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Friends and Feelings... Do They Mix?

ASMASM
edited December 1969 in Personal Issues
Me and a friend of mine were arguing over this... is it possible to have a good friend of the opposite sex without developing 'feelings' for them?...

So as a girl could i be best friends with a guy and there be no "attraction" to them? or is the another reason for the relationship...


ASM

Thank you in advance :D
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Comments

  • Mark423Mark423
    It is possible, however potentially problematic.
  • Unknown
    umm it depends on ur capability actually, and how close you guys are. Sometimes you can grow to like eachother but sumtimes u wont think of them like that. It all depends on many things so you can't really come up with a bottom line for this situation
  • mtmmtm
    i think that u can for sure have a good friend of the other gender....in some cases they will be no different from a brother/sister type relationship...
  • Michael_ThomaMichael_Thoma
    it always starts out that way, but the devil attacks when you are weak... I am not saying people can't have friends of the opposite sex, just keep your guard up...
  • ASMASM
    but isnt having a best friend of the opposite sex just like having a boyfriend/gurlfriend minus the same things u guys talk about, no hand holding, no kissing, none of the physical "acts"?


    ASM
  • mtmmtm
    u can say the same thing about having a friend of the same sex then.................
  • Mark423Mark423
    [quote author=ASM link=board=1;threadid=410;start=0#msg5766 date=1088740857]
    but isnt having a best friend of the opposite sex just like having a boyfriend/gurlfriend minus the same things u guys talk about, no hand holding, no kissing, none of the physical "acts"?


    ASM


    Like I said it can be problematic. With the male a temptation will never arise. With a female you never know; that’s why your best bet is keeping your distance.
  • wfhanna1wfhanna1
    i don't know i guess it depends if you look at your best friend as a brother or sister which you have love feeling to them but lovely love or you look at them as friends but sometimes have more than friedly feelings
    do you guys kinda see what i mean??
  • Michael_ThomaMichael_Thoma
    "With the male a temptation will never arise. With a female you never know; that’s why your best bet is keeping your distance."
    Your joking right Mark
  • Mark423Mark423
    Does this look like the face of a person who is joking? <non-joking face>
  • sleepymusiciansleepymusician
    I say that it is possible to have a friend of the opposite sex and not develop any feelings for them. I say this because my best friend happens to be a guy (of course, I have a female one, but that's not the point). We've been best friends for a long time, and no feelings have been aroused. This is because we share such a good bond, that we understand eachother, and it isn't about lust or anything. We share so many things in common that we know eachother almost as well as we know ourselves. We share the same beliefs, and we go to the same church, and we respect eachother. We help eachother out with problems, but no feelings have come out of this. I think of him as my brother, and he thinks of me as his sis. So, in certain cases, it is possible, but in other cases, it can arise to be something more.


    sleepy
  • Michael_ThomaMichael_Thoma
    yeah, and it is especially hard during your teenage, crazy hormone's runnin wild years
  • sleepymusiciansleepymusician
    That's true, but some teens can overcome it with the power of God, so I think that it's anyone who leaves themselves vunerable is at risk of such a thing.

    sleepy
  • Mark423Mark423
    Age means nothing. Its all up to god, there are people who are quite mature who are deep in sin due to sexual thoughts. Your age doesn’t determine how close you are to god.
  • sleepymusiciansleepymusician
    Yea, that's what I meant.
    lol.

    sleepy
  • Mark423Mark423
    Whoa first of all, watch your language. Secondly that’s specious. How can you say that being old affects anything? People still have desires despite their age.
  • Michael_ThomaMichael_Thoma
    not just old, including the ands
  • Unknown
    [quote author=Mark423 link=board=1;threadid=410;start=0#msg5769 date=1088741455]

    Like I said it can be problematic. With the male a temptation will never arise. With a female you never know; that’s why your best bet is keeping your distance.


    plz elaborate mark....
  • Mark423Mark423
    Ahhhhhh now I know what you were all talking about. My most sincere apologies!

    I didn’t mean that guys can control themselves and girls can’t. What I meant is that when a male has a friend. If his friend is another male, no temptation will arise between them. However if his friend is a female, you never know. Does that clear things up? SORRY!
  • NorthernCrossNorthernCross
    My best friend is a woman. I met her my freshman year in college because she lived on my dorm floor. We remain friends even after she became engaged. I also consider her younger sister a friend.

    There has never been an attraction problem between us. I've always viewed her as a sister.
  • youst718youst718
    ill tell you all right now, ive seen both situations occur. in fact im one of the situations where problems did arise. Yety, my cousin is friends with the SAME guy and has never had feelings for him ro the other way around. its all a matter of how u build the firnedship. if you build it from the beginning as a matter of brotherly/sisteely love and try as hard as you can to keep it that way without having desires for the person, then good for you and God help it stay that way. However if you build it as a brotherly/sisterly friendship and desires arse and you dont try hard enough to control them, then get out as soon as you can, cause its not easy, trust me!
  • ASMASM
    But don't you think that the line between bestfriend and a partner is very thin... and lets say in a time of need that line is crossed... what happens then?

