Copic church is unfriendly

sara

I'm really starting to get over how unfriendly coptics are. It is full of bullying and standoffish people. I've never felt welcome and I've been bullied and stopped going and yet my foc hasn't even bothered to ring me and he knows the whole situation.
There is no community or Christian values in the community and I'm looking for a new church all together

TITL

That's really saddening to hear, but unfortunately sometimes Copts adapt to mirror the culture they live in (ie southern United States vs northerners). It shouldn't be that way at all, as Christians are sojourners, but that's kind of reality (the way I see it). 

Maybe you can post around which area you're from, and if anyone lives close by, we can send you a PM :)

Also, remember Abouna is probably drowning with 1,000,000 different situations. It's not that he doesn't care, it's probably that he's a little bit distracted. I go to a small community church, and I still have to frequently remind Abouna because he's always occupied with other things. It would probably be a good idea to talk to him again and remind him of your concern. 

Rabina ma3aky :)

ophadece

@Sara,
I'm sorry for your feelings but trust me you are not alone. The important thing is to not allow the evil one to take you away from the church by any means..
Oujai

sara

Thanks I wish in reality we had more people like you at church but we don't. It's ironic that the place I'm meant to feel most welcome I feel least welcome. I'm not even a child. I'm an adult and to be bullied and harassed is not ok. But worse is that the priest stands by and let's it happen. It's such a high school atmosphere where the mean n nasty people take over.

TITL

Be easy on Abouna. He goes through more than we can ever imagine. Sometimes we don't realize it, because the side of Abouna we usually see is centered around how we see him in church. 

I'm pretty sure if any other, non-Christian, tried playing the role, they wouldn't make it to day 2. 

So I suggest talking with him again :)

[Deleted User]

OMG IS THAT TITL?!?
We've missed you!!

TITL

Missed you too, girly ;)

Love your picture of St. Mary! Did you draw that??

coptic_deacon

I sometimes just go to another Oriental Orthodox Church. No harm in that.

[Deleted User]

Nope :) I wish - this is far too advanced than what I can do..

But stay here and dont leave again! You're like THEE *color* of Tasbeha.org and we're in need of it!

minatasgeel

Saram how about getting into details....what kind of bullying and unchristian acts are you experiencing?

sara

Being called names... anything you can imagine. Being mocked. Pointed at during mass and giggled at. One girl doesn't like me and she's popular so that's it for me. Cyber bullying. I'm talking about adults believe it or not. I never once reacted cos I'm not the type who likes confrontation. I've tried to go to another church but people are just unfriendly. I'm really over the coptics church completely. I want to feel part of a community. Especially church but I've never felt welcome or accepted. I always feel like a loser in our church so why will I go and get more depressed.

minasoliman

I don't know what to tell you.  Usually, if Copts in your area are doing that, maybe they think they're harmlessly joking and you can take the jokes.  But if you feel like they're maliciously hurting you and you are not able to have a good spiritual atmosphere, then I would suggest finding another Orthodox Church in the area.  That's the best I can tell you.  But if we go into specifics, as Mina mentioned, perhaps you are misunderstanding them?  At some point in time, you might just be able to develop some sort of wit to counteract heavy-handed jokes?

But the way you describe does sound like silly teenage behavior.  I find it very difficult that such behavior is rampant among any adult, Christian or non-Christian.  To hear that it's happening in the Coptic parish you attend is sad.  Have you complained about this to Abouna?

ItalianCoptic

Sara, 

Are you a convert to the Coptic church and do you live in the US?

[Deleted User]

That's really really  strange and unfortunate. I hope you realize that not all coptic churches are like this - the church I go to is quite the opposite.

maybe switch churches..?

Zoxsasi

Dear Sara,

I had the same experience when growing up in the Coptic Church. The servants were bullies, rude and very mean. If Christ was working in their lives, then I'd hate to see what they'd have been like if Satan actually had any control over them.

Most likely what happens is that you end up in a Church where the fraternity or spiritual gatherings are centered on Egypt, not necessarily Christ. 

You'll find God in the Sacraments, in the sacramental life of the Church, but not necessarily amongst Coptic Christians. 

God bless

Purity2

Hi Sara,

Sorry about your 'troubles'.

Please reconsider leaving the COC! It is such a wonderful Church! If there is another Sister Church close by then go there for a while, but do not totally cast off your attendance to the COC. There is much to be learned :)
Think of your present troubles as a test; like how the Great Saint- St.John the Short was tested and bullied and pushed around at first. but endured it as a test from God Almighty and gained greatly by his patience and fortitude.


Sara, I do not know how long you have been an Orthodox Christian, but it has been just 15yrs for me now and I have noticed that some circumstances in Christianity are becoming more clear.

Many times I have felt the error was someone elses'; only to realize it is mine.

Zoxsasi

+purity2: 

We do not know what Sara's trouble's are exactly. We don't know if people in church are swearing at her, humiliating her, or even causing her to lose her peace ; in which case, there's no point in going to the COC. Its pointless. 

I just posted a video of Coptic Christians swearing at each other and using very vulgar if not filthy language during protests at the time of the liturgy. 

I'm not entirely sure if the Coptic Church outside Egypt is a House of prayer. I feel sometimes its become a club, or an association for Egyptians who hate Islam, and miss speaking Arabic. I find that the Church is often closed for prayer. I mean that its closed for anyone who wants/needs to go in and just pray. 

Perhaps in Egypt its different. I'm not sure.

Regardless, I do agree that one shouldn't really give up easily, but there are some situations where people can be so cruel, that its pointless in going. That doesn't mean that one should leave the COC, but I would recommend that you find another Coptic Church instead and just go and pray there (but stick to the Coptic rite if you can)

If there is another COC available - stick to it. Just attend the liturgy, pray and leave.

minasoliman

If the next closest Coptic Church is far, why restrict to the Coptic rite when you can find another Orthodox Church?  As long as one does not leave the Orthodox Church in my opinion.  I wish perhaps if I may be at that parish that I could do something.

[Deleted User]

ophadece said:

@Sara,
I'm sorry for your feelings but trust me you are not alone. The important thing is to not allow the evil one to take you away from the church by any means..
Oujai

I reeeeeally like this word of advice 

Tobit

Hey Sara,

I feel no hit the underlying problem while reading the replies. 

Why are you being bullied? From their perspective, what about you don't they like? What are they teasing you about? I'm not justifying their behavior but trying to contextualize, to see if it's a social, spiritual, or political issue withing the church. Their weakness certainly exposed itself and their unchristian behavior unwarranted regardless of who you are or what you've done.

So again, if it's not private, what is it that they find distasteful about you, or seem to dislike that warrents, in their minds, this unchristian behavior?

mcarmichael

The Coptic Church is very friendly. This website is very proof.

Zoxsasi

mcarmichael said:

The Coptic Church is very friendly. This website is very proof.

I don't have that experience. On the contrary, I suffered greatly on this website as I ask many questions and sometimes, depending on the admins, if they don't like my question, i get judged, humiliated, and picked on.

I still come because I love to learn about my faith and am interested in theology. Its a price to pay to learn.

Regardless, if a Church is friendly or not, my suggestion for Sara would be to go to Church, pray and leave quietly. Stay away from people there.