Hi all. I pray that everyone reading this is well and may God bless you guys and be with you always.
My main problem is that I feel like I'm lost in this world. School as it turns out is very difficult for me. I work so hard, harder than most people in my class and I am still doing worse. This is professional school where I am learning my trade and it has me questioning if I am even doing the right thing. I thought this is what God wanted me to do, but I seem to not be making any progress and it leads to frustration and anger toward myself and others.
On top of that, I feel socially that I am not important. By that I mean sometimes I feel like if you took me out of a room or out of a social gathering everything would be unchanged. I feel like I don't have those close relationships that other people have and it always leaves me in a lonely or empty state. I have friends that I see and hang out with but no one I can talk to about important things.
I know that much of this is my fault. I have sinned. I have greatly sinned continually and am so afraid of going to Abouna to ask for repentance. I know that is the worst attitude to have, but he is human, and I am human. I am just so ashamed of myself in all aspects spiritually, socially, and in my educational life. I have disappointed everyone in every aspect and I keep trying to pray about it, but I keep telling myself that it is my fault and the only way out is if I change. I feel like I'm being punished and instead of reasoning anything out, I tend to believe it. I really think that is why I continue to struggle and not perform. It's so hard to come back from that and I'm not sure there is a way. I want to keep praying about but I feel like God won't hear me or listen to me because of what I've done. I feel like I've thrown my whole life away with this sin and not sure how to come back from that. Please pray for me and I apologize for the lengthy post. God bless you all.
Comments
You said it yourself, you know what the right thing to do is. Go to Abouna and confess. The priesthood of Christ granted to Abouna and the sacrament of confession will comfort you.
Your struggles have been fought by others. Some succeeded, others kept failing. Your success will not come by fighting alone. Start by seeing Abouna, and build your entourage accordingly.
May God strengthen you!