Hi all,
I'm in a dilemma. There's this girl who likes me...and by likes me, i mean totally infatuated. Unfortunately, I have known her for years, but I have never felt the same towards her. Her personality and mine simply do not mesh.
What do I do? I feel bad, but I dont want to be in a lifelong relationship where we are both missing out on the life that God intended for us.
Comments
tell her the truth & pray she duznt hurt.
if you don't have to spend time with her perhaps try not to be where she is for a while till things get better..
I may be wrong
God be with you
If she has/does confront you, you should be honest with her.. be straightforward and direct.. dont give her false hope, don't try to act out of kindness or sympathy bacause that's 10 times worse. Be truthful.
Hi all,
I'm in a dilemma. There's this girl who likes me...and by likes me, i mean totally infatuated. Unfortunately, I have known her for years, but I have never felt the same towards her. Her personality and mine simply do not mesh.
What do I do? I feel bad, but I dont want to be in a lifelong relationship where we are both missing out on the life that God intended for us.
I think u should change the title of your post. I doesnt sound very orthodox!!
Yes, the others brought up a good point. My understanding was that she'd spoken to you about this.. otherwise, how would you be so sure, and why would it bother you so much?
If she has/does confront you, you should be honest with her.. be straightforward and direct.. dont give her false hope, don't try to act out of kindness or sympathy bacause that's 10 times worse. Be truthful.
The thing is, she never told me anything, but I know this for a fact. I have heard it from a very reliable source, and it fits. She gives not so subtle hints as well, but we never discussed it.
I've been ignoring it for a while, but now I wonder whether it is better to just tell her the truth, which could make things worse. I see her a lot, as friends, and i don't want to get her mad at me by completely cutting her out.
The even more confusing part is that her father of confession may have reinforced her infatuation with me.
Bahh this is so confusing...I kinda feel guilty for not reciprocating her feelings, but then again I do know how it feels since I was in her place not too long ago.
And btw, I am in my early 20's, so this isn't some high school game.
Pray: "Let Your Will be done."
I would recommend you continue to do what you have been doing, that is, do not reciprocate her feelings. You have no reason to feel guilty. You are not attracted to her, and that is not a crime. Try to give subtle hints as well that you are not interested. Also, if you suspect that her FoC is egging her on, then maybe you should speak to him as well, and let him know of your feelings about her, so that he can take steps to help with the situation.
In shock, I did not know what to do, and as a consequence I said absolutely nothing and she left with no answer.
I tried to avoid her afterwards, but she seemed to "bump" into me on the "odd" occasion. I was convinced that it was over since I did not give her an answer, and that it therefore meant that I was not interested in the relationship and that she in turn should not be interested.
Unfortunately, I was mistaken, and as a consequence, it seemed as though she was trying even harder to establish the relationship every time we'd meet.
I still haven’t told her and am relying on time to kill this whole issue.
What I recommend is this.
1. Tell her you’re not interested, because not telling her doesn’t help, and it will take way too long for this to "die" out. (Trust me!)
2. Pray for the whole issue.
3. Avoid her (it might help)
4. Go and become a Monk!! (Perhaps the best option of all, but as you father of confession first)
Man, I feel your sorrow 100%. Seriously, when I was reading your post it was scary, it was as though I was reading the story of my life. In a like manner, I am 20 and the girl liked me beyond comprehension. Actually, I was 150% sure of this as she asked me to take the relationship further.
In shock, I did not know what to do, and as a consequence I said absolutely nothing and she left with no answer.
I tried to avoid her afterwards, but she seemed to "bump" into me on the "odd" occasion. I was convinced that it was over since I did not give her an answer, and that it therefore meant that I was not interested in the relationship and that she in turn should not be interested.
Unfortunately, I was mistaken, and as a consequence, it seemed as though she was trying even harder to establish the relationship every time we'd meet.
I still haven’t told her and am relying on time to kill this whole issue.
What I recommend is this.
1. Tell her you’re not interested, because not telling her doesn’t help, and it will take way too long for this to "die" out. (Trust me!)
2. Pray for the whole issue.
3. Avoid her (it might help)
4. Go and become a Monk!! (Perhaps the best option of all, but as you father of confession first)
Since your situation is obviously still a problem, and you know the solution.. how about putting into action ?!? :D
I only agree with your number 1 and 2, 3 and 4.. not so much. He shouldn't avoid her because if he does it will hurt her feelings, and since she doesn't know that he knows [or so i presume] she will have no idea whyy he is avoiding her, and it may lead to some unecessary confrontation about issues that don't even exist.
Your story however, is different.. because she's told you and so, as a result, she obviously knows that you know... so avoiding her s just making a little problem bigger and bigger and bigger, i mean, you yourself said she wasn't getting the message.. so my advice [to you] .. TALK TO HERRRRRRR! if you can't do it face to face then write her a note, send her an email.. talk to her on msn [only if you REALLY have no other choice], but the point is she has to know, because you have to consider her feelings aswell.. she's holding onto something that doens't exist. Just tell her, you might hurt her, but it hurts even more when she doesn't know.
& 'Be a monk' ???
i thought it was a joke but when you said the confession father part i thought you may actually be for real..
Just in case you were serious...
[glow=red,2,300]YOU CANNOT JOIN A MONASTARY TO RUN AWAY FROM A GIRL!! [/glow]
if you want me to elaborate on that just ask :) .. but personally, i think it speaks for itself...
To clarify to all, the becoming a monk option was a joke, but if you seriously consider it, then ask your confession father.
In any case, there is no presumption that you cannot go to a monastery to run away from a girl. St Anthony ran away from the world and its lustful desires. Wouldn't that be similar to running away from a woman and her lustful desires, in order to increase in spiritual growth?
