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Parents
hey everyone.. im having some really big problems with my parents right now... and i really need some advice on what to do.. k so i know coptic parents are very strict with there children when they are younger, and even as they grow up.. but i also know that after a certain age parents should not be as strict... Im an 18 year old man now.. still young but at the same time i am an adult. Even the Law says i am one.. the problem is.. my father cannot see it.
Certain things are supose to change when your 18.. but unfortunately for me.. its all the same... Im just gonna list some things and you guys tell me if you agree with the parenting..
Whenever i go out.. unlike every other 18 year old i know.. i HAVE to tell my parents where im going and exactly wut time i will be back.. if i dont meet the time im grounded... if i dont tell my parents where im going even if its just accross the street im grounded. My curfiew is 11:00pm and on special ocasions like birthdays its extended to 12:00am
The other day my dad said if i dont cut my hair im grounded, (its not even that long, its like a real mini fro, its not like a girls long hair)
Im not allowed to live on campus at university.. i have to take the hour bus ride there and back everyday.
Im not allowed to sleep over at a friends house even if my parents have known there parents from before i was even born.
These are a few rules i must obey or i get grounded and cant leave the house... Now as an 18 year old Male... do you guys think these rules are reasonable?
Certain things are supose to change when your 18.. but unfortunately for me.. its all the same... Im just gonna list some things and you guys tell me if you agree with the parenting..
Whenever i go out.. unlike every other 18 year old i know.. i HAVE to tell my parents where im going and exactly wut time i will be back.. if i dont meet the time im grounded... if i dont tell my parents where im going even if its just accross the street im grounded. My curfiew is 11:00pm and on special ocasions like birthdays its extended to 12:00am
The other day my dad said if i dont cut my hair im grounded, (its not even that long, its like a real mini fro, its not like a girls long hair)
Im not allowed to live on campus at university.. i have to take the hour bus ride there and back everyday.
Im not allowed to sleep over at a friends house even if my parents have known there parents from before i was even born.
These are a few rules i must obey or i get grounded and cant leave the house... Now as an 18 year old Male... do you guys think these rules are reasonable?
Comments
But you see where I am going with this. That law is not very practical. There are some 14 y/o that are more adult than some 20 y/o What things are suppose to change? One law will always stay the same no matter how old you become "honor your father and mother". Now I agree certain parents are able to let go, and allow certain freedoms but that is sometimes with trust, and other times it is their comfort level with the environment around them. Being form egypt, sometimes it is hard to trust an environment they are not completely adjusted to. Back in Egypt, they knew how things went.
I am going to assume that your parents can trust you. Even so, it is hard it is hard for them to let go like that. At least for my parents it was very hard for them to be able to let me go out when it was dark. And sleeping over was rarely an option given. The similarity here is that our parents put up these rules, not only to protect us, but what if something were to happen to you. It would be hard for our parents to forgive themselves for something they allowed to happen. Its not all copts, different parents parent differently (if you know what i mean).
The first piece of advise I would give, that is after following their rules, is to go to your father of confession and explain the situation as unbiasedly as possible.
Also I would pray about it (this could be the first thing you do). Ask for God's will to be done. Whether it means that your parents give up certain rules or that you will have the understanding of why the rules are there. I cant say much on this one, don't know were you live. I can tell you right now, living on campus isn't that great.
Well, being an adult now, sleep overs are kinda :-[ This kinda falls in with the honor your father and mother. With this, you want other people to respect you, its kinda hard to do that with an afro. Note: that is probably not the way you would present yourself at an interview or to complete strangers, if you want to make a good impression.
From what i see your parents are not being completely unreasonable.
We tend to think our parents the villians when they do not quickly adopt ideas (freedoms) that other people so easily obtain from theirs.
I also happen to know my father slept over whereever he wanted when he was younger than I.. and lived in a house with strangers when he was in university, and my cousins (his brothers children) who are my age sleep over whenever they want and come home when they want.
oh, and about the fro.. ic what your saying.. but it really does bother me when my father threatens to ground me if i dont cut my hair, and than i see pictures of him at my age with a fro, and my uncles with fros, and his wedding picture with a fro... do u see what im saying?
