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Obsessed
Warning: This is for mature readers
I am obsessed with a friend (of the same gender) that I was emotionally dependent on, and been quite intimate with. We remain accessible to each other through the internet. I am finding it hard to remove him from my thoughts. I am trying to flee from immorality.
Please pray for me.
I am obsessed with a friend (of the same gender) that I was emotionally dependent on, and been quite intimate with. We remain accessible to each other through the internet. I am finding it hard to remove him from my thoughts. I am trying to flee from immorality.
Please pray for me.
Comments
Please this post is for those above 18, and for those who won't be disgusted from intimate relationships. Refrain if you are not one of these: God bless you and pray for us a lot
Dear Pantokrator,
God loves each and every one of us. And guess what? He loves us more than any person on earth might do. I have studied bits of psychology in medical school, and I am working in the field of psychiatry right now: so my words will be a mix between scientific evidence (or experience) and Christian teachings that I have been taught.
First of all, homosexuality according to the Bible is a sin, and you know this. Being attracted to that guy, doesn't necessarily mean that you are homosexual though. Provided that you never think the same way about any other guy at all. The only thing I can say is that you felt some kind of "fake" brotherly love at first, which turned upside down because of someone's (and I assume it is his) overwhelming lust, that he couldn't resist and you at that point felt too weak to resist. Sorry, if indirectly I am passing judgements; this is not the point: I am just analysing what happened in a practical way. Anyway, to continue, you were pulled down that trap, BUT, and a big but, I am not entirely convinced that you are attracted to that person as you say. You are only attracted to the good time that you spent with him, and here I am saying "good", because it can be good when it is legitimate, and homosexuality is not legitimate in Christianity. So basically I am talking about the sexual pleasure.
Secondly, you have resisted well enough all the temptations for a long while (yes, it is a long while compared to me), but because you ponder about it every now and then, the evil one takes the chance and fells you in the same trap again. The thing is, this sin rocks our confidence about: upside down, and then we are not sure if what we are doing is right. Even when we do pray, we think that God accepts (which He does), and the evil one, guess what, applauds us and say well-done, you are on the right track, and then we get some sense of relief and soon enough we fall again. There is a story of a famous saint (I don't remember his name) who kept fighting adultery for 20 years, day in day out, and after all satan appeared to him and said "won't you stop praying?", and the saint replied saying "you clout me with your bat, I will batter you with the hammer of prayer", and since then the saint never fell in adultery again. Your problem is not different at all.
Now, let me tell you what I suggest you to do (there are other members of this forum who have better experience in this topic, and will certainly give you better ideas and advice):
- don't look down on yourself because you are fat; don't hate your image; remember you are created in God's image, and it is not your fault having levels of hormones that are slightly different to the norm. You may start thinking that people in Africa die because of lack of food, and occupy your time (which is the most important weapon to fight out lust) going on a strict diet.
- deleting that guy is not the solution; for me I would say, it is keeping him on your contact list, and training yourself not to talk to him at all, whether he instigates, or not: that will develop better resistence.
- pray and fast: fast and pray - these are the only weapons that ARE the sole winners; they guarantee your win over the evil one. Remember, you are still very weak, don't consider any praying or fasting you will start is the end; it is just a start, but it is a continuous long life of battle; it may take years, as you have taken years being down that hole.
Pray to God to give you and me strength, and mention me and my wife in your prayers. God bless you pantokrator
Ophadece gives sound advice. There is only one part that I object to and it is this: You absolutely must (and I do not see any other option) delete this person from your contact list. You have tried to keep him on and have fallen into temptation again and started communicating with him again. As such, I do not see the point in adding any additional temptation to the situation. You have enough as it is. You must do all you can to blot out the memory of this person entirely from your mind and a good start would be to remove him from IM, from your email list, and any other means of online communication you may have. This, I think, cannot be stressed enough. Just as you allowed this particular temptation to consume you, so now begin to consume yourself in prayer and fasting. Seek out spiritual guidance wherever you can get it, whether it be from you FoC (which is preferable) or a friend you trust and can confide in who is more spiritually advanced than you. Read, read, read. Read the Bible, read books on enhancing your spirituality. Fill your mind and keep it occupied with God so that there is no room for anything else to enter. Begin with your mind, and you will find that with time, your heart will start to be filled as well. The guilt you feel will not go away easily, and the devil will use it to bring you down. Know this, and with this knowledge begin to fight it. Know that God's love is infinite, that there is no limit to His ability to forgive. You set the limits yourself when you start to think that, 'I can't say such and such, or I can't confess this to my FoC'. By doing so, you hinder God, and the process of healing that He will initiate in you.
Never lose hope. Never fall into despair. Once you have done so, the devil wins. Remember this and never forget Christ's promise to you:
'And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.' (Matthew 28:20)
and
'In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.' (John 16:33)
You obviously realise that homosexuality is a sin. That's great. I suggest you leave this guy.
"If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off from you.. " - This is your friend that is causing you to sin, so cut it off from you. PERIOD.
I feel i am going against Cephas here (whom i greatly admire), but that's how i feel.
Secondly, you should erase/edit your comment to remove the sexually explicit images you have presented here. There was no need for that. You could have said ALL you wanted in 1 line :"I have a friend, and we are tempted sexually together (he is a man, and I am a man). There was NO NEED FOR all that detail u gave.
Good luck.
Regards
[quote author=QT_PA_2T link=topic=5839.msg78411#msg78411 date=1192632156]
Listen,
You obviously realise that homosexuality is a sin. That's great. I suggest you leave this guy.
"If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off from you.. " - This is your friend that is causing you to sin, so cut it off from you. PERIOD.
I feel i am going against Cephas here (whom i greatly admire), but that's how i feel.
Actually, you and I are saying the same thing. ;)
And then, Ophadece's statement starts with "deleting that guy is not the solution;"
It IS the solution! Delete him, delete your sexual thoughts, repent and confess it, and delete your thread with all our messages, especially the one where I think Cephas is suggesting you stay in contact, as i obviously mis-read that.
:D
I agree with you, that is why i emphasised the 'must'. This person must delete the other person, otherwise he will add more temptation then he really needs.
You might have meant me. Anyway, your opinions (you and Cephas) might be more practical: I just spoke as I said from the point of view of being a bit psychological. This may be wrong, but may Pantokrator realise what is best to do through God.
God bless you all and pray for us a lot
well in short and clearly
Since u understand that ur feelings and emotions and desires thoughts in this matter of sexual sin is not appropriate not right against God and nature thus u really need to cut all the sources out that lead u to be associated with it.
U needs a lot of self talk and re internal configuration to bring u back on track to Gods plan. I suggest reading books on all matter from self help to confidence and also books on matters related to this sexual perversion. Fasting and prayer is a must.
Affirming out aloud to what u want to believe in (example a prayer saying My Lord Jesus Christ save me from this sin and teach me the truth.) when struck by such perverted thoughts do not stay or focus on this sin but rather say out aloud the cure for it. i.e. this leads to hell then switch to remember what leads to heaven marriage with a wife or celibacy. Believe in it with all ur heart.
The fight is going to be fierce may the saints intercede for u. God bless
The fox has many tricks. The hedgehog has but one. But that is the best of all.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
the devil is relentless and full of devious trick to bring u down in this sin but for us simply and most powerfully is prayer from our soul. just like some one about the saint battling sin for 20 yrs
The health of the eye seems to demand a horizon. We are never tired, so long as we can see far enough.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
remember where u are headed to heaven and there is no room for this sin so focus on u r jorney ahead to God