Love And Marriage

copticcross3

hello all,
I have a few questions about marriage/love and what our faith says bout it! You may think ima tad too young too ask....but theres no way to find out unless i ask....right? :) Anyhoo...why is it that egyptian families really dont discuss love , marriage and your parents dont tell you how they met and ect. also...it seems to me like egyptitan marriages....arent based on love...but more on umm like yyour family knows another family and hook you up and ect.....i think it should be based on LOVE!!!! I think alot of egyptians are veryyyyyyyy close-minded...(well at least my family) and im pretty sure they wouldnt support anyone i chose thats say.....not egyptian...not coptic (but changing) ....or anyone that has a not-so great family...but that shouldnt define them!!!!!!!!! ok...if anyone has any comments or awnsers plzzzzzzzzzzzz lemme know...and lemme know if i sound really random and unclear! (also i know you should let God make huge decisions like these, but seems to me that parents make them and how would you know what God wants anyways?? not like he comes down and chats w/ you every morning!)
gb
mary
(and thnx fer the help )

Christforlife7

ok wow so i TOTALY understand wat u mean, i feel the exact same way. it would be awesome for a reply on the subject

Maryann23

I guess we assume most Egyptians are quite closed minded when it comes to these issues...but they're not that bad. Like i asked my dad if i could marry a white/ black guy...just interested to see his response...and he said he wouldnt judge him based on his culture, but rather his character. So i dont think cultural diversity is going to be the reason why the church wouldnt marry you. However, if you dont have ur parent's blessings then perhaps abouna will be hesitant.

But then you have to realllly think about it...maybe you're too young to think this far ahead, but ask yourself if the conflictive mentalities (Seeing as you come from 2 very different backgrounds) will have a negative effect on the values and morals of the household. If you are to be united as ONE, you should both have the same beliefs and morals. I think your parents may just be worried that the western culture accepts many things, we as Christians are strictly against. They just want the best for you, and are looking out for your best interest

copticcross3

but, but, its not true!! they judge on the outside , the family background and ect.!! Just because someones parents are devorced doesnt mean they are bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i have heard this guy say im gonna be the best dad ever, ill do anything for my kids...and ill never get a devorce and all this stuff because his parents were devorced!! im not thinking exactly of my marriage (well sorta ) but in general...i dont really see my parents "love" eachother its more ofa "we have to love eachother" i see this w/ sooooooooo many other couples as well!if you dont have your parents blessings then...umm you kinda cant do anything! i think ,in my eyes, egyptians are the MOST closed minded ppl ever!!!!!!!! this is the majoritie...but some arent!! my parents would probably judge his famiy background, his looks, religously, money, and smartness....nothing else!!! its just soooooooo annoying!! someone care to share?? i reall ywould like to know ....

PrincessMary

I agree with what you've said copticcross, i dont think all egyptians are like that but i do think many many are. But when you think about it, they are not trying to make our lives miserable, why do you think they care so much about a persons "his famiy background, his looks, religously, money, and smartness", i dont think they are personally getting anything out of it, so why would they care about these matters, because they care about their kids a great deal, they love us so much....maybe even too much....that sometimes we think this love of theirs is too much like its choking us we need some space of our own

Your family cannot chose your life partner for you, only you can chose your heart's desire, however you should always keep in mind your parents opinion of who should marry keeping in mind that they know better than us, and we should seek their advice.
Also like Maryaan said they dont always mean what they say, they kind of just want to tell us some rules about picking our partner, but its not like if you fall in love with a good christian American person and tell your parents that he will get baptized in our church that they will say no, too bad, im not coming to the wedding.....

copticcross3

yes....but , but...noone sees what i mean??? its like ..... does it ever seem your parents arent really "in love" ?? or juss me n my wierd family?? lol....its ok...were weird....im over that part! anyhoo.....they care....about stuff other then the inside...love is love!! u know??

PrincessMary

no copticcross i know what u mean i definetly know that my parents are not in love, never were and never will be lol ....feel better now ;D but i also know some egyptians that did marry based on real love (not a lot)....but you are right i think most of them just marry people that they know from their families.....or college mates...or whatever

Marianne87

You would be surpriesed how much your parents love each other. They don't have to act that way in front of you though...see when we think about love (well at least in teenage years)...we think it's all kissing (ya i know..eww if u are thinking abt ur parents doing that in front of you ;))and hugs and blah blah blah...well in reality love is a lot more than that believe me...it's really based on giving one's life to the other..sacrifycing...raising a family together...well SHARING A LIFE is the basic form of marriage and love...just think how many years your parents have been together...survived life together..even if there was fighting in the middle...they survived that as well...they didn't give up as most americans or muslims do...they didn't divorce...and no not because the church disapprove of it but because they value this life they shared together...

egyptains are close minded...yes they are and they have to be...living in a culture where everything is different from what they are used to...well they definetly have to be strict in their way of thinking. If they are used to seeing sin happen all over this country (people living together when they are not married and having children, the massive amount of divorce tat exist here, etc...you get the picture)....then you think when you bring some american guy into their family they will be all happy about it...FAR FROM THAT...unless of course they know his family and what not.

