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divorce

maryfaragmaryfarag
edited December 1969 in Personal Issues
I have a problem. I have recently divorced from my husband. This was a legal divorce and i do not think the church will give me an annulment. At the moment im feeling very lonley and lack the company of adults so i chat online to other males as friends. I want friendship nothing more but at times i feel like i am sinning against God. Does anyone have any ideas or shed some light onto the situation...

Please pray for me!!!!

Comments

  • Mira8388hMira8388h
    hey,
    i am sorry for ur divorce!
    may god be with u and sabareak!
    what i am gonna say is based on the assumtion that ur coptic orthodox!
    in our religion/culture/tradition there is no such a thing as divocre! only on 2 conditions adultry and somen else... i forgot! but i remember it was pretty seriouse! so don't loom ur self it wasn't ur fault! and hey? there are guys/men who are enahoom zaygaa! i am sure it is hard on you, and i am sure it is gonna take time to get over it!
    try talk to a priest if ur that depressed, and lonely! and see what he says!!
    umm...... i have a question! do u have any children???
    u don't have to answer if u don't want!!
    bentBABAyasooa`
  • Unknown
    Hi MaryFarag,
    Im sorry about your situation actually, i know it must be very hard. However, Im curious to know, would you agree that mixed culture marriages work or not? was your marriage mixed (coptic & coptic) or coptic / english. It would be good to know. Thanks,
  • Mira8388hMira8388h
    agree........ with vassillios!

    bentBABAyasooa`
  • Joyful4evaJoyful4eva
    I am not sure what your situation is my beloved sister in Christ and I am so sorry to hear about your difficult situation. I am sure this most be a very sad and hard situation to be in especially in our egyptian culture and religion. Try to stay close to the church and keep your eyes on God. I know this sounds easier said than done but with the power of God he will comfort you. One of my favorite verses in hard times or when I feel broken hearted and alone. I turn to Psalm 147:3, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." I am sure this is a very tough time for yourself. And as a Christian keep praying and reading the Bible even if you don't want to or can't just do so and you will feel God's blessing upon your life. My advice to you as a therapist and from the clients I have encountered in my career, DON'T blame yourself. Alot of people go through this period blaming themself and imagining "what if" or "Maybe if I did this.." its okay to feel hurt and to grieve this is a normal process. Find various ways to alleviate your loneliness by doing activities such as going to the gym and working out. This is a healthy way to release endorphins which are your body's natural way of soothing and relaxing youl. Also, make you new girl friends and try to go out with them whether its to a movie or the mall or any activity. Try to avoid married couples or people in relationships so you don't get depressed or reminsce about your past marriage. And my advice to you as a Christian, try devoting more time to God and the church. See if there are any services that you can get involved in whether its cooking something for the church or teaching sunday school. Keep your life focused on positive and helpful activities for your life. Try to avoid these "internet males" for companionship and give yourself time to heal and for God to restore your broken heart. I will keep you in my prayers and may our Good Lord bless you.
  • maryfaragmaryfarag
    I did forget to mention that the marraige was to a non egyptian and i have 2 young children as a result. I tried very hard to try to make it work but he blamed me for evrything. Abouna was heavily involved but we got nowhere. MY ex betrayed my trust in many ways and violated my trust. I even went to the lengths of defying my parents wishes to try to reconcile and it got me nowhere!!!! He now wants joint custody of the children but the thing is he claims he is too sick to work and drive. If he is not capable of working how does he expect to look after the kids. I know he is only doing this to spite me.
  • Unknown
    Hi Mary,
    Your situation has made me very sad. And as Eva said, please don't blame yourself!!

    Everyone's scared about marriage. Ya3ni... we'd love to know what to do or what not to do. So, what advice would you give us?? (direct your answer to Coptics living in the west for 99% of their life). What would you suggest?

    God bless,
    Vas
  • joyisgod
    Mary,

    May God be with you during these difficult times in your life. My suggestion to you would be to talk to your father of confession, and ask him to get in contact with Anba Poula. I’m sure they will figure something out for your situation.

    However, in the mean time try to occupy yourself as much as possible, whether its with work, or attending church service, or spending time with your two children. I know how hard it is to feel betrayed by a love one, or to lose your best friend such as your ex-husband, but trying to find online friends to fit the void is not the answer. Just take it one day at a time.

    The best advice I can give you is to completely surrender to God’s will. I know its hard to do but it’s the only thing that one can do in times of distress and heartache.

    I will keep you in my prayers and I hope you can bless me with your prayers as well.
    In His Name
  • maryfaragmaryfarag
    My 10 tips about marriage..............

    1. Get to know the person really well. I dont believe in short engagements. People change!!!

    2. Make sure the person is at the same intellectual level as you. They have similar ideas to you and similar values and morals in life.

    3. Having Christ between the both of you during the engagement period and during marriage

    4. Pray together and attend Church together so that when you conflict with each other God gives you the grace to solve the problem without abusing each other verbally, emotionally, physically or psychologically.

