Hello all,
I need your prayers please. I committed a sin last week, that I will never ever forgive myself of. I have a wondful life completely blessed by God and all he does for me. I have a beautiful wife, and we both know it was God who brouht us together. And through the grace of God we have a little baby girl on the way. Thank God for all his blessings.
I have always been weak, we all are, I understand that. I have a weakness of the flesh I look at material online, magazines, and even go to strip clubs. Through the help of my wife, I thought I had beaten it. I had gone several months without doing any of that. I was always afraid I'd never be able to stop, but I thought I had... Now that we are having this baby, I'm filled with so many emotions and anxieties. I told my wife I feel I need to go one more time to a club just so I can get it out of my system before the baby comes.
I am so weak. So needless to say, I went. and the temptation just overcame more than I'd ever felt it before... and I ended up having relations with one of the women there. As if that wasn't enough... it was unprotected. I know it is a horrible thing. I hate myself for it. I'm so afraid God is going to punish me and strike me with some disease like HIV. I know I deserve it. Yet I'm so afraid.
I still pray, but I feel so far away from God, I beg him to spare me his wrath, I ask meri girgis to intercede on my behalf and ask God to spare me. Yet I know I deserve whatever I have comming to me. I promised God and Meri Girgis I would never step foot in a place like that again. and I mean it. but I don't think it is going to be enough.
I don't know what to do. I beg you all for your prayers. I beg God to have mercy on me.
Please pray for me,
Shh
Comments
Some quotes that will hopefully provide you some comfort:
Sins of the flesh are so grave, and they seem (with me) that they are never ending. However, let me reassure you saying some scientific facts: first of all, studies have been carried out stating that every one who falls in these sins, or commits them, think that his fantasies are worse than anyone else on earth. Secondly, HIV is not transmitted from just one unprotected contact. The likelihood is so little, and it increases by increasing the number of unprotected contacts.
All of that aside, what we now want is spiritual purity rather than purity of the flesh. Wife, father of confession, or whosoever, will not be enough to redeem us from this kind of sins (specifically). It is only God. As you may know, one of the saints of old (a monk) used to be fought with the presence of a real woman for twenty years, and every one he fell in adultery he stood up and prayed, till satan got fed up in the end saying "can't you stop praying?", and the saint humbly replied "you strike me with the clouts of sin, while I strike you with the hammers of prayer". So the solution lies in praying: never assume that doing the sin one last time will help, it is rather like addiction; if you give up the addiction, don't touch the drug. If you do, then you will never get away from that circle.
God bless you and pray for us a lot
your repentance is ever so clear from your message, and i think that you should be somewhat thankful that you sinned to such extant, because apparetnly it brought on a change that is almost permanent (with prayer and fasting).
The fact that you sinned so gravely, basically made such a mark that im almost sure you'll never commit it ever again, and maybe anything like it.
"out of the darkness came a light" i strongly believe that God has blessed you with allwing hte power of the Holy Spirit in you to take action and wake you up. So honestly i were in your shoes, i would get up now pray (as you have done already) thanking God for causing you to change, go confess your sins, have a sit down w/ your FOC and see what his opinion is, and take off the old sinner, and put on the new man.
If you think what you did was unforgivable, look at the bible. David saw a woman he liked and had relations with her, he was so sorry for what he did afterwards that he cried untill his bed was completely wet. The Lord forgave him. So will he forgive you... dont be afraid, just stay close to the church and away from the club. It was wrong for you to go to the club in the first place. But Jesus is forgiving of all sins. Dont let satan tell you otherwise, his plan is to make u fall and than make you think Jesus is so upset that he wont pick you up. Stay strong, the Lord came to earth for us SINNERS. Remember, fall down before the Lord, but stand up before satan.
I understand that you are going through difficult times and have succombed to the desires of the flesh. But...welcome to the CLUB.. we have all fallen into the very sins that we try to avoid so diligently. But we can't help it, it is our sinful nature. St. Paul went through the same thing as he wrote, "15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it." Romans 7:15-20 Do not let the devil trick you into believing that God will not forgive you. God knows that we will fall in sin but he wants us to turn to him and he will always forgive us as long as we repent. Memorize psalm 103:11-14.