    For lack of better words i'm trying to be the devils advocate ;)


    ASM
  • wfhanna1wfhanna1

    But don't you think that the line between bestfriend and a partner is very thin... and lets say in a time of need that line is crossed... what happens then?

    i agree the line does get crossed sometimes but i guess what matters after is if you rebound and become just friends again or continue to be partner
    :)
  • PaulhPaulh
    um..i gotta agree with mark on this one. i dunno if i'm just saying this because i'm a male, but its usually the male that gets feelings before the female. I've seen it happen, and i've gone through it many times. Relationship starts as a perfect and pure friendship. And the female continues to think of it that way. But its usually the male that starts having feelings and thinking about the girl. And the more their together as friends, the more he thinks of her as a little bit more then a friend, yet she still thinks of it as that brother and sister relationship. I'm not saying its not possible because i'm sure it is [although i have yet to see it happen successfully without temptation arising]. Its just really hard to keep your head thinking purely, and keep the devil from tempting you. He'll find anyway to get to you. ANYWAY.

    just an opinion...
  • ASMASM
    Oh it happens with girls too... but i think most of us would rather believe or have males believe we are better at fighting this temptation... No way, its 50/50... haveing these feelings and acting on them are two totally different things... i just dont think its possible to not have these feelings not even alittle. i mean we can do all the 'what if's' what if theres a 50 year age difference... well some of those 'what if's' are just pple trying to be difficult... like i have a tendency to do :) but relaistically... common


    ASM
  • mtmmtm
    [quote author=ASM link=board=1;threadid=410;start=15#msg5822 date=1088793408]
    But don't you think that the line between bestfriend and a partner is very thin... and lets say in a time of need that line is crossed... what happens then?

    For lack of better words i'm trying to be the devils advocate ;)


    ASM



    regarding ur "theory"....what if its 2 ppl of the same gender....
  • Michael_ThomaMichael_Thoma
    me thinks this thread will be closed soon...

    that can only happen to those who 'play for the other team.' We were referring to those on 'the home team.'
  • ASMASM
    in MTM's defence i dont think they were talking about a homosexual relationship. but that people of the same gender can be bestfriends without these feelings arising :)


    ASM
  • mike_henainmike_henain
    Guys, I seriously think that having an oppisite sex friend can cause problems,

    I for myself have fallen into that sin a couple of times.


    By the way, Mark, I understood ur message from the first time and I was laughing my head off when I saw all the girls getting mad! lol!

    Mike
  • peetpeet
    hi ppl,

    It is imoprtant, no, vital to grow up with friends from the opposite sex, it is important for developing your social skills especially in teen ages. If you grow up with them, you will understand them better and will not have such desire problems because you would be able to distinguish between friend and girlfriend, you will be more mature about the opposite sex.

    [quote author=Mark423 link=board=1;threadid=410;start=0#msg5782 date=1088742668]
    Age means nothing. Its all up to god, there are people who are quite mature who are deep in sin due to sexual thoughts. Your age doesn’t determine how close you are to god.


    I disagree Mark, it is not up to God, it is up to the person and his inner feelings to decide his/ her true intensions and based on that they treat their friend from the opposite sex.
    and by the way, if some one thinks that just being close to a person from the opposite sex is tempting then they should seek imidiate help from their confession father in order to control those feeling because they are out of control

    [quote author=youst718 link=board=1;threadid=410;start=15#msg5818 date=1088789800]
    ill tell you all right now, ive seen both situations occur. in fact im one of the situations where problems did arise. Yety, my cousin is friends with the SAME guy and has never had feelings for him ro the other way around. its all a matter of how u build the firnedship. if you build it from the beginning as a matter of brotherly/sisteely love and try as hard as you can to keep it that way without having desires for the person, then good for you and God help it stay that way. However if you build it as a brotherly/sisterly friendship and desires arse and you dont try hard enough to control them, then get out as soon as you can, cause its not easy, trust me!


    youst718, I couldn't agree more. I keep mensioning this in my replies, it is the desire and the INNRER FEELINGS that detrmine the outcome of the relationship. If you have good and HONEST intentions and are careful, you would not have sinful feeling twards your friend. I have seen people who have opposite sex friends and treat them as any other, while on the other hand a friend who is always striving to get the attention of his female friend just to show off, flurt with her or say some rude joke. You see the difference, BLACKY & WHITE.

    [glow=red,2,300]Do not fool yourself when you have evil desire but say you have just a friendly relationship.[/glow]
    AND
    [glow=green,2,300]Do not keep away from the opposite sex because they make about half the human population, it is inevitable that one day you will have to know one. ;)[/glow]
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