    5. Seek the guidance of a counsellor or Abouna to assist in the way you communicate with each other.

    6. The first year of married life is difficult as you are getting to know each other. Understand each others ways. Negotiate with each other

    7. Marrying inter culturally can create many problems

    8. Try and avoid parental interfernce. The worst thing is when you or your partner run to parents for advice or to complain about each other. This creates more conflict. Whatever you do do not live either your parents or the in laws.

    9. Do your homework about your potential partner. Observe their behaviours with other people. This will give you great insight into the persons characteristics

    10. Share married life together. each person needs to put 100% into the relationship not 50-50.


    I wish someone had told me how hard married life would be. Choose carefully and do not rush into marriage beacuse of age or societal pressures. It is not like a pair os shoes which you can toss out and buy another pair. I guess its a risk you take.

    May God give you the wisdom in choosing your partner.

    Please pray for me
  • Mira8388hMira8388h
    wow......mary!

    i am not yet married and i won't be any time soon!! untill 'till 5/6 more yrs or so!! but not less than 5!!

    ur rgt about not hurrying up in a relationship! we should give it as much time as we can, and hey? time is all we got to offer!!

    ur ex is out of the coptic church rgt? ( i apologzie if u mentioned it before!) and i mean by my questions is that.... he wasn't coptic orthodox when u married him?!?!?!!!

    ur 10 tips aobut marriage are wonderful in my opinion, thank u soo ooo much! and i am gonna remember them alawys everytime i am with my fience`! and i will send it to him too!!

    i am sure god is gonna help u recover! and u need to be strong for ur children!!
    may god be with u and protect u!

    bentBABAyasooa`
  • maryfaragmaryfarag
    Dear Bentbabayasou,


    Please keep praying for me as my situation keeps on escalating from bad to worse. My ex was baptised in our church but used to always fight with me about going to church.Please keep Christ alive in your relationship with your fiance.

    I had an AVO against my ex which i revoked two weeks ago. He and his family have been abusive towards me again so i have to reapply for a new AVO. Please pray for me. He also wants to take the children from me which i will fight nail and tooth before he even gets his hands on them. People get very nasty so another tip for you is dont tell everything to your fiance because they use it against you. Be selective in what you say!!!!
    There is so much to learn from other peoples mistakes.
  • hany58hany58
    Hi Mary
    ofcourse I'm sorry for you, my advice is to always keep praying and praying and praying. God is always the best friend for all of us, he knows exactly what we need. I do suggest that you try to take yourself out of this circle of the bad mood and frustration. Try to forget and never lose faith.

    God be with you, I will definitely mention you in my prayers

    Baladoos
  • Unknown
    MaryFarag,
    Many many many thanks for your 10 hottest tips for a successful marriage.

    I was reading your comments, i didnt understand the term AVO? But in any case, it all sounds like you're in a film-hindi.

    But as for inter-cultural marriages:would a coptic christian living in France all his life (FOR EXAMPLE!) be considered an inter-cultural marriage if he married a french girl????

    For me , inter-cultural marriage where an Egyptian Copt who comes to the west AFTER the age of 15. Those are the critical years! S/He marries a French girl, and has no idea of the French culture. Speaking french isnt enough. I see many arabs living in France, and they don't mix well with the French. The French think of them as backward, and they look at the French as if they are all pagans. So, there's no respect. But someone living here , raised here, makes all the difference.

    Would u not agree Mary??
  • maryfaragmaryfarag
    i definately agree and would say that ebing born and raised in AUstralia makes a big difference to what you offer in a realtionship!!! By the way AVO stands for Apprehended Violence Order. I certainly wish this was a film that i could just stop watching!!!

    See Ya around
  • Unknown
    Hi Mary,

    You say you are australian? And your ex was australian? But then that means you are of similar cultures? I mean, when you say the "culture difference" was a problem, then what did you mean?? Are u more egyptian than australian? Did u live in Egypt all your life and come to australia at a young-middle age??

    Thanks for your assitance, we all really need to learn,
    Gros bisous, and I DID PRAY FOR U BY THE WAY!! I'm not kidding...

  • Joyful4evaJoyful4eva
    My Dearest Sister in Christ,
    From reading about your situation, I know it is very frustrating and hard on you. I will keep you in my prayers and ask for the intercessions of Pope Kyrillos who has done many miracles. Don't feel discouraged bc its very easy to feel this way. Try to use soft words when dealing wit your ex-husband this can change alot bc the Bible tells us that a soft answer turns away wrath. So be careful in your treatment with him and try to find supportive Christian friends or a good abouna who you can maintain a good relationship with so you can obtain the strong emotional support that you need right now. This is a very hard and rough emotional state for you but with God on your side don't worry! Try to maintain a postive outlook and try to write or express all your feelings in a journal this is a healthy way and very therapeutic. Please keep us updated on your situation and I will definitely keep you in my prayers. I pray that our Lord and Saviour help you and be with you.
  • Mira8388hMira8388h
    have hope and i am sure god won't leave u!

    just ask in his name and he will come to the rescue!

    bentBABAyasooa`
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