Dating- Please share

Dina_kh

Salam everybody,

This guy and me have been dating for about 4 months now. We are both christians, beleivers. Am 25 and he is older. This relationship is not immature because we both are in the age of possible commitment and marriage. We are not teenagers.

I used to think that physical relationships between a couple of believes who are in love does not include even kissing. But lately my view has changed because I have seen that normally it does. (this is not the main point though, I have another question). So how far can a christian couple, who are adults, like him and me, go together physically? What is accepted and what is not? My concern here is ONLY christian wise. NOT society.
Please tell of your experiences, if you don’t mind. It will be even better if somehow private replies are allowed on this site.

Please reply only if you are above 22.
Thanks.

Unknown

This relationship is not immature because we both are in the age of possible commitment and marriage.

Unless commitment and marriage is the ultimate intent and foreseeable outcome of this relationship, then it is not justified in the eyes of the Church.

Furthermore, "maturity" applies not only to issues relevant to age (such as the maturity of mind and body), but also to spirituality.

I used to think that physical relationships between a couple of believes who are in love does not include even kissing. But lately my view has changed because I have seen that normally it does.

Well what may or may not "normally" happen, does not justify the correctness of what you perceive to "normally" happen. The general rule of the Church is that no physical intimacy is to be shared between a couple until they are married. Kissing is one such example which can lead to other things, even if those other things were never intended in the first place.

So how far can a christian couple, who are adults, like him and me, go together physically?

Your age is irrelevant to the matter. Physical intimacy can only be justified as holy within the confines of marriage, regardless of age.

surgeon

I want to tell you a very important thing the most important thing is the emotional relationship not physical relationship, for example it is better to think of a person not to touch him before marriage. Also, I want to ask you avery important questio you are ready for marriage now or not, If you are ready for marriage, you have to get married now but if you are not ready, i think, it is better to think of your future and work

WMA

Sorry to intrude, but can I just ask how far is it permissible for a man and woman to develop their relationship prior to marriage on a more social/emotional level. E.g., is it permissible for a man and woman to go out for lunch together, or see a movie by themselves, so long as there is no touching such as holding hands, kissing etc?

Unknown

Sorry to intrude, but can I just ask how far is it permissible for a man and woman to develop their relationship prior to marriage on a more social/emotional level. E.g., is it permissible for a man and woman to go out for lunch together, or see a movie by themselves, so long as there is no touching such as holding hands, kissing etc?

This is something, I believe, that has to be determined on a case by case basis.

Generally speaking, each faithful individual is presumed to have an ongoing and consistent relationship with their Father of Confession (FOC) or their Spiritual Adviser (SA). Disclosure and discussion of all personal issues relevant to one's spiritual life are essential aspects of such a relationship. As such, this particular matter is one to be discussed and determined between each individual and their FOC/SA.

Spending time alone together before an engagement may be considered necessary in the case of one couple, or potentially harmful in the case of another couple. There is a tendency within the Coptic Church to let cultural bias influence decisions on this matter. It must be understood, however, that the rigid/legalistic cultural stance against any question of a couple spending time alone to get to know eachother before committing to an engagement, is strictly that: cultural.

Some clergy may be infected by this bias (being the mere humans that they are, and hence incurring such consequent human limitations and flaws), others, whilst being aware of it, are immune from allowing it to unjustly affect a potentially successful relationship. I have personally witnessed examples of both.

joyisgod

While there is no official rule book that determines what is acceptable and what is “crossing the line” one must keep in mind that they are responsible for the other person. If holding hands, kissing, hugging, wearing in appropriate clothing might make one of the individuals lust then it is the duty of the other individual to protect them from the attacks brought by from the devil. However, that is not to say that holding hands, hugging, or even kissing before marriage is necessary a sin (at least I never heard about it) which is why there is no general rule and determined by a case by case basis as Iqbal stated.

Get to know the other person as closely as possible since s(he) could be your future spouse, but be careful since temptation will be great. True love is sacrificing what you want and what you partner wants if it leads to sin. And truly God will bless your journey together for being pure and fighting the temptations. 2 Corinthians 6:6 “by purity, by knowledge, by longsuffering, by kindness, by the Holy Spirit, by sincere love.”

I have heard too many times how people regret losing their purity to a person that they thought they loved (since everything starts out so innocently) but I have never once heard someone regretting staying as pure as possible until they were married.

p

They are correct. As long as there is not anything inappropriate and the dating CANNOT be one on one, then it is perfectly fine. I would say that you are the judge on what you think the right mind would say is appropriate and what is inappropriate.

mazza

As stated previously, intimacy varies between couples in the 'engagement' process. I have personally seen coptic couples occassionally hold hands and hug, however, there are others who simply walk next to each other and there is no sign of physical contact.

But I have not heard of anything wrong in having lunch, going out to dinner, or even seeing a movie with your partner. I believe its essential to get to know your future partner as best you can, because sooner or later you would presumably be spending the rest of your life with them.

I believe it depends on your ability to control and/ or resist temptation. This matter must be discussed with your Father of Confession if you and your partner and thinking of marriage.

Just my 2 cents,
God Bless,
Mazza

P.S. Please pray for me

hany58

Hey lol, how are you
lol like how Mazza said I have seen couples that do hold hands and hug, I think that there is no general rule, but I do recommend not to go into the physical contact becuase this will give the devil the opportunity to tempt your purity and ofcourse that's not desirable. My own suggestion is really try to know your partner away from physical contacts as possible, like go out for dinner, for movies. Thing is lol physical conatcs start off with a little thing and then very rapidly increases and that's where the work of the devil comes on, so don't give him the chance of tempting you. Thing is that no one can gaurantee 100% that he/she will get married to the person that he/she dates with, so that's why its much better to be away from physical contacts except after marriage. Lol I don't mean that when you see your partner you walk away from him, ofcourse not, but just try not to go into physical contact a lot so that you don't get tempted and he doesn't get tempted as well lol. Please e-mail if you have any extra questions

God bless you
Hany

maryfarag

This is a common problem for couples. There is no doubt that when you have true feelings of love for someone that these feelings will develop on a physical level. As we know the church does not condone intimacy prior to marriage but i feel if there is a high level of spirituality between the couple then there will be a mutual respect and understanding of minimising physical contact with each other such as holding hands, kissing and cuddling. The devil easily sways us to further developing intimate relationships but the question i ask is are you capable of exerting self control. The answer in most cases would be no. We are human we have these desires but we need to learn to control it if we can. If you are unsure always discuss with your FOC. May God give you the strength to follow his ways.