I am so weak...

twoshenoudas

Hello all,

Since my days as a youth there has been one sin that I have never been able to shake. I'll got through long stretches of not committing it, then all of a sudden BOOM, I'll say to myself just this once, and then it spirals out of control. Usually this will happen on a day or week when work has been very hard.

My amazing wife is always by my side, and helps me get back to the "good side". My FOC knows about this. And tells me to pray about it. I do. I pray every night that God give me the strength to fight this. But sometimes, as I'm commiting this sin, I know I shouldn't be so I justify it by saying oh I'll just pray about it when I'm done. Terrible i know. God help me I try. but sometimes i just get so weak.

And then I get mad. Mad at myself for letting it happen, and then Mad at God for not stopping me. I'll get so upset, instead of doing my "normal prayers" I'll just say Our Father, on really bad days I just won't pray at all.

I know I'm a bad person for being like this, but how can I beat this sin so it never comes back? please help me. Maybe some of you are closer to God than I (actually I'm sure of it) please pray for me. Where can I turn, when praying alone just doesn't seem to make it stop completely. I mean i do have stretches where I've "beaten it" but it ALWAYS comes back.

Thank you for your help,

kokiie

I think that the reason sins like that come back over and over aggain is because there's a little voice inside that says 'do it!' . that means that part of you wants it .. and as long as that's there, you have little chance of beating it.

Remember this,
'You try, you fail.. you try, you faill... but the ONLY true failure is when you stop trying."

The aftermath of this sin is what the REAL problem is. Your upset that God didn't do something about it.. but the truth is, it's you who let God down. God gave us free will.. and no matter how much we ask for it.. God won't take away our free will. God wants us to want Him.. He won't force us to be with Him if we don't want to.
Another reason of you not praying could be that you cannot 'face' God after letting Him down.. This is very wrong. make it a habbit to turn to God every time you do something wrong. I mean, if you hurt a friend, you should straight away turn around and apologise instead of letting the situation get worse and worse by not taking ccare of it straight away.

Just one more thing to add.. sometimes, when we go "through long stretches of not committing it" we develop a sence of pride.. and alot of the time we don't even realise.. So then God allows for us to commit an obvious, big sin so that He can steer us away from the invisible [to us] pride. So yeah.. that could be a good area to check.

Also I think you're very brave.
:):)
Hope I helped !
+God Bless.

gregorytheSinner

In addition what I find would really helpful is if you try fasting with prayer.

I mean our Lord said about some types of devils that
"This type can not come out excpet by prayer and fasting"
and since this redundant sin is orignanly from the devil then those are the two best ways to fight it.

Many of our fathers, upon being faced with major problems used to go into total solitude and pray and fast, i.e. our father Pope Abraam the 62nd when he was ordered to move the mountain.

So maybe that will work...just give urslef one day were u just completely avoid all human interaction even with your beloved wife and just be with yourself, your Bible, your Agpeya and God and just think about that sin and pray and fast.....and hopefully wonders will be worked.

God Bless, your weaker brother gregory

Unknown

yes i agree with gregory, u need to and should pray to the lord and fats.  believe it or not fasting does cast away the devil.  i rely think u should discuss this with ur FOC and hell giude.  try repenting and most probably it will goo away.  sice were not sure of this sin, but maybe u will want to stop ur self if u stress at wrk .  May God be woith you Shenouda and may he be a great giude. 


/
mahraeel
plzz p4m Sister in Christ

Anglican

Dear Shenouda,

We are all so weak - that is why we need His help if we are to achieve salvation. But we are so weak that even with that help, we slide back - like a dog to its vomit as it says in the Bible. So Christ knows us well, and He knows we are weak and wilful and will fall into temptation if the pressure is big enough.

It sounds, from what you say, that it is after a particularly hard day that this sin overcomes you, so it may be a way of dealing with the pressure; can you find another way of doing that? Or else a way of taking some of the pressure off?

Can you talk with your wife and/or your foc about strategies for dealing with this? Yes, prayer always helps, but sometimes with ingrained behaviour patterns we need to find ways of breaking the pattern. Think about what precedes this sinful behaviour and see if you can stop things getting to that stage.

