A balance? Treating girl right vs how much money spent?
LOL. you didn't mean it that way, I know, but it's still hilarious. What you obviously did mean is how much money to spend to keep the person knowing that you love him/her.
However, I digress. I think it is premature for a unwed couples gross sums of money to each other. I think it is more pertinent to invest in the relationship with spending time, and premarital counseling with the pastor, spending time with their parents and other significant friends and family etc. Things that will enrich the relationship.
If the person is not able to make progressive effort, then it may mean that they won't in the future.
However, with money, I don't think that how much they spend on you is reflective of how much they will spend later.
Secondly, I disagree that it is unfair to place a standard on the person's finance or ability to spend time (which is directly related to ability to support emotionally). You aren't going to marry someone because it was fair- get real. You must marry someone that shows that they can commit to support you in things you place important to you (Theosis, emotional support, financial support etc). You can not expect that someone that does not spend time with you before marriage will after.
You derised the above by saying that one should not go beyond their financial means to *please* the other. Oh please, there is more at stake here. It is the ability to sustain a marriage, and provide support that is at stake. If you have financial ambitions, fine, but don't think you have any right to drag a wife into that! Many doctors end up in divorce because they prioritise work over spouse. Obviously they shouldn't have married in the first place. It is not about pleasing, it is the ability to give the support the spouse needs (and different spouses have different expectations and needs).
If they are not able before, then why should you progress? On a romantic idea that once married everything is going to roses and sunshine.
You contrast able with doing- I concur that able is the operative standard. But this ability can only be measured by what the person is already doing and the anticipation about what will happen when circumstances change. This makes the measurement subjective, but it is the only feasible way I can think of to do such. Experience and discernment are the tools for decisions anyway, not the idealistic thinking that your experience is irrelevant.
"Fairness" has a very limited role in choosing your life partner. Whilst I believe that both must show progressive commitment to each other, and play complementary, sustainable and functional roles- you can not settle on someone because hey, it would only be fair. Such mentality will most likely lead to resentment.
1. What advice would you give for someone who is engaged?
2. And what advice would you give for someone who is married?
3. What things should you NOT/NEVER do once u are married??!!!
i don't know! i never was engaged or married!!!!
Answers: 1 = remember you and your beloved are children of the living God; grow together in Him.
2 = remember you are now one flesh in Him and live for each other as you do for God. If you are blessed with children, remember they are His gifts.
3 = blame each other, commit adultery. And, if you are male - just never, ever, answer the question 'do I look slim in this' by saying 'no'. Men remember: your wife looks gorgeous in anything she chooses to wear, and it was cheap at whatever price.
And, if you are male - just never, ever, answer the question 'do I look slim in this' by saying 'no'. Men remember: your wife looks gorgeous in anything she chooses to wear, and it was cheap at whatever price.
But John, lying is a sin!!! :D Remember, 'the Truth shall set you free'. ;D
if i was to ask a guy "do i look fat in this?" and he sed no but was really thinking yes lol id rather hear the yes than the no...i dont wanna be walking down the street looking ummm how shall i say "inappropriately" lol...honesty is the best policy but in saying that...the truth can be reworded so as to not offend like for eg. instead of saying yer hun your rear is looking pretty big u mite say..u look better in ur pair of jeans lol
I hear what Kerestina says, but have never yet met a woman (including my two daughters) who would not spot the evasion involved in not complimenting them.
The problem is, I guess, that the western media peddles some very odd images of what women should want to look like; these tend to privilege skinny, boyish looking women (any connection there with the fact that most male dress designers are gay?), whereas most women look like real women, which is what men appreciate; but that is not what the media tells women - hence the need for tact. :)
well women will tell men wat they think of his clothing reagrdless of whether he asks for it or not...no 1 wants to walk the streets like a daggg n no woman wants to walk beside a man whose clothing is uncoordinated... wats wrong with a woman asking a man his opinion?? its always good gettin a second view
the answer to koko's question is simply "men dont care" women on the other hand are more wiser and thorough :P lol
I ought to have added a ;) when I wrote 'a dangerous area' - to signify that most married men will know what I mean - which is, as you say correctly, that women do care about these things in a way which most men totally fail to understand - and it is therefore a dangerous area for men if they treat it lightly! :)
Comments
LOL. you didn't mean it that way, I know, but it's still hilarious. What you obviously did mean is how much money to spend to keep the person knowing that you love him/her.