I think most of us are just missing on having a relationship with our parents...we really don't know much about their way of thinking and they don't know much about ours...just an advice talk to them you might actually get something out...

superman23

what is love to you

copticcross3

marianne....that post made sense...but my parents are together because of me and my brother and the church! its true!! they dont love eachother and im almost positive....they dont even back eachother up...my dad takes badly bout my mom with his family...its not fair ..she doesnt even have any family here!! truth be told : they dont even remember how long theyve been married...im the one that ends up reminding them its their anniversry...they couldnt care less!! its crazy!! But i do understand what you mean by this is a different country for them...its true...but there r stuff they can try out...you know? it cant always be your way.....you have to try new things (not saying bad things....just new things) thats what makes them close-minded!!

and to me love or someone you love is someone you
wanna spend the rest of your life with
wanna have a family with
cant wait untill you can see them again
someone you discuss everything with
someone that lovves you back
someone that will halp you thru anything
...will have your back
...can relate to you
someone that wants the best for you and lottsa other stuff too!!

Unknown

Copticcross, I'm going to have to disagree with you. My parents told me the story of how they met, I've watched the wedding tape, and I look at old photos of them. It's a really sweet story actually, my mom was engaged to somebody else when they first met. My dad and my mom were initially just friends fromo work, and my mom thought she'd marry her fiance. But my mom's dad did NOT like this guy at all, and then when my grandfather became ill, before he died, he begged my mom not to marry this guy.

Shortly afterward the engagement fell apart, because it turns out my grandfather was right :D. That's when my parents became closer and closer, and eventually engaged and got married. It's their 22nd anniversary in about a month. Does this mean that they act all lovey-dovey like something out of a Hollywood movie? No, not at all. But that doesn't mean they don't love each other.

Also about the marrying a non Copt. Well, my parents are by no means, "liberal" Egyptians, or anything, but I know that my parents wouldn't have a problem with me marrying a person of a different ethnicity. Just as long as they were Orthodox, or converted to Orthodoxy.

Also, a person's family background doesn't show anything about a person. You can pick your friends, but not your family. Although a person's relatives can usually reflect some aspects of the person himself, random facts about their relatives (exp: that his parents are divorced) are in no way something that shows that the person is a bad person. Firstly, the divorce could have been because of infidelity, or other grounds that the church permits divorce. Secondly, bad experiences or bad decisions made by one's parents are totally irrelevent to the decisions and experiences that their children may make. Kids do tend to repeat the mistakes of their parents, but that won't always necessarily happen.

I hope some of my ramblings made sense :D. Cheers and God bless!

copticcross3

katherine...i totally agree...espically with the family part...but thats not how i think!! im saying how my parents think....or many other egyptian parents!! Thats totally sweet about your parents =)....see i dont even know how my parents met...how they know eachother or anything...i think it was family relations so yea!! and im not saying they have to be lovey dovey!! but show somekind of anything !!!!!!u know?? and btw: ur rambling is awesome!! keep it up!!! =) lol....anyhoo.....my parents wont even discuss anything of such matter!! blahhh

Marianne87

Well who knows...maybe your parents are really this way...well you still have the time to make it right...I mean for yourself when you get a bit older...you can fall in love and marry the one you love and spend the rest of your life with them. :) (well hopefully someone who your parents would approve of)

blingblingzz327

ya i kno how my parents met too (thro my grandma..i kno wierd right lol)

Mira8388h

hey u guys,

egyptians are not that bad and not all of them are closed minded!!

my dad when he engaged my mom, he was NOT supposed to see her at all! he didn't even know what she looked like! and neither did she! and he wasn't supposed to take her out by himself! ( funny...ha?) and they are cousines!!! ( weird....!!)

but my parents won't force me in marriage, they can let me marry an american if i want, but they say i am gonna see black days if i married an american! and thank god i won't! cuz i am engaged to this wonderfull person! that i think the most of!!