Above all, keep talking to those who love you - including God - and never, ever, stop trying. He will forgive sincere repentance, but you will not forgive yourself for not trying.

My prayers are with you.

In Christ,

Anglian

smile4ever

CONGRATULATIONS!!! (no kidding)
Once there was a monk and he commited this sin a lot but he kept struggling against it and he always was keen to say all his prayers and always prayed to God saying :" O Lord , you see how bad and weak i am , have mercy upon me ..i am in your hands" .He kept repeating this prayer whether he commited actually this sin or didn't.
One day Satan appeared to him while he was praying and said to him: '' How can you stand before God while you know you are a sinner?" the monk replied:"I'll never stop having faith in God's mercy ..We will see who will have the victory at the end"  when Satan heared those words he said: " I will stop fighting you on this or else you will be glorified in Heaven because of me!!!"

so what do you think?

smile4ever

keep praying and doing what u do .. wanted to add just a few practical things that worked with me :
1- don't pray just for yourself on this but pray for  all who are under temptation .. try not to be self centererd
2- when you feel like u are really going to fall try to do anything to distract youself : long coptic hymns are so great in that or anyhting else that needs a lot of attention and focus
3- Pope Shenouda once said don't say everytime i repent i fall again but say everytime i fall i repent...
4- NEVER EVER be afraid of the sin ..Have faith that Who loved you to death will give you the strength

plz pray for me .......

Hailemikael

[quote author=smile4ever link=topic=5686.msg76500#msg76500 date=1189029706]
CONGRATULATIONS!!! (no kidding)
Once there was a monk and he commited this sin a lot but he kept struggling against it and he always was keen to say all his prayers and always prayed to God saying :" O Lord , you see how bad and weak i am , have mercy upon me ..i am in your hands" .He kept repeating this prayer whether he commited actually this sin or didn't.
One day Satan appeared to him while he was praying and said to him: '' How can you stand before God while you know you are a sinner?" the monk replied:"I'll never stop having faith in God's mercy ..We will see who will have the victory at the end"  when Satan heared those words he said: " I will stop fighting you on this or else you will be glorified in Heaven because of me!!!"

The highlighted part is what I really needed to hear. Thanks for the words, for I too am learning from this.

Because sometimes I doubt whether if God really forgives me, how is it for Him to forgive me so many times after I fall again and again? How is it possible?  I guess it is His nature... that's the only explanation I can find.  So, sometimes I'm scared to ask for forgiveness because I think He will just ignore me and just laugh at me. I doubt His mercy and fogiveness... because there is no way I can be like Him... meaning, that forgivable lol.  When I think about it now, that's exactly the way I feel to tell the truth.  So, i become a little scared to repent and ask for forgiveness for a sin I commited.  But once I start praying, if i do, then i get this strength and my fear gradually disappears.  But everytime, I think God laughs at me and looks at me in mockery, like "look at this little fool... I forgave so many times, but he keeps on falling... i should just abandon him and leave him to this world." I feel lonely and abandoned.

Those words are truely inspirational.  Thanks again... and may God listen to your prayers.




Also, I have a question... what do you mean by Congradulations? for what?  :)

smile4ever

i'm glad this story helped you as it did for me ..

i congratulated the sender of the original post because as it was clear at the end of the story  that whoever who struggles against this sin will be be glorified in Heaven if he doesn't surrender...i think it's worthy a congratulation!!

maybe we are complaining right now about the desires of the flesh and even ask why are we leaving in this constant struggle ..but one day we will realise that it caused our glorification.....

and till this day comes , i hope you will not stop praying for me 

Basant Tawfik

There is this Priest who told me once to ask ur self if this is something God would do. then he told me if u stil an't control urself then close ur eyes and imagine the nails going through Christ's hand and the pain that we have caused him. that should help u! hope i helped!

Christrules

What helps me when I'm being tempted is listen to Golgotha
I feel so bad and angry with myself, that he suffered and died for me and all i can do is sin.

Pray for me a sinner
May the prayers of Pope Kyrollos be with us all Amen
Glory be to Our GOD Amen!

mnc_hnn

God Bless you all..everything that you have said is trully inspirational! pray for me