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my friend :( - need advice
hello
well all my school friends know that i am going to stay a virgin until i get married (afterall its the coptic way lol) and i always discourage them.
But now my friend told me that he had sex with his gf, but now they broke up, and he's telling me that 'sex is fun' and he's going to have sex again before marriage. Is there anything i can tell him to change his mind :( afterall he is Catholic and he does go to church everyweek.
i am really concerned for him
well all my school friends know that i am going to stay a virgin until i get married (afterall its the coptic way lol) and i always discourage them.
But now my friend told me that he had sex with his gf, but now they broke up, and he's telling me that 'sex is fun' and he's going to have sex again before marriage. Is there anything i can tell him to change his mind :( afterall he is Catholic and he does go to church everyweek.
i am really concerned for him
Comments
they believe in the bible.. right??
just making sure with the following: do catholics have confession fathers????
they believe in the bible.. right??
...I strongly, strongly advise you to do atleast some light research before asking such a question.
For the record, yes, their priests do take confessions (it is necessary, just like it is in our church), and they obviously believe in the Bible.
well sorry didnt realise my question was THAT bad!!! and im sorry (seeing that it upset u that much)..
1. No need to apologize. You did not upset anyone.
2. A little bit of general knowledge wouldn't hurt. ;)
but afterall im glad ur not upset ;)
if im wrong please correct me
Pray for me
Copticdeacon
I am going to tell him both of these answers :) .
Sometimes i dont know if i should hang out with them.. they try to convince me to think its okay :( .
losing one soul is better than losing two!!! dunt risk ur own salvation to save another!!!
this brings such memories.. i was put in a very similar situation but i had a good brother help me out of it.. until it passed... i was pretty much risking my own salvation and eternal life trying to save someone else's (i actually thought it was good to do so).. but trust me.. everthing has to have a limit... and i think u shud tell someone whatever is happening in case u get pulled in then they can keep an eye on you as well... just from perosnal experience :) but let me kno if u disagree with any of it...
God Bless.
take care and rabena ma3ak....
look i personally think that its really important to stick to ur friends and help them out... but if it happens for a split of a second that u even think about what they'r saying then u must leave them...
losing one soul is better than losing two!!! dunt risk ur own salvation to save another!!!
this brings such memories.. i was put in a very similar situation but i had a good brother help me out of it.. until it passed... i was pretty much risking my own salvation and eternal life trying to save someone else's (i actually thought it was good to do so).. but trust me.. everthing has to have a limit... and i think u shud tell someone whatever is happening in case u get pulled in then they can keep an eye on you as well... just from perosnal experience :) but let me kno if u disagree with any of it...
This reminds me of a talk HG Anba Angaelos gave us just this week. He addressed issues like how to deal with friends who are on the wrong path and how to know when to "give up on them". It was really very good, and it was recorded. Hopefully should be online soon, I'll let you know when it is so you can have a listen.
Bottom line though, you can't save a drowning person unless you yourself can swim
Matthew
hello
well all my school friends know that i am going to stay a virgin until i get married (afterall its the coptic way lol) and i always discourage them.
But now my friend told me that he had sex with his gf, but now they broke up, and he's telling me that 'sex is fun' and he's going to have sex again before marriage. Is there anything i can tell him to change his mind :( afterall he is Catholic and he does go to church everyweek.
i am really concerned for him
Hello,
Can you do be a HUGE favour?
Can you ask your friend the following question:
a) If he would like someone to treat his wife (whom he will meet one day) with the same anticipation for sex as he is treating other girls?
b) if he would expect someone to treat his daughter in that way also?
c) if he would expect someone to treat his mother that way?
Would he be ok with someone treating his daughter that way? i.e. just for sex? That's what it boils down to.. doesn't it? She wasn't the right one, we broke up, but the sex was good?
I feel very concerned about young copts growing up in such an environment. I mean, I hope u are not influenced; but rather that you glorify God through righteousness and chastity & purity of your mind/body/soul.
i told him something similar to that, but he ignored it -_-
I mean, what did he say?? I'm dying to know. I cannot imagine anyone behaving this way and yet thinking that they would be happy for someone to treat their daughter in this way; or their own wife, or mother.
