I grew up understanding that sex is completely forbidden during the fast for all married couples. Recently I heard on another post that this is not the case; it's just recomended. Is that so? Only conservative coptic answers please, I'm from the west.
Comments
It is NOT strictly forbidden.... Its a recommendation that couple should consider Together and IN AGREEMENT..... Also that the one who is spiritually stronger Should and Must take into account the Needs of the less spiritual one....
If the couple decided Not to be intimate during the fast but did not manage to keep this after few weeks (for example) this is not a catastrophe.. it'll be considered as breaking the fast (All human) and so they should then continue again in their fast... they have fallen and they should stand again.
The history of the development of such traditions is interesting and useful, but in an important sense we are all here in the 21st century and we receive a certain tradition of spiritual training as a gift from God to set us free and not as a body of law to bind us. In an hypothetical sense there is scope to consider how the traditions of the Church relate to particular cultures, and how far the teaching of the Church is manifest against the culture in which we find ourselves, and how far it mainfests itself within the culture in which we find ourselves.
But in the real sense of an individuals spiritual growth we must respond positively to the teaching we receive from our spiritual fathers and seek to live that out as a means of grace and not as a punishment or cause of frustration.
We should not ask - must we abstain from sexual relations during the fast, or will it be counted as sin - rather we must seek to understand what the fast means and what the aim of the fast is. Since the goal of our Christian life is to acquire the Holy Spirit and become truly spiritual and Pentecostal people - in the real sense of that word - then we must view the spiritual teaching of the Church as a means of helping us to become that sort of person.
It is a little like an Olympic athlete during a period of intense training asking the coach if it is wrong to go and have a Supersize Big Mac, Fries and Coke. In one sense it is not wrong, the athlete is free to do as he wishes and is not a prisoner. But if he truly wishes to win be standing on the medal platform and receive a medal then it will certainly stand in the way of his acheiving that.
In one sense the spiritual tradition of the Church says to us - if you want to have sex during the fast then have sex during the fast - BUT if you want to meet Christ and be filled with the Holy Spirit then make the most of this time of spiritual effort. Give up that which is less important to gain what is most important.
This is the challenge we face at all times. God has given us a free will. He gives us a freedom to choose many things. To choose God is holiness, to turn from God and choose that which is less, however good in itself, is sin. This is what sin is. Not keeping a list of rules - an evil man can fast from food and sexual relations - but always seeking God above all else.
It is not usually OK to have sexual relations during the fast because at this time we are invited to concentrate on God above all else. Is it the very end of the world if someone does? No, not if that person turns with repentance towards God, and seeks God's face. Can it be the end of the world? Well if a person thinks it does not matter at all, or if a person denies that they have any cause for repentance, then it can be the edge of a slippery slope.
But we are not bound by rules, we do not worship a God who seeks to trip us up, but we are invited to spend our whole in seeking God above all else. To fail to do so is punishment enough. We miss out on so much when we turn our attention elsewhere. The spiritual teaching of the Church is a gift and blessing not a law and curse.
Father Peter
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