Um... I think you meant to post in the thread called 'Priest Hood', and not here. ;)
In my personal opinion it wrong of your parents to do that. If campus is really 1 hour away from home, and you need to travel 2 hours round trip that's dumb. You waste to much time doing that. You could do lots in those 2 hours. As far as living on campus, I don't understand why you can't. Many parents (egyptians too), want their children to live on campus so whenever events happen out of class like, or you need to meet with your professor, you can. And it doesn't limit the times you can do these things. As far as them knowing where you're going, i don't disagree with that. I admit it's a little annoying, but almost all parents do that. Even Non-egyptian. Cutting your hair is your choice. At your age, you should be able to do whatever you want with your hair, grow it or cut it, it should be up to you. I have a few more opinions, but i need to get to class as i am in the library.
PK
i didnt read what anyone else posted so if anything is repeated, my b
just wanted to say a few things from "experience."
im a 15 year old girl who has a 19 year old brother so i know how it rolls...
coptic egyptian parents do not see u as an adult even though the law does...my parents always say to my bro that he will obey their rules even when he is married and has children! lols
i think that ur curfew is a little unreasonable but then again, sinful things usually happen late and it would be best to go home and pray that time instead of being out chillin (or if ur like my bro, u would be street racing @ 1 am:).
its awesome that u have to tell them where u r going! i really do respect how ur parents r raising u!
in this world, u never knw what might happen so its good that ur parents always know where u are.
about the fro, my bro has a mini like u. he wanted 2 grow it out and get corn rows but my parents didnt let him cuz thats overdoing it. but let ur parents know that its not about outer looks although thats how society judges us. God doesnt look at how ur long or short ur hair is, but what kind of heart u have inside. u can look like such a bad person but be a great person on the inside and thats what matters, right? the world out there might judge u but they r not God so their judging doesnt matter; u can also pretend to b a saint on the outside and b somethin else on the inside. in this case, u r satisfying society but God isnt pleased.
the secret to being a saint is being a saint in secret, so looks dont matter!
im not allowed to sleep over friends' houses or even go over their houses, but i can bring them to my house...my bro cant sleep over anyone's house either but he brings them over all the time.
my bro doesnt live on campus either and i love it cuz hes around more!
if u have any siblings they will really miss u if u lived on campus. i know a girl who only sees her bro once every 3 weeks cuz he lives at campus. even if u dont have siblings, when u get older u will wish u had spent more time with ur parents, trust me.
what u could do is try to convince them to get u a car. doesnt have to be anything fancy, an old car is fine as long as it drives:) this will help u with ur transportation and they will start to see u as more independent and u will feel that way.
if u need any ideas on cars i can send u tons that r for sale.
its hard for parents to let go and realize that their children r already grown up. just put urself in their shoes and try to imagine. when u have kids i promise that u will find urself doing the same thing and then u will finally know why they were making ur life miserable.
May God Bless You!
and sorry for the long reply:)
the latest my parents let me syat out was till 11 one night..i was pretty amazed. But, only because they knew what i was doing and everyting, and even then, they were freaking out.
About not living on campus...it's not a huge problem...like isn't just easier to have your family at home, to eat with them, pray with them and everything else? OTher then saving time... i really don't see any pros to living on campus. MY family and i decided that wherever i go to college, we're gonna buy a house near it and all live there :D i wouldn't have it any other way.
Sometimes i feel that they're being extremely closed(egyptian) minded...and paranoid, but i truly appreciate how they have raised me. With our world today, there were so many oppourtunities for me to get hurt, but because of my parents i didn't. I mean whenever we argue its always well, the one night i sleeppver the house isnt gonna burn down, or shot out's gonna go down..and they say..its possible :/ haha. also: this really stuck with me abouna one day said : "you don't need to experience all the worldly things like sex, drugs, smoking, partying...ect"
and he's right, whatever you feel you're missing out on because of how your parents are..id most def. not worth being upset over.