All this is lust. At the end of the day, he just wants to have sex before he gets married.
Ask him: "If you have a daughter, and someone wants to have sex with her, would you allow it. He doesn't particuarly like her, but he's a nice guy, but just wants to have sex with her - would you agree?"
I mean, what's his logic??
This topic makes me sad because he is also badly influencing others. If he testifies that he is a Christian, and yet promotes this immoral lifestyle, then those amongst his peers and amongst his friends, and those younger than him will also be influenced, thinking that this is "OK".
What did Anba Angaelos say about this?? Exactly??
i didnt see the link to what anba angelos said?
i am asking my friend again atm.
well, he says that he loves her, and she broke up with him -_- which is totally false, how can someone love at such a young age, they don't know what love is.
i didnt see the link to what anba angelos said?
Well, OK, so, he loved her, and now he's not married to her. Does he really want to have those sexual memories stuck in his head when he marries another woman??
Look, You really need to talk to him on his terms: He's catholic? Right?
Go to youtube and search for a guy called "JASON EVERT" OK?
He's a Catholic that preaches about sexual purity/chastity. Please go and see it. His videos are very good, and I think they are good for Orthodox people also.
As for the problem of lust/sexual immorality etc. in the meantime, you can listen to a good talk by Abouna Anthony Messeh. On this page, scroll down and it's called "The Problem of Lust" http://www.orthodoxsermons.org/index.php?option=com_docman&task=cat_view&gid=17&Itemid=26
He explains exactly WHY sex before marriage is wrong and so on. Sorry I can't be much more help at the moment
Matthew
His Grace's talk was mostly centred on how to restore relationships with friends, and how to know when to leave those friends if your efforts to help them are in vain. I don't want to try and summarise his talk for fear of distorting his words, but I promise I will give a link to the recording once it's online. If for any reason I can't do that, I'll ask him for a summary of his talk.
As for the problem of lust/sexual immorality etc. in the meantime, you can listen to a good talk by Abouna Anthony Messeh. On this page, scroll down and it's called "The Problem of Lust" http://www.orthodoxsermons.org/index.php?option=com_docman&task=cat_view&gid=17&Itemid=26
He explains exactly WHY sex before marriage is wrong and so on. Sorry I can't be much more help at the moment
Matthew
Thanks Matthew. It will do everyone good to listen to that. But I honestly suggest also listening to Jason Evert as people automatically assume that if an Orthodox says something is wrong "its because they are Orthodox" ; but to know that Catholics are also just as "orthodox" as the "orthodox" with respect to certain values, then this is an added benefit.
People are in this situation from the beginning due to bad influence. Something that was immoral has now become the "norm", and ONLY because its widely accepted. Those that oppose it are seen as "old fashioned" or "middle eastern" or something.. therefore, to hear/see catholics discuss this is very beneficial.
Please, just hear Jason Evert's videos on youtube. You'll be very pleasantly surprised.
God bless
+mahraeel+
yeh i sent him a jason evert video and he kinda ignored it. He knows its wrong as a catholic to do that, and then he says "sometimes the church isn't always right, they contradict allot" - Which is completely incorrect, he just says that because he has no knowledge of the bible. Then he somehow involves evolution -_- . Thanks LondonCopt. I'll make sure I listen to it.
You know, I think you should pray for him.
God's plan for us was that by living in purity of heart we are living life to the full. Your friend is blinded by his lustful desires to this. Its best therefore to just pray for him.
Ephesians 5:11 - And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them.
My interpretation of these verses (and please someone correct me if I'm speaking heresies!) is that by reflecting the light of God on those around us, we can expose their unfruitful works (as well as our own) and really bring them to Christ. How do we reflect the light of God on those around us? By trying our best to live righteously and be witnesses of Christ - by representing Him in all of our actions. We try our best to be a mirror that reflects this light - we mirror Christ's life in our own!
Now, your friend clearly doesn't see what he is doing as wrong or sinful - he knows not what makes him stumble. Sometimes, our own pride gets in the way of us listening to someone TELLING us that what we're doing is wrong...but hearing is just one way of comprehending the Word of God. We can also SEE the Word of God being lived through righteous people around us. This is the responsibility of every Christian: that we are SEEN to be living God's Word. This, I think, is the best way to reach your friend.
