hi everyone :)
i need some advice on a life changing decision that i need to make. i read posts on very similar but i was unfortunately not able to get a good enough answer (so i apologise if u feel like this is a repition of another post by someone else). i'll try to keep this as short as i can but i also need to include enough details for you to be able to help me, so please bare with me.
i 've known a guy through church for about two years, but we weren't really speaking much, and about 5 months ago ( after "talking properly" a couple of months) he spoke to my dad about our marriage. i only accepted to get to know him abit and we have been talking since. lately, i have been considering a break up, i feel like we have so many difference. he grew up in a completely different environments. he is a great guy, he fears god and is very religious ( i even sometimes think that it is more than i can handle which is only my problem and not his). we are different in every way, though we seem to be agreeing on general topics, but our opinions are different, our lifestyles are different, i even some education gaps ( we both went to uni, but i grew up outside egypt and he only came recently). i'm the kind of person that can get my point across to people and also learnt to understand and empathise with people to my best ability and i think this is the only reason we seem to be managing o.k.
ever since we started talking, i havent been able to fall in love with him. he tries very hard to please me and sometimes does stuff which i appreciate, but i never felt that this was enough, i have been in other relationships before(which may be ungodly) but i was always able to feel the spark, and fall in love with those people without needing to reason it. i just can't have that with him, in fact, other people(friends) mean more to me than him. everything in him is sitting at 50 %. i also think that our abilities are not equal ( i can always give more, emotionally, mentally, phsycolgically) whereas his best job is never satisfactory to me. we also have some major disagreenment in our relationship that make things more difficult. we also have a 7 year age gap and i'm only 20( he is older) which always seemed to be generally to much for me.
i have always wanted to be married, i am a very romantic and emotionally sensitive person and find that this bond of marriage to be the most important thing on earth, and this is why i was ok with dating him. i just want to be in a relationship, however i don't find him suitable or sufficient to my needs.
the only reason i would go on with our relationship is that he likes me and is willing to put in effort to make the gap smaller ( he said he will try be more romantic, work on his education, and try to afford a better financial stability) but i feel like this isnt right. i appreciate how he is trying hard to please me, but i think that partners should work on improving compatibility. we are either compatible or not, love each other or don't. i feel like these aren't the things that should be worked on.
the other thing is, i can't hear god's voice in this, or at least i'm confused about it. i am struggling in my spiritual life because of the relationships i was involved in before. i even tried to get priest's guidance and hear god's voice through them but even that isn't clear ( mixed opinions) some people tell me that 5 months are not enough to make a decision. but i feel like i know enough to say no to him. but i am worried i am not doing god's will. i often think , what if the problem's me , what if i need to work on suiting him, what if this is my fate and god's will and if i dont do it , i miss out on my chance in marriage. i can't fall in love with him, but i feel like i can put up with it , or that i will manage ok.
i'm really struggling and don't know what's right. i don't know where's the main problem either, they seem to be small stuff that are all necessary which makes me confused. so please help me, and sorry to make this so long
please keep me in ur prayers
God bless :)
Comments
I replied in a PM :D