Sex b4 marriage

edited January 2007 in Random Issues
ok, this is might seem like a weird question but ill ask anyways.....

if a young woman between the age of 18-25 fell pregnant before marriiage what would her options be if:
a) she was sincerely sorry for falling into temptation and seeks forgiveness from god
b) enjoyed the moment and has begun the wrong path

i ask this becoz i firmly believe that if she repented and recognised her wrongs then she will be forgiven no questions asked, but wat about the church, i am aware that certain actions by people results in their father or priests in denying them from holy communion for example for a certain period of time......
PLUS wat about the guy, i mean it does take two to tango, so where does he come into play???
am i making sense?? if not plz tell me
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  • if a young woman between the age of 18-25 fell pregnant before marriiage what would her options be if:

    what do you mean by options ? She's not allowed to have an abortion if that's what you're asking.. The Coptic Orthodox Church only allows an abortion if the mother's life is in danger.

    i ask this becoz i firmly believe that if she repented and recognised her wrongs then she will be forgiven no questions asked,

    So do I.

    but wat about the church, i am aware that certain actions by people results in their father or priests in denying them from holy communion for example for a certain period of time......

    I don't think this is one of them.. Being pregnant isn't any more of a sin than having sex outside of marriage is.. It just means everyone's going to know about it. As long as a person repents and confesses they can have communion...

    PLUS wat about the guy, i mean it does take two to tango, so where does he come into play???

    Same goes for him...



  • ok, this is might seem like a weird question but ill ask anyways.....

    LOL... everybody is wierd in their own way... so never stop yourself because your gonna be "wierd"

    if a young woman between the age of 18-25 fell pregnant before marriiage what would her options be if:
    a) she was sincerely sorry for falling into temptation and seeks forgiveness from god
    b) enjoyed the moment and has begun the wrong path

    she's pregnant... nothing more to do... she's having a baby... she needs to start looking for names!

    a) she was sincerely sorry for falling into temptation and seeks forgiveness from god

    WONDERFUL! she can go to church and be happy... upon what the priest or the bishop of the area sees fitting... and hopefully make it to heaven!

    b) enjoyed the moment and has begun the wrong path

    LOL... well... she's gonna be called a ummm a... ummm... ( a female who indulges in sexual activities for a small payment of money) i gave the describtion you give the name... lol... and she's gonna live away from christ... which will cause her to lack happieness... prolly not make it to heaven... I dont know that part... of course God knows! but on the good part is if she enjoyed the moment... I guess there will be more good moments of enjoyment to come! cuz no man will agree to marry her... well, okay this topic is one long topic... I can go on for hours, and hours... about it... and the sad part is I did go on for hours about it before!

    i ask this becoz i firmly believe that if she repented and recognised her wrongs then she will be forgiven no questions asked, but wat about the church, i am aware that certain actions by people results in their father or priests in denying them from holy communion for example for a certain period of time......

    well if she's ready to repent, then she's ready to put up with what God, through the priest says she should do! and these actions the priest takes is for the best of her life... I've been stopped from communing so many times... well not really only 3-4 times... and thats because I did not chose to repent... but if the girl choses to repent... and is willing to submit to the will of God through his clergy then ALL will be GOOD!

    PLUS wat about the guy, i mean it does take two to tango, so where does he come into play???

    You ARE RIGHT! it does take two to tango... but you know what its only one that will have the big belly, its only one that will be looked down upon, its only one that will go through the living hell on earth... but on the spiritual part... they are both accountable for the wrong... but socially its a whole different story... in which I can go on/have gone on for hours... LOL... its sad believe me!

    am i making sense?? if not plz tell me

    same goes for me!
  • Great replies but I just wanted to add that with a sin comes punishment and also consequences. Here the big consequence is that the young person you're talking about will basically lose a big part of her life (or his life partially) because of the small mistake. That means they will come parents, or an only-mother that will be responsible for a human being. That responsibility is not as easy as anything else we can get in life. Some people take till their 30th or may be more to get to that kind of maturity.