However, I digress. I think it is premature for a unwed couples gross sums of money to each other. I think it is more pertinent to invest in the relationship with spending time, and premarital counseling with the pastor, spending time with their parents and other significant friends and family etc. Things that will enrich the relationship.
If the person is not able to make progressive effort, then it may mean that they won't in the future.
However, with money, I don't think that how much they spend on you is reflective of how much they will spend later.
Secondly, I disagree that it is unfair to place a standard on the person's finance or ability to spend time (which is directly related to ability to support emotionally). You aren't going to marry someone because it was fair- get real. You must marry someone that shows that they can commit to support you in things you place important to you (Theosis, emotional support, financial support etc). You can not expect that someone that does not spend time with you before marriage will after.
You derised the above by saying that one should not go beyond their financial means to *please* the other. Oh please, there is more at stake here. It is the ability to sustain a marriage, and provide support that is at stake. If you have financial ambitions, fine, but don't think you have any right to drag a wife into that! Many doctors end up in divorce because they prioritise work over spouse. Obviously they shouldn't have married in the first place. It is not about pleasing, it is the ability to give the support the spouse needs (and different spouses have different expectations and needs).
If they are not able before, then why should you progress? On a romantic idea that once married everything is going to roses and sunshine.
You contrast able with doing- I concur that able is the operative standard. But this ability can only be measured by what the person is already doing and the anticipation about what will happen when circumstances change. This makes the measurement subjective, but it is the only feasible way I can think of to do such. Experience and discernment are the tools for decisions anyway, not the idealistic thinking that your experience is irrelevant.
"Fairness" has a very limited role in choosing your life partner. Whilst I believe that both must show progressive commitment to each other, and play complementary, sustainable and functional roles- you can not settle on someone because hey, it would only be fair. Such mentality will most likely lead to resentment.
What advice would you give for someone who is engaged?
And what advice would you give for someone who is married?
What things should you NOT/NEVER do once u are married??!!!
i don't know! i never was engaged or married!!!!
1. What advice would you give for someone who is engaged?
2. And what advice would you give for someone who is married?
3. What things should you NOT/NEVER do once u are married??!!!
i don't know! i never was engaged or married!!!!
Answers:
1 = remember you and your beloved are children of the living God; grow together in Him.
2 = remember you are now one flesh in Him and live for each other as you do for God. If you are blessed with children, remember they are His gifts.
3 = blame each other, commit adultery. And, if you are male - just never, ever, answer the question 'do I look slim in this' by saying 'no'. Men remember: your wife looks gorgeous in anything she chooses to wear, and it was cheap at whatever price.
Just a few thoughts.
Anglian
If it was a lie, then of course ;) - but as every wife will tell you, her husband has eyes only for her ;D (or only has one eye?? ???)
A little personal 'economy'??
Anglian
I hear what Kerestina says, but have never yet met a woman (including my two daughters) who would not spot the evasion involved in not complimenting them.
The problem is, I guess, that the western media peddles some very odd images of what women should want to look like; these tend to privilege skinny, boyish looking women (any connection there with the fact that most male dress designers are gay?), whereas most women look like real women, which is what men appreciate; but that is not what the media tells women - hence the need for tact. :)
In Christ,
Anglian
wats wrong with a woman asking a man his opinion?? its always good gettin a second view
the answer to koko's question is simply "men dont care" women on the other hand are more wiser and thorough :P lol
btw how it it a dangerous area??
I ought to have added a ;) when I wrote 'a dangerous area' - to signify that most married men will know what I mean - which is, as you say correctly, that women do care about these things in a way which most men totally fail to understand - and it is therefore a dangerous area for men if they treat it lightly! :)
In Christ,
Anglian