A friend that talks too much!!

Qidus_Michael

Greetings in Christ to everyone,
  Hi  I just have a situation with a good friend of mine who I love but she talks way too much. Seriously, she is known for this in the community and I honestly have put the phone down and done other things only to come back to her still talking. I always try to hear her out and take everything she says into consideration in order to give her a good reply but no offense usually she switches topics in the middle of an important conversation and talks about what on t.v at the current moment or about anything that is currently going on around her instead of the topic at hand which is frustrating. There are times when I am listening to her talk about one thing and its almost as if she is talking to her self because I have not said anything for 5-8 min.

If I want to hang up or change the course of discussion, I just have to say it quickly mid sentence because she doesn't take breaks during her talks.  The gift of gab is great sometimes but there is  also simplicity in wrapping up one's thoughts in a few sentences.

My question is: How do I help my friend? What would you do to help friend not talk so much without being rude? I know she means no harm its just that I want her to not be known for talking too much and not waste her own time and other's time by talking for long periods of time for no reason.
Does anyone have suggestions?

As a Christian, I know I have faults too, and I'm not trying to focus on the faults of someone else. I know this is not good for her spiritual life because it takes away from her simplicity and quietness exemplified by the saints, she is also Orthodox Christian so this is something she does know about. I am just tired of answering her phone calls thinking it will be a simple convo about a certain topic that we are supposed to discuss, and after saying I have to go do some work several times,  still being on the phone barely saying anything but listening to her talk. I just don't think its fair for her own life or myself..

TITL

I guess you could try interrupting the “conversation” every once in a while with a thought or question. Redirecting her will disrupt her one-way pattern, and give you a chance to change the topic into something you'd rather talk/hear about.

Or just tell her she's talking too much, say "sometimes when you talk for over a minute, I get distracted and can't keep up with what you're saying. Could you possibly either slow down or take breaks by asking for my input on the subject. Ok, thanks bye"  ;D

peter_saad

Firstly, thank God I'm not a girl. :p

Second, talking a lot is never a good thing. If you ever visit a monastery, the monks really enforce quiet time and they get annoyed when you talk a lot. One of the best virtues, in my opinion, is silence. "every idle word will be remembered in the day of judgment"

If your friend is a Christian, try talking to her about it. Don't always engage is pointless conversations. Listen, but don't respond with an answer that will make her talk more. That's what I'm learning to do with my friends now.

Many things I have regretted, but silence I have never regretted

Qidus_Michael

[quote author=TITL link=topic=12612.msg148059#msg148059 date=1322490182]
I guess you could try interrupting the “conversation” every once in a while with a thought or question. Redirecting her will disrupt her one-way pattern, and give you a chance to change the topic into something you'd rather talk/hear about.

Or just tell her she's talking too much, say "sometimes when you talk for over a minute, I get distracted and can't keep up with what you're saying. Could you possibly either slow down or take breaks by asking for my input on the subject. Ok, thanks bye"  ;D


I do try to redirect it!! Thats the only way I can hang up sometimes. So I guess I could just be direct and say " could you stop talking so much?"

Qidus_Michael

[quote author=peter_saad link=topic=12612.msg148063#msg148063 date=1322495867]
Firstly, thank God I'm not a girl. :p

Second, talking a lot is never a good thing. If you ever visit a monastery, the monks really enforce quiet time and they get annoyed when you talk a lot. One of the best virtues, in my opinion, is silence. "every idle word will be remembered in the day of judgment"

If your friend is a Christian, try talking to her about it. Don't always engage is pointless conversations. Listen, but don't respond with an answer that will make her talk more. That's what I'm learning to do with my friends now.

Many things I have regretted, but silence I have never regretted


This is true, she is an Orthodox Christian and she knows that simplicity in speech is a really great thing to practice but sometimes its hard.

I try not to say anything that is going to add to pointless convo, usually we are talking about her issues with family and things like that and spiritual life but I honestly cant handle that much talk. I try to keep what I say abrupt but it doesn't help.

I'm thinking I have to nail the bud in the head and confront the issue head on about this

drilago99

This may be a bad idea but maybe you could tell her that you watched (I think you may have) the movie on Abouna Yostos the Silent Monk. Then tell her that the movie was great and that you wanted her to watch it. Send her the link: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7292860459903278275#.
Maybe she may be affected by the silence of the saint and learn it herself.
I thought this could be a little nicer than flatly stating that she's talking way too much. I'm not sure if this is a good idea anyway, does anyone agree with this?

Joshuaa

  What were you doing before she rang you? Because then you can put a time limit on the conversation by saying I have to do such and such in 5 minutes. Then when the five minutes is up, be polite and say thank you very much for calling. If the conversation is where you can actually help her to solve a problem then it would be best to get more involved.

Hope I,ve helped.  God bless you.

mnc_hnn

I have a friends who noticed this about me and was honest with me about it.

I did not notice that I was that bad. but you have almost described me there.

From experience, if you are both good friends and you are honest with her about it, it will be a 'constructive criticism'

Just make sure you are not angry at the time
you do not shout when you are saying it
you pick the right time:
she is not angry/upset/busy
in a quiet place

Qidus_Michael

[quote author=mnc_hnn link=topic=12612.msg148113#msg148113 date=1322601949]
I have a friends who noticed this about me and was honest with me about it.

I did not notice that I was that bad. but you have almost described me there.

From experience, if you are both good friends and you are honest with her about it, it will be a 'constructive criticism'

Just make sure you are not angry at the time
you do not shout when you are saying it
you pick the right time:
she is not angry/upset/busy
in a quiet place


Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I will try this, I don't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel like shes a weirdo. Thanks for your advice!