    Am not refuting anyone here but rather stating the reality.
  • Couldnt she concider giving the baby away for adoption? Does our church have a view concerning this??
  • [quote author=Hos Erof link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=0#msg66470 date=1169505161]
    Couldnt she concider giving the baby away for adoption? Does our church have a view concerning this??


    i don't think so. like i said above. it's part of the punishment. can't just give it away.
  • yea there obviously has to be some kind of punishment for acts like this. Even though hands are wide open for forgivness, punishment is essential for both male and female because of the mistake. If no punishment is given, no lesson will be learned (the punished are not the only ones learning, but also those who observe)

    However, once forgivness is saught for and recieved, the confesser should not be looked down upon, but should be seen as clean, and observers should celebrate with the angels who recieve a victory.
  • what kind of punishment are you referring to ?
  • what do you mean by options ? She's not allowed to have an abortion if that's what you're asking.. The Coptic Orthodox Church only allows an abortion if the mother's life is in danger.

    sorry my bad, i shudn't have sed options i was thinking more consequences

    I don't think this is one of them.. Being pregnant isn't any more of a sin than having sex outside of marriage is.. It just means everyone's going to know about it. As long as a person repents and confesses they can have communion...

    so there are no repercussions...........besides egypo gossiping

    [quote author=SuperMAN(BAM) .....
    LOL... everybody is wierd in their own way... so never stop yourself because your gonna be "wierd"

    lol, ur simply a classic thankz for the reassurance

    I agree with minagir in regards to actions having consequences etc hence the reasoning for my question but if she is truly repentful as im sure she wud be then there shudnt be any consequences really……….just as god forgives us for any other sin wen we seek forgiveness, he doesn’t punish us whereas society on the other hand WILL

    I have heard on orphanages or sumfin in Egypt where young women can send their babies to but unfortunately the child will never know who their parents are

    And I do believe that if a young women is not being supported satisfactory by her family or the father that she shud have the option of abortion whether its legit or not

    And again I do agree with davidchanter but as I stated b4 the experience itself is a form of learning, is punishment really require? If so wat form of punishment is reasonable for a young pregnant woman?
  • [quote author=kerestina link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=0#msg66506 date=1169543930]
    And I do believe that if a young women is not being supported satisfactory by her family or the father that she shud have the option of abortion whether its legit or not


    I'm not going to comment on the morality of abortion. We all know the teaching of the Church and I don't want to divert from the original poster's question.

    However I will say this...

    A father who abandons his pregnant partner brings more shame upon himself than all acts of infidelity he committed combined. Men who refuse to accept the consequences of their actions are cowards and give a bad name to all men.

    If we want to lower the abortion rate, then we need to make sure that our boys grow up to take responsibility for their actions.

    Now I'm not suggesting that the man should arrange shotgun wedding the moment he "knocks up" his girlfriend. The last thing we want is a dysfunctional, perhaps even abusive, family because the couple were never right for each other in the first place. That would be a far more harmful environment for a child to grow up in than a single parent household.

    But I do strongly believe that men in this situation should share the burden in raising the child, irrespective of whether the relationship with his partner ends or if they get married. They need to stop thinking about themselves, and start thinking about their child (and not to forget the mother of their child). At the very least, they need to work hard to provide the very best they can financially for the child.

    One more thing...
    I know up until now no one has used this term, but I thought I would pre-empt the discussion by saying there is no such thing as an illegitimate child. No child is illegitimate in the eyes of our Lord. This concept of so-called illegitimacy applies only to monarchs and nobles. Our Heavenly King on the other hand said, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them; for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 19:14). All children are special to God. So irrespective of the circumstances, we should treat our children as a blessing from God and endeavour to perform our vocation of parenthood, a sacred duty, as best as we can.
  • [quote author=kerestina link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=0#msg66506 date=1169543930]
    And again I do agree with davidchanter but as I stated b4 the experience itself is a form of learning, is punishment really require? If so wat form of punishment is reasonable for a young pregnant woman?