GBWU

pray for me

bentBABAyasooa`

mnc_hnn

lol i havent read anything apart from the question, and egyptians arent close minded they r just a bit tooo tight about sexual stuff although it's something in the nature but they alwasy say 3eeb and neva talk about anything even in sunday schools in egypt they say nothing about sexuality to educate people so whoever doesnt know, when he falls he falls cos no1 advices or acknowledge. but EO n US r alright, egyptians there are going to change somehow they can't keep their so called 'habits' forever but best thing to do is ask abouna, sunday school teacher (if you are NOT in egypt only lol) and older brothers/sisters n friends

Mira8388h

i agree with mnc_hnn

egyptions don't realy talk abt it cuz..... it is #1 eaab..! and #2 it is not rgt for a gurls to know that kind of stuff before marriage...!!!
but when u get engaged...... it is alright to LOVE your fience` and care about him/her 120%.... but it is not alright to talk about "SEX" cuz he/she might get the wrong idea about you! as a sexual-maniac! and that is not good... not just u will lose ur fience but ur reputatoin will be ruind if u r a gurl! then .... u-know! but if ur a guy, you are gonna survive...!!!

in egypt i agree..... ur not supposed to know that suff "sex" ..... have u seen the movie of adel emam "tagroba denmrakya"??? it has a part when nicole saba teach the boys a lesson about sex... and adel emam freaked out!!

any-who.... in u .s. it is alright.. to know that stuff!! there are "SEX. EDUCATION" classes..... that students have to take i think in middel school and even in High school!!!

weelllllllll............

pray for me
bentBABAyasooa`

hany58

Look lol, Egyptian are not closed minded as you see them, our parents just love us so much and that's why they care about us so much. Lots and Lots of times we heard about people getting married to non-egyptian people and it didn't work out. Anba Paul had a visit to us and he was asked this question about marriage to other cultures and he said "95% of the times it ends up by divorce". I personally won't suggest it to my son or daughter in the future. Secondly talking about sex is not wrong or anything, you just have to be very very very careful about who you talk with about it. Only people you can talk about sex with is: Your FOC or your parents, no body else. You have to make sure really really really well that you are getting the correct advice from the person that you ask, coz as you know any mistake regarding these issues can be very very harmful to you. You can read books from the church library about sex, they are very nice and talk about everything in a blessed way.

Marianne87

it's not 3eeb wala 7aram wala whatever
people are just scared that if u talked about it...people will have a wrong image of you...but in reality...you are really supposed to learn about things like that because like it or not it exist...and better learning it than experiencing it without knowing anything.
There is a sermon here somewhere...where an anba talks about it marriage and relationship in marriage exculsively and I actually like that sermon a lot because for once there is someone who is not scared to just TEACH people.

mazza

wel speaking from personal experience, i dont believe that all egyptians are close minded.

My parents are fantastic together and they they truly love each other, and that love formulates into the love they have for my sister and i.

As someone mentioned before, love does not necessarily consist of lovey-dovy- scenes and on-going romance, it consists of self-sacrafice, raising a family etc.
That is why i believe egyptian marriages and families dont end up in that statistic of divorce.

and the point about them not discussing how they first met etc etc. My parents are extremely open about it, as a matter of fact, i was just discussing it with my mum a few hours ago. The issue of 'sex' is not discussed for numerous reasons. the main reason would be that parents dont fill their children's minds with images and hence, exasperate their sexual desires. I think that is why we are one of a few cultures who do not have sex before marriage as we see it as sacred between man and woman.

Anyways, that was enough lol
god bless
mazza

Mira8388h

agree.....!!!

hany58

I totally agree with what mazza said, not all egyptian are all closed minded, I have my parents love each other very much and love me and my brother very very very much, they sacrifice everything to us. I know for sure that my parents love each for the way they treat eachother and the way they talk with each other. They opened the subject with me of when they met each other and how they got married and everything in full details (I think I know it off by heart now hahaha), also copticcross you say that egyptian people never consider love in marriage, I do admit that my parents actually encourage me to get married to a girl that I love, not just anyone. Love is a great feelin from God but first we have to understand exactly what love is, love is not about senses, it's about self sacrificing and how to give to the other all the time without the need of taking.

Now for the subject of "sex", obviously our parents never talk about it with us because they want us to be pure in mind, by the way I'm not saying that talking about "sex" is wrong, it is wrong but again if you want to discuss anything or understand anything you should discuss it with your FOC or your parents if you are comfortable, but really the main reason that parents don't open this subject with their kids is because they want their children to be pure in mind and heart.

Regarding the subject of love and marriage guys, we all have to think that the word "love" in our christianity is different than how it is in other religion, "Love" in our religion is based for example on the love of christ to the church, our parents love each other this sort of love, even when we go for a wedding and listen to the prayer, abouna says to the groom "Love her as christ loved the church and sacrificed himself for her".

Hope I helped a lil, please mention me in your prayers

Baladoos