Online Dating

Marianne87

I kinda have a question..and u may have guessed by the title that it's about online dating..
I don't wanna call it dating in the first place because i know everyone is just gonna begin lecture me abt dating..but there is no other way i can call it something else. okay...let's get into the question then...dating by the Church's view is wrong...because they are afraid u would get into temptation and such.
Online/phone relationships don't necessary make u fall into doing something wrong...i know people are going to say thoughts and such about that person...but u didn't really see the person so u can think lustfully about that person...right?
so..u just are getting to know the person from far away distance...and maybe u have something in comment...and then u begin liking that person and maybe later falling in love and getting engaged and so on....when it's possible to meet...which kinda of leads me to my second question which is...
Can u fall in love with someone u never met? i don't see that as lustful because u really can't see the person...but is that possible? and while u are on it...maybe u guys could explain wut love really is (i knw it's putting someone else before u and above u...but let's get more oponion on that)...
just for those of u who will tell me dating is wrong in anyway period...i am talking here about people who are on the verge of marriage and looking for someone because they are old enough to do so....
so let's get ur oponion on that guys....thanks in advance :)

P.S: I do know of a lot of people who dated that way and they are happilly married now.

Unknown

You have raised many points - all valid and warrant answers.

Online, Internet call it what you may is another media/environment. With every environment it has its +ves and its -ves. Intenet has certainly made us communicate more easily than before but at a cost and that cost is breaking the traditional (a word that I know somebody would like!!) safety nets that are there for a reason. In the traditional methods parents (or those responsible for match making) would FILTER all unsutible candidates whatever their criteria is. As you are aware with the internet you end up doing this yourself and thus eliminating parents/match makers. The danger with that is that you are by-passing their experiance of life and tradition (I've used that word again!!) and may suffer at the end.
In saying that however the internet perhaps does give you the opportunity to find out more about a person than just your 1st meeting at the wedding church !!

So what do I think? On the whole I haveno objections to using the internet so long as everything goes through your parents/match makers and taht includes their decision on who to talk to and what about.
If you are asking for intimacy and secrecy over the internet, then I am afraid I cannot agree to this, for the internet has nothing to do with this.

Good luck. Don't know what to say - luck chap or poor sole. LOL...................

Marianne87

In the traditional methods parents (or those responsible for match making) would FILTER all unsutible candidates whatever their criteria is.

I don't necessary agree with the idea that parents are responsible or anyone else for that matter to choose who am i gonna spend the rest of my life with...i understand the saftey point of it...but other than that...i wouldn't want anyone else choosing my life partner for me

If you are asking for intimacy and secrecy over the internet, then I am afraid I cannot agree to this, for the internet has nothing to do with this.

that's not necessary what i meant by liking and falling in love with the person....i am talking about just talking to each other and see if that other person could be considered a future partner

Christ4Life

Well, I don't know. I mean there could be someone saying he's 22, his name is John, and lives in NY while he really is 56, has some ugly name and lives say, by you. You never know what he would try to do. I mean, you're going to want to try and get to know this person, and he's probably going to try and do the same. You might slip info here and there, not realizing.

Now, the moral issue. I think its pretty fine. I mean, there's no temptation, you can't even see the person. But thoughts. You would have to control those. Not just for the moral issue, but the emotional one. Let's just say this guy isn't who he says he is, and you find that out after truely getting to know the person (or whatever he said). You, my friend, will be heartbroken. And somebody like that doesn't deserve it. So you would really have to be careful, which will probably impossible because you're going to want to know him, and him in turn you. Before doing ANYTHING however you MUST consult your FOC.

mazza

look u guys r all old enough to know wat is right an what is wrong. but my personal opinion on online dating is that its so not worth it. how can u fall in love with someone uve never met?? ok u say that they sound sweet and cariing bla bla bla. they could be lying about it for all you know. its so easy to make a load of rubbish up to someone you've never even met. like thats jus my opinion, i think its just a total waste of time.
god will send u someone wen u least expect it who is perfect for u whether it be a close friend, via internet etc
jus pray about it and ask for his help and his guidance because marriage is a really big thing. its one of the 7 sacraments and the point of marriage is to find a partner that will help u on your journey to heaven so the rest is up 2 u.

Christ4Life

I agree. Leave everything up to God. He'll do the rest.

Marianne87

Well...actually u can fall in love with a person u never met...and that will only be based on personality not looks...and i am only talking about those truthful to one another...like they are saying who they really are....so it's not based on sweet words wie mesh 3arfa eh...
I know that i should leave it all to God...i am not saying go date that way or justify it...i am just bringing up a discussion b/c i saw it happening.

Christ4Life

i actually think that if you fall in love with some1 you've never met its really true love, because you've never seen the person, so no lustful thoughts. the problem is you can never tell if the other person is telling the truth.