God Bless
God be with you. This will be a tough time for you. But you are not to listen to the lies of the enemy.
There is also the story of a very holy monk who could even cast out devils who one day fell into fornication with a woman or girl. Was she a kings daughter? he killed her to back it up. But he repented seriously and God forgave him and saved him. Perhaps you also know the story of St Mary of Egypt and St Moses the Black and St Augustine.
David said "Because I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep Your word" I think you should read all the psalms..
He who is forgiven little loves little, but he who is forgiven much loves much.
God hopefully will not give you HIV but you are to expect suffering... "For whom the LORD loves He chastens" if you are not disciplined by God you are not His son. But God provides and will provide all the healing medicines.. but now you have to give all your life to the LORD Jesus. Many began bad and ended good. And many unfortunately began good and ended bad. Perhaps if you did not commit the physical act of adultery you would never have woken up. You already had sin in your heart .. you had lust in your heart.. and you need to be purified of that and not just have your outside purified..
Without suffering you could not be cleansed.. I think you might inherit a horrible depression.. and you have to stay by God to be healed.. why I think this is because I did and King David did and many others.. and
Pray that we do not fall in this sin also. We all have many sins that only God knows. But is it not enough for me that I was heavily addicted to pornagraphy and masturbated 5 times a day sometimes and watched many horrible movies?
But I testify to you that God is able to raise the fallen because God erased all the evil memories from my head.. and I have been safe for quite some time but now I am weakening again. I believe God made you post here not only for yourself but also for someone here and I think it could be me.
Do Not Despair.
At this point, I remember a letter which I received
from a youth 22 years ago.
When I read it I was deeply affected by it to the stage that I
wept. I replied to his letter, in which I said to him: `I have
received your letter, O beloved brother, and I imagined that I
had read it many times before I had actually seen it, it is the
picture of a life that I know, and the story of many hearts'.
Yes, it is a war which tires many. Its thoughts are known, and
repeated in the people's confessions and in their spiritual
questions. Here we will try to deal and answer each of these
thoughts about despair.
A.
The first complaint: I have lost hope. I am useless.
Know my brother, that every thought of despair, is warfare
from the devil. He wants you to despair from repentance, either
from its capabilities or its acceptance, so that you feel that there
is no use in struggling and you give in to sin and remain in it
until your soul perishes. So do not listen to the devil, no matter
what he says to you. When you are struggling with one of the
thoughts of despair, answer it with the saying of Micah the
prophet:
"Do not rejoice over me, my enemy; When I fall, I
will arise" (Mic7:8).
Know that if you despair from repentance, that this is more
dangerous than falling into sin. Through despair Judas perished
34
and died. Despair leads into deeper involvement in sin and the
sinner progresses from bad to worse. In despair the devil battles
with the sinner to keep him away from his Confession Father,
from every spiritual advice and from all of the church, so that he
will be alone with him, leaving the sinner without any help. The
prophets and saints were in warfare with the battle of despair,
and so the prophet David said:
"Many are they who say of me, there is no help for
him in God" (Ps 3). He answers this saying: "But You, O
Lord, are a shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts up
my head" (Ps 3:3). David did not despair at his falling but he
wept for it and repented. So God returned him to his original
rank. God performed many good things for numerous people
and He said: "For the sake of My servant David" (1 Kin
11:32,34,36). So do not despair but remember those who
previously repented.
If you have lost hope in yourself, the Lord has not
lost hope in your salvation.
He has saved many and you are not more difficult than all of
them. When grace works in you, there is no room for despair.
Enter into repentance with a courageous heart and do not
belittle yourself.
B.
He says: `How can I repent while I am completely
unable to arise from my fall?'
Do not be afraid. God will fight for you, for the battle is the
Lord's (1 Sam 17:47). Your resistance, whether it is weak or
strong is not important. God can save with much or with little.
35
God is more powerful than the devil who fights with you and
He can drive the devil away. So do not look at your power, but
at the power of God. Cry and say if you allow me, I will repent
for you are the Lord my God (Jer 31:18).
C.
................
You can read the rest of do not despair on
http://tasbeha.org/content/hh_books/Repentan/index.html
the other points might be more important or relevant..
the whole book is good. It was helpful for me.