    it is said that we learn from our mistakes. yes we do but does that undo the mistaske. no...everything goes is it is.
    you can't think of it as a harsh way of punishment. a pegnet women that is not married and have sined would have to take care of that child.
  • A punishment such as suspension from the partaking of Communion. While the person is clean of the sin after confessing, a punishment like this serves its purpose for comprehension of the mistake that was made. A person will not really think of their mistake if they do not recieve a punishment. If you make a mistake and you do not recieve a punishment, pride can go through your thoughts and tell you that you "got away" with it. Punishment allows for contemplation, and a deeper understanding of the love of Jesus Christ.
  • Well, in my personal opinion, God will forgive any sin if the girl repents, exactly like how Saint moses the black repented. But who said that the girl wouldn't get any punishment?? ofcourse she would, at least she is going to look bad in front of other people when she is pregnant, i personally feel very sorry for her, but really i can't help, I think that this is a tough punishment, and unfortunately the man doesn't get punished as bad as the girl because people never look at anything except just looks. But spiritually, both of them will be punished, but how, i don't know....this is God's freedom and I can't say how.

    Yalla take care
  • [quote author=baladoos link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=0#msg66532 date=1169585875]
    Well, in my personal opinion, God will forgive any sin if the girl repents, exactly like how Saint moses the black repented. But who said that the girl wouldn't get any punishment?? ofcourse she would, at least she is going to look bad in front of other people when she is pregnant, i personally feel very sorry for her, but really i can't help, I think that this is a tough punishment, and unfortunately the man doesn't get punished as bad as the girl because people never look at anything except just looks. But spiritually, both of them will be punished, but how, i don't know....this is God's freedom and I can't say how.

    Yalla take care


    ok. having a baby and another human being to care of is a huge burden on a girl that still in freshmen in college. the girl is still being taken care of by her parents but now sshe having to care care of a child that she doesn't even know how feed. is this a big enough punishment?!!!!! also the boy or the "man" will suffer. now he have to acuilty work to support the family that he is supposetly stuck with.
  • lol believe me the first question is always "who's the father?" God has a way for revealing the mistake and guilt to both participants of the action.
  • [quote author=davidschanter link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=0#msg66534 date=1169587427]
    lol believe me the first question is always "who's the father?" God has a way for revealing the mistake and guilt to both participants of the action.


    i guess you watch Maury, lolololol ;D
  • hahaha ;D
    Every morning that guy is insane
  • [quote author=davidschanter link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=15#msg66540 date=1169588149]
    hahaha ;D
    Every morning that guy is insane


    to me the guys is just tring to make areal funny show. it's like jerry, all u see is people fight and others flashing for no reason. it's sensless.
  • [quote author=davidschanter link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=0#msg66525 date=1169582209]
    A punishment such as suspension from the partaking of Communion. While the person is clean of the sin after confessing, a punishment like this serves its purpose for comprehension of the mistake that was made. A person will not really think of their mistake if they do not recieve a punishment. If you make a mistake and you do not recieve a punishment, pride can go through your thoughts and tell you that you "got away" with it. Punishment allows for contemplation, and a deeper understanding of the love of Jesus Christ.


    A person who has made a mistake [especially one they have not made before] is in need of repentance and cleansing through communion. I think they identify their wrong when they go through repentance and confession. How can someone think 'I got away with it?' The poor girl now has to raise a child and disregard any plans she had for her life as does the father. I think that's lesson learned.

    Of course punishment is due to any wrong doing, that's justice. But Jesus came down and took the blame for every one our sins. His blood was shed so ours wouldn't have to be.

