what should i do? what should i say?

egyptionorthobeaut

hi guys, i have a problem. my friend is bi. and it doesn't bother me or anything cause that is HER life and what she beleives in. we have been friends for almost 2 years now and we are like best friend. but lately things have gotten out of control. everything she talks about is about her wanting a girl friend and all that and that when she goes to the mall, she is going to wear something rainbow to attract a bi or gay girl. and she will do this when i am with her at the mall. and i feel VERY uncomfortable with that. i mean, wouldn't you??? and i don't know how to tell her that. she is very sensitive and she will take it the wrong way. and i am like her only friend that is there for her about these things, and i don't want her to feel disapointed in our friendship. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!!

jydeacon

well what i would do if she was a true friend i would tell her that the way she acts makes me uncomfortable and she should understand if she was a true friend. my friends at school sometimes make certain comments about Jesus and Christianaty in general. they noticed that it bothered me and stopped saying things like that around me. and i also told them that it bothered me as well. so if she is a real friend she will not do things that make you uncomfortable. i hope this helps

God Bless and Pray for me

shnoda

i agree with jydeacon.
i think you can also try praying for her.i know it seems unpractical but i am sure it really helps. ( i tried it myself ).
god be with you and help you with your diff problem.

Gods kid

just to take the Church's stance on it, our Church doesn't promote homosexuality. maybe you can somehow try to change her mind. she might just be curious, but not be bi.

Gods kid

to add to what I said before, you should also be careful because you might become tempted to be curious.

egyptionorthobeaut

thanks gods kid, but i really don't want to be the one to change her mind cause i think it will def. not work out. but thank you soooo much for your opinion. :)

blingblingzz327

:-\ its a hard decision good luck ill try to think of a way to help you...really :) sorry for not having one now

copticluva

is she coptic
take her 2 church
tlk 2 your FOC

Unknown

shes definetely rite

ebnyasoa

is she egyptian and coptic??

egyptionorthobeaut

no, she is white (american), she is not coptic. she is christian. i don't know what branch because whenever i ask her she says that she doesn't have a "branch" she just beleives in God. but if that is how she feels, then i don't want to interfere with what she beleives in. but it is really hard to describe her. she is not that religous, but she reads the bible, yet she is bi. sometimes she cusses, but as i said she beleives in god.

egy

i have the exact same problem!!!! one of my  really good friends told me that our other  good friend was bi. i felt like throwing up, but then i told myself, this is not my life this is hers. if ur friend asks u to try and experiment, tell her no.  tell her that uu r not like that

good luck and hoped i helped

pray for me
EgY

Unknown

[quote author=jydeacon link=topic=3992.msg56062#msg56062 date=1149784104]
well what i would do if she was a true friend i would tell her that the way she acts makes me uncomfortable and she should understand if she was a true friend. my friends at school sometimes make certain comments about Jesus and Christianaty in general. they noticed that it bothered me and stopped saying things like that around me. and i also told them that it bothered me as well. so if she is a real friend she will not do things that make you uncomfortable. i hope this helps

God Bless and Pray for me


I agree 110% with JY.

Im just curious,  but why does she want to find a bi girlfriend with you around? Surely it would be better for you not to be there as it could give the wrong impression about you.

mabsoota

hi, i know this situation only too well. one of my best friends who had been to church with me a few times but wasn't Christian told me one day she was bi. i understand completely that u want to still be her friend esp as she is confused. my friend once had 4 partners in a week, so no-one can say she was not confused!
it's really hard with a bi person. with a gay person, if u are the opp gender u know they don't fancy u, but u can never be sure with a bi person, esp if they are depressed and vulnerable they tend to misinterpret their feelings of genuine friendly love for something romantic, like they tend to 'fall in love' where you or i would 'make friends'.
also lots of gay and bi people have been abused, esp in childhood. in ways that make your blood curdle, so you can't just ditch them because they really need good friends and they really need God.
on the other hand, its poss your friend does fancy you. not in a special way, but in the same way she fancies lots of people. i couldn't believe it when i realised my friend fancied me, i was really upset, but i just made sure we hung out in a group and didn't have so much time together. the same way you should do if you're good friends with a straight person of the opposite sex.
what u really need now are friends. ideally Christian friends but any friend u can get who is happy to hang out with you and your bi friend to dilute the intensity of your friendship, so it is more 'friends' and less 'in love' (she will not tell u in she is 'in love' with you, she will be scared to loose you).


now i want to challenge all you Christians out there to see how much you love the world like Jesus did.
are you willing to hang out with broken confused people like egyptianorthobeaut's friend (safely in a group) so that the world will know that Jesus died for them? or have you already written them off?
are you going to protect caring sensitive people like egyptianorthobeaut or will you leave them alone with their 'embarrassing' friends so their relationship risks becoming something inappropriate?
are you going to strengthen your spiritual life by reading the Bible, confessing sin, living for Jesus?
or are you going to hide away at the back of church avoiding 'strange' people because you know you are too weak to reach the world with your faith?