Let us know how things are.. keep us informed.. so we may remember you. But may your friend St George be with you and intercede for you. Most of all may God comfort you and be with you as you seek Him with all your heart.
The prayers and intercessions of all the saints be with you for God to have mercy on and strengthen you, and all of us as well.
marriage and having a child is a big commitment, not to bring you down or anything, but if you're going to be sober, you might as well act like it. addiction is something that is hard to recover from..but this is a serious problem, and as some people might have recommended.. PRAYER, FASTING, and especially CONFESSION or talking with your father of confession!!! if you got married to commit to your wife, i believe you should start acting like you're a committed husband, since you told your wife i needed one more time...she gave you that trust and coming back and breaking that trust is something that's not very easy to regain..
my mom has this "theory" i would like to call it...and well she says when you do something wrong...it's like written on a black board with a piece of chalk by Jesus, and when you confess and repent than Jesus erases it, just like if you're in court and you did something 'naughty' well it might be on your record but if you go to like peer court or something and you get 'sentenced' to do whatever the jurors ask you to do and you complete it within a time frame...it can be erased from your record!!
i know you probably love your wife and you have a child that would love to look up to you as a role model figure...would you like to tell him/her all that happened and keep that trust between you, your child and your wife, it would be great if both you and your wife both went to sit down with your father of confession and started to talk about it..
the point of my post that i'm trying to make is if you want to keep that trust with your wife always tell her what happened that day, i know it seems like...omg, i have to tell you everything, but most people would actually recommend to open up to both your wife about what happens those days even if they are bad, what do you know she might actually give you advice, and also take advice especially from your father of confession!! one quote i just heard today and over the years as well is, "when in doubt, tell the truth" also don't be in denial, maybe this is all happening because you're having a child soon, you got married and you have so an adrenaline rush going on, and you are probably just stressed out, and going to the club is the only way, maybe you can list some other ideas such as, reading the Bible, reading the Agpeya, listen to the beautiful hymns, and since it's kiahk, that would be a wonderful idea that you should participate in it!! hope i helped in anyway possible!!
Forever,
Coptic Servent
"One sin is no more than another. The wage of sin is death."
-St. Macarius the Great
firstly, mike for Jesus i think the first story was that of saint Macarius and i think the best advice to give to someone in this situation is to go to your father of confession before you do anything. Talk to him and ask him for advice and then through the holy spirit you will know the right path to take.
Although i do not know what to say i feel the need to reply to your message. I think that you are very brave in the fact that you were able to hit the post button on this one. The sins of the flesh require a lot of work, but it doesn't mean that you cant overcome it. First of all just talk to your father of confession, even if it is embarrasing you must do it, trust me you will feel much better and it will be very helpful, also i hope you think about the precious life that God has given you and try to be greatful for it and to let it be your motivation. Good luck with everything, keep fighting and praying.
[move] ;) ;D [glow=orange,2,300]REALLY NICE ADVICE!!!!!![/glow] :D ;D[/move]
Hi all,
I have just read this topic for the first time. Firstly I think that Shh is extremely brave to make such a posting, and I pray that the Lord looks with compassion upon his humility in exposing such a weakness openly.
However I was a bit worried by some of the advice of my brothers and sisters about been frank with partners, and telling all to their husbands and wives!!!
The church teaches us, Anba Paula (bishop of Marriage affairs) himself that there are times in which there is no wisdom whatsoever in confessing or admitting a sin, or weaknesses to your partner it may totally destroy a marriage or relationship. Run to christ and the church!! First seek the advice of your spiritual father before ever discussing such a matter with your wife, and your FOC guided by the HS will tell you what to do. A small biblical example is that Abigail never told her husband Nabal that she was going to offer gifts and presents to appease David's anger, she acted discretely, and had she not done so Nabal would have refused and the his whole household would definately been slaughtered by David and his men. (this story was mentioned by Anba Youseef in a bible study on this exact issue of revealing and telling matters between husband and wife)
Yes be honest with your partner, but in some sensitive matters be discerning and seek advice of your FOC before you speak foolishly and open potentially profound wounds which may never be healed. If you disagree please ask the fathers of your church, or try to find the sermons of Anba Paula dealing with this issue.
Please pray for me...ur's in Christ