    Hope I helped. :D.
  • [quote author=Ethanol link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=0#msg66522 date=1169567678]
    [quote author=kerestina link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=0#msg66506 date=1169543930]
    And I do believe that if a young women is not being supported satisfactory by her family or the father that she shud have the option of abortion whether its legit or not


    I'm not going to comment on the morality of abortion. We all know the teaching of the Church and I don't want to divert from the original poster's question.



    oh damn it, i didnt mean abortion, i was thinking adoption. i thought it was weird how u were talking about abortion wen in my head i was thinking adoption, unitl i read wat i wrote again im soooooooooooooo sorry,
    i was referring to the above statement where“apparently” a young woman pregnant without marriage cannot give her child up for adoption becoz its part of her punishment, now in my eyes i dont think u can deny any person that option, every circumstance is different
    im sooooo sorry i totally didnt mean abortion
  • [quote author=minagir link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=0#msg66533 date=1169586144]
    is this a big enough punishment?!!!!!
    is it?
    i think it is

    [quote author=davidschanter link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=0#msg66525 date=1169582209]
    A punishment such as suspension from the partaking of Communion. While the person is clean of the sin after confessing, a punishment like this serves its purpose for comprehension of the mistake that was made. A person will not really think of their mistake if they do not recieve a punishment. If you make a mistake and you do not recieve a punishment, pride can go through your thoughts and tell you that you "got away" with it. Punishment allows for contemplation, and a deeper understanding of the love of Jesus Christ.


    i tend to disagree, by denying the mother communion, ur denying the child too, and such suspensions wud be for a long period of time and remember the woman is only pregnant for 9 months
    i agree punishment at times needs to be enforcement for people to learn and understand the consequences for such a mistake but as indicated above isnt the responsibility of parent hood enough? (not including all the labelling, harrasment and stigma attached as well)
  • [quote author=kerestina link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=15#msg66610 date=1169638856]
    [quote author=Ethanol link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=0#msg66522 date=1169567678]
    [quote author=kerestina link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=0#msg66506 date=1169543930]
    And I do believe that if a young women is not being supported satisfactory by her family or the father that she shud have the option of abortion whether its legit or not


    I'm not going to comment on the morality of abortion. We all know the teaching of the Church and I don't want to divert from the original poster's question.



    oh damn it, i didnt mean abortion, i was thinking adoption. i thought it was weird how u were talking about abortion wen in my head i was thinking adoption, unitl i read wat i wrote again im soooooooooooooo sorry,
    i was referring to the above statement where“apparently” a young woman pregnant without marriage cannot give her child up for adoption becoz its part of her punishment, now in my eyes i dont think u can deny any person that option, every circumstance is different
    im sooooo sorry i totally didnt mean abortion



    A child is not punishment. It is a circumstance that the parents have to deal with because of their mistake. They must bring it up like any other parent would, with love and care, not as if it is a 'punishment'.

    In any case that a parent cannot provide for the child and bring it up, it may be given up ofr adoption. It is not always the best thing to do because who knows what kind of family this child might end up with.. but it is an option.
  • [quote author=kerestina link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=15#msg66611 date=1169646658]
    [quote author=minagir link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=0#msg66533 date=1169586144]
    is this a big enough punishment?!!!!!
    is it?
    i think it is
    ok it is but it is in fact a sin. the wage of a sin is death. which would you except. death or punishment that would be on you anyway.


    [quote author=davidschanter link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=0#msg66525 date=1169582209]
    A punishment such as suspension from the partaking of Communion. While the person is clean of the sin after confessing, a punishment like this serves its purpose for comprehension of the mistake that was made. A person will not really think of their mistake if they do not recieve a punishment. If you make a mistake and you do not recieve a punishment, pride can go through your thoughts and tell you that you "got away" with it. Punishment allows for contemplation, and a deeper understanding of the love of Jesus Christ.

    i tend to disagree, by denying the mother communion, ur denying the child too, and such suspensions wud be for a long period of time and remember the woman is only pregnant for 9 months
    i agree punishment at times needs to be enforcement for people to learn and understand the consequences for such a mistake but as indicated above isnt the responsibility of parent hood enough? (not including all the labelling, harrasment and stigma attached as well)

    the priest wouldn't deny the mother's communion but he would just keep it away from her until she really respects the unity with Christ in the right way. same for the child. also don't forget, the child is and would be part of the mother not a diffrent person. also the child would not be mature enough to choose for themselves.

