"I once met a theologian who was extremely pious, but who had the habit of speaking to the (secular) people around him in a very blunt manner; his method penetrated so deeply that it shook them very severely. He told me once: "During a gathering, I said such and such a thing to a lady." But the way that he said it, crushed her. "Look", I said to him, "you may be tossing golden crowns studded with diamonds to other people, but the way that you throw them can smash heads, not only the sensitive ones, but the sound ones also."
Let's not stone our fellow-man in a so-called "Christian manner." The person who - in the presence of others - checks someone for having sinned (or speaks in an impassioned manner about a certain person), is not moved by the Spirit of God; he is moved by another spirit.
The way of the Church is LOVE; it differs from the way of the legalists. The Church sees everything with tolerance and seeks to help each person, whatever he may have done, however sinful he may be."
Elder Bishoy of Athos, The Letter of the Law
One Friday they were out harvesting and it was Simeon’s turn to cook the midday meal. Forgetting that it was Friday, he prepared a dish of pork for their lunch, and they all ate of it. Six months later, on a feast-day in winter, Simeon’s father turned to him with a gentle smile and said,
‘Son, do you remember how you gave us pork to eat that day in the fields? It was a Friday. I ate it but, you know, it tasted like carrion.’
‘Why ever didn’t you tell me at the time?’
‘I didn’t want to upset you, son.’
Recalling such incidents from his life at home, the Staretz would add, ‘That is the sort of staretz I would like to have. He never got angry, was always even-tempered and humble. Just think - he waited six months for the right moment to correct me without upsetting me!’
Archmandrite Sophrony, "Part 1: The Staretz' Life and Teaching," in "Saint Silouan the Athonite."
Translated by Rosemary Edmonds. (New York: St Vladimir's Seminary Press, 1999) 12-13.
"Therefore, you have to choose the appropriate time at which people can endure your speech. You should perceive that everybody you talk to is a human being who has emotions that can be hurt, or at least affected and fatigued. You should regard the sensitiveness of people and should not use an iron hammer where a significant hint would be sufficient. You should be kind and compassionate so as to relieve others. You should also keep away from oppressive judgment."
HH Pope Shenouda III
"Don't wage your Christian struggle with sermons and arguments, but with true love."
Saint Porphyrios of Kavsokalyvia
"When we argue, others react. When we love people,
they are moved & we win them over.
When we love...we are the first to benefit."
Saint Porphyrios of Kavsokalyvia
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