Marianne87

well i guess again everything has the good and the bad to it...well i guess it's not like u never gonna think abt him because u will...and there is lustful thoughts..but i agree w/ the concept tht it mite be true love...because it's not based on looks for one...and i guess u can't really do anything to harm tht person...ya u would be taking their time away from them...but other than tht...i can't see u are really harming them

Christ4Life

marianne, you can't harm them because your intention is pure. but they can harm you. so many guys around here like to play with girls' hearts so much its not funny. so be careful. not just with online dating, but everything else. be wise.

cremedelescremes

i really don't think you should do it. The online world is a scary place and this is no matter of morals or religion. you do NOT know who it is and you do NOT know if they're being truthful. Maybe it worked out from some people but look at all the other people who were raped and had worse done to them. People are different in real life than they are online anyway. body language is the ultimate form of communication. you have to look into someone's eyes, see their smile, hear their laugh, notice how they are with other people, see if they have any aggressive tendancies. people need to spend less time on their internet and more time in the real world, DOING SOMETHING, because that's where all the excitement is. I know you feel like there's no temptation but if everyone ran away from temptation instead of being strong with God's help and saying no to it, then the human race would have been extinct long ago.

Maryann23

yeah i agree! cremedelescremes bought up many good points. you can not really get to know sumone on the internet, cuz u dont see them interact with people. Its always one on one, and since u know them on long distance terms or "virtually" then he can hide a lot from you, or have multiple personalities.

You can have friends on the internet...sure. But to use it as a source to find ur LIFE PARTNER...i dont think that would be very asssuring. Unless you MEEET him online...decide to meet in real life....spend a TON of time together (im talkin 3-4 years)...then if u love him, marrry him!

P.S: im kinda against this whole internet dating thing cuz someone close to me met this "amazing" guy online, and they "fell in love" and they even got married. He apparently hid a lot from her; which is easy cuz it was basically a virtual relationship. Anyways now they're divorced :-\. and YES, they are both egyptian coptic orthodox. ...pretty sad :(

Unknown

Some of our younger audiance seem to be worried that the interviension of teir parents is somwhoe pereceved as the loss of their freedom and civil liberties. Well its not - and none much more than in the west.
Certainly here in the UK people can wed at 16 legally and their parents have no say in it.
The point that is perhaps overlooked or misunderstood is that your parents have experiance, experiance that is gained having gone through this themseleves. They too had the same desires as you when they were your age. Whatever you may gain in this materialstic world there is nothing that can replace experiance and none more than that of your own parents for it is they and no one else that cares about your happnies and givingyou whatever you so desire. To throw all this away would put you alongside an orthphan and only God knows how much vunerable they are.

Marianne87

i just wanted to clear somthing up in my question...i am in NO WAY saying tht we could justify dating that way or that's another way to find a life partner...wut i was asking if what if u talked to someone for a while..and u know he is being truthful and all and u being truthful as well....tht's wut i meant...not tht u went out looking for one...then would tht be love and so on with my pervious questions...

andrewg

In India the children prefer their parents to select their husband or bride. Because they know and trust that their parents have the experience and know what kinds of qualities are important for marriage. Of course they have the caste system in India which really limits who they can choose. We can apply this to our search. Obviously I think that the people getting married should have the final say in what happens whether they are really compatible and not to have arranged marriages unless consented by both parties, but we should have as many helpers as possible( God the first, abouna, parents) but not more than that otherwise you get to many people's suggestions and then eygptians get angry about why they werent heard.

As for online dating, as mentioned before stay clear, online is a virtual world people can create what ever they want.

God Bless,

u_stole_my_name

[quote author=Deano link=board=13;threadid=2115;start=0#msg32699 date=1121630078]
In the traditional methods parents (or those responsible for match making) would FILTER all unsutible candidates whatever their criteria is.

....and usually these "criteria" involve how "successful" this person is and how much money they make, which are not nor never have been nor never will be real indicators of a person's intelligence or moral quality. On the contrary, the dumbest, dullest, and most morally irreputable people I have ever met were rich and "successful".

Such a "tradition" is a slap in the face of Christ, to whom there is no Scythian, barbarian, slave nor free.

kiropidiakonos

whats wrong with online and phone dating and all that stuff? i dont see anything wrong with it if u actually kno the person really good and u keep it pure and all...we all have heard alot about his topic before and we had enough about it, but mostly it all comes from the church side, which i think they make a big deal out of it cause nowhere in the bible or anywhere it doesnt say dont date or get to kno eachother they just over exaggerate...i kno its because they care about us and they dont want us to get hurt, but i think we're old enough to kno what we're doin...anyways thats just what i think...i might be wrong...pray for me...

in christ
kiro