Just consider it!
Besides, you may wish to reconsider your post for it is gravely against the bible. To quote Proverbs 21:19 "Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman." Deductive reasoning emphasises that if you believe that in the future the relationship may result in hostility, then better to dwell in the wilderness!
As for confronting the girl about the issue, I would rather not open closed wounds, and believe that given enough time, all issues will resolve to naught!
well, to tell you the truth, i can't really empathise with you, since i really don't see where you're comming from, but i can with the girl.. cause, well, im a girl, and i know that i would rather know. and from your post i got the impression that this was happening now.. but if its over, its over.. you're absolutely correct..
I don't think that you should go to a monastery to hide or run away from the temptations of the world, but because you don't want the world, because you want to dedicate all your time and enerygy direcly to God. If you ask me, monastic life is full of temptation and trials, more than you'd experience in the world. In the world, youre occupied by many things.. school, university, occupation, socialising.. but in the monastery you are not so busy, you're an easier target for the devil. now, i am by no means contradicting the verse that you quoted. I think you may be taking it a little too literally though, that could mean don't walk into temptation, it is better to be alone than to keep bad company, etc..
St Anthony didn't run away from the world, he left the world because he didn't want it, he didn't have any interest in the materialism of the world but had his eyes focussed on God only..
1. For some reason I thought you were a man, hence the need for me to say I love you. I do not take this back, but wish to emphasis that this love is Aghabi love only, and not Eros love. (Perhaps filo love!)
2. I agree with you completly. Proverbs 14:16 A wise man fears and departs from evil, But a fool rages and is self-confident. I would be a fool to continue down this path that I am walking
3. Do you know how to make a new and seperate post. As in, how do I create a whole new post on a new subject matter? I have some questions on the deutrocanoncial books I would like to ask!
got it ;D
confront ur fears gentlemen...imagine wen ur married and ur wife says honey wat do u think of this dress; if u say bootiful darling and she walks out and gets dirties and negative comments..ull be a dead man wen she gets home lol....
its about constructively telling sumone the truth...if ur not interested in a relationship remind them how valuable the frenship u have built is....
honesty is always the best policy and a huge relief on ur part...u cant control how u feel nor can u control how others feel but u can be considerate and pray that God will find her sumone special.. :)
avoiding will not help..its onli a temporary solution if that...u need to learn to be honest with gurls in a manner that will not hurt them....u dont have to say "listen up gurl...i dont like u so bak off"...there r otha ways and it depends solely on the individual and how they usually communicate..lol by avoiding her; she may think ur playing hard to get lol :P....
confront ur fears gentlemen...imagine wen ur married and ur wife says honey wat do u think of this dress; if u say bootiful darling and she walks out and gets dirties and negative comments..ull be a dead man wen she gets home lol....
its about constructively telling sumone the truth...if ur not interested in a relationship remind them how valuable the frenship u have built is....
honesty is always the best policy and a huge relief on ur part...u cant control how u feel nor can u control how others feel but u can be considerate and pray that God will find her sumone special.. :)
:) yep !!
avoiding will not help..its onli a temporary solution if that...u need to learn to be honest with gurls in a manner that will not hurt them....u dont have to say "listen up gurl...i dont like u so bak off"...there r otha ways and it depends solely on the individual and how they usually communicate..lol by avoiding her; she may think ur playing hard to get lol :P....
confront ur fears gentlemen...imagine wen ur married and ur wife says honey wat do u think of this dress; if u say bootiful darling and she walks out and gets dirties and negative comments..ull be a dead man wen she gets home lol....
its about constructively telling sumone the truth...if ur not interested in a relationship remind them how valuable the frenship u have built is....
honesty is always the best policy and a huge relief on ur part...u cant control how u feel nor can u control how others feel but u can be considerate and pray that God will find her sumone special.. :)
Thanks for the reply.
I think your answer would help in most situations, and it would probably be the best thing to do. However, in my case, I am dealing with someone who has a very sensitive personality, and I feel like if I tell her flat out, it will devastate her. I have a feeling this has been an ongoing crush...maybe 5-6 years! She's also becoming very transparent and clear lately in her hints that she is interested. I feel as if I even say "hi, how's your day?" she might take it as a proposal to marry her.
I'm definitely praying for her, as I know how it feels to be in that position. I just don't know what else to do...
Pray for me and her...
the best advice has been given already, so all i can really add is, make her realize somehow that no matter how much she likes you, or even if you liked her back (that way) your most def. not a future husband, so she shouldn't waste her time...
maybe just give her a hug and say...you know, it's really great having a great friend like you , you're like a sister to me...
you know that way she gets the pointt.
idk, im starting to think posting this is pointless since praying and being honest, really the two best things you can do, have been mentionedd...
oh well
the best advice has been given already, so all i can really add is, make her realize somehow that no matter how much she likes you, or even if you liked her back (that way) your most def. not a future husband, so she shouldn't waste her time...
maybe just give her a hug and say...you know, it's really great having a great friend like you , you're like a sister to me...
you know that way she gets the pointt.
idk, im starting to think posting this is pointless since praying and being honest, really the two best things you can do, have been mentionedd...
oh well
Actually, that was really helpful. Telling her she's like a sister should get the point across without being harsh. Thanks =)
-maybe when she hears it from a priest she would get the idea that your are serious in not being interested.
-it will be indirecly said so you won't heart her feelings.
but i have to tell you that it won't be easy .. according to what you said she started being "interested in you" 5-6 years ago (and you did nothing about it) which is a long time and i assume she was a teenager so normally this kind of love doesn't survive but this case is weird..
pray for her ..trust me she needs those prayers....