    also the punishment of not granted communion would be for not respecting what you were with all that time, which is Jesus Christ. now parent hood is worldy punishment. tell me what would happend to the child if the mother don't declare the parent hood. please don't consider adoption because there is not point for it. adoption would only be nesserally if the parents are like dead or may be are a danger to the children.
  • [quote author=Hizz_chiilld link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=15#msg66613 date=1169650621]
    A child is not punishment. It is a circumstance that the parents have to deal with because of their mistake. They must bring it up like any other parent would, with love and care, not as if it is a 'punishment'.


    i didnt say a child was a punishment, children are a blessing and a bundle of joy, parent hood is a struggle especially for a young person with little life experience

    [quote author=Hizz_chiilld link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=15#msg66613 date=1169650621]
    In any case that a parent cannot provide for the child and bring it up, it may be given up ofr adoption. It is not always the best thing to do because who knows what kind of family this child might end up with.. but it is an option.


    sumtimes adoption is the best thing to do sumtimes it isnt, separation from parents is a horrific experience but one needs to conisder whats in the best interests of the child, and not every mother is equipped or able to take on such a role, we shudnt be close minded and neglect this option of adoption, no one can be certain of anything, sum people take parenthood with both hands and accept the challenge sum crumble and in the process negatively influences the childs life......

  • [quote author=minagir link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=15#msg66616 date=1169666289]
    ok it is but it is in fact a sin. the wage of a sin is death. which would you except. death or punishment that would be on you anyway.


    we sin everyday minagir

    [quote author=minagir link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=15#msg66616 date=1169666289]
    the priest wouldn't deny the mother's communion but he would just keep it away from her until she really respects the unity with Christ in the right way.


    wats the difference between denying sumone communion and keeping it away from them
    if she is repentful, it shud be thru how she lives her life and building a stronger relationship with god not with words god wants to see us grow in his guidance,

    same for the child. also don't forget, the child is and would be part of the mother not a diffrent person. also the child would not be mature enough to choose for themselves.

    mature enough???? the child in her womb, which becomes part of her wudnt have a clue how they came into being,

    [quote author=minagir link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=15#msg66616 date=1169666289]
    also the punishment of not granted communion would be for not respecting what you were with all that time, which is Jesus Christ. now parent hood is worldy punishment. tell me what would happend to the child if the mother don't declare the parent hood. please don't consider adoption because there is not point for it. adoption would only be nesserally if the parents are like dead or may be are a danger to the children.


    one needs to accept parenthood whether they like it or not, whether they adopt the role of parent/s is another story, one needs to accept reality, we are human beings with a genuine need for belonging, everyone wants a family with a mum and dad and siblings. those who dont feel as though they are part of a unity are not satisfied with their life

    options beside adoption??? you tell me
  • [quote author=kerestina link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=15#msg66654 date=1169727128]
    [quote author=Hizz_chiilld link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=15#msg66613 date=1169650621]
    A child is not punishment. It is a circumstance that the parents have to deal with because of their mistake. They must bring it up like any other parent would, with love and care, not as if it is a 'punishment'.


    i didnt say a child was a punishment, children are a blessing and a bundle of joy, parent hood is a struggle especially for a young person with little life experience

    [quote author=Hizz_chiilld link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=15#msg66613 date=1169650621]
    In any case that a parent cannot provide for the child and bring it up, it may be given up ofr adoption. It is not always the best thing to do because who knows what kind of family this child might end up with.. but it is an option.


    sumtimes adoption is the best thing to do sumtimes it isnt, separation from parents is a horrific experience but one needs to conisder whats in the best interests of the child, and not every mother is equipped or able to take on such a role, we shudnt be close minded and neglect this option of adoption, no one can be certain of anything, sum people take parenthood with both hands and accept the challenge sum crumble and in the process negatively influences the childs life......

    it depends on the parents. also don't tell me it's easy to have sex if you know its real meaning.