As usual, anyone point out to me if I'm speaking any rubbish :)
Matthew
Thankyou guys! I listened to that sermon and i really enjoyed it. :)
God Bless
Christopher.
so i'll just pray for him.
smart choice ;) and dunt forget to pray a bit extra for urself and ur spiritual safety... what ur doing is not easy!! take care of getting pulled in urself!!! dont be as naive as i was!!!
Praying for him is the first step...that he may be guided by the Holy Spirit. But also pray for the strength to bear witness to Christ before your friend, that you may be righteous and that your good works may shine in front of others that they may see your good works and glorify your father in heaven! The first step to helping others is to first help ourselves, by living righteously and walking the right kind of life. For example, to save someone who is drowning then you must first learn to swim...otherwise you are of no use to them AND you will drown with them. Proverbs 4:19 - The way of the wicked is like darkness; They do not know what makes them stumble.
Ephesians 5:11 - And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them.
My interpretation of these verses (and please someone correct me if I'm speaking heresies!) is that by reflecting the light of God on those around us, we can expose their unfruitful works (as well as our own) and really bring them to Christ. How do we reflect the light of God on those around us? By trying our best to live righteously and be witnesses of Christ - by representing Him in all of our actions. We try our best to be a mirror that reflects this light - we mirror Christ's life in our own!
Now, your friend clearly doesn't see what he is doing as wrong or sinful - he knows not what makes him stumble. Sometimes, our own pride gets in the way of us listening to someone TELLING us that what we're doing is wrong...but hearing is just one way of comprehending the Word of God. We can also SEE the Word of God being lived through righteous people around us. This is the responsibility of every Christian: that we are SEEN to be living God's Word. This, I think, is the best way to reach your friend.
As usual, anyone point out to me if I'm speaking any rubbish :)
Matthew
I just want to say that I knew many people who thought like your friend... many. In fact, they all got together to create a forum. Its the equivalent of "Alcoholics Anonymous" - where they get together and talk about such mistakes they've made. It runs once a year, on the 14th of Feb in paris - every year.
Its called the "Forum de l'amour". A big part of this event is where they ask a few persons to give a "testimony" on such a way of life and discuss how God changed them. Its quite sad actually to see that. To have a married woman stand up and tell 100's of people that she lived with her boyfriend and broke up and then married her husband. Her reasoning for doing it was that "she felt that he was the 'one'".
God only wants your best interest. Its in your best interest to keep sex within marriage.
Praying for him is the first step...that he may be guided by the Holy Spirit. But also pray for the strength to bear witness to Christ before your friend, that you may be righteous and that your good works may shine in front of others that they may see your good works and glorify your father in heaven! The first step to helping others is to first help ourselves, by living righteously and walking the right kind of life. For example, to save someone who is drowning then you must first learn to swim...otherwise you are of no use to them AND you will drown with them. Proverbs 4:19 - The way of the wicked is like darkness; They do not know what makes them stumble.
Ephesians 5:11 - And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them.
My interpretation of these verses (and please someone correct me if I'm speaking heresies!) is that by reflecting the light of God on those around us, we can expose their unfruitful works (as well as our own) and really bring them to Christ. How do we reflect the light of God on those around us? By trying our best to live righteously and be witnesses of Christ - by representing Him in all of our actions. We try our best to be a mirror that reflects this light - we mirror Christ's life in our own!
Now, your friend clearly doesn't see what he is doing as wrong or sinful - he knows not what makes him stumble. Sometimes, our own pride gets in the way of us listening to someone TELLING us that what we're doing is wrong...but hearing is just one way of comprehending the Word of God. We can also SEE the Word of God being lived through righteous people around us. This is the responsibility of every Christian: that we are SEEN to be living God's Word. This, I think, is the best way to reach your friend.
As usual, anyone point out to me if I'm speaking any rubbish :)
Matthew
I like the comparison of God's children with mirrors reflecting His light to the world, very nice.. :)