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The EU announced an agreement
The EU announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language ...
of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl. :) :D ;) ;D
of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl. :) :D ;) ;D
Comments
[move]ENJOY :)[/move]
[glow=red,2,300] hahaha[/glow]
that is getting really funny now
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were sitting in a pub one day talking about their sons.
"My son was born on St George's day" said the Englishman, "so obviously we decided to call him George".
"Well thats funny, my son was born on St Andrew's day" remarked the Scotsman, "so we called him Andrew".
"What an incredible coincidence!" said the Irishman, "That's exactly what happened with our son Pancake!".
:) ;) :D ;D 8)
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich,"What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?" Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there." That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!" "That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the for as long as you live!" "That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man. The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?" The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?"
he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle
costing $50.00.
.
"That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a
smaller bottle for $30.00. "That's still quite a bit,"
Tim complained.
.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00
bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see
something really cheap."
.
The clerk handed him a mirror.
:o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o
A Sunday School teacher asked a little boy, "Bobby, do you believe in the devil?" "No," said the little boy. "He's just like Santa Claus. I think it's my daddy."
---------------------
HEHEHE
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
"Certainly! What's the second question?"
~~~
HEHAHEHA
A man suspected his wife of seeing another man, so he hired the
famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities
while he was gone.
A few days later, he received this report :
> YOU LEAVE HOUSE
> I WATCH HOUSE
> HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH
> HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE. I FOLLOW.
> HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL. I CLIMB TREE.
> I LOOK IN WINDOW.
> HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE.
> HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE.
> HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE.
> I PLAY WITH ME. I FALL OUT OF TREE. I NO SEE.
NO FEE,
CHEN LEE
8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8)
i thank you.you are good
you post more.we enjoy
we thank you.you post more!!
thanks lol!
i haven't made any of 'em up!
i just get them posted 2 me !!!
but it's good that u enjoyed ;)
GBU
doctor asks him how he's feeling.
The 80-year-old says, "I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old
bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins. "I have
an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never
misses a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was in a bit of a
hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When
he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of
water. He raised his cane and went 'bang, bang'. Suddenly, two shots
rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"
The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds
into that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
"Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only $.25 cents!!!
The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the Jaguar. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked,"So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...
"Try doing it with the engine running."
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked,"What are you up to there, Nancy?
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."!!!
The parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their sons' behavior. The mother had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if he thought they should send the boys to speak with the clergyman.
The husband said, 'We might as well. We need to do something before I really lose my temper!' The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually. The 8 year old went to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly,'Where is God?'
The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, 'Where is God?' Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, 'WHERE IS GOD?'
At that the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home, slamming himself in the closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and asked what had happened. The younger brother replied, 'We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it.'
--marmar