if there is anyone reading this who is bi or curious, i want to first tell you that God loves you and wants to have a close and perfect friendship with you. i also want to emphasize that God tells us how to live for a reason. bi and gay relationships and physical relationships outside of marriage are harmful. they may seem fun at the time, but eventually you will become further from God.
many people go through 'curious' phases in adolescence, esp those who have had an imperfect childhood (well, maybe most of us then!) this does not mean u are gay or bi. its just that your emotions are still forming and you are vulnerable to strong feelings of friendship and also to lust. this is why nearly all countries forbid marriage before age 16 or older, our emotions aren't ready for romance earlier on. (and somtimes then not for several years!)
the love and acceptance that you may be looking for in your relationship (i include here physical straight relationships before marriage) can only be found in God. only God can sort out the mess in your head and love you and protect you from evil and save you from the results of evil in the world.
what you are looking for should be found in church (if the Christians respond to the challenges above). it means living differently, which may seem really harsh, but God designed us, only God knows how humans best function and its all written in the 'user's manual' (Bible).
some people (and its trendy in usa) have developed a kind of Christianity where the 'rules' part of the user's manual are not considered important. they may have some good theological ideas, but you can't just take the book and then decide to believe 3/4 of it. oh, well you can, but maybe you should not label it Christianity.
but they have some good points, mainly about how main-stream Christians (orthodox, catholic, protestant) are harsh and unfriendly.
so lets not be like that coz it confuses people into suggesting that the rest of our faith is not valid!
may God guide you into all truth by the power of the Holy Spirit, i am very glad you raised this issue in this forum
:)

Unknown

[quote author=mabsoota link=topic=3992.msg100403#msg100403 date=1235195802]
... some good points, mainly about how main-stream Christians (orthodox, catholic, protestant) are harsh and unfriendly.
so lets not be like that coz it confuses people into suggesting that the rest of our faith is not valid!
...


I agree vey much with mabsoota on this.  ;)

I think the solution here may be not to focus on how you don't want to be around when she is looking for a girlfriend, but on how you're just not into the "dating scene" right now, and to focus on the other things you like to do.  She's likely to appreciate your independance and serenity.

Its great that you don't intend to try to change her mind.  It sounds like you're a very good friend.  Still, I think there are a few things to keep in mind.

Even though you're not trying to change her, she is a growing person (like the rest of us), and growth inevitably involves change.  Also, every experience has an effect on your growth, and friends who share experiences grow together.  If you do everything you can within your own heart to grow in Christ, Christ will grow in you.  If you continue to love and care for your friend and continue to have good clean fun whenever possible, you won't even have to mention Jesus or the Church or good or evil.  Christ will grow in her.  You don't have to look for it, and you don't have to worry about it.

George

epchois_nai_nan

[quote author=mabsoota link=topic=3992.msg100403#msg100403 date=1235195802]
now i want to challenge all you Christians out there to see how much you love the world like Jesus did.
are you willing to hang out with broken confused people like egyptianorthobeaut's friend (safely in a group) so that the world will know that Jesus died for them? or have you already written them off?
are you going to protect caring sensitive people like egyptianorthobeaut or will you leave them alone with their 'embarrassing' friends so their relationship risks becoming something inappropriate?
are you going to strengthen your spiritual life by reading the Bible, confessing sin, living for Jesus?
or are you going to hide away at the back of church avoiding 'strange' people because you know you are too weak to reach the world with your faith?


I very much agree with that as well. Too many Christians go the opposite way, turning their noses down at gay or bi ppl because they view them as inferior, in fact, its disturbingly similar to racism.

I haven't had any experience with a situation like this egyptianorthobeaut  so I can't offer any advice, but you're in my prayers :)

God bless

Pharaoh714

Im myself suruggle with this sin, of homosexuality,

Yes Im Coptic
Yes I love God

No I never have sex with guys
No I Was not raped/abused/or herrased as a child

and yes Im a virgin still Thank God.

But know this being gay does not make you a bad person, if you really love God you will learn to give it up, yes at times I have urges and just like everyone we fall into lust but with God's grace you can overcome it. It will be your cross till your death because most Streight people dont understand, just like you see a girl and you fall for her same thing happens for us with the same sex. You cant control your feelings (but you can control your actions), I know it sucks and its hard to understand. But If you know it is a sin and it displeases God you must stop it!(its our cross that we have to carry).  That is what sin is! we must prove to God that we want him and love him more then the sin!  I dont blame gay people who dont know God for falling in love, but its my job to help them know God and pray for them.  Here is what I think for your sistuation, your friend is not bi , she is probably gay because most gays are afraid to say they are gay at the start they say they are bi expecially if they she likes girls only!  anyways that is not the point the point is you should help her love God and teach her to overcome her sin.

May God help you and Bless you, please pray for me and my weakness.

mabsoota

thank you so much for sharing with us.
may God bless you and protect you,
and pray for me too in my weakness.