Whenever i go out.. unlike every other 18 year old i know.. i HAVE to tell my parents where im going and exactly wut time i will be back.. if i dont meet the time im grounded... if i dont tell my parents where im going even if its just accross the street im grounded. My curfew is 11:00pm and on special occasions like birthdays its extended to 12:00am
Meena, you're not the only one, there are other people I know that are not allowed to even go to people's houses. From what I'm hearing your life isn't all that bad, my best friend isn't allowed to stay after school unless she has a notice from the teacher for her dad.
[quote author=Meena_Ameen link=topic=5842.msg78443#msg78443 date=1192685370] The other day my dad said if i dont cut my hair im grounded, (its not even that long, its like a real mini fro, its not like a girls long hair)
I really don't know how to respond to that, because no offense to your dad, but this is pretty pathetic...have you ever discussed this situation with your father of confession before? if you haven't, I may well ask of you to do so
[quote author=Meena_Ameen link=topic=5842.msg78443#msg78443 date=1192685370] Im not allowed to live on campus at university.. i have to take the hour bus ride there and back everyday.
same with a lot of students that are 19 and older, you're not the only one! would this probably be a reason because your parents don't "trust" you?
[quote author=Meena_Ameen link=topic=5842.msg78443#msg78443 date=1192685370] Im not allowed to sleep over at a friends house even if my parents have known there parents from before i was even born.
tons of people are like you...i think there was a subject about sleep overs in Youth Corner, I believe...take a look at it, when you get the chance
[quote author=Meena_Ameen link=topic=5842.msg78443#msg78443 date=1192685370] These are a few rules i must obey or i get grounded and cant leave the house... Now as an 18 year old Male... do you guys think these rules are reasonable?
All are fairly reasonable to me, but I have a couple questions/comments--well do you think these "rules" might be because you aren't trusted by your parents? the hair cut dealio, is between you and your father/father of confession (both actually). When you are 18 yes you may have the freedom to do a lot of things, but under some restrictions, like state and even PARENTS, believe it or not! maybe some of these "rules" were probably brought up because you haven't showed your parents that you are old enough, or even so that it is because they just don't want to let go, (this is the age where parents have the most trouble letting go of their children) i was wondering if you were an only child or not?
Forever,
Coptic Servent
Discuss it with them- not us. Do it in a non-threatening way. Ask them why they imposing certain restrictions, and what are their fears. Then ask them if they would be patient enough to hear your fears and discuss the reasons why you think that their fears are unjustified or find a way to do something and continue to be accountable.
Nice answer!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Parents could be OVER protecting sometimes to the point of interfering in your private life before, during and after marriage. I was about to get married to a young man who seemed very knowledgeable, well educated, and religious and I only realized 3 weeks before the wedding that I was going to get married to a kid who does not take any responsibility and is letting his parents take all of his decisions and interfering in every single detail of his life.
Please make sure that they do not erase your personality and will give you the freedom to chose your life. They need to realize that you are growing up and in need of building your own, independant personality. They will not always be around to pamper and take care of you. You will have to face challenges alone and be able to make a sound decision on your own without their constant interference in fear you take the wrong path. You will need to do mistakes to learn and avoid them later on and teach other generations. You will be a father who will have his own and private home and it will be your wife's ultimate right to live a private life without the in-laws knowing every single detail of your discussions and decisions together.
Bear in mind that taking their opinion will always help, but please, stand up for your right to become a mature and independant man with a free will. Honour your father and mother by respecting and tolerating their point of view but make sure to voice your thoughts and concerns with all respect due to them, in light of Christ's teaching. No girl would want to get married to a guy who cannot take full responsibility of his actions and is always going back to mommy and daddy to tell him what to do.
Your post is my proof that you are thinking wisely by asking to find the balance between your own personality and your parents care and love along the teaching of Christ. Ask for His enlightement and feel free to discuss any issues with your parents as long as a discussion can be respectfully maintained.
It is definitely a divine mystery that parents devote their lives to their children as soon as they get the good news of the mom's pregnancy and are ready to give up their life for them. But we all go through stages in life and both you and your parents have to be able to step to the next level knowing that Christ has your name written on His palm!