Sex, Society and The Norm

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  • Whilst jfranklin mentions that God’s creating sex was good, we must remember that according to the holy Church Fathers whose wisdom and enlightenment far exceeds he, and I, and all of us, and who were culturally connected to the Apostolic era, agreed unanimously that before the fall of mankind there was NO procreation or sexual relationship between Adam and Eve – so it wasn’t exactly “good” in the perfect sense such that it was part of the original plan, it was only “good” relative to a fallen world.

    According to St John of Damascus: "In Paradise virginity held sway" - here he teaches us in his The Exact Exposition of The Orthodox Faith what many of the Church Fathers taught: that there were no sexual relations before the fall of Adam and Eve, since then, it was not part of our original nature, but rather, sex was only given to us after we fell from communion with God.

    St. John Chrysostom tells us that the marital act was for both procreation and pleasure/ecstacy. St. Paul views the one flesh union of husband and wife as a mystery of Christ the bridegroom and The Church His bride. The book of Hebrews tells us the marriage bed is undefiled and holy (13:4). Song of Songs is an extended poem which extols the lures, pleasures, excitement, and mental foreplay of marital love.

    However, even within marriage there is a requisite level of modesty and moderation involved. "All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any" (1 Cor 6:12).

    For Orthodox Christians, this is manifested in our liturgical life. The Holy Tradition of the Early and Holy Universal Apostolic Church for example was that married couples were to practice total sexual abstinence during the fasting periods – especially the great fast (which we just finished a few weeks ago) - and this continues today - marital couples should fast from sex on the Holy Fasting days of the Coptic Church - Wednesdays, Fridays, as well as the day that we receive communion. It is all for the same reason why we fast from foods, or why we don't indulge in lots of leisure activities during our great fasts - not because these things are inherently wrong per se...but rather because we're a stubborn and fallen people, who need discipline and self-control in our lives. It's better to learn to cut off, willingly and voluntarily what is lawful for brief amounts of time and be built up by this, rather than to become soft and weak and as a result be a slave - indulging and engaging in things to in an abusively excessive manner, in immoderation and commiting outright sins left, right, and centre. The wisdom of The Holy Orthodox Church in disciplining us to fast!

    Also, part of modesty within marriage, obviously involves refraining from acts that are contrary to nature. Oral sex within marriage is an abuse of sex, this was recognized from the 1st century of the Apostolic era, as it is written in the letter of Barnabas:

    "Moreover, he [Moses] has rightly detested the weasel [Lev. 11:29]. For he means, 'Thou shall not be like to those whom we hear of as committing wickedness with the mouth with the body through uncleanness [orally consummated sex]; nor shall thou be joined to those impure women who commit iniquity with the mouth with the body through uncleanness'" (10:8) A.D. 74

    Contraception is also a great sin in marriage. The blessed St John Chrysostom tells us in his Homilies on Romans 24:

    "Why do you sow where the field is eager to destroy the fruit, where there are medicines of sterility [oral contraceptives], where there is murder before birth? You do not even let a harlot remain only a harlot, but you make her a murderess as well. . . . Indeed, it is something worse than murder, and I do not know what to call it; for she does not kill what is formed but prevents its formation. What then? Do you condemn the gift of God and fight with his [natural] laws? . . . Yet such turpitude . . . the matter still seems indifferent to many men--even to many men having wives. In this indifference of the married men there is greater evil filth; for then poisons are prepared, not against the womb of a prostitute, but against your injured wife. Against her are these innumerable tricks" A.D. 391


    Furthermore, St Paul teaches us that there must be a consensus between husband and wife regarding the matter of sex:

    The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control" (1 Cor 7:4-5).

    Marriage is simply NOT a “white card” for everything and anything. Another important thing to know, is that marital relations (while certainly good and lawful, in their rightful place) are a part of this temporary earthly existence; they will not exist in the world to come, where we become like the sexless Angels in heaven. We will know and recognize our spouse in the future life, and obviously there will be a special relationship there, but we won't be "married" in the same way, nor will there be sexual attraction or giving birth to children. This is a part of our life here and now, but it is temporary.