    Quote from: minagir on January 24, 2007, 02:18:09 PM
    ok it is but it is in fact a sin. the wage of a sin is death. which would you except. death or punishment that would be on you anyway.

    we sin everyday minagir

    you're fully right a sin is a sin one is not biger than the other BUT, the consequences of sins are diffrent and that's our responsibilty.

    wats the difference between denying sumone communion and keeping it away from them. if she is repentful, it shud be thru how she lives her life and building a stronger relationship with god not with words god wants to see us grow in his guidance,

    to know God and to learn His ways, you have to respect Him, His body first. if we take communion without being worthy will be condemt fully for that. also it's commen sense that to much of one thing without understangin it will fade away it's real meaning.

    Quote:
    same for the child. also don't forget, the child is and would be part of the mother not a diffrent person. also the child would not be mature enough to choose for themselves.
    Quote:
    mature enough???? the child in her womb, which becomes part of her wudnt have a clue how they came into being,

    yes, so they wouldn't be mature enough. and that's why they need to be with ther parents.

    one needs to accept parenthood whether they like it or not, whether they adopt the role of parent/s is another story, one needs to accept reality, we are human beings with a genuine need for belonging, everyone wants a family with a mum and dad and siblings. those who dont feel as though they are part of a unity are not satisfied with their life

    options beside adoption??? you tell me

    i don't think there is anything else. if the person couldn't find an option to get out f sin or to follow what Christ said or to resepct the communion that he or she have been recieving for the longest time, why should they be granted any choises. we choose for ourselves, free will right, and that's why we should carry the resbosibilty of our will even though it's supposed to be God's will not our ours.
    even though all of what we do, God still gives us the chanse to repent.
  • Very Interesting topic. Just wanted to share a few comments:

    1) If the parents are unavailable, or otherwise incapable of taking care of the child, the church supports the option of adoption to preserve a life.

    2) Punishment. We are arguing about denying a woman who sinned communion for a period of time. Tradition tells us in the old church, the church was structerly devided into 3 sections (called 3 chorus) the first was for the believers, the second for the Catachumens (those who believe but not baptized) and the third and last section was for the "sinners". At the time, punishment meant to stand in the sinners section for a period of time, and BEG every person that walks through the doors to pray for you infront of God so that He may forgive you. Talk about Harsh punishment!!! But as many of you said, that will serve as a reminder not to sin again.

    3) God died for us, which means that we will not be punished in Heaven for our sins. But punishment here or earth is different.

    Hope this helps.

  • [quote author=minagir link=board=11;threadid=4911;start=15#msg66658 date=1169732521]
    you're fully right a sin is a sin one is not biger than the other BUT, the consequences of sins are diffrent and that's our responsibilty.


    i agree

    to know God and to learn His ways, you have to respect Him, His body first. if we take communion without being worthy will be condemt fully for that. also it's commen sense that to much of one thing without understangin it will fade away it's real meaning.



    one needs to accept parenthood whether they like it or not, whether they adopt the role of parent/s is another story, one needs to accept reality, we are human beings with a genuine need for belonging, everyone wants a family with a mum and dad and siblings. those who dont feel as though they are part of a unity are not satisfied with their life

    options beside adoption??? you tell me

    i don't think there is anything else. if the person couldn't find an option to get out f sin or to follow what Christ said or to resepct the communion that he or she have been recieving for the longest time, why should they be granted any choises. we choose for ourselves, free will right, and that's why we should carry the resbosibilty of our will even though it's supposed to be God's will not our ours.
    even though all of what we do, God still gives us the chanse to repent.
    i agree communion is a sacred sacrament and should be respected but I agree with one of hizz child’s posts about needing cleansing through communion. There must be other consequences besides the denial of communion, its important to support her rather than drive her away with these ‘punishments’

    as i sed b4 we sin everyday and communion brings us bak to god afta we have repented and confessed our sins but we do have choices and so we should, one should not be limited becoz they made a mistake

    (ps) sorry for being annoying or complicating things but i believe in these type of situations the church should have more of a supportive role than anything else, god does not punish so why should we, communion is important and to take that away from sumone who has repented and seeks forgiveness doesnt seem right, thats driving her away from the church............there must be other forms of 'punishments' the church cud implement
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