Decision?

Comments

• Copt4Life

  February 2005

  Firstly I'd like to say that many Copts from famillies outside of Egypt face this struggle between determining their own personal identity and following the traditions of such a rich and comprehensive culture. However, I'd hafta disagree that the church labels things wrong based on middle eastern culture instead of the statutes of God. For example, I recall Anba Angelos speaking to us about spiritual virginity if any of us have already lost our physical one. This is just one example. Also Id like to point out that sumtimes for us it seems like our parents label things badly because they are different when however our parents idealogy regarding these things stems from the Bible. For instance, certain articles of clothing our parents would disapprove of- they dont disapprove because it is not the usual hijab and galabiya they were used to seeing and growing up with but because as Christians we are to dress modestly. Therefore, their reason is religious and not cultural. Another examples is tattoos and body piercings- the Bible speaks against these. So dont assume that the outlook on such things stems frum cultural when it may also or solely stem from Christianity. Also, sometimes the church does label things as wrong so as to simplify it especially for teens. For instances, abounas may say dating is wrong. However, when the time is appropriate and when your father of Confession knows n family etc. there is an appropriate place n time for dating in everyones life. In Christianity we really dont have harram and halal ... we have things that edify and things that dont and I think when were of age enough and when we mature spiritually we start seeing things in terms of how profitable they are to our spiritual life and how much they edify.

  I find myself having to make an urgent decision lately. Will i choose to live my life by the egyptian culture or by the american culture?

  The answer to your question, as you will probably find, is not either/or. You will hafta strike a balance between the divided loyalties that are finding your own identity essentially and fulfilling certain cultural expectations in order to live in harmany w/ family and your surroundings and reality. The reason the answer is not either of is because you dont wanna blindly follow the traditions of egyptian culture because that may lead you to lose sight of your true being and who you really are. At the same time, you want to live in and fit in with your egyptian/coptic community and a lot of times, tradition help develop a sense of identity. A BALANCE MUST BE REACHED really. A lot of us, if not all of us could relate to this struggle. I actually once wrote an essay on this topic so I will post you just a lil part of it and I hope I have helped:
  
  Through these various struggles it becomes evident that in order to achieve happiness a balance of the two dichotomies must be established, as oppose to a side chosen. Families should better understand the struggle faced by those who are mentally trying to survive in two worlds, whether due to cultural displacement or perhaps a generation gap. Meanwhile, the ones facing this struggle should try to empathize with the zealousness that people of a culture feel with regards to preserving their traditions, since these traditions may be a part of their personal identity. Acceptance of one another is vital. However, there are certain defining moments in life where acceptance from culture, friends and even family is seldom found; moments when answers are not to be found anywhere but in one’s heart and moments where one has to make hard choices. It is through these moments however, that one builds character, that one learns about the person they truly are and, in them, that one takes pride. In these pivotal moments, it is important to pause, reflect, follow your heart while using your head, and create your own footsteps.
• cremedelescremes

  February 2005

  [quote author=Copt4Life link=board=1;threadid=1224;start=0#msg20691 date=1108498485]
  Families should better understand the struggle faced by those who are mentally trying to survive in two worlds, whether due to cultural displacement or perhaps a generation gap.
  
  
  Thats a good point.
  
  and also, well what if a girl wants to live alone? Not that i want to, but its a hypothetical situation. There's nothing in the church's rules that says that that shouldn't happen. I think that when faced with a dilemma like this, cultural arguements shoudn't be made.
• jfranklin

  February 2005

  :)
  
  Be the person God made you to be.Be true to yourself{as long as it doesnt violate Gods eternal,unchanging Truth}. Everything you've experienced in this life has been for a purpose;to mould and shape you into the person you now are,and will become in the future.Every word,thought,deed has had a goal.Nothing happens by chance.Be the person God made you to be.The answer is in your own heart.
  
  
  
• socoolbishoy

  February 2005

  well what if a girl wants to live alone?

  let me tell you, if I ever get a daughter, I would never let her live alone, and Ive lived here for most of my life. I would love her too much, I wouldnt want her to ever get hurt, because of me. my answer is not bible based, but upon the teaching of the bible, and the fathers, we need to bring our kids up to be great, and loving God... if Parents do their job, the world would be a PERFECT place. I show my respect to any parents who do that with their daughters...
• cremedelescremes

  February 2005

  what if she's 30? i'm not saying 18.
• socoolbishoy

  February 2005

  beyond 25... she can leave the house... or if she gets married first... lol
• cremedelescremes

  February 2005

  lol well yeah i meant older. but to be honest i think most girls just wanna get married. some are extremely obsessed tho hehe
• socoolbishoy

  February 2005

  but to be honest i think most girls just wanna get married. some are extremely obsessed tho hehe

  I know exactly what you mean... I am not girl... but I know what you mean....lol
• cremedelescremes

  February 2005

  lol i think the guys actually notice the obsession before the girls do
• Unknown

  February 2005

  you know we should keep are egyptian culture i myself like it
  or not just egyptian but any culture your ancesters passed down to you,you should keep it because it shows more uniquenes(lol i'm not sure if thats a real word lol)
  but most importantly keep your faith strong cuz if you turn out to be religious chances are your childeren would too and your childeren ect....
  that i believe is something we should consider doing
  
  thebrain
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Unknown

  February 2005

  [quote author=socoolbishoy link=board=1;threadid=1224;start=0#msg20708 date=1108508768]

  but to be honest i think most girls just wanna get married. some are extremely obsessed tho hehe

  I know exactly what you mean... I am not girl... but I know what you mean....lol
  
  
  Actually...not really...some people just wanna find their true love which yes later is gonna result in marriage...but girls don't go around finding guys they could marry and tht set...tht actually sounds bad...tht girls are obssesed with marriage...WHY...don't guys wanna get married to??
  
  
  About keeping the Egyptian culture thing...yes i would agree u should keep wut u like from it and omit wut u don't like...and the same with the American culture...take wut's rite and leave wut's wrong
• SaviourOfMySoul

  February 2005

  Great words Copt4life! okay so to start this post, i will refer to a comideian i once heard and she was talking about how when she goes home her world is utterly different, then when she is at school, because of different cultures! but i agree with chrisco! you really must find that balance it is essential that you do, because so much of your life hinges on that ballance that you fined between your new cultural obligation sand your old ones. i can't concider myself a canadian only its impossible, so much of what i think and do is so egyptian, its part of who i am, although i may view the world slightly different then my parents i can also identify with them, i can see where they are coming from. i mean i am no maria if i dont listen to arabic music! but i am also not maria if i dont listien to english music either do see what i mean, you have to be able to find that place where you have a part of your old culture and a part of your new!
  
  Maria
• Unknown

  February 2005

  Well I personally don't believe in any culture any society may set..I believe in morals. Follow Christ through all. I think it's alright to do something that's not in our culture but approved by Christ ..but while I'm writing this, I'm wondering what on earth does the coptic heritage forbid that's not against the Church? I guess girls not hanging out with guys can be considered against our heritage but that sorta thing is not a big deal just as long as you stay within Christain boundaries. God bless.