthing. remind her that she's got a Love no one can take away and cant be destroyed- Gods ultimate love shown on the cross.
and of course, pray. it's moved mountains, it can do anything.
hope all goes well
take care and God bless
I want to thank all of your for your kind words, advice, scripture quotes and good wishes. I'm sorry if I don't thank each of you by name...but, my brain is just so fried and tired from this sad situation that I can't concentrate too good.
I have tried every way I know to help this poor girl, but, she just won't stop crying and still won't eat anything. :'( Her mom thinks she may need to be hospitalized because she won't even drink alittle water.
The girls family is so angry with the guy for leaving her this way that her father said that should she end up in the hospital he will take the first plane to Egypt and beat the guy senseless.
I don't blame them... if she was my daughter I would make the man take responsibility for his actions. I can never understand how ppl can be so cold in the heart like this. It is horrible when you don't have an ending to a relationship in that the man or woman breaks up with you. To have someone just leave to marry someone else is terrible.
I tried calling my so-called friends parents home, but, he was very sneaky and had the number disconnected by his family or probably had it changed before going in secret to Egypt.
I wish I had family from Upper Egypt, but, my family is for the most part in Cairo and since we have been living here for years... have lost touch with what is happening in Egypt or addresses for places. I wish I knew someone from Assiut who lives near the village of Abnub and knows the addresses to the churches there.... I have a feeling that if this poor girl ends up in the hospital there will be big trouble and I want to prevent this...
I think if the girl spoke with him one last time and he ended things like he should have in the first place, she wouldn't be so destroyed now. Now I have to think how in the world I can reach this stupid man before trouble comes....
I have a huge headache now. Please continue praying for this girl. Thank you.
God bless all
when talking to her, don’t bring him up... if you do, remind her of the negatives about him.... and show her she is perfect without him... and he is worthless.... also right now she wants to be lifted, so talk to her always in positive manner… show her that you care, show her that she is wanted, now she thinks that she is worthless… so change that image, and show her the true image, that she is an amazing person for caring that much.
And I am not trying to be rude, but please leave this job to the professionals... make her talk to a psychologist, please.
I don't know what more to say that everyone here hasn't already said. First I felt bad for the girl in Egypt because of what the guy was doing with the American girl, now I feel sorry for the girl here because of what that guy is doing with the girl in Egypt.
I knew this story was going to end in heartbreak for one or more of the parties involved.
I know this is not the time to be saying this but I’m sorry I have to say it, maybe that’s why our church makes it crystal clear that dating is wrong and having any relationship that’s not in the light and official isn’t right, it could have prevented stuff like this from happening. Sorry I had to get that off my chest.
But now is not the time to point fingers and say what was right and wrong. Be with this girl, please make her eat, and show her that the only love she needs isn’t from anyone in this world but it’s from God, because that is true love.
About the father that wants to go and beat up the guy in Egypt, well of course that’s a fathers reaction when anyone hurts their daughter. But please talk to him and see if you can get him to calm down, making threats like that could be dangerous especially if anything were to happen to the guy in Egypt for any random reason.
No one is worth crying over except if a person lost his or her salvation and left the light of God.
You’re a good friend, may God bless you always
In his name
Hey, I would just like to say that if you had told her earlier none of this or at least not this much trouble would have happened .. You could have saved a lot and you could have saved her a lot of pain.
Anyways, like others said .. praying ofcourse .. in my opinion you can try to take her out to church or to church meeting and such .. just dont leave her alone at home or anywhere .. she will always need someone by her even if you wont say one word! She will get over it eventually and will realize how pointless it was to waste time grieving over her love!! I hope you will be able to pull her through this but Iam sure you can.
God be with you ;D