    Peace.
  • Contraception is also a great sin in marriage. The blessed St John Chrysostom tells us in his Homilies on Romans 24:

    "Why do you sow where the field is eager to destroy the fruit, where there are medicines of sterility [oral contraceptives], where there is murder before birth? You do not even let a harlot remain only a harlot, but you make her a murderess as well. . . . Indeed, it is something worse than murder, and I do not know what to call it; for she does not kill what is formed but prevents its formation. What then? Do you condemn the gift of God and fight with his [natural] laws? . . . Yet such turpitude . . . the matter still seems indifferent to many men--even to many men having wives. In this indifference of the married men there is greater evil filth; for then poisons are prepared, not against the womb of a prostitute, but against your injured wife. Against her are these innumerable tricks" A.D. 391

    WHOAH WHOAH WHOAH

    birth control is a sin in our church ????????!!!!!!!!!!
  • neone??????? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ???
  • CopticChris,

    I guess there is nothing absolutely conclusive or decisive concerning this issue, it seems today at least, to be dependent on a number of factors, so it is now more like a case by case study. Ecumenical Patriarch H.H. Bartholomew makes this point in his interview with time magazine. When they asked him what the Orthodox Church’s stance on contraception was, he answered:

    "According to a long-held tradition, the Orthodox Church avoids dictating or making categorical decision of a social or ethical nature."

    Certainly in the early Church, contraception was universally forbidden, but this may be a reflection of the social/cultural context. Back then they wouldn’t have had forms of contraception like condoms or what not that merely avoid pregnancy, as opposed to actually “murdering the egg”, or bringing harm upon the spouse. The practice could therefore very well have been condemned by figures like St John Chrysostom (as shown in my quote above) due to the fact that the only forms of contraception available at that time to the groups he was addressing, did indeed have to resort to such evil things.

    According to the Ukranian Orthodox Church of Canada’s website:

    Though opinions vary among Orthodox on this issue, the view of most Orthodox bodies is that controlling conception through "natural family planning", or contraception, is acceptable for married couples, as long as it is done in a spirit of responsible Christian stewardship of life.

    This means, first, that birth control will not be used merely because having and rearing children is seen as a financial or social inconvenience.

    Secondly, it means that any form of contraception used will not be physically harmful to either spouse, and will not involve the abortion of a fertilized egg. Finally, the decision to utilize birth control, as well as the decision to have a child, must be a mutual one between both wife and husband.

    According to the second revised 1993 edition of The Orthodox Church by Bishop Kallistos Ware:

    Concerning contraceptives and other forms of birth control, differing opinions exist within the Orthodox Church. In the past birth control was in general strongly condemned, but today a less strict view is coming to prevail, not only in the west but in traditional Orthodox countries. Many Orthodox theologians and spiritual fathers consider that the responsible use of contraception within marriage is not in itself sinful. In their view, the question of how many children a couple should have, and at what intervals, is best decided by the partners themselves, according to the guidance of their own consciences. (page 296)

    Finally, with regards to the Coptic Church’s position, H.H Pope Shenouda III says concerning contraception:

    Yes, we accept it if it is not a way of abortion. This means if it is used to avoid, rather than terminate, a pregnancy. However, once a pregnancy has occurred, than it is a sin to abort the baby, even if its age is only one hour. So, it is acceptable only to prevent pregnancy.

    This is not a very detailed answer by H.H., but it reveals the essence of the circumstances in which it may be condoned.

    Therefore generally we may conclude three qualifying factors to the use of contraception: a) If it merely avoids, rather than terminates pregnancy b) If it does not harm the partner c) If it is not just to avoid financial or social responsibility d) one’s father of confession or spiritual adviser should be consulted concerning the matter, such that he may assess your intentions and purposes, in order to help you discern whether it is justified or not.

    Peace.
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