Okay, well, this is not much of a common issue but it's an issue that I have had to put up with for a very long time and now it is becoming extremely overbearing. My family is a very dysfunctional family with problems far beyond what I can explain in mere words but let's just say they're BAD. For the past however many years I've existed, I've neglected the family problems and attempted to stay away from them since they didn't involve me specifically very often.
However, recently, I have gone through a rather strange and perhaps seemingly "wrong" personal experience. My mother was aware of the situation and handled it very poorly. Although she had a right to be concerned and even angry, she certainly had no right to become a mere stumbling block and a source of depression for her children, aye? The situation has been long over and dealt with although it took me some time (as it was an extremely challenging time for me). Yet, although it's long over, my mother seems to cling on to it and continuously taunt me despite my already damaged spiritual life. I am currently attempting to recuperate, but the humiliation I endure at home is of no help, if not harm. It's making me feel hopeless and I find it very much destructive to my healing. Nonetheless, my mother does not care. She simply goes on being a terrible Christian yet telling me that there is no hope for me in God; that I'm a terrible Christian whom God would never forgive; that I simply do not deserve to live. Mind you that this was not a very serious problem. Something I would not prefer, but certainly not something that anyone would look down upon me for. The only terrible part about it is just the extent that my mother took it to. Otherwise, it can be considered a normal life experience. You live and learn.
All this has caused me to become severely depressed and I simply don't know how to deal with it. Every now and then Abouna may speak to her and she may cease from her massacre on my being, however, it simply continues within days. It's been FIVE months and I still can't bring my normal life back. It just does not seem humane to me to degrade anyone to such an extent merely for a simple mistake; it is a sin in thousands upon thousands of ways yet my mother does not seem to grasp it even when I preach to her. How can I just make her understand and quit the mental instability she lives in? Any thoughts may be helpful. God bless.
Comments
Pray for me.
you sound like a christian sound in her faith and strong willed in that you have endured so much and yet are still strong in christ. initally when i was reading your situation, i honeslty was thinking move out and live with a relative but i thought again and realised that might be a last restort.If your mother isnt the role model for you, be one for her. demonstrate your christian behaviours and values such as forgiveness. prayer as stated b4 is a very powerful tool, always keep her in your prayers. have you ever had the opporunity to talk with her contructively and voice your concerns? parents through out many stages of life do not view problems in the same way as we do and this is due to the different cultures and upbringing. during your parents time there would've been issues that would not be of concern now and as such view most issues today in an closed minded fashion. your in no easy situation and this will take time for things to be sorted out but as long as one party is committed to change and understanding then their is hope for change or positive future. it will take time but eventually through the intervention of the holy spirit, ur sitauion will alter for ur best interests and ur family. and once these issues have been resolved,ur life will be of better quality.
God bless n take care :)
The advice given thus far has been excellent. I would just like to add a couple of bible verses for you to contemplate on at this time:
Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.
-- Colossians 3:20
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.
-- Ephesians 6:1-3
Now, these two verses are addressed specifically to you, as the child. Honour your parents no matter what, and you will be blessed by God. It won't be easy, but with God's grace, you will be able to do it. Never doubt your parents love for you, even if they do not show it as they could or should. However, one thing to keep in mind:
For my father and my mother have forsaken me,
But the LORD will take me up.
Wait for the LORD;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the LORD.
-- Psalm 27:10, 14
Your parents are human, and humans can fail you sometimes. But God never fails you. Whenever you feel abandoned (whether physically, emotionally or psychologically) by your parents, 'the LORD will take [you] up'. He will never leave you. He is the only parent that will never let you down and never bring you down. Just wait on Him, and He will lift you up from the depths.
I think what happened is this:
Your mother DOES NOT believe what you've done is unforgiveable by God. I'm 1110 % sure. Even though she said that, its probably her way to make u realise how disappointed she is in your actions. That "how could u do such a thing!" ? She doesnt want u to take it lightly, and given your Christian upbringing she expects more from u.
The answer is to explain to her why u did what u did. Im not saying to justify it, but if she understood the situation u were in, then she'd be more sympathetic.
For example: Stealing is wrong. No explanation makes it right, or less of a sin; but if i explained i was about to die and had no money, so i stole some food, it kind of helps the situation.
[quote author=ServantOfJesus link=topic=5245.msg70377#msg70377 date=1177459312]
Okay, well, this is not much of a common issue but it's an issue that I have had to put up with for a very long time and now it is becoming extremely overbearing. My family is a very dysfunctional family with problems far beyond what I can explain in mere words but let's just say they're BAD. For the past however many years I've existed, I've neglected the family problems and attempted to stay away from them since they didn't involve me specifically very often.
However, recently, I have gone through a rather strange and perhaps seemingly "wrong" personal experience. My mother was aware of the situation and handled it very poorly. Although she had a right to be concerned and even angry, she certainly had no right to become a mere stumbling block and a source of depression for her children, aye? The situation has been long over and dealt with although it took me some time (as it was an extremely challenging time for me). Yet, although it's long over, my mother seems to cling on to it and continuously taunt me despite my already damaged spiritual life. I am currently attempting to recuperate, but the humiliation I endure at home is of no help, if not harm. It's making me feel hopeless and I find it very much destructive to my healing. Nonetheless, my mother does not care. She simply goes on being a terrible Christian yet telling me that there is no hope for me in God; that I'm a terrible Christian whom God would never forgive; that I simply do not deserve to live. Mind you that this was not a very serious problem. Something I would not prefer, but certainly not something that anyone would look down upon me for. The only terrible part about it is just the extent that my mother took it to. Otherwise, it can be considered a normal life experience. You live and learn.
All this has caused me to become severely depressed and I simply don't know how to deal with it. Every now and then Abouna may speak to her and she may cease from her massacre on my being, however, it simply continues within days. It's been FIVE months and I still can't bring my normal life back. It just does not seem humane to me to degrade anyone to such an extent merely for a simple mistake; it is a sin in thousands upon thousands of ways yet my mother does not seem to grasp it even when I preach to her. How can I just make her understand and quit the mental instability she lives in? Any thoughts may be helpful. God bless.
She clearly feels very hurt by whatever it was you did; she may also feel that it reflects badly on her as your mother, and that she has, in some way, been a failure as a mother. That is a hard feeling when you are a parent, and one does not always realise that it is not helpful to your child. Is it possible for you to reassure her that you value her advice and want to learn how to do better - but to say to her that you find negative criticism all the time not helpful?
Is it possible for you and her to talk together with your priest? If you have confessed your sin and received absolution, then as a good Christian your mother should know that the Lord has forgiven you; can she not do likewise?
Your mother is hurting, and she can't help hurting you in her own pain; but she can't see this. She wants the best but fears the worst. If you can get her to show you how she thinks you ought to have dealt with the situation, it will give her a chance to nurture you again.
One thing (and I speak as someone with 5 children between 17 and 27) parents find very hard is to realise their little girl is growing into a woman; they can be very protective - and think they have failed if their daughter does something of which they disapprove. Let her know you still want to learn - but that she must give you a break from the criticism - or you won't be able to.
I hope that helps a bit.
In Christ,
John
None of the advice I will give will be easy to do and some may not even be practical.. but try keep an open mind & remember that the Lord would not have put you into your life if He didn't think that you were strong enough to pull through..
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!!"
1. Train yourself to love and respect your parents no matter what kind of people they are.. Don't talk to them in a manner that may upset them..
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:34-35)
When Jesus commanded us of this, he meant everyone and anyone.. if that is your family or your friends or a complete stranger.. sometimes it is easier to love a complete stranger, i know.. but if there is not love in your own home, then how can it be planted into your heart.
"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves."(Romans 12:10)
Sometimes we work so hard to apply this to people that we forget to apply it to our own families. We are often nice and kind to people because of insecurities of acceptance or something similar.. If we do good things for our own purposes, it doesnt count! this is apparent in the way we treat our family.. there are no insecurities inside family, we do not need to be nice so we are accepted.. I myself am guilty of this.. I treat my family like a stuck up rich girl would treat 'lower-class' citizens.. We must remember that if we cannot love and honor people while their imperfections are not hidden from us.. We too do not deserve to be loved by God..
Remember, Love is NOT a feeling you have toward people (as it is often misperceived<-- is that a word? hmm..) .. because we cannot control our feelings and God would not ask us to do something that we cannot control. Love is a choice, a sacrifice and a commitment.
2. "Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things." (Romans 2:1)
Don't judge your parents as it's not your place, you have no authority over them. They, however, do have authority over you and they have the right to judge your actions.. not all parents use these privilages wisely, but you must simply accept it. If you have truly repented and confessed, it shouldn't really bother you that they keep bringing up a certain situation.. Use it to your advantage.. a constant reminder of our imperfection will help to keep us humble..
This being said, it is not wrong for you to recognise anothers actions as wrong.. you are judging an action not a person... in doing this you must constantly remind yourself that it is simply their weakness as we all have weaknesses. We are not perfect.. not even close.
3. Try sit down with your parents and have a civilised conversation addressing how you feel about how they treat you [DO NOT AT ANY POINT JUDGE WHAT THEY DO OR COMPARE YOURSELF TO THEM]. Tell them how you would like them to treat you.. show them that you are responsible and rational.. Try listen to their views even if you do not agree and do not flat-out reject them.. try to understand where they are comming from.. ask questions and so on. BE GENTLE!
4. PRAY PRAY PRAY!
"So Jesus said to them, “Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20)
Never under-estimate the power of prayer.!
Prayer opens the door for God to interferre.. & God is capable of ALL THINGS!
Do not Limit Him!
The perfect example of this is St Monica's infinite tears for her son, now know as ST Augustine. It took 20 years [i think] for her prayers to be answered, but she did not give up or doubt the power of God for a single second. Faithfully, she prayed for her pagan philosopher who became a great Saint and Patron for Christianity. It is easy to take this information that we now know and accept it.. but just imagine if you were in her position.. raising a son who not only did not believe in God, but preached against Him! Imagine praying for hours, followed by days, weeks, months, YEARS ! & nothing..
Nothing is impossible.. Pray in faith and hope and He will surely hear your prayers..
5. Last, but not least.. Don't be depressed ! depression occurs through our reactions to situations.. it is not the situations that make us depressed. in my opinion.. no Christian should be depressed.. how can you be ??? WE HAVE IT ALL !! :D:D:D
Remember, Positives over negatives.. that's the key !
I will surely keep you in my prayers..
+God Bless
PS: [how old are u ?]