Is it gossip? How do I know and how to stop?

Qidus_Michael

I have a friend that I adore we laugh and talk alot. We also have a great deal in common because were first generation in America and both trying to live Orthodox life styles according to the teachings of the church and we are both very involved.

I don't have this problem as much with other people, but with her it happens more. When I talk in general I like to talk about concepts. Ideas. Reasons for trends in the world and how they apply to our lives. She is a more here and now kind of person. Concepts and ideas are met with not much enthusiasm. I feel like somehow our talks end up about PEOPLE.

and I feel empty and hallow when I'm finished talking. I feel like I've done something foolish or not right when I'm done talking with her sometimes.

In the end though, it is not her fault at all. It is entirely my fault because I allowed it to happen and participated and I am not blaming her in anyway. It just happens to be a weakness that I would like to change. It has changed among my other friends and would like to do the same with her. Sometimes I feel bad though when she brings up a topic and I don't want to leave her hanging but don't know what to say.

My question: HOW DO I KNOW WHAT IS GOSSIP AND NOT?
                      - If we talk about who is getting married and how we love the bride's invitation letters is that gossip?
                      -If we talk about an annoyance we have with a friend, is that gossip?
HOW DO I HELP LEAD OUR CONVERSATIONS TO MORE POSITIVE, CHRISTIAN BENEFICIAL TOPICS?
                    - I want us to help each other grow in Christ and that is not happening while we are having idle conversation.

God Bless!!

user157

It is not wrong at all to talk about other people but you must not be revealing secrets which should be kept secret
Nothing wrong with talking about who is getting married but you should think in a pure way towards them love thinketh not evil and is not puffed up
However some people for some strange reason do not even want any talk about them so if they find out you know they are getting married you should not go up to them and say congrats
I used to be one of those people but now believeth it is an inferior way of life

If it is something everyone will know soon you have the right to know

qawe

[quote author=Agpeya link=topic=12951.msg152385#msg152385 date=1329976867]
I have a friend that I adore we laugh and talk alot. We also have a great deal in common because were first generation in America and both trying to live Orthodox life styles according to the teachings of the church and we are both very involved.

I don't have this problem as much with other people, but with her it happens more. When I talk in general I like to talk about concepts. Ideas. Reasons for trends in the world and how they apply to our lives. She is a more here and now kind of person. Concepts and ideas are met with not much enthusiasm. I feel like somehow our talks end up about PEOPLE.

and I feel empty and hallow when I'm finished talking. I feel like I've done something foolish or not right when I'm done talking with her sometimes.

In the end though, it is not her fault at all. It is entirely my fault because I allowed it to happen and participated and I am not blaming her in anyway. It just happens to be a weakness that I would like to change. It has changed among my other friends and would like to do the same with her. Sometimes I feel bad though when she brings up a topic and I don't want to leave her hanging but don't know what to say.

My question: HOW DO I KNOW WHAT IS GOSSIP AND NOT?
                      - If we talk about who is getting married and how we love the bride's invitation letters is that gossip?
                      -If we talk about an annoyance we have with a friend, is that gossip?
HOW DO I HELP LEAD OUR CONVERSATIONS TO MORE POSITIVE, CHRISTIAN BENEFICIAL TOPICS?
                    - I want us to help each other grow in Christ and that is not happening while we are having idle conversation.

God Bless!!


speaking (negatively) about someone behind their back is gossip
speak to your FOC, he will provide u with a more detailed answer that will suit u better than anything you can glean from this forum
his advice is indispensable

user157

What makes her situation any different to anyone else who gossips
If the situation is the same let the priest make a statement on his church website and we can all read it and benefit
Don't act like the priest is the only one with a connection to God
We are not in the old testament yet even then it was not so
Do you want only those who see their priest often to be the only ones going to heaven

Yes I didnt have much to say or wisdom but that doesn't mean someone else doesn't
On Pentecost tongues of fire were given to all and all prophesied
Do you suggest we do not have the holy spirit nowadays

ilovesaintmark

Get rid of the cell phone and try written communications.  By going through the effort of handwriting different discussion points, it will self-limit, because of the sheer effort, how much and what is discussed.

servant33

Something I heard that I liked is that whenever someone around you is speaking badly of someone, come up with a counter-reason to defend that person.

Like "I can't believe so-and-so came late to church today..." and you say "Well, maybe she was waiting for her brother to get ready or she was stopped by the traffic that we saw coming here..." or so on. Basically you just always defend the person. And the person who gossips (hopefully) will eventually get frustrated and bored since they can't seem to make a claim against a person and then you can move the conversation to something more constructive

Joshuaa

I would of got the gossip to reproach thier own conscience by saying to them " Why don't you try and help them to go the right way if you feel the going in the wrong, and if you can't then let them make thier own mistakes. Besides I thing you should take ownership of your own problems and fix them, before you condemn others. You can't heap guilt on someone who has very little chance of answering your accuastions".
  I would probably bring my Lord Jesus into then.

  Peace, love and understanding to